Expectations,
They take their toll
Some are hard to fulfil,
While the others are just stories untold.
Things that are just way beyond
Your wildest capabilities
Diving deep into it,
Can sometimes hurt your worth.
Sometimes we often judge ourselves,
With the number of expectations met
No matter how far you go,
You will always be in debt.
Life feels like a plethora of experience,
But a dearth of emotions.

Maybe I am too young
To be feeling this old,
But the burden of expectations
Takes me down
And makes me feel cold.
This is what I'm feeling
Now and then
That in all of the universe
There is nobody for me,
While everything is changing
and there's nothing I can do.

My world is turning pages
And I am just sitting here,
wondering
How do people live without fear?
The fear of failure
Is it the lack of expectations?
From themselves or others
Is that the answer
To a simpler and happier life?
Maybe I should just drop it all,
And follow my heart
Cross some lines
and just feel alive.

Watching the world
Pass me by,
Through the window of
A moving vehicle
I'm a passenger
But this imagery feels like the movies,
Where some serendipitous event happens
At this very moment,
When you are pondering over life
Through your little window
You wake up to realize that this is the real-life
A journey with random stops,
Varied stories,
Vivid dreams,
But unlike life, there's a fixed destination
To that journey
While life is more of an endless cesspool
Of unrelated chaos
The destination is not etched into your hands,
The destination is what you make of it
Well, maybe there is no point
In trying to get all the answers to my questions
It took me a while to figure out how
It ain't all that bad,
How I'm happy and glad
For the good times that I've had
Not all-in for always living in the moment,
Just trying to live more in the good ones
Destiny and life go hand-in-hand
Maybe I should not let my life go bland
I should take decisions and actions,
Rather than waiting for the signs that I can understand.

I feel like having a little part,
A little part of the sun
Like the hope that it brings
Seeking to catch the rays of positivity
To bring some of it into my life,
To still burn brighter,
Rather than burning out
By all things that lead you
To you dismay,
Winding you down at the end of the day.

Sometimes it's perplexing
When I try to rise and shine,
To be brighter than life
These rays of the sun
When it gives me hope,
Knowing full well it will all come undone
By my discretion
With which I can't even cope
Things have some way to spiral,
Spiral out of control
Tricking me into believing
If I even had that power for a fleeting second
Well, some things have a bitter end
There's an end to this pretend
I'm trying to give it more,
More than it needs
Despite knowing the truth
Which is not so great as it always fades,
By the layers of the facade that lie underneath
Can't be unearthed,
It all feels surreal
But the effort is, in fact, very real.

Going back to the childhood days,
When you were bright as the day
Somewhere hidden these memories still lay
Pictures of your innocence,
Dragging you around
The bluntness of reality leaves you to astound
All I'm looking for is a haven
A sanctuary for healing the wounds,
Maybe I'm chasing the wrong thing
Maybe all I need is somebody
Somebody to share the pain,
Someone to hold hands with
Under the beautiful rain
They always say that when you have love,
You don't need anything else
Maybe that is my answer,
Maybe I've been asking all the wrong questions.

Getting over myself, I come to my senses
Life can't be lived in future tenses,
It is what is, right here and now
Not thinking about how you go out
But what you make of it while you still can,
The journey of this ever running man
Running away for myself,
From myself
Maybe I've got everything I need
If I live in this space between
The beauty and pain.

In need of a light
That goes on till by seemingly endless days
Thinking of the impossible, I know
What's the harm in thinking
Of a better place in my heart?
Rather than these graves that I've dug for myself
Where the cold wind blows
All I hear is the silence now,
Never heard it like that before
Trying to make sense of it all,
Still leaves me baffled somehow.

All I need is a little part,
A little part of the sun
To feel the burn,
To feel the warmth inside
A perpetual storm resides within,
Cold winter snow in my soul
The fluctuations of my reality
Finally taking its toll
The moment is edging closer
So I decided to drop this act like a poser
Its time to be real, be a man
I would need a new plan
To deal with these mistakes
From which I can't outrun
Although it is easier said than done
But all I need,
Is a little part of the sun.

The unparalleled serenity
Of a misty mountain top,
That made me stop
Right in my tracks
As I was rambling on,
With a haze of clouds surrounding
I gazed at the top.
The winds of surrender
The sounds of thunder
Had me shook
Before that first breath
That I took
With surreal beauty in front,
Of which I was always in the hunt
The desolate hilltop,
Is where I wanted to start a bonfire
The exquisite brisk of solitude
Was rather great to set the mood
Nature is very welcoming, I pondered
That is when it hit me
We are all connected,
Through some invisible wire.
We fail to see that,
Because we are all prisoners of our desires.
What a perfect recluse
to try and find my muse.

The cycle of life seems never-ending,
Is it just a matter of life and death?
Or is it much beyond that?
Things that often seem out of control,
With you playing just like a pawn in the game.
All you can focus on is your actions,
And nothing else.
You can let your actions define your destiny,
even though it might not turn out to be that easy.
The more you try to control it,
The more it seems far away.
To die freely, you must live within means
Although we have different perceptions of the word,
The feeling seems deserted.
There is freedom in solitude,
People move away with eyes averted.

Without the vision, people are rarely reminiscent
Of what they have been looking for,
And fall into a deep torpor.
Maybe it's this slumber that makes them realize,
All that they wanted to be was right there
In front of their own eyes.
With such strong desires held in her soul,
A fire was ignited in her heart
A rustling of leaves somewhere in the woods,
Where she sat somewhere along the brook
Pondering to herself,
Is happiness all I seek?
Or maybe it is just one of life's very old tricks
And it reeks.
With such a heavy heart
She walks alone into the woods,
Contemplating whether life is something
She ever understood.

I often have a dream,
About this feeling
It is an escape,
This love.

I don't know where I am
So I thought of holding her hand
And taking her along
On a journey with no sure destination.

Sometimes I'm stuck
listening to the background noise,
I'm fading out into the unknown.
This seemingly perpetual dip in time
Makes me come back to life.

Realising a purpose
Now that I have her,
It is time to make our journey
Conflate and intertwine
Like Adam and Eve
Exiled from the garden of Eden
Seeking salvation together for eternity.

It is time to put an end to this pretend
Even if this union is treason,
For the summers are always slipping away
But the show must go on
We can escape together now,
Without having to give any reason.

The meaning of growing up,
Perhaps lost in translation
I never realized what it meant,
To lose your innocence
And the feeling of playing catch up,
When the train had left the station.

What a time to be alive,
Where words have no value
It is easier to understand animals than people,
Where people love in a cryptic language
only they understand,
Where being one to being apart
Takes just about a weekend,
Where the world is in political chaos
Capitalism is still at the top,
Religion and race still matter,
As if we got stuck in the same history chapter.
Where people don't say what they feel
But often feel what they say
Their voice lacking a clear purpose,
With thoughts running all over the place.
Empathy is a thing of the past it seems,
With nobody to hold your hand when you fall
But pretending they are in it for the long hall.


Are you a stoic? Is it keeping you at bay?
It seldom works as emotions always get in your way,
Times are trying, they are uncertain
Today every misdemeanour is costly,
Every mistake is sinful,
Times when silence is as good as violence.
Where people are seeking therapy but no one wants
To work towards finding happiness,
Where everyone wants to talk but,
With no one to listen
It sparks fear to even think about
bringing a child into this world.
Has the world gone far into the deep end?
Do you still want to pretend,
Like nothing has happened
And we are still the same?
Or do you want to take a stand
To make things better?
Rise from the ashes to save the world
Maybe it can't be saved,
Maybe this is it - the dystopia
Maybe we are just brave,
To even hold this thought of a change!

Another adventure awaits,
On the crisp of your mortality
One last leap of faith,
To set the record straight
Was it worth the wait?
To alter the course of a life
Based on ecstatic escapades of thrill;
A high flying free bird.

For now, the time has come
To lay low for a while
Always knowing deep in your heart
You are way too tired to go on,
That you are counting down the moments
Before you trade,
A short life for a sure life.

Trying to learn, while I learn to fail
Not to be fixated now that I have set the sail
Towards a wiser me, maybe a brighter me
Decided to travel through the travesties,
Only to enlighten me.  

All I was hoping for was an illusion,
Was it an illusion of my creation?
Maybe nothing but just a delusion,
Maybe I'll get through it, hoping for an end
Never realized how I was missing the point,
When I let my laughter suspend.

They say it is all about the journey and not the destination,
I always figured they didn't understand my situation
What's the worse that can happen, they ask
Well, I may come short of the handed task.

Is it all in the process, I wonder
Is pondering about the end game always a blunder
Weren't we all meant to get somewhere, achieve our goals?
Or are we always trying to fill a hole,
A hole without which we can't be whole,
A part of us, this hole so wide,
It can make you do the unthinkable,
A hole of the unknown in our very own little fable.

I'm always at war to figure out the answer,
Maybe the quest in itself is a paradox,
Maybe I'd be better off figuring out the way
To love the journey and finally think outside the box.

The answer had always been in front of my eyes,
I couldn't unwrap myself from all the lies
The untold truth of what we were supposed to be,
Not finding the hidden treasure but being the voyagers of the sea,
For the treasure is what you see,
When you become better than what you were meant to be.

Just a little older, just a little wiser
Now understanding that I was always a miser
Holding onto my darkness and never letting go,
Now I'm making memories that I can never blow.

The destination had always been on my mind,
Always right in front of my eyes,
I was clouded, I was stranded
The rewards always seemed nice
But walking when I was supposed to run
Made me comprehend that the journey is what is fun!

Life, as we understand it, could just be another one of our fickle imaginations
Every day is a new fantasy
We are running around in circles concentric;
Making us feel vulnerable and asking ourselves whether we are eccentric
With each passing experience, we make the circles grow bigger,
But are we growing, who's to know?
Maybe we are and who's to blame us,
After all, life is all about trying to be a better part of our selves
At the core of these circles, we lie and we never try to forget
Who we were during the part of the whole process.

Even if we did figure it all out, who we were supposed to be;
Never fearing about the fall-out and remembering our need to be free,
Even if we did stutter to make the best of it,
Did we ever try to feel like a complete part of it?

Who are you chasing?
Is it a part of you that you left behind or just another one of your own created versions?
At the centre of it all, we're still the same person
Who we were and we never tried to escape it, all we did was just reshape it.

We're running in tails of who we wanted to be
Never realizing how much we want to be the one we were supposed to be
But who are we supposed to be?
What's the cost of happiness we ask,
Is it drowning into your problems or giving life a way to seep through you?

Every tangent is different, every experience will take you away from your circle,
to make you feel something more
But that might not be the only way to grow, but it surely will be the right one
They say 'go with the flow' without ever telling the real truth,
Go with the flow as long as you don't crash and burn.

Chaos is everywhere, within you and without you
In chaos there's meaning, there's truth
It's inevitable but so are you
Each chaos is your tangent, maybe the aftermath is not the complete you,
It won't matter though as long as you take the exit
And get back to where you were before.

At the end when the dust settles, you're still your self
Your version who thought he was better than your previous self,
It was harmonious knowing what you know now
Even if you found yourself and how,
Knowing you'll never go back to being the same person you were,
before life consumed you and you became the paranoia that only you know.

You are still the centre of your creations,
Raking chaos in your way of finding a meaning.
Trying not to lose yourself along the way,
Before you fade away.

You don't have to go
But if you must,
Escape to a place
Where the cold winds blow,
A place of starry nights
And even better snow.

Reality is jaded, memories are faded
The end of a long hedonistic night comes down to the same old plight
Reminiscent of the old days when you never knew you had enough to go on,
In the end, you always got more than what you thought
Is it the freedom that you're after? or is it the one that's chasing you?
Are you trying to create a story for yourself?
Or just being a part of one makes you feel complete?
Maybe you've always given your best, maybe all you need is some rest
Some shut-eye to take a temporary pause in a life that never stops
Will you ever get there or is it just a waste of time?
Will your passion be the wildfire you crave or will it put you in your grave?

There's no end to this pretend, maybe this is the wrong intent
Project what you are, there's no reason to be scared
Madness is the only reality and reality is the only madness
You thought life was a gravy train and you arrive late to the station
But believe that this struggle is your only salvation

Now that you try to fight it, try to snap out of it, it seems harder than usual
This encounter with your past self might not seem so casual
Maybe it has some significance
Or is there another meaning to life?
Well, if at the end of the tunnel you see the meaning
Will you chase it or would you want to transcend the feeling?
Because maybe if you already found the meaning, your life would lose it.

Been running silent,
Silent but deep
Into the wondering night,
All of that seemed so bright.
Once upon a time,
Holding your hand in a place
Of serenity and peace
With blinding passion and love,
I was always at ease.
With the moon glancing at your face,
The trembles of leaves, the luscious forest
Reminding me of the times
when we had it all but eventually spent.

In rather the discussions of the dichotomy,
Of what it meant to lose ourselves in each other's minds
And still be able to think
About all the moments when time stood still.
You were always there to connect,
I was maybe lost within
This journey of memory I had withheld.

My mind still plays these tricks
As I fade out to the thoughts
Where am I standing?
With you by a silent creek.
Playing with those pebbles
Now they just seem like stones
Of cold and heartache, the pain had left me afloat.

These feelings never let me sleep,
never let me sink to the bottom
The depth of our purpose was something I could never fathom.
There were times when the sky looked so bright,
now just seems like a clutter of unwavering clouds.

All the things you used to say,
All the things left unsaid
Now feels like an ephemeral mirage
Maybe if I could still see the pain
I would reach out to you,
Little did I know we were so close,
Yet in desperate need of repair.

Despondent and despair as I feel right now
I always believed,
we could survive the crushing burden somehow,
Of how we wanted to feel each other
And wished each other to just be.

Being yourself with someone else
Didn't seem like a challenge before,
Little did I know
I was waiting for a hail mary,
Before the perpetual snow.

I can still see so vividly
How your lips were always so tender,
Never leaving a chance
For me to do nothing but surrender.
I tried to change but that rarely works,
For you have to see yourself in the mirror first
Before you make the eventual jump.

My ears could recognise you from your soul-soothing voice
Is all a distant memory now, a cacophony in disguise.
Held pictures of you in my heart,
Trying to take them all down now
For it had to be done,
Otherwise, I might again sway.

Your eyes did have that shine
For me to slip away,
I wish time was kinder
So you to still be here
For I didn't just lose you,
But also a part of me
That had to be buried deep inside now.

Maybe I needed help to recover little parts of me somehow,
Maybe some parts were still left unscathed
Hoping for your eventual return, my mind played another one of its tricks.

Only time will tell
If I do get up or just sit there and dwell
Even if I wanted to,
I got no control over time,
All I know for a fact is,
Only this time I couldn't make you mine
Our story did always feel like a book,
A book with no ending
With its ups and downs
A terrifying thriller.
At the end of each preceding chapter
I should rather stop and run away,
Before I turn over to the last ones
Who am I kidding?
Things don't just seem to change.
I was a leaf caught in a blizzard,
Waiting for the eventual rain

Hoping to rise from the ashes
Of the toxic smoke,
Wishing for a return to normalcy
From the tragic crisis that this seems.
A remedy for solicitude,
Is to maybe replace it with solitude
At the end of it all though,
I'm just hoping for a glimmer of hope.

A test, another thing to best,
A new you for another day
Sometimes you can't survive the burden,
That lay on top of you.
Your shoulders were never weak,
Until you saw the path that lay ahead
The mystery of life brings you down,
How does someone stay content amid such chaos?

Building yourself up every day
Only to be broken down again,
Overcoming your shallow misdemeanours
One day at a time.
If there's no bliss at the end, is it even worth it?
How hard must one grovel?
Maybe you've never seen the real thing?
Or maybe this is that path you were too afraid to travel?
If overcoming is the result, why must I even bother?

Maybe all I want
Is to persevere,
But towards a tangential goal
The sight of which still seems near,
It is too much, I often lose myself
In trying to build houses,
Over the grounds of disdain and despair.

Maybe all I want
Is to be happy right now,
Not thinking too much
About the load that I have to carry.
On the road with my dusty soul
I often wonder about could have been
Had I been normal,
Not letting my mind into overdrive
Running wild with thoughts asynchronous,
Maybe then I could have finally put on a savoury smile.

Can't always be proving myself,
I should instead focus on growing myself
To deal with things I've never dealt with before,
Tackle all of the unknowns
Trying to hold on to my peace of mind,
Never letting go of the grind.
What if I lose myself in the process?
What has been the purpose of all this struggle?
Isn't it to find solace in all things uncertain?
Or just make peace with what you had always known,
Still not fit for the task, I have got to grow.

I have got to rise, be mature
Get real about the situation,
Can't escape anymore
Is it a stronger sense of urgency,
Or a deeper sense of complacency?
That keeps you dwelling
Upon how things will eventually turn out,
Maybe you've always known.
Even with the work, you'll probably still end up ashore
In a sea of ghosts,
Never once been able to set sail for the treasure island.

Don't let the result bother you, they say
Well, that's the novel approach,
You've always been told to stay awake.
Never resting, never sleeping
For you might miss your chance,
With your ever fading vision
It's getting rather harder to hang on,
To the thought of you ever climbing up the skies
Bringing upon a tear down your eye.

Regardless, the wheels of change are in motion
You have to play your part,
Even if you feel like a deserted hut on a mountain hill
Like a cactus plant on a long country road.
It feels like the strangest thing,
But now you have a deeper understanding
You have to put it all on the line again.
Let your purpose be all-consuming
For this time if you fall short,
You fail with a purpose
Of trying to never let go of it,
For now, you are closer than where you were before.

If I let my sins do the talking,
You'll only hear them say
Pleasure is all you were seeking,
Pain is what lead you to stay.
Knowing this story of right and wrong,
Of pleasure and pain, of black and white,
Has got no end
Things so often knock you off your spirit
Bring you down.
For it was never binary
But rather multifaceted,
It was all the colours that you had found.

Maybe that's the only lesson here
Altering your thought process,
To walk with different shoes at different times
Always staying on top of each phase.
Winning is rather inconsequential now
In the longer run,
You'd have enjoyed your date with destiny,
With all its ups and downs.
All the times you'd have previously frowned
Now you'll smile in the same place,
For now, you learnt how to let go
Of that two-faced coin,
Holding on to the idea that experiencing a multitude of emotions
Is still a better result than waiting for the ultimate win
Feeling all the colours of the rainbow after heavy rain.
.

A new world awaits,
While you sit here
Trying to pick yourself up
Dust yourself off,
Collecting the pieces that once were
A whole part of you.

Seems like a never-ending journey,
To push yourself through
The trembles of your voice,
Now all feel like a cacophony
Hoping to strike
Yet another one of that epiphany,
That put you to sleep.
For days on end,
You used to weep
Of times unknown,
Of times gone.

Times when you let things slide,
Instead of taking control
Times that once seemed a bliss,
Ever so wonderful
Ever so full
Happy with what you got,
Rather than pondering
About what you deserved.

All seems lost
You're clinging to the last breath,
The last ray of sunshine
Seeping through the window
Of your soul.
The feeling of love
Perpetually evading you,
The pain is real
Something you can't control.

For once you realize
All is not gone,
All is not lost
Trying to think of better times,
That will come to you.
Love and hate,
Being equal parts of you
Not letting emotions drive you,
Relinquishing all that you held close.
Building yourself up
Fixing your flaws,
Moving on,
To another version of you.

Is it possible to connect again?
Is it feasible to love again?
Never seeking external validation,
Your self worth at stake,
That got shook
With every passing mistake that you ever made.

There's a gun to your head,
You feel like running ahead
But you stop
Knowing you can't run forever.
The time's up
You better man up instead,
You've got blood on your hands
Your death, your demise
Grief finds a home in your heart
Makes it hard to just restart.
Sometimes you just don't
Want to fight anymore
Stick to what you know,
Before this chance also blows.

The sun is drowning,
The night has come.
Waiting for a new sun,
To put an end to your run.
Finding glimpses of happiness
Through the fierce rain,
For a new world
That's calling out your name.