I normally like to write poetry
When someone just might read,
I normally like to feel wanted
When all I really do is dream.
So who cares what I think,
This poem will be short lived,
But that is because I guess we all
Know I STINK...

Well, I guess for this poem I deserve an E!

You know the hardest thing I ever had to do,
Was realize no matter what I ever knew
I would never make sense to you,
Now my words are very few
And what else is new?
My time is due,
Social ruse
I will lose,
I am

*~Through~

Here I stand, a joke, the laughter in my ears,
From everyone who tells me I'm just another of
Those loser queers. A mockery, a beast,
Just an animal to say the least.
I can see when I'm not wanted, don't
Know how many times they've called
My name. Can tell when I've been
Spotted, been lost time and time
Again.

So I sit still, a vagabond, a little over-shocking,
Less and less come to my door, and almost
Always theirs a knocking. I can't recall who
I was, a blurry face in the crowd.
Now I'm always here because, I stand
Out in the misty shroud. I can never be
Heard, yet all can say my name.
Always the loudest booming voice,
Even if I'm "extremely plain."

And so I ask the world, why am I still here?
I've got no one who understands my needs,
No not one far or near. I guess in time I'll
Disappear like everyone knows I should,
Though if you have an itch you'll scratch it,
Even if they find out, like I always know you would...

There was once a man who's hands were stained with oil
And at church he was taught of being kind,
How it's wrong that men are enslaved and toil
And that God frees all slaves in time.
But he wouldn't give to the poor
-And never found a reason to ask why,
Then he stole gold from the land as never before
And enslaved the lands peoples lives.
But there was once a man that aimed the slaves be set free,
He would speak out in order to save the slaves
And he'd fight for their victory
So that Africa's heart would be saved.
And never ever was the tree to have life again
Until Africa's heart was set free,
He must free the lands people then
From sea to shining sea.
And never ever would the spirits thrive again
Until he led her people to overcome,
Her children must be given life once again
Africa's children must be given our love.

If I had a dime for every blank picture I drew,
I'd be the richest man alive, my feelings etched
And the pain still fresh and new. I'd give up on
Art or photos or music just to work 9-5,
But it wouldn't change me the same way as
Being different, one of the eccentric guys.
I've been a dreamer for years and years, and all the
"Real winners" just watch sports on the couch and
Drink beers! If anything this would seem like a down-
Grade to those in the past, how we make what they call
"Disney magic" last, but it's our right to be a slob,
To ruin our language with "ain't that car a beaut, Bob?"
But sadly to say the real harm has already been done,
And when it comes to paying the piper,
The ignorant gold diggers will be amidst the chosen ones.

Jimmy Dean, Breakfast Frill,
Bacon and Chorizo-an' just put the Griddles on,
Ya know-the Waffles are almost done...

I never meant to hurt you, I always
Try and try. But my tears fell
On and on, That day I withered and
I died. You must know by now,
If all I say is I DO, That I need
Your hand in mine, for I do
I DO LOVE YOU...
I feel something hurt you,
But I know I don't Mean to.
I will fill your life with
Rabbits and sweets because
That is what would please you.
Don't forget I do feel this way,
Every day. I don't feel my emotions
Very well any more...I always cried.
I can't really cry much.
I will still be there for you-
Through ALL the years.... sigh.
It will last forever. I will see
You soon. I see you meant no harm, to.

Over and over,
this smooth sound is going through one
ear and the other, the settle sound
of the rushing of blood
flowing through my ever shedding,
ever alleviating body, by nature? NO.
Still accompanied by the "truth," my human
parts being made without molded clay,
all of them free now, a part of something many
find "naughty."
You can find similarities in the mountains,
in the various hills arches, like the back, the neck,
the lift of the full volume of your chest,
You reach for the toothbrush, the comb,
ashamed; your hair in tangles, of the teeth that decay,
though one time you shall see how the
chest is so filled with pain. Nevermind.
We all don't care about that pain until it happens that
eventual day. This human body made "without perfections,"
it continues to smell, to pleasure or suffer, to be hungry,
to find itself wrapped up in it's sole need for ***.
We must remember to be clean for inspections.
No exceptions, no matter what is being said.
It will keep clawing, keep scratching, until it finds it's
way out, once it escapes it's metal cage.

I thought it was over too soon,
The rain pulled the jacket back
Slick pouring out over my head
The letter rain drenched, ink flows
All across the colors blend, drops of
Rain splotched purple and black,
And your eyes telling me of lack,
But it wasn't over. The sound of wind
Rushed through the trees, carried your song
Across fields, through streams and valleys,
As though it could forever go all along
Whistling in with the rhythm of the driven seas,
Chanting with the birds across the way,
Waves channel it through earth and stone
And cracks between the gorges and cliffs,
Telling me it was going to be hard, alone,
Still not entirely certain that we'd fit, the light dim,
Further on the faded light and rushing waves,
Rain pouring until sundown, and a foggy mist sets in
In the sky just beyond the hills in lovely grays.

Whatever I do, however far I try to go,
There is always darkness, my life is
Restrained, nothing but a fading rainbow,
And there is nothing that changes,
Searching for a sign, I follow
What my dream says, and lose all track
of keeping in line...

If this life is just a burning candle,
Some stupid cliche' that just withered
And died overnight, if the burning torch
Will be there even after I have lost my light,
I don't care, you aren't here so now I live in despair?
So very distant, like a mist, a cloud in the empty air.

What I want to know, and what you will never say,
Is how each day gets longer the further you're away,
I reach out to touch, but my hands find empty air,
The only thing that I can feel is that you aren't there,
So I will make a difference, I will carry on in spite,
Shall keep on trying to make sense of this meaningless
Plight. And in the end I'll find you are just another you,
An empty face, a memory, yet for you I cry each night,
And I feel it would seem to me that that is all I ever do.

You are just so small, your voice so strong and smooth,
I feel I could tell you anything, you keep me in a dream,
Your short hair, your pig tails, your face just like the moon.
All I can say is that you're such a gorgeous unique being!
I'd lose myself here and now, take the pill and try to forget,
But everywhere I turn I see your beady starlit eyes,
And it's an addiction, though we've hardly ever spoken yet.

And so I must do what I always do, pretend to be a miracle
Worker, and hope I can at least make a change,
Each hour, each day, each moment that I'm so unsure,
I hope wont be the same, so strange, so some day
This will all be far away,
And I will hear you calling from a distance,
And go into a dream and there I'll stay.

All of the sparkle and sweet
And joy in the world is like
Any pain killer,
It's wrapped around all of
The endless misery and fear,
But still it's no way out for life,
Empty space filler.

I am forever yours, before all time is done
I am the one who's there, cause my heart you also won,
I am the one who dreams, for dreamers cannot die
I am the one for you, so please remember my eyes

You were the one I chased, and always know I need.
You are the wishing daisy, and I pick off every leaf.
You will be in my prayers, your spirit's still my home.
You will be in my thoughts, no matter what they know.

I am still the raven, and waiting for my crow.

I may be onto something new,
I put it all into everything I'm told (I'd) do,
But always in the end you stand there
Telling me where I have been, where
I intend to be, and then that I will never be
Free. Should have been careful from the start,
Though in life we are all walking in the dark,
You had to put up with my bitter judgement,
While I had to give you my second
-Yet very last red cent.

And still you say I complain to much,
Give me a pail I will fill it with water
But bringing it back you would never trust,
It's a lot of work but in the end,
I know you'd still secretly take a drink, my "friend!"

I told you everything I know,
Yet safely-at arms length-your gifts bestow,
I guess in the end it's no surprise
It was me who was telling all of your
Modern lies.

My shoes lie
by the endless field
in dusty plight

You just stood there, arms at your side,
The playground filled with silence, you moved on,
Walking away, your dark hair, balding head,
I called out but you just left me there, left, gone.

You were always so gone, but even then I may confess,
It's psychology, did you intend to leave me there?
I was helpless I felt no one could save me,
I cried and cried and wondered if you ever did care.

My pain burst and the tear drops in my eyes,
But these were no ordinary fears, for some reason I guess,
You'd been there for only more than two years,
I think you put them into me, maybe you weren't the best?
Well the belt, the whip, the hate the pain, you always were
There for guilt trips and blame, was it all just me?

Such a dark person, perhaps you seemed to want us believe,
To trust you that this thing God was a man, that it's all "Pater Pan,"
Although Disney was racist, but that's hard for some to conceive.

I hear people worried about the floods
The fires, battling nature and what not,
Freezing and hail, Thunderstorms,
There are hurricanes and tornadoes.

No one knows if they can keep this violent,
Stagnant as well as risky way of life going,
If this is the end, I gotta tell ya, I for one...
*Am extremely glad if that's how it goes!!!

This world has always inspired
Many great things. Follow dream and
You get shown a love, you're
There to hear how the heart sings.
Voices echo on in the vast forever,
But this is still an seemingly
Empty abyss. How can one
Follow their love if you are here
At the front lines paying attention?
Why you keep track of everything,
What about natural affection?

One strange thing I've learned about
This world, is that dreams have
No value in the physical,
So they can manifest themselves
In all times and places.
All we need to do is watch and
Life will eventually fill in all
Of the spaces.



Still, after 20 long years without,
I can't seem to find a way to fly again
While your words alone broke my spirit
That day, never to return again.

Even a dream can't undo that damage...

We have our special song,
It's here in my heart.
I've played it until dawn,
As you well know, it's my part.
I play our song on the Piano
And our music is sensational.
Our song is a melody unlike others,
No one has written it but
US and it's called Soft Rain.
When I give you the note to our sweet
Song you will lose your built up pain.
And my love, ours is an undying flame.
We've flown up to the sun and touched it,
Swam to the oceans bottom and were drenched
By it, and thus from the sky comes soft rain.
I love you my dear and
I play it each year,
It keeps you fresh and in my
Heart-once more I'll Be near

It was it's own special season,
Of rainbows, of hearts of light,
Feathers of white gold, arrows,
It was a time of imagination,
Of freckles and of frolicking,
In the midst of fields of poppys,
Here I stood with but one with
Your name on it, in essence
Now I hold on to it for dear life,
Into the dark night I am now
Cloaked, so no one can hear
My cries, calling for you or anyone
From that time, that special time,
Of pine and sage brush, of birthdays,
Of life and of love, our time-of lunch pails,
This time when we all used to laugh
And run in the fields, ours was the sun,
The moon and the grass, ours was the
Flute, the painted face, bon-fires, walking the
Forest path, our time is no longer
That time.

Life is short-it's been 26 years-more like
Eternity.

The golden sunlight shone
Bright over the hill
As the wind fills the
Air with flower petals.
A single drop of dew
Falls onto a dandelion
Growing in a field
And settles.
I gaze deeply
Into your eyes then we kiss
Slowly, our hearts
Beating fast.
I take your hand
Walking onward in the
Grassy field as we go on
Forever, and we never look back.

Why do they still believe that from one beer
All light was made? Why give thanks to this one deity,
A being of drunken faith? Before all time I was convinced
they knew the way, but now I question more and more
the meaning of what they seek and why they prey.
Giving in to temptation is all too easy now, why I
Could find a thousand sellers selling people out!
Peddling to pushers, giving drugs in stores, why would
We need all this glitter giving THEM GALORE? They get
The beer glass over flowing, the cowboys in the stands
And the guns that shoot much better, made by drunken
Hands. So remember what I say, remember it if you will,
Simplicity is a virtue, for rich pockets it wont fill.

I was born in West Valley Utah on a Labor day,
My mother said she would take me there after May.
So we went there when I was around about eight,
And it was then that I got to observe the Great Salt Lake.
In all my childhood travels before I'd never known
Something that looked like snow but wasn't cold.
It just looked like sand and I was amazed I was told,
That sailing on this lake wasn't possible for boats.
But I'd seen where I came from yet couldn't make out
That this was by my birthplace, a great salt so pale,
Thus my knowledge of my dawn was brought about
That I was born by a lake one only dreams to set sail.

Here I am, alone.
Thank you for your time,
Next time, please tell me when,
Waiting for "Hell froze over" so I could
Have a friend.

IF I'VE NEVER DONE A THING RIGHT















Then what do you want me to write?

To You, Wherever You Are...
I am back home, but my heart is still torn apart! Where is your call, where is Your voice? That ring that I love that came from above, with you I could do anything I could ever dream of...

See you around,
Anywhere is best,
Wherever my love
Will ever find rest...

It's a lovely wish to be in your world,
I would fly high in my heart, if I could
Just be your special loving "girl".

I know it's been long, but how long it
Seems! It seems such a waste, If you'd
Just invite me into your arms embrace...

The sun in my eyes I look up and see
Into forever, I breath deeply
Pulling all the air in
Trying not to let go but it's leaking
I keep looking up-into forever,
The sky is a pale sapphire,
I keep trying to take in each breath
God teaching me, needle, getting even
-higher

Furious as possible,
He set out, avoiding each obstacle, seeking
An answer, stamping out all he would
That kept him from being able to
Be in question or be skeptical.
In the end if all went well,
She came down to him and let
him out of his minds cell.
He'd been rusting away in thought,
A lolling image sitting high in a loft.
Then but to any despite his anguish,
He couldn't explain how he got there.
Once he had a grand vision,
His life on the go, simple, peaceful
Without and within.
But there was this strange force that
Would never stop following him,
It was beyond a river, it 'let the fear in.'

Giving in to temptation was his new name.
She brought him vegetables on plate,
With a strange piece of meat that was quickly
Thrown away. But he ate it all in spite,
They turned him to the door, he said good,
Keep alive. You never know when they will
Come to take you away. A vision of a sort,
Is it worth taking a chance,
Setting wild, or rather to slow decay?

I curse that person angry as can be!
It is this version of which I can never
Be free. Yes I take nothing light,
Tossed aside without a chance because
He'd never fit in, he had nothing but lack.
Turning away, never to return or do
This ever again or be so, she and I made a pact.

One thing I know is that we're never going back...

One day I was thinking to myself,
After all the things I've been told,
I don't think that for the world I'd
Give up my dream, even to the death
I'll keep going until I get old.
If I told you what my dream was you'd laugh
or be angry at me, but then again,
Whoever understood me would be
Few and far between, and so this is truly
How my lonely struggle came to be.
Well, I guess I've said enough already,
or have I really?
The world is filled with people making a "change,"
shooting in war, violence, building walls, working
Too much, being alone in a corner, shades, strange.
"One day they will get theirs!" I say-but lucky for them,
They have a whole lot of padding and cushion
So they can just keep bellying up to the bar again
And again and again...

Life is that which is all
When set aside pain and
Pleasure, loss and gain,
Taking passage into a dream,
And finding the magic, in awe of
Everything just beyond the sight
And lose all fear and float into the light.

Success! Progress! The unfinished work of men now dead.
In life each day they lived to be the ones who always led.
Following each day-I swear I wont complain about rain,
The failing now are preached to by those who feel no pain.

They call them "men of power," they worshiped in their might,
Call upon the spirits that do modern science magic every night.
For those of us non-believers, we hold our heads down low,
Not a ***** word, for pity's sake! We're learning to darned slow.

So I am "successful," it plays on in my own mind.
In a while I will be dead, leave this short life behind.
The faithful are now martyrs, they give cash and "daily bread,"
For a common preachy answer from their "son that bled."

But what is success? Can I measure it in meters, in parts?
Can I tell a blind man that he needs faith to walk in the dark?
Or is it only true that we hold our heads up-even fight,
To find a hero that will die for us, instead of keep our sight.

Your hair is like white snow, filling my field of view
With this beautiful sky of clouds over our heads,
Up and on into forever they shall climb,
Bringing our imagined dreams to life we can't forget.

You sit upon the grass, your the only thing standing
Between loneliness, I feel a stab in my throat,
Like I cannot bring to words how I feel (the "M" word)
Before you find out what I really want to know.

You see, I made this song, it's about our kingdom
About you and me, my heart dances, I want to know,
Is there any place for this song bird who's sung,
If it is caged then where do all the notes go?

This is my special day,
Smack dab in between yesterday and tomorrow,
I see the example of it made known to me
directly forming in between myself and
the void that is space.
That will be my destiny you must have gave unto me,
and I guess I always owe you one great big THANKS...

Now, for the TOUR D' HELL, I
(some reason) must always get inside.

Going down...

Bo, the dog, I remember petting him,
And the old house, musty but the
Deck was my true haven for my heart,
Beaten up model cars my father
Painted into works of art.

The long driveways gravel, golf clubs,
Magazines, Time, Nat Geo, Hymns,
As well as a clay bowl in her hand,
And in the kitchen, sitting on the
Counter, the ocean filled with sand.

A tree was in the back I'd climb,
The odd-man-out wearing his feathered head
Dress was hidden by the closet door.

I remember you-so clearly-
Your voice, it was like
Bells ringing endlessly,
For miles. Your like a test,
One with a lot of trials,
But if I keep working on it
I'll find the center of
Your heart, though how
To keep at this for years?
I was on it once I saw you
From the very start.
I'd rather starve
Than forget
You.

From day to day, everyone seems to be a bit off,
Some sort of people seem to be the same,
All the time doing whatever is popular enough,
Looking for a political or religious symbol to blame.

Me? I'm trying to make sense of all of this,
Why with one little prayer a man can be pure,
Somehow his imagination sent us to hell, we are fewer,
I tell you it's not right, and you label me an evil-doer.

A superstitious lot, aren't we all? Everywhere I go
I hear all of these people have saved us from hell,
From temptation in this boring, ******* up society,
I don't think they know how to make a change, a copy
Of a copy is still a copy, but me? I'm born to live free,
I can see, but I wouldn't give it up, even if I would be godly,
I would rather grow up to be the same old unique me...