what did i ever do
to deserve a woman
as cruel and heartless
my relationship with my mother
he grabbed you,
and hurt you
all too much
of him being
it isn't completely about you, sweetheart
i wish i could make it better
a house is not a home
my home is with those who love me,
and you clearly don't
i am leaving;
i will miss you,
but not enough to come back.
you are nothing to me anymore,
as i am done with your lies
i'm planning on leaving home soon so that's a mess
“Why are you here
Why do you lay in the darkness
Cold and half dead ?”
I was stolen
From the light
And taken into a cage of darkness
I was pleased to see my capturer eat
I watched as he tore meat
From the leg I used to call mine
He would sometimes take me outside
I always longed for the light
He told me that I should be grateful for
Waiting in the dark for him
Was worth it
If it meant we would have a trip outside
Where I lay by the stream
And bathed in the sun
“I control you”
He would say
“You cannot see outside if I do not exist”
Sometimes I would sit in the dark
Wondering if the outside was worth me living
Or if I should just let myself die
“Well, if you love the light so much
you let yourself out then?”
Only he can release me from my cage of darkness
There is a lock on the door only he has the key to
“My love, the lock he has told you that you cannot unlock
does not exist
He lied to you
You may open the door when he has left his guard
And take a step outside
To the light you long for “
Was it really that simple ?
Did the cage door really just push open at my touch?
Were my toes really pading on the grass already?
“Come to me my love
He has kept us apart for too long
Let me make love to you
As I do
Without his greedy eyes onlooking
And greedy hands being a part of our *******
You were caged by him in darkness
But he does not own the light
He does not own me
For you can have me when you want
You can have ecstasy when you want
Without having to be put back into his darkness ever again “
The day you left us
Was the day I lost my mother
I am told to have faith
But you let him in
To have faith in you
Would be to have faith in him
& I can’t take a leap of faith
Off a bridge that’s been burned a long time ago
She was out there for five hours.
Walking. Probably running. I don't know.
She had a backpack on that entire time.
She ended up at a Wawa.
Funny that they call it that.
She had a friend pick her up.
Then she stayed with them for some time.
Her parents texted her, of course.
Saying things like "we want what's best for you."
While at the same time saying "why do you have to cause drama?"
It infuriates me to no end.
Her grandma came to pick her up.
She's pretty supportive, I guess.
But there hasn't been a text back since.
And I'm worrying all over again.
I had panicked at first.
Started shaking, almost cried.
I felt a subtle shiver in my neck, somehow.
Sweat-coated hands are irritating.
I guess I calmed down, but
I didn't know what to do or say to her.
Not like I can do much right now anyway.
We're miles apart, after all.
I'm scared she could go back.
I know neither of us wants that.
They'd berate her again. Call her a disappointment.
And other insults that I just won't say.
I just hope wherever she is, she's safe.
I hope her needs are met, and she's okay.
Sometimes, the worst outcome creeps into my mind.
But I push it back, because somehow, I'm still hoping.
I love her.
i think i was just used
my mind abused
for ****** gain
and personal strain
he's a good friend
or was rather
now i'm starting to think
i don't matter.
someone manipulated me last night...
what silly things are boundaries,
imaginary lines that tell people what they can and can't do.
i can not tell you what my boundaries look like,
for i never had them.
i was a child of use,
every aspect of me was someone else's.
so when my therapist decreed boundaries as my way to light,
as my ticket to mental health salvation,
i did my best.
it was pathetic really.
please don't touch me,
i said in the nicest most placating way i could,
i just don't really like it.
i tried and i failed.
for a child who was so used to achievement,
this failure hit me hard.
it was pathetic.
what was pathetic?
how easily those who were supposed to listen to me,
steamrolled that whimsy little fence i called a boundary.
they annihilated it,
dropped a metaphoric nuke on it with their sneers and greed.
no war is ever won in the first battle though.
so i will keep trying.
this is goodbye
I'm not a joke
I'm **** of your rants
stop telling me this lie
you dont love me
you love what I do for you
as long as I am
what you want me to be
...i cant do this anymore
i cant bottle my feelings
hide in my room
just to avoid going into war
I have to leave
i need to find my wings
and finally be able to breath
if i stay here
im gonna lose myself again
and see someone else
in the mirror
Eyes bloodshot from hours of crying
stomach acid burning
my hair a messs ... I stopped trying
I will get better.. I have to
this isnt living ,its existing
but if this is what you want
then I wish the best for you
why is it when Im sad you're glad and when I'm glad then you're mad?