Oh here we go again, another scene another act,
I’ll fit in just fine but I know I don’t belong.
I’m grabbing my passions by the neck, beating them into who they need to be.
Everyone’s the same, we’re all actors in this play.
I never thought I could get away,
But I’m not trapped cause everyone’s the same.
Since my birth, my mom called me chameleon soul
She knew I would fly away
Like a summer breeze, I'd evaporate
Like the fog that precedes a cold rainy night
I would adapt but could never fit
An oath to every distinct color I left in the places I've been
with no recollection or intention of taking it back
And then, at last, I was assured that this life would never be enough
I grew out my beard.
I grew out my stomach.
My ears ring randomly.
My eyes see things differently.
I speak or say less. I move in silence.
I sleep in when I want.
I haven't touched razors since my return
nor rifles since the field ops.
I've grown in maturity mentally.
I've grown insensitive verbally.
I've grown to miss the uniform
and pride of belonging in a brotherhood;
I miss my extended family.
I miss the people, not the troubles.
I miss the gym, where others alike
flexed invisible muscles.
My days once had routine,
pattern, structure and rhythm.
Weekends full of workouts, worship, and beer.
Weeks full of work, blood, sweat, and tears.
I've grown in experience.
I've regained freedom as a civilian.
But the transition has been a grueling process.
Yet, I've grown to be grateful nonetheless,
as not everyone gets to go back "home" ...
(remember the fallen) ...
However, if I'm honest, I don't think there's ever
an actual adjustment...
XLIII. Adapt and Overcome
The life of a Veteran
Amidst the humidity and darkness of the forest floor
ants scurry in hyper-speed over invisible highways
mushrooms spread boldly beneath wise wooden giants
At night, black panthers weave through thick overgrowth,
undetected, as birds quieten their hungry young and sleep
But even in the rich darkness of the dense forest
micro flashes of silken pink and yellow cream can be seen
catching the moon's light, glowing like precious gems
By day these colours dim in their translucent chambers
atop the world's most beautiful, fearless caterpillar
This tiny being boldly ventures from one leaf to another
while all others cower underneath
Its crystal spikes hide only soft, sticky goo
and it is no bigger than a fingernail
But don't be fooled by its size and raw beauty,
this bejeweled crown easily summons its strength
to move faster than the angry west winds
Its beauty comes not only from its form
but in its lion-hearted spirit and grace
This confident caterpillar lives
and surrenders to change
without the leaden shackles of fear and worry
and when the time comes
and is transformed again
to something new.
love is not a scarcity
it is a renewable resource
if you've found it once
you will find it again
nothing is truly static
you will outgrow people,
and that's okay to do
remember when times are tough
the only person you should trust
whom you can always rely on
we all age, we all die
so make sure the people
you love know how you feel
because they will not always be there
it's okay to leave a situation
that makes you unhappy
that's not selfish
Just a few life lessons I am still learning.
Adaptability owes you an apology.
For ensuring you adjust to life's turbulence.
For demanding you greet the bad day with a smile.
For declaring that you Must seek comfort
In your pain.
Who is he,
That made you believe
Your pain was worth less
Than the effort it would take to recover?
Adaptability is your poison;
Reclaim your emotion.
It can be hard to regain the inner strength which feeds the soul. Society can make it very difficult to express the depth of your own sufferings, no matter how small. Truest sincerity comes with knowing who you are, and that includes your own pains. Be true to you.
just when you think you've moved on
you find yourself back at square one
with an evolved mindset and mentality
ready to do the same thing that forced you to change
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When our darkest day comes
We must learn to adapt
So that one day
We will triumph once more
black lung whispered
abject terror in my ears
a circle of candles
and closed eyes
made plainly *****
by the thought of you
beneath the rising tide
i poured raw honey
down your abyssal throat
stole a different form
and fell into your arms
only sweet goodbyes
as i grabbed my overcoat
like a bird
building a nest
out of discarded newspaper
a small animal's bones
around the plastic rings
that once held soda cans
learn to stay put
if you were meant to fly
but find yourself
change your body chemistry
alter your consciousness
to fit in
where you were not made to