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Tatiana Apr 24
I turn it off
and lose control
DOWN
D O W N
D  O  W  N
I go
©Tatiana
Shea Oct 2018
I wake up.
I took two pills before I blacked
I forgot I did,
I'm on autopilot.
You might worry,
The circles around my eyes
are a tell-tale sign
I assure you I'm not fine.
I am not in control of my life
I'm living in strife
everyone I know has left me
You see,
You don't see
And that's the thing
I don't want you to see
But why doesn't anyone see?
I am walking.
Everything is normal.
I am drifting.
Not normal.
What is happening?
I am real, I am a real person, in real life.
The elastic band snaps against my wrist,
Already slightly bruised.
My breathing quickens.
I need a mirror.
All I see is a strange creature,
Not me.
What is this thing?
Where am I?
This is not me.
I can't look anymore.
Drifting, drifting on autopilot,
Watching my life from a TV screen.
I don't fully realize what happened
Until it is over.
I get ****** back in
From thinking about it.
The endless, confusing, scary cycle
Of derealization.
julianna May 2018
no friends
no foes
no one to hear my woes
a drama queen at best
i tuck myself in and rest
i wake up the next day
i feel exactly the same way
a loner is what i am
so i press 'autopilot'
and try not to fight it
because it will all happen again
It will all happen again.
Azrapse Jan 2018
My face is a mask
I use to hide my feelings
No one ever sees the sadness
No one ever sees the pain
Cloak it all with just a grin
All my struggles
Tossed into this bottomless pit
I created to store unwanted feelings
A vessel on autopilot
Systematically completing my daily tasks
Fake smiles to the fake people
Tried to numb the bad
Now I don’t know good
No longer know the difference
Life is just plain.
Nicole Alyssia Sep 2017
the nights grow
longer, colder
and i,
more reclusive;
static, impenetrable
engrossed in
a self-perpetuated
state of catatonia
on my worst days

thoughts simmer
inside my mind
while i sit,
gazing out
my bedroom window
patiently waiting
for the sun
to break through
the rain
Nicole Alyssia Mar 2017
i sat awake in bed
for the past three hours,
contemplating,
"how can i do this better,
more -
efficiently?"
alas, it hits me!
its impossible to become
a busier worker bee
when you're a different species
entirely
i hear a voice within,
"spread your wings,
butterfly -
fly."
DaSH the Hopeful Apr 2016
Hypnosis*
     Comatose so close to death
   Another dose of coldness swept away all my regret
Some die by the sword of vengeance, others by respect
                I myself will die calm and ready, **steadying my breath
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