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I've been fighting with temptation in everyday that I'm
faced with
Resetting my mind
all of my hopes and my dreams
onto the re-placement
Of every loss
And the suicidal thoughts of me
Losing  Control
Still engaged in my mind I'm inclined
while,
Maintaining the goal
of walking down that straight and
narrow road  of Life
Because I have a date with Destiny in spite of what is ailing me in
Sight
While all the while?
Through the dark of night
I'm forced to fight with many
different things,
With no self-esteem trying to figure out
who to believe
And who to trust and on whom
can I call?
Soul is uncontent to balance the fence
Slowly committed to fall
All while seeing the steady fall
Of my many brethrens called
For the same purpose and the work that was meant for us all
But still my soul fell slowly down
De-pression's Well
Totally left to figure out how to
make it out
Wondering how I slipped and fell?
Fallen waist deep
Lost
within the clutches grief
With seemingly no way of me finding
an answer,
And no way of me holding my Peace
So as a means of release?
I'm now speaking my Peace
Releasing for this reason having the
means of picking up the
Spiritual  Pieces
And putting it all back together using it for what it's worth
Visualizing the Holy theme giving birth to revive my Hopes and
Dreams
But these dreams are not seen through the eyes of surprise
But only seen through the joyfulness of watching our spirits
Rise
Riiising out of the ashes where the
fearfulness is cruel and savage,
Out of the madness where the hopelessness is the rule of sadness
Escaping the Pain
No longer bond under heavy
Locks and Chains
No more wounds to be healed
No wounds to seal
No bandages with
-Stains-
Been stuck trying to write something new, So I've decided to repost this for motivational purposes.. I'm taking it back to the roots of why I started writing in the first place. I would love to get some feedback on this one because it is still a very personal and emotional rollercoaster of a write for me. I would honestly love to hear from some new people on how this was relatable to you. This is me at my best at my worst, I am in my element when I write like this and I have a lot more like this as well, You just have to look for it.
Sad to say.,
There's a portion of me
that's still feeling like I'm -trapped-
In
Now..
Am I totally lacking the con-fi-dence?
And its not by any typical blow to my
" Ego " or by any
Ac-ci-dent
Taken in and out of context
sorta like the excess of many accents
Feel'n I'm from another
Con-ti-nent
( Yeah ) So I guess you can say.. that my
current  per-so-na-li-ty is quite the
Op-po-site  of
" Freedom's  Plight "               ( books )
That is based on a quote from a ( note* ) that's deceivingly not.,
" Gift " wrapped
Thinking that I'm not.. wrapped to tight
Out of sight like a  cold - - - swipe
Though my insight in hindsight  seemingly be
Cold- as- Ice
As I'm steady  catching these fades off of  -two- blades
the fall is displayed
/ Artistically /
Perpendicular to the perfect picture
An illustration that I must of-- slipped
Up
All clinched up with both my fist  Up
And now my up side is.. Down
With both my feet above my - head -
Can't seem to place my feet  back on the
- ground -
And when I really think about it?
It has always been ( Me ) against the world
Cause when I turned my back on it?
I was caught lacking while slip'n
Falling back into my old
Skin
But the fault is neither a Black or White
" Thing "
I'm currently talkin bout a mixed.. blend
Just as these thoughts un-hinge to these new
-Sins-
And that's  regrettably.. the time I would hate to lend
while peeling back the fore-
Skin
( Smh )
Now tracing back to the quote.,
Lost in time  like a faded note.. endorsement
Bottled up with.. distortion
Forced to make a choice.. Truth or Dare?
Not- a- Fair
Spin
While currently  not liking how the " Truth "
bends
And that's when.. you are
in-discriminate-ly are shedding light at.. both
-Ends-
And it's
Pain--staking-ly  because..
I'm so sick and tired  of tying up these..  loose.. ends
For Justice?
For Justice?
Has not been served
Cause everyday
I feel I'm being black balled systematically
like a.. bow-ling
Pin
But the only difference is between -Me- and
" Them "
is the color of my  Black
Skin
And that's  even when
I choose to go.. qui-et--ly
as I switch.. lanes
Cause at the end of the day?
I would still be.. just another  Black
Man
Who's humbly living this life the best way that only ( He )
Or should I say?
As only I.. can
Not focusing on the next.. Man
For my only focus now.. is ( Yah ) the God of Heaven
And my bread of choice is  un-leavened
And his eye is  truly on the
Spar--row   ➡  ( spare "/" row )
Peep*   the Arrow
And now..
The only pathway I'll take for the means of e-scape
For me?
Is Narrow
The plight of every black man is to take the " Narrow" path
Can apply to any man as well
( note* ) Notes or thoughts recorded in a note or notebook or books in general. Also, relating to the things we've been taught that may have influenced us in one way or another + or - ( note* ) Could also mean a suicide note or letter that was purposely left behind to be discovered
( Peep* ) referring back to the bow-ling Pin reference
As the World
turns
I can hear the world
Yearn
They're unruly and desperately
reck-less
seeking for love on ever-
lasting
terms
But they proceed with no concern
they're unable to discern or
learn
Not heeding the many
warnings and dan-
gers
Unaware of the many
forces that lin-
ger
Now as we stand by idly
as we witness
this cruel state of
Ig-nor-ance
We're losing our
Innocence
instead of making sense
of what's
going on
Unconvinced
of the shapes that are
taking form
We're miss-in-
formed
sowing the seeds to breed the
Devil's
Spawn
Provoking violence within the
mindset
of the spiritually blinded
While letting our
Silence
speak the truth
of the spirits that blind
Us
Reminding us
of where we Fail
A rude awakening
outa the
Spell
Snapping outa the
Trance
of being frozen in a
mea-ning-less
stance
For our only chance to
Survive
Is to thrive in our
circumstance
Moving on in advance
observing Truth
Learning to pro-
gress
As we focus in our aims
to Arrest
these
developments of
Carnality
We're pulling down the
Devil's
Faculty
Exposing Principalities
wherever
they
may
Be
Ephesians 6:12-20
Written around the early mid 2000's
Raven Feb 26
"Hello" I say to you
(Hello) You reply

"How are you?"
(Drowning)

"What are you doing?"
(Fading away)

(Hello) You say
"Hello" I reply

(How are you?)
"I'm fine"

(What are you doing)
"Listening to music"

"Hello" I say to you
(Hello) You reply

"What makes you want to die?"
(The constant people who use me)

"What makes you want to live?"
(John and his love)

(Hello) You say
"Hello" I reply

(What make you want to die?)
"Lots I guess"

(What makes you want to live?)
"My stuffies"

"Hello" I say to you
(Hello) You reply

"How do you feel right now"
(I want to go away. Forever)

"What do you want?"
(Actual consistent love)

(Hello) You say
"Hello" I reply

(How do you feel right now?)
"I'm okay. Listening to music"

(What do you want?)
"Cuddles"

(Don't lie to me)
"I'm not"

(What do you want?)
"Love?"

(No)
"Okay"

(So?)
"I want to be free"

(I want to die please)
"I want to die please"

As you may see
They are both me
But the difference is
One is who you see
Nov/7/2021
aviisevil Feb 23
don't **** with Kanye, the crazy Kanye, beefing with Jay-Z Kanye

he's so sick, a *****, an addict, the **** Kanye, take the mic Kanye

take your pick, he'll diss yo' kids, kiss yo' ***** Kanye

can't spell Kanye, outselling your fav' artist Kanye

the old Kanye, the 808 Kanye, he outsold 50 the kim's Kanye,

yeezy for yo' skims Kanye, don't **** with Kanye.
I was living a life  that was mainly
on  the shelf
While feeling de-tach  from the art  it-
self
As I'm
purpose-ly  forgetting the heart that I left
on the steps
like it was ne- ver  felt
But not quite  the pursuer  of  fortune or fame
to gain steps  or any other
measure of wealth
So..
Basically
I am no longer  pleased with
pleasure'n self
Or anything that's hazardous to
my Health
But always looking to improve
myself
While needing that space for
myself
As I take the  necessary positive
steps
cause it alll   Helps
As I'm now..
eyeing the hand that I've been
dealt
And as I'm   shuffling with these cards
that I   now hold?
Just know..
that I am looking to show
Ab-so-lute-ly
no  one else
And as for my regards to the cards that I
once held?
Well..
I tend  to disregard them practically with
no eff  or  F
Which means  without fail
Man..
I   could   care
Less
And as I  sit here  and reminiscence
I once was like a house on a hill   un-
til  I
fellllll
Deaf
So most  definite-ly  I had no  sound-
ness
of mind  at the time
Yeah, it was like so  I guess
Yeah man, it was basically allll  stress
And even unto this day  in  re-tro-
spect
I still hold  in  re-gret
Falling in and out of   Luv
with that
Yet
Case in point ( in fact ) Oh Yes  I must
con-fess
that I was still
head over hills   in Luv
with Death
Which lead me to..
Making many more bad moves and many more  wrong-
turns
Man,  I was riding on  the curb  and then I  swerved
and I think I took a  ( hard )  Left
While almost having to   meet
with Death
Yeah, I know
I must admit that I was tripping
I was totally  at odds  with  myself
But once I caught a glimpse  of
myself
I didn't like what I was seeing
It was mainly ob-scure
and obscene
Yeah,
Quite an ug- ly scene
Man ( Smh )
I didn't even know what I was seeing
And, I couldn't even see  be- yond
the scene
And if you  can read in between the lines and  the seams
and if you had seen what I had seen?
You would know what  I  mean
No doubt
I took it to the  ex- treme
And it went so far  as to have seen  many things through visions and dreams
in  my sleep
And as I recall   it was
so   Deep
Man..
But that's one of those records or recollections  I
rather not have to repeat  and that's  whether I'm awake or
whether it's  in  my sleep
So..   for now?    
                              
                                    
                                  I
                            ­            think I'll
                                                        just­ be
                                                    
                                           Brief
eff ( effort ) F ( Failure )
Aye Yo
I swear..
That my mind's been spinning
Around and Around
Like my head's literally

On, the Ceiling

So you should already know..
That I'm not a big fan of
Windmills or Pinwheels

But my thoughts are mainly
Off the scene

Man.. I rather stay chill like them
Crimson Trees, so much like
the Breeze

I'm just Chill'n

But it's not a cool feeling just
standing around with both feet on
the ground, while suddenly having this..
Cruel Feeling

That Life
Is not a  CRUISE
Nope..

There's no
Smooth Sailing

But my tendencies are itching
For me to be E-
vasive

But yet trouble and I still met
NEVERTHELESS.. And I could only
guess.. it was because

We were both being
TENACIOUS!!

But in this world where we both
live, is really not that
Spacious

Which kinda feels like I'm trapped
within a Dungeon
Or maybe?
Some kind of creeped out
Basement

But now it's all Eyes on me
See.. How I got the whole
world peeping and in A-
mazement

But to them?
I'm just another
HEAD CASE
As I speak.. on what they said
LIKE
Yeah, He's apparently
Off his MEDS!!

Yep..
As I turned to
Face them

That's why I consider them each
to be my enemy now
Because I'm seeing
Three or Four
Hundred more now
And they're all

[[  " RATTLING MY CAGES!! " ]]

And it's so much so
That I just imagine them all
On stone walls..

As being  FACELESS!!

And I've been living and thinking
this way.. ever since

But the suspense is killing me more
Although? Vandal be.. my Alias
Which is a cruel art to pitch
But still..

I must  DEFACE THEM!!

So as of now..
I couldn't care less about this mess
that I've been left with
Or should I say
Cursed?

Or better yet..
For the lack of a better word
I've been hit with
the TRUTH

Which was never heard

But right now?
I am not the one to be
Messed with

For I have  PTSD
To the MAX!!
Or either Or
I have just been tagged from
here on and so on and so on
And further more..

As just another
Insane Poet ( slash ) Prophet with a
HIT LIST
I am not a Ceiling Fan ( I am not crazy )
Crimson Trees ( Fall season )
My life's concept
Is becoming..
More and More
UNSTABLE

And it's..
quite Literally
Almost
EVERYDAY

Man..
That's kinda weird yep
But man I got..
More than one rep
It's like I'm in..
Some kind of weird contest
BE-TWEEN

Two sets of  TWINS

Or maybe sorta like..
A jigsaw puzzle gone
NUCLEAR

And I'm just another
REACTOR
That came short of  HELP
Which means..

Behind the scenes
I really need more Depth

Well..
I guess I'll push
PAUSE before I
SELF-DESTRUCT

I guess I'll..
Reset my mindset
and maybe..
Redefine my  Conquest

But now.. is that?
Too much of a mind trap
or a relapse.. or just me speaking
in Abstract Code?

Or minimal subliminal
To disperse Morse Code?

SMH.. Who knows?

Or maybe it's..
Some Evil Entity
telling me to emit
Dark Energy
with Symetry?

That's simply
Gotten me..
In a fouler mood
Like..

A Krush Groove
Epiphany

Cause man..
This may be
The Pits for me

And now all I wanna do?

Is Mash y'all
Like.. a trash compactor
And hack y'all.. like.. a digital
Hacksaw.. that will outmatch
your Bachelor Degrees

That's 100 million times
infinity with ease

To create more SPACE
make haste and
rewrite the Symetry
redefine Divinity

In order to..
Dispose of the benefactor
of the contract
and impose my will

So that all who oppose?
May be a non-factor
with no appeal

Although..
I'm not a paid actor
But I've been played the role of a
long lost soul before

Now In my Death pose
typically at it's core

Depicting certain disaster
And what's more?

I am my own worst  Enemy

No.. I am not a friend of me
And it's so much so..

That it shows.. EVERYDAY
More and More

That maybe you too
Should be.. Afraid of me
I struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life.
This write is the perfect example of how I coped with all of those bottled up feelings and powerful emotions. I don't struggle with it as much as I used to but those feelings still hit me pretty hard sometimes. I hope this helps who ever reads that its Ok to vent and get all of that stuff out in the open
Now..

Don't call it a comeback
or a premonition

Don't even call it a myth

When you can just
call it a 6th sense
that's been set

On the drift
of my..

self-Aware-ness

Cause I was wondering
where it all went?

And you may even call it
further  enlightenment
to break away..

From the FALSE
meaning of bliss

That has ordinarily
been sealed  with  a
KISS

Man..
But you can wipe
the lip-
stick

For I have no TIME
For making change
outa nothin  but
Cents

But much time
for the  encore
For my lines are
On  par

But payday is
Low  par

Well..
I guess you can say
I'm making nothing
but  SENSE

Which implies
deep inside.,
Something doesn't seem
or smell quite right

Like..

The O and the K
subtle translations of
SiX

Which is..
666
The Mark  of the
BEAST

That will rise
from the North  South
West  and  East

Preparing to Feast

For I see  the evidence
In all of these..

Chem Trails ( Chemical Trails )
Up in Cloud
Up in AIR

Which reads..

You may now
Dispair

Which means..

They docile down
with the cries of
WORLD  PEACE

But WHO  cares?

For most are un-aware
their minds are  up  in  AIR

Like  Solar Flares
that are..
                      So
                            Low
  ­                                  Flare

With eyes mystified
like Zombies
now totally
ILLUMINATED

So crazy
how they all fall victim
fixed within the  SYSTEM

Guess they caught'em
zip'n by the lights
now
HYPNOTIZED
as they all stop and stare

With empty heads
like lead
they all synchronize

For they have
no self-Aware-ness
like Flies

That only buzz around
and around
and go on.. and on
about.. nothing

Well I guess
most would rather
catch flight  off the HYPE
of the toxins and remain

Unconscious

While some..
Hiss around like a rep-tile
so decep-tile ( deceptive )

They rather quote
the theory of Darwin
than weigh the feel of their
Options

Like trendy little
Moccasins
they mock at sin

Hand in Hand

Always looking away
from the ob-scene
they dare to make no
scene

They wipe the slate
clean

Only keeping up
with the mainstream
like everything's OK ( peachy )

When its really not

Man..
They rather vent
about nonsense
like inanimate objects ( puppets )
and stay..

Set in their ways
can't even persuade
they never engage

No sense of RAGE ( outrage )

They never stretch and clinch
sorta like an Arm without a Fist

That's a swing and a
Miss
and rather reckless
and  careless
If you ask
me

So proud
sticking out like a
bare chest  that's left
un-protected

With no presence of mind
to even wear a vest?!

I guess..
They have no
presence in life
to even invest

Never questioning where
to make a good
purchase

Which is..

The GOLD MINE
of mindsets

Don't even know a
mind check from a
mic check

Well I guess..

You can't stand to cash that
if it's not in the form of
Paychecks

Nah..
Scratch that
this is now  my Check

And if all fails..

You just might as well
hand me that cred too
with another  Check ✔

As I intersect
with my mindset
on the Offset
Of..

My view
of the  SiX
Well, here we go again with another controversial but informative write
And just like a few of my other ones, this was written 5 yrs ago
RobbieG Dec 2021
I tried
really freaking hard
tongue tied
no reply
Looooong sighhhhh
brain fried
emotions discard
to the side
soul died
problems pryed
whyyyy God whyyyyy
I quit
throw the towel in
straight lit
burned wick
both sides
feelings hide
no room to sit down
heart lied
Im tired
fired up
sirens ruuuuun
I'm done
nine one one
collapsed lungs
life stung, brung
hung subconscious
abnoxious mindset
gifted talent
captive to flesh
I'm not who I am
befriend reflections
selections made
parts played
patterns stayed
when will I feel
okaaaay saaaaay
sooooon pleeeease
hellp deal, steal me
awaaaay, todaaaay
this isn't a game
regain trainwreck
breathing becoming
difficult, hurting
flirting with death
chest caved in
slaved to
past pain
insane within this
membrane...laaaaaame
saaaaame, aaaage old
situations, validations
never appearing promising
pinky swear mixed with glares cares go unnoticed
clouded with distortion
darkness stares
fares piling up
tolls avoided
polls divided
anger subsidized
privatized issues
tissues  by the box full
absorbing alcohol
leaving dryness from
lack of softness
this is a mess
where's bounty
quicker picker upper
pieces shattered
heart splattered
eyeliner upside down
war paint
this kind, this mind
of mine, not for the
faaaaaaaint, aaaaaint
you feeling better
from my ugly treasure
no map necessary
these valuables planted
at my feet, repeat, download
discrete ***** matter
scatter this out, doubt
trapped inside and out
leave this world
in a body bag
blood fills up
the well to hell
your asking to much
for your soul
reeeeetreeeeat, defeeeeeat
no compete clause
floss the debris
these traumatic non-diplomatic, sporadic, hypnotic, anti-value, shattered glass.....moral compass, failure to launch, trigger pulled grenade.....explode
ticking time bomb
threats, let's set this off
battles scatter, wars pour
from the door
knock hard
go away, today now, gone
not not double negative these words fumbling from a fragile brain, train the waves never to leave the bubble, keep them coming, stop running in the hall, tall mental strain, short fuse, trapped abuse, hung from the nooose...traveling by caboooooose looooose the
attituuuuude, duuuuuude
rude , quiet down, riot stuck
no luck , inside voice now, how laaaaaame, taaaaame
yourselfffffff, helllllllllp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
screeeeeeeeeeeeeam
meeeeeeeeeeeeean
gleeee­eeeeeeeam
but don't shine
bright, light ignite
charcoals refuse
infuse substance abuse
now that's a flame
comfort warms
comfort warns
delay of reaction
two hour delay
recess school's out
I learned all the **** they didn't teach me THE HARD WAY
literally fade the black cascade , fake brovado
middle class movado
bravo , he go round and round, rodeo , big steer, lightyears ahead, bread, loafs of lacked love, feast on these carbs, toast, spread , peanut butter jelly time, slime , lime placed on the rim, keep em coming , I'm fuming at the ears , fears, peers not had, relatable a false illusion to bitter for babysitter to keep an eye on , funded friendship for future fam, **** this is alot of slots to fill up with cots of thoughts sleeping ....laid to rest, r.i.p this minute in 61 seconds it'll be over , can't stop the world from turning but can leave it for good, rocket juice, who's coming with , plastic tubes room temperature placed in a freezer box once but now removed , melting cheer to frowns just look in the mirror ! MAN DOWN
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