I have a little light left by the stream,
Between the narrow side walk
And the highway that ran over
My silly pointless nature dreams.

If you read it from the ******* book it's
"True," not just for you, for me for everybody,
We're all just here to waste, make our own sole filthy space,
What you believe is always "truth for everyone" and not just you.
No matter what we say or think or feel or know or do.

With the sun
The fire spirits
Bring amber hues
Golden and applied
To a weathered canvas
In the deep blue water
Floating in pools
Of violet and marine
Evermore fulfilling
Evaporating then only
Descending into the
Emerald green
And soft grass
Holding flowers
Giving them
A cordial of life
With her laughter
Echoing afar.

Like the ring of a bell in the distance
some trance which in an instance
can seem like it lasts an eternity,
I embrace the natural wild just as much as I can,
I know it's not a normal thing
but life is short and I am happiest free.
Lost in the moonlight halo or entrenched
in active chaotic madness, it's all the
same to me. A vagabond, a fool,
I earned this by word of mouth alone,
never again truly kissed, scarred and yet my poor
living is sacred, there is no place I can call my own,
this all I am thinking as I drift off to sleep
for the very last time, as you hold my shaky hand,*
there is little I'd have left for my journey while
they take all they can that is left
of my world all for the sake of greed,
of nothing but selfish sentimentality,
I am already guilty, instantly proven guilty,
so for once let me be.

Getting it all out 2

There is one thing that can not compare with the space that I call
my endless noise free affair.
It's simple, you get stuck here in this
judgement box, very little space, then cornered over someones personal
worries or whatever is really going on down there.

You see, I have this theory that most people are driven by one thing and one thing alone, the idea of hinting at
someones innermost secrets and only
concentrating on invading their own "guilty" space when they are finally home.

Yes, I "did it," whatever, I can never explain, you and your stupid doors,
you breath on them and it's ****** just the same. So much for just living life in peace, now we're just running to make sure that the creeps ***** rotten pervert lives are filled with ease!

Where the road ends and meets the future
I shall be here at the burnt out screen cross point,
Even when all breaks apart and you have no one
I will be there to keep a well lit joint!
If you are somewhere else and this is bothering you
Somehow, that I am OK with ****, grow up dipstick,
It's past the year 2015,
It's lately been OK with that stuff now.
Growing up fast on this big kid playground,
You throw a stick and it lands a gun on the ground,
Where it's totally uncool to be part of BLM,
But confederate flags, statues, Dukes,
And "privileged" are the new trend.
That's just how we all grew up fast all around!
On this endlessly changing, re-arranging
Educating, violent, strange place Mom, Dad, you-and-I roam,
This special little USA place full of haters we all call home.

Mind and spirit, the principle of human being...
This is not what one has known to be simple,
Yet advanced as we are, the truth still eludes,
An everyday individual, yet what are they?
Simplicity is found in the reality of our youth,
Is this life just  a concept of time and space?
Were we really brought here by some sort of
Alien space ship, or a genetic miracle master race?
I wouldn't assume anything. Sitting under the pine tree,
You can see every last hue as perfect, as real as time made
It out to be, just as light takes time to reach you,
Was brought to your eyes so you could truly see,
See that which is actually a part of you and me.
To be one with environment, you see the unruly storm,
You see the hot dust of the desert, you see the ice of
The glacier, the mountain and it's frosty height, or the
Beautiful garden and all it's delights, if you can
Look closely, a person falls asleep, dreaming,

*You can see it all living within their being...

The children laugh and I walk until night.
I will walk again tomorrow
hoping you will but once again follow. I have seen you before,
you must know now I am quite the same,
still a child by heart,
sigh* I know...Remember my words
for they are true dear.
I will be here for my
lifetime 'til you are again near.

I know I'm just "stupid and crazy,"
But yea, I don't believe there's a god.
Also, I don't believe you want a "free country,"
That you are a cruel cult member who
Is not just here to get out the word, even as your
Bible says to, you're really just here to shove
What you call the truth in our faces,
Always making sure we've heard.

Here we are! The best of the worst.
When even fun becomes a chore,
Where rich people meet both triumph
And truth which were pre-made in store.

You can look at it right or look at it wrong,
This "winning new era" or what we're told all along,
We started out "regulated" and "anti-gun tries to steal all,"
But in the end you know assault rifles are of "great use"
In the mall. So we're all in the latest greatest time,
All of this madness and work to keep us all in line,
Where vagabonds are great and kings are low,
This time when the "saints" are actually lower than slime.
There shall come a day, I know not when, when this little
"Special" time shall be known as the abomination of men!

Who has...*
Who has actually been to the center of the universe?
Who has seen what happened in ancient times?
Who has found the nature of why life somehow exists?
Who has seen every last invisible aspect of your life?
Who has proven that aliens actually can not live?
Who has been to every planet and seen what lies beyond?
Who has knowledge of empty void and why it's filled?
Who has the answers to these questions all along?

I have...
I have seen the world from tiny human eyes
I have been there when the earth shook and rolled
I have seen smoke billowing from fires into the sky
I have heard many songs and sang them myself
I have seen every star in Orion's belt in the night
I have felt joyous and alive and free and well
I have had love and lost love and experienced sadness
I have learned to except my weaknesses and even death
These are few things, but until I see more, I should
Know when and where to not "teach" of "things so high."

This a "plain simple summer weekend,"
A vastness of terrain awaits us here,
Clean skies and cool breezes send
An unending limitless blue so clear,

This is it, the mountain spring and pine,
One lost lover, through thick and thin over
The years and never forget this moment,
The land only belonging to the great mother.

Like a forbidden island of delights it awaits,
Valley and fields and palm trees, streams,
Into hidden forests and meadows, our new beginning,
Forever...! Through all the years light now dimming,

But it's just the same, light and dark...everything disposable
Accept this image I have of you holding onto me, the spark,
It seems now we are all this pose-able, like some kids toys,
Not interested to take a walk past the rush, even if it's a safe park.

Love now lost, why? Just to be cast on the rocks of tomorrow,
It does seem that death started with something of sorrow,
It does seem everyone is addicted to the next big craze,
Save your pretty penny for the rainy day, sunless haze.

It's all about you, even when it's really about me, I'll make
Everything change, I promise, give this art a chance it makes
Perfect sense if you care to pretend my pointlessness matters,
If I sat there and served everyone, a security guard, car salesman,
I would matter, but no, I'm worthless because I hate those things
I would rather  die than carry on being a waste for not liking
These %#@#$@ jobs that they keep shoving in my face!

As I glance at the stop sign one last time,

*BASH...the cars tires still spinning...

I am the one guy
Who needs to get himself lit
To get a good high

This is it, the only way out,
Through the burrowed green freedom tunnel
Well-as I like to call it,
It's nearly ready! But still I have no idea
Just how much longer I can hold my
Breath, keep fail safe wit.
There is a way over to the other side,
It's just a little bit further.
If I play my cards right,
I'll be able to make it through alive,
Though in the end all I was in trouble
For was spilled milk and loose ends,
A broken youth and whatever you say
Goes, so I guess surviving or not,
It all depends.

*Welcome to seeing stars...

Life and death...
The endless cycle
This is what we both fear and love,
It's pain that brought you future pleasure
And it's pleasure which brought you future pain,
Don't run from yourself when push comes to shove,
Here I am, still before you. All washes away with rain.
Nature shall be the universal anointment upon your head,
It will become your honest everlasting saviour,
It will make certain that you in spirit live forever after
Once you overcome fate, entombed by your fears no more.

So I've been going this way or that,
"Searching for someone with the answers,"
All my life I've simply been searching for a
Simple path, of trails that can lead you to realistic love,
Beggars can't be choosers, winners won't be losers,
We're all here for the same reasons, under the same sun,
Different homes-with different worlds we come from.

So we're all human beings, a great big human race,
A family of love that keeps building walls
And finding wars that just pop up
From out of the dark for someone's
Fear or another person's hate.

I've given in to temptation by your ideals,
Sure!  Given the moment I'd try my fate
With lady luck!
My only question isn't where did this all
Come from, but instead-how does it all add up?

A feeling, a thought, an idea,
Asking only what I must feel,
There is nothing here that's real.
This is the vague truth of my life,
Continue on like I never heal.

This is how everything always ends,
I hated to bring you down, your world,
Between the sips of a cold blue drink
On some hidden island with **** girls.

You can always live my dream,
I get the lonely stuffy room and plain meals,
Combined with the fact that they still
Aren't any consolation to how I feel.

And those who either romanticize it,
Those who won't share any space with me,
Or for those who want me to be a disgrace,
Those who want me to disappear someplace.

You're the one who brought me down,
Was it fun? Do you still get feelings of
Happy-go-lucky hate fuel watching me
Drowned? It'll end bad-when you're still around.

You'll be seeing stars for a long time.

*Just watch as the gold-white sun, moon, the very earth
Turns as bright, as colorful as the pain I feel,
In the end you'll have only days before an
End for this way of life, one that is truly unreal.

It took me years to get where I am at, and now I'm "nowhere"
It took me months to plan to move and now I'm "stuck here"
It took me days to come up with ideas to write poems, and now "this one stinks"-like always
It took me hours to get to sleep, and now I can't go back to sleep
And for once in my life, I just wish the world could just go away or I could just disappear and get people to *stop looking at me like that!

So far nothing new is happening.
This is just history repeating itself.
One day all love will cease to have meaning,
It will just be something you can purchase,
Like buying plot on the Moon or Mars,
Or war or knowledge or emotions or words,
We'll just pretend it's all real.
A strange, vain culture we've developed,
Why everything is a steal.
And we never learn, we live in fear, do the same
Ridiculous things that "work" over and over again,
Why you can see how it's just a valley of blades,
One day you will realize it's only a matter of when
Some will wind up getting left in the dust, others in the gray,
I've got a hunch that one day if we wait long enough,
Eventually we will wind up in the dark again.
There will again be hell to pay*

Only a matter of when...

What if this was just any other love poem?
Addicted to fame and fortune many "make it big,"
Another love song just like any other, stands alone
As yet another love poem, a be mine, baby baby jig.
Let's give them something new, something with life,
Not stuck in the past, some bar tab to remember me by.
Listless, sitting over the rail, looking for that one day
To come where there is an art or music director guy,
One who remembers your name, so that everyone in
Town speaks about what it would be like to share your fast times,
But it's not real, selling "8 track tapes full of trucker music," while
Ordinary poets and musicians like me are alone on Valentines...

OK! First the lollipop in the jar is missing
And her feet are itchy, help us please...
There's a cow doing cartwheels?
And if I might ask did your pigeon sneeze?
Reels of footage were left in the turkey baster,
Am I wrong? You obviously don't hear lemons
Whistling though, of course. And these days the
Emporer of Donutland is poor, better send him
Another hammed cannery of doom, let alone two.
And this TV has too many billygoats fishing!
And I'll be monster,
She did grow a hat!
Only minus the notes.
Just as big smoking jerky,
BLINDING, teeth raising...!
Chewing itself a thrill.

America's "freedom of speech,"
Comfy padded *** protection!
The land to laugh at another freely
but "break things" if someone laughs in their
general direction.

*Hypocrisy and hate, the new age!

I love you still just the same as ever,
All these lovely things You've said of me,
They Don't die with summer.

Once I grow weary I think of you again,
All the years and everything we did
They don't die with summer.

Now when my feel of winter is plain,
Or the feel of spring isn't quite here,
Then you are once again near
It is the beginning of summer again.

I love you with my heart of gold,
I need your heart to shine my glow
And it wont fade and die with summer,
I need your warmth of life to guide me
And stay beside me when you find me
And I will never die with summer.

Sadly to say, nothing lasts forever,
This being the truth one might still
Persist to try to live forever with
A prayer or a star or a blessing
Trying to stem the tide of all of this
With yet another eternal summer wish.

I hate to admit it, this may be a stunner,
But the emotion love is the only thing
That never dies with summer.

What is a poet without an audience?
When I write, I write from my heart.
What does it matter if it's torn apart?
I have to live with these regrets,
I never tried hard enough, make every
Last mess. I will be gone soon, you will see,
And no one in their perfect little world will ever
Miss me. But that's why there's the internet,
Fake modern life, to let you feel as if
You are free.

Without the scientifically intangible, we will never know
The true value of creativity. Once you see beyond,
Where we will all go, you will lose yourself in the eyes
That glow, you see yourself thus reflected in the driven snow.

See how I'll get lost in this game! I can't complain,
Chances are there isn't much time for me,
There is a whole world of trouble after I am free,
But then again wouldn't there always be?

So I float here suspended in this state I arise...whilst
Burnt coffee grind's smell wakes me, I will never again
See the other side until I go back and close my eyes.

Always the flow of water-across muddy banks and
Passages into lakes filled with the essence of nature,
Pulling tides and the smell of alpine, hickory wood and
firn. Always the flow of life-ever passive, trance state,
Picking up speed it rushes, like the sound of blood rushing
Through the earths veins, towards endless vinyards and orchards,
Cascading over cliffs like sparkling mist, into ravines and it continues
On. Into the forest, into the pines and the sage brush-not thinking,
Quick to find solace in this mid-morning dew, this canopy, deer hide.
Continue to be cloaked by the grass and thistle, branches and vines,
Not stopping, ever residing in it-never looking back until reaching that
One point where it is certain that the past concrete, cement and steel,
Are but a thing of memories of tragic times to be kept so forever, never
Looking back, never to return or see them again until the very world ends.

Always the tide of stream water, endless in the universe, it's strength,
And it's endless source, that source, from which all life flows...

Underneath the sky trees are graced with perfection,
I forgot just what to say, lost my place in this novel,
Was I writing to keep track of the clouds? Life is short,
But how short can this be? I can't live for one, or grovel.

Like a tiny leaf I blow on the wind, accept for this leaf
Is unguided, raised in a bad life but still people seek
To make sure I'm brought to the water and made to drink.
I've seen you before, who are you though? Why can't I let you go?

The world just seems to spin so slow, but hey, that's my life!
In only about 50 years I should be gone, what can I do?
Live from moment to moment? Be teased and need the knife?
I've got to get by somehow, I've got to reach out and find you.

I still can't figure out why I fell in love, but all I can say is wow,
You're hot, and if I could be anywhere in the world it's right
Next to you, if ever I get to be I want to kiss you here and now,
You're always on my mind Nikki, I just can't make an eternal vow.

The tankards rest on the table as at an inn,
People sit and eat bread and it's noisy.
I fumble with my new shoes and jerkin
With a muffin cap that I don proudly.
I'm newly dressed in old borrowed clothes
And I run outside and see the Dance Macabe in rags.
While the Faire's parade comes close,
I can see the clouds in the sky blow like white grey flags.
Surrounded by endless hubbub my face beaming
Like the sun shedding light,
I'm smiling from ear to ear
As the man in the moon does at night.

I am told by others "just be 'yourself,'"
But your hair is so clean
Your teeth are so straight and white
And your skin is so soft and sweet
I could "never" be your "equal"
Your working life is "so complete"
People everywhere always need you
You have your own life, partner and home
All I am to you is some stepping stone
I will "never amount to anything" to you
And "that is why" I'm always alone
And who cares about me anyway?
I'll just "run back crying" like I do everyday...

You know the hardest thing I ever had to do,
Was realize no matter what I ever knew
I would never make sense to you,
Now my words are very few
And what else is new?
My time is due,
Social ruse
I will lose,
I am

*~Through~

I used to write for a reason
Now I just write to strew useless words
Information no one will probably ever
Read, my voice never again ever heard.

I may be onto something new,
I put it all into everything I'm told (I'd) do,
But always in the end you stand there
Telling me where I have been, where
I intend to be, and then that I will never be
Free. Should have been careful from the start,
Though in life we are all walking in the dark,
You had to put up with my bitter judgement,
While I had to give you my second
-Yet very last red cent.

And still you say I complain to much,
Give me a pail I will fill it with water
But bringing it back you would never trust,
It's a lot of work but in the end,
I know you'd still secretly take a drink, my "friend!"

I told you everything I know,
Yet safely-at arms length-your gifts bestow,
I guess in the end it's no surprise
It was me who was telling all of your
Modern lies.

Emotions, words, ideas, feelings*
We live in a time period where
We shoot ourselves in the foot
Stating how a person feels.
This is it, we are all being mind
Controlled, forced into trusting
That everyone is perfectly fine.
This is your life now, if you don't
Feel everything is fine, you're
Completely out of line...
Good luck finding what is left of
Your actual rights, even in your heart.
They were on it right from the start,
When being in charge of your life
Meant saying what you don't believe,
Because you're no longer needed
So long as you are not what they
Now perceive as a beautiful thing
Because you don't fit in with the public's
Current popular day dream.

Sell out-and you will be a big "success,"
Don't want to become a living lie...? Goodbye...

Go to sleep...think of all the things you can not see,
These arms that for all time will never again hold me,
These dreams mean nothing. Wake up, you're alone,
Think of being in a fun place rather than an empty home,
Go to the store...you're alone at the front desk, even here,
A crowded counter but no one can really serve your needs,
Alone in all the things you do, alone and never free to be,
Alive but only breathing, isolated as on a desert island...
This is the new age we live in, lab rats in metal cages,
Fed to the point we'll pop won't make life any less bland.

Welcome to my small world...and ironically, *I am better off alone!

Would you attend a half-time funeral
Near the oak and pine branch at the cemetery,
Floral bouquet in hand, the last stand,
For the fool carelessly sitting there in the light
Of dark? Sorting through old newspapers,
Cigar in their mouth, unseen by such
That they remained happily in front of
Live TV watching the 7:00 news, amuse,
A vague smile, broken down besides
The window pane of a thousand tomorrows
Yet to come that never will. Piano dusty, keys musty.
You will see them at the "final hour of waiting,"
All come, when they finally reach you at full
Speed, to every end, to the same place you already
Arrived at in the light, and found the truth
Is not anything mystical or meaningless,
It's ironically simple, life is simply life.

Nikki*

You are a feeling,
Always present, a spectre,
A mere memory, once so
Vibrant. You feel like an
Empty spot in my very being.

Once there was joy and life,
All that is and was and
Will be is now bitter-sweet,
Tossed in the smoking fire.

Nothing but your number
Your name, your eyes,
You are a space where once
Was hope and care and peace,
These things burn up as well.

I gave up, and cast your memory
Into the fire, you will always be
Nothing but the smoke that climbs
Into the air and nothing else.

Go ahead
Leave me in the dust
To rot and rust
I am what I am, there is no denying,
I'm "not the one to trust!"
Give me over to the *wolves,
Don't help me lift the weight,
I grow "weaker" daily, while
I lift it on my own, *my soul "I sold."
How you gave it to me then let go.
I don't need others there to help me
To even do good things, I carry on
Alone, this is my battered tiny home,
But it keeps me here alive and well,
Still I scare others, garish scars
I must have been to hell! I got what
I deserved? Of course when you see
The real "me for myself," I am a fool
For "all can tell..."

*Place me over the spikes and let me
Figure it out, what's the matter?
It can't be so hard...!

Tonight, I put my best foot forward and failed,
My poetic flop, who cares, I guess it's better
To get 6 views in 17 minutes than 19 views in 15 seconds,
But who cares? No one is on right?
So what if I stink more the better I write?

Forever consumed in fire and death, our lives are filled with fear,
Listen to the war general, he'll stop the bad guys far and near,
Do you hear me calling? I have the answers! He shall say,
But listen to me closely, fools will follow him each day.

The bullets you use shall once again be trained upon your head,
Your body will be lifeless, listless, once they find you dead,
But follow the wartime dreamers! They have found the way,
They will keep our paths clear, keep violent terrorists away.

I've done my best and at any rate I've gone and shared my views,
That wartime efforts and it's strife has long time been abused,
But people will never learn, and on they will "make a change,"
One that's "good," one that's "needed," but they are actually insane.

Insanity-doing the same thing over and over each year, each decade, and expecting different or better results over time.