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Why do you even cry,
When your first instinct
is to simply lie.
Are you a proficient liar or a crybaby?
The hurt was real, the pain was unsettling
I was looking for a fresh start
I knew I had to move on
With those broken pieces of my heart.
What a time to be alive,
Where words have no value
It is easier to understand animals than people,
Where people love in a cryptic language
only they understand,
Where being one to being apart
Takes just about a weekend,
Where the world is in political chaos
Capitalism is still at the top,
Religion and race still matter,
As if we got stuck in the same history chapter.
Where people don't say what they feel
But often feel what they say
Their voice lacking a clear purpose,
With thoughts running all over the place.
Empathy is a thing of the past it seems,
With nobody to hold your hand when you fall
But pretending they are in it for the long hall.

Are you a stoic? Is it keeping you at bay?
It seldom works as emotions always get in your way,
Times are trying, they are uncertain
Today every misdemeanour is costly,
Every mistake is sinful,
Times when silence is as good as violence.
Where people are seeking therapy but no one wants
To work towards finding happiness,
Where everyone wants to talk but,
With no one to listen
It sparks fear to even think about
bringing a child into this world.
Has the world gone far into the deep end?
Do you still want to pretend,
Like nothing has happened
And we are still the same?
Or do you want to take a stand
To make things better?
Rise from the ashes to save the world
Maybe it can't be saved,
Maybe this is it - the dystopia
Maybe we are just brave,
To even hold this thought of a change!
Ego is the enemy,
but also a muse.
there is no excuse,
for me feeling blue.
A new world awaits,
While you sit here
Trying to pick yourself up
Dust yourself off,
Collecting the pieces that once were
A whole part of you.

Seems like a never-ending journey,
To push yourself through
The trembles of your voice,
Now all feel like a cacophony
Hoping to strike
Yet another one of that epiphany,
That put you to sleep.
For days on end,
You used to weep
Of times unknown,
Of times gone.

Times when you let things slide,
Instead of taking control
Times that once seemed a bliss,
Ever so wonderful
Ever so full
Happy with what you got,
Rather than pondering
About what you deserved.

All seems lost
You're clinging to the last breath,
The last ray of sunshine
Seeping through the window
Of your soul.
The feeling of love
Perpetually evading you,
The pain is real
Something you can't control.

For once you realize
All is not gone,
All is not lost
Trying to think of better times,
That will come to you.
Love and hate,
Being equal parts of you
Not letting emotions drive you,
Relinquishing all that you held close.
Building yourself up
Fixing your flaws,
Moving on,
To another version of you.

Is it possible to connect again?
Is it feasible to love again?
Never seeking external validation,
Your self worth at stake,
That got shook
With every passing mistake that you ever made.

There's a gun to your head,
You feel like running ahead
But you stop
Knowing you can't run forever.
The time's up
You better man up instead,
You've got blood on your hands
Your death, your demise
Grief finds a home in your heart
Makes it hard to just restart.
Sometimes you just don't
Want to fight anymore
Stick to what you know,
Before this chance also blows.

The sun is drowning,
The night has come.
Waiting for a new sun,
To put an end to your run.
Finding glimpses of happiness
Through the fierce rain,
For a new world
That's calling out your name.
art, in any form,
helps deal with what is real,
an escape to a euphoric place
a way out of the sacrilege
that we now call living.

words can't often do justice
to such a beautiful place,
for even the love songs fail
whenever we embrace.

maybe the world is darker now
than it used to before,
maybe we have now raised our voices
to speak up,
our beliefs and fears
all out there
in the open now.

the world was as pure as the canvas before,
now that we are painting it
without ever knowing
if we will finish it,
tricking ourselves into thinking
we hold the brush
and decide the strokes
we decide,
our humble abode
rather than fearing
a loss of control
the world,
it is out there
for us to feel
as it has always been
through time,
an inviolate home
for those with beauty in their eyes to see.
Today, I woke up with an appreciation of art and how it helps give meaning, make a connection and save lives.

We all have an artist within us, just a matter of the medium of expression. I'm agnostic, but sometimes I think that there is a higher sense of purpose for every one of us and it can be shared through the art.

This one is for all you artists out there; never stop creating!
To be here as I am
I had to be there as I was
a perpetual dreamer
sometimes a singer,
but often a screamer
my ever-fleeting memory
of past life
feels like pollen in the beehive,
was I always the same
or just another empty name?
maybe asking questions
just made me mad,
as there were
days I've been sad
days I've been glad,
living was always the grey area
between good and bad.
Do you always feel the words you write or always write the words you feel?
Not such a simple question at all, is it?

If you'd go through your poems again at different points of time or different phases of life, you may feel differently about it.

To quote Led Zeppelin's Stairway To Heaven -
"There's a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings"

So, how do you feel now?
How do you expect me to
hold on to you
when I keep running from myself,
every chance I get?
The time when,
The self-belief system is down
And you are running on autopilot,
Is the time to start asking some real questions.
When I talk about you now, I feel shortchanged
Even when I hug you, the feeling remains the same
What have you done to my lover, if I may ask?
Who are you really, behind the mask?
my dreams
being blown away
up in smoke,
just trying to get
some feelings stirred,
but my heart looks away
without staying broke.
Still, I ramble on...
Here I am
Laying sculptures for you,
While at the same time
Waiting for you
To appear
Out of the blue.
Perpetual blues
No matter how much I try,
I keep winding up at the same place
I keep trying to break out of my loop,
I want to learn the way life survives
By never staying the same.
What are you waiting for
A change?
An awakening?
An answer?
Chasing clarity but seeking suspense
Chasing love but seeking defence
Chasing freedom but seeking pretence
Chasing life but seeking a fire from incense.
The ever-conflicting needs of heart and mind.
In the words of The Rolling Stones, 'you can't always get what you want'.
It's one of those nights,
When your mind can't stop its chatter
And even the whiskey tastes like water.
I'm in dire need of a whiskey lullaby to put these voices in my head to sleep.
already running in circles,
still care about drawing lines.
Maybe humans found a way out of their humdrum existence through the division of anything and everything.
But that's not even the worst part.
Unfortunately, it seems that humans never learn and the loop goes on.
Doing what you're supposed to,
Is a mixed feeling in itself,
Trying to chase something better,
While I sit at a place
And appreciate the clutter.
living by myself
gives me time to confess,
no more fooling around
my heart
once a training ground,
is now a fortress.
The cycle of life seems never-ending,
Is it just a matter of life and death?
Or is it much beyond that?
Things that often seem out of control,
With you playing just like a pawn in the game.
All you can focus on is your actions,
And nothing else.
You can let your actions define your destiny,
even though it might not turn out to be that easy.
The more you try to control it,
The more it seems far away.
To die freely, you must live within means
Although we have different perceptions of the word,
The feeling seems deserted.
There is freedom in solitude,
People move away with eyes averted.
A free bird but with weighted consequences of his actions. No decision goes unaffected. Karmic destiny awaits.
Trying to stay off the dark side,
Always knowing the dark inside me
Ain't no rainbow in my heart,
Cold snow everywhere I see.
Feels like the days are flowing by,
While I lay here, restless
Unaware of my becoming
Like an unusual goodbye.
seeing things I don't know,
learning things I won't remember
another year with nothing to show,
sitting through a bitter December.
Ah, it is that time of the year again. A flashback of all that was said and done, this one has been different in so many ways.
I don't need you
to question
my decisions,
as I do that
well myself,
a plethora of voices
to account for
no reaction,
maybe one
sanguine voice
will rise,
to drive a change
and take me away
from a desolate
morbid graveyard
to yet deserted
but pristine meadows,
with nothing but
a hope
to grow
rather than
just fade away,
and maybe
that is just enough.
The seed of all this indecision isn't me, I'm perfectly capable of making alright decisions.
Well, maybe not that often.  
But at least I'm in control.
If I could smoke away all the pain,
I'd never stop setting the fire.
Even if it'd wash away in the rain,
I'd never stop chasing my desire.
Don't let the old sins turn yourself into a lifelong tragedy. The past is there for learning and not overbearing.

To quote David Wooderson from Dazed And Confused -

"The older you do get the more rules they're going to try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man, L. I. V. I. N. "
Things that might be keeping me awake,
These tiring nights
Hypnotic dreams making connections,
Way beyond my comprehension.

Are they meant to keep you on your path?
Or grow out of it and fly above the clouds?
An illusion of control?
Or a way to fulfil your soul?

Perplexed at those vivid pictures,
Of places and people left behind
Maybe sometimes just stuck in your mind,
Turning me into a beast of burden.

Wake up from my somnambulism
To find me back in bed
With sunken eyes, holding my head
No meaning to this pretence.

A lullaby went wrong,
A state of trance
A voice inside my head,
Speaking to me like I still had a chance.

'I know you know your pain,
Here's a ticket to hop on that train
The path is treacherous with mist all around,
But have faith, you are heaven bound'

Till the morning comes and the sun is shining bright
Still ******* in my fictitious knots,
I wake up from the slumber
Realizing it's not up to me to join the dots.

Was never great at reading signs
Been living with these feelings somehow,
At the end of the tunnel, there's a light that shines
Time to face the music now.
Oh dreams, what are you?
Coming every night,
Most of the times I don't even remember
Is it good news or bad?
All I know is I need you
For where the world would be,
Without people who had dreams and acted upon them.
If they disappear,
before they reappear
would you have them?
Also applies to people.
having the audacity
to accept the duality
of man, of time, of life
rather a causality
in itself
of things, of people, of emotions
you can finally let go
the loss of innocence
before you even know
not hopelessly muddled anymore
like the grey colour
in the middle of black and white
no more under the pressure
now off to where the air is fresher.
Accepting the duality is accepting yourself - as you are. Just like we live in the grey between the black and white of HP.
Why do these moments feel empty
When they should be monumental
They're ever passing by,
Trying to make me feel settled
Ever conflicting with
These feelings that seem to
Violate my own thoughts,
Hanging on to the idea of
Living in the moment
While I'm far from it

Even when I'm high
I seem to set the bar low

Losing my feelings
Was never a big blow

I have been holding on
To something stronger

Was it conviction, belief or religion
I'll never know

I just have full faith
That everything will work out in the long run

Even when these moments feel empty,
They turn out to be monumental in the end.
Been a long time since I wrote so here goes nothing
a distant thought of
an intimate dream where
my life depended on me
putting emotions into words
writing something
that makes me think
of myself as a decent and productive
human being
somewhere in the herd,
trying to raise the bar
of  critical thinking
in a thoughtless world
it wasn't so mechanical
so I would be on autopilot
but rather its a journey
a transformation,
always growing
perplexed yet again
at that thought of being
satisfied and optimistic,
looking into the mirror
vacillating as always
who am I today?
what will I get done?
being involved in another
facade or just flow
like water
lacking pretence,
waiting to be profound
over the baggage of rebound
longing both to be
known and hidden,
letting the significant moments
of my life
pass in little incidents
will I take these words
and dive in deep?
or simply give up
and go to sleep?
What if I had to write for my survival?
Will I survive?
You don't have to go
But if you must,
Escape to a place
Where the cold winds blow,
A place of starry nights
And even better snow.
I don't have
great inspiration,
very often,
to write
but when I do,
the site stops working.
Why do you do this HP?
They take their toll
Some are hard to fulfil,
While the others are just stories untold.
Things that are just way beyond
Your wildest capabilities
Diving deep into it,
Can sometimes hurt your worth.
Sometimes we often judge ourselves,
With the number of expectations met
No matter how far you go,
You will always be in debt.
Life feels like a plethora of experience,
But a dearth of emotions.

Maybe I am too young
To be feeling this old,
But the burden of expectations
Takes me down
And makes me feel cold.
This is what I'm feeling
Now and then
That in all of the universe
There is nobody for me,
While everything is changing
and there's nothing I can do.

My world is turning pages
And I am just sitting here,
How do people live without fear?
The fear of failure
Is it the lack of expectations?
From themselves or others
Is that the answer
To a simpler and happier life?
Maybe I should just drop it all,
And follow my heart
Cross some lines
and just feel alive.
Honestly, expectations from yourself are the only ones worth keeping and sometimes it serves you well to take a break from it too if needed. However, most of us, at some point in time or another, are often bogged down by what is going on in the world around us and what people expect us to do. We often look outside rather than inside and we all have different ways of dealing with it. May we all find the strength to set and fulfil the right expectations without losing everything in it - for that isn't worth the cost of your happiness.
The clouds are especially hazy tonight
Maybe they are putting up a fight,
With the moon and the stars
While I am just sitting here by the river
Gazing at my phone, getting no network bars

Just like the river, in life, there is an ebb and flow
That is the only way I know how to grow
To a newer version of myself,
Fading out of somebody I used to know.
Life isn't fair,
But fair is unseen.
And what is unseen is unreal,
But what's unreal is your story
That you would one day share.
The idea for this one is inspired by 'Your Time Is Gonna Come' from Led Zeppelin.

Also by the quote 'If you're going through hell, keep going.' from Winston Churchill.
another nihilistic overture,
for the impending hedonism
a callous cacophony
looks to be rather innocuous,
a brazen haze
of a lifestyle,
every night
a bohemian escapade,
thought we came far away
past life abandoned
that felt austere
yet salubrious,
this air reeks of dystopia
such a rootless feeling
keeps me riding
the nomadic hound,
a desolate heart
in a victorian home,
all around I see
empty eyes
and wretched souls,
need a shining light
for the start of something beautiful,
before the world crumbles down
fueled by fattening greed,
trees fall to the hatchet
realizing a dismal trepidation,
the fear of a blank planet.
What are you doing to save the world?
Do you even go out of your own bubble to see the world?
Do you even see the irony of the last question?
Not looking back
To what you had become,
Because you were always busy
Fending for yourself.
Waiting desperately
To close the chapter,
That had you
Forgetting yourself.
Flipping through nothing
But empty pages
Made me realise,
You see much further
With an open heart
And iridescent eyes.
Are you looking or seeing?
Flying into a sea of clouds,
Makes me realise, as I look down
Upon how small the world is
And how I'm big enough to influence things,
To take charge
Hardly seems true in life.

Maybe I'm missing the patience required,
To make it large
Like the sun, I must rise everyday
Especially after the darkest nights
Radiating rays of hope and peace to everyone around.

It's a feeling of control
Over my life, over my flight
As I leave the runway
To take the jump,
Away from all that I despise
Hope I don't crack under the pressure
To live a happy life
And fly away into the clouds,
Where I will thrive.
Fragile, as all things of value are, defines life
Small little things, we often overlook
Forgetting the context, we often realise
What makes up our existence?
Are we always chasing the unknown?
Swimming in a sea of feelings, trying to find the shore.

Trying to process these feelings
It never seems easy
What matters, in the end, is the conquest
Your name in a victory,
To help take meaning away
From all the wrong things you've done
Why do we even need anything
To feel satisfactory?

A sense of pressure puts us down,
Bringing upon a frown
On our fragile little faces
I thought I could be happy forever,
Rather than caring about expectations
Moving on rather than switching off
The past seems like yesterday
Hoping that this evasion from myself,
Will, in one way or other, finally pay off.
Maybe I was wrong searching for the brightest star in the sky,
When I could have found the entire galaxy in your eyes.
A love worth the depth of an entire galaxy - myth or reality?
In these games of luck,
I've lost more than I've ever won
Don't wanna seem like a schmuck,
But this time I'll get it done.
Here's to putting it all on the line now.

This time let's play to win, shall we?
I thought
we were once
so close,
knit together
close enough
to know
what's it like,
to be ghost
to each other,
yet wandering
out into our
own colourful
way of life,
just that
we are
colours now.
colours change,
seasons change,
people change,
yet I
remain the same.
I'm often reminiscent of times,
When my grandpa used to
Take me out on his bicycle,
We were just roaming around
His tunes always left me spellbound.
But it was so pure
He was one of those people for whom
Money held no allure
He was a man of passion and music,
He was a poet
But I didn't know it
He gave, not just with his words
But also his soul,
Even when he didn't have much control.
I would always ask him for a candy
I remember once he even gave me a sip of brandy
He never said no to me asking for a toy
He often considered me his blue-eyed boy
He would stop all his work and writing
Just to play with me outside,
Whether clear skies or lightning
Now that he's no more
I miss him and the lessons he tried to instil within me
But more than that
I often miss that genuine connection
With someone who understood so much,
But still cared enough to smile and laugh along
The man with a golden touch
With him, I was happy as the day is long.
The world will be a much better place
If we all could learn to live our life
With his grace.
A simple tribute to one of the greatest humans I've ever known. I'm not such a big fan of writing for someone specific, but he was a special person not just for me but for a lot of people. He always lived life king size before it was cool!
I'm out for a stroll,
I greet the devil
Out there collecting souls.
these dreams that I'm having maybe the best I've ever had.

Or wait...

Am I the devil and there is no dream?
The meaning of growing up,
Perhaps lost in translation
I never realized what it meant,
To lose your innocence
And the feeling of playing catch up,
When the train had left the station.
you were just having fun,
within a day your feelings were undone,
happiness is a warm gun.
How does it feel 'killing' your feelings every night?
Is it almost the same as avoiding get in too deep all the time?
Do the residual feelings influence you anymore?
You can't always be happy,
Otherwise, you might fail to realize
The value of a smile after you frown,
The essence of getting up when you're down
The things you do when you try to have a lasting change,
When you try to have the priorities in your life rearranged
For even the darkest night will end,
And the sun will again rise
You are willing to be a new person,
But are you willing to pay that price?
Working towards achieving a sense of lasting happiness is a real effort not many are willing to undertake. It requires hard work and dedication to improve your own self to be more positive and happy. Even though it seems like a distant dream, for being happy is about living in the moment and sometimes overcoming them too.
Been running silent,
Silent but deep
Into the wondering night,
All of that seemed so bright.
Once upon a time,
Holding your hand in a place
Of serenity and peace
With blinding passion and love,
I was always at ease.
With the moon glancing at your face,
The trembles of leaves, the luscious forest
Reminding me of the times
when we had it all but eventually spent.

In rather the discussions of the dichotomy,
Of what it meant to lose ourselves in each other's minds
And still be able to think
About all the moments when time stood still.
You were always there to connect,
I was maybe lost within
This journey of memory I had withheld.

My mind still plays these tricks
As I fade out to the thoughts
Where am I standing?
With you by a silent creek.
Playing with those pebbles
Now they just seem like stones
Of cold and heartache, the pain had left me afloat.

These feelings never let me sleep,
never let me sink to the bottom
The depth of our purpose was something I could never fathom.
There were times when the sky looked so bright,
now just seems like a clutter of unwavering clouds.

All the things you used to say,
All the things left unsaid
Now feels like an ephemeral mirage
Maybe if I could still see the pain
I would reach out to you,
Little did I know we were so close,
Yet in desperate need of repair.

Despondent and despair as I feel right now
I always believed,
we could survive the crushing burden somehow,
Of how we wanted to feel each other
And wished each other to just be.

Being yourself with someone else
Didn't seem like a challenge before,
Little did I know
I was waiting for a hail mary,
Before the perpetual snow.

I can still see so vividly
How your lips were always so tender,
Never leaving a chance
For me to do nothing but surrender.
I tried to change but that rarely works,
For you have to see yourself in the mirror first
Before you make the eventual jump.

My ears could recognise you from your soul-soothing voice
Is all a distant memory now, a cacophony in disguise.
Held pictures of you in my heart,
Trying to take them all down now
For it had to be done,
Otherwise, I might again sway.

Your eyes did have that shine
For me to slip away,
I wish time was kinder
So you to still be here
For I didn't just lose you,
But also a part of me
That had to be buried deep inside now.

Maybe I needed help to recover little parts of me somehow,
Maybe some parts were still left unscathed
Hoping for your eventual return, my mind played another one of its tricks.

Only time will tell
If I do get up or just sit there and dwell
Even if I wanted to,
I got no control over time,
All I know for a fact is,
Only this time I couldn't make you mine
Our story did always feel like a book,
A book with no ending
With its ups and downs
A terrifying thriller.
At the end of each preceding chapter
I should rather stop and run away,
Before I turn over to the last ones
Who am I kidding?
Things don't just seem to change.
I was a leaf caught in a blizzard,
Waiting for the eventual rain

Hoping to rise from the ashes
Of the toxic smoke,
Wishing for a return to normalcy
From the tragic crisis that this seems.
A remedy for solicitude,
Is to maybe replace it with solitude
At the end of it all though,
I'm just hoping for a glimmer of hope.
The iridescence of this feeling,
shall be the guide to a better path ahead
hoping we will strive,
to make newer mistakes instead
If you ever need me
to show you the way
always remember that
it's the rain that makes the tears go away.
rain is a pacifier of eternal emotions.
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