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All along I
was grieving
me,

I thought
I was grieving
our love.

I was trying
to find me

But I am
still healing
because of
the abuse,

I'm still
terrified
of marriage

I'm
terrified
of being
controlled.

I'm terrified
of life some
days,

So lately old
wounds have
resurfaced.

All rights and
Copyright belongs
to ©BSM

5-21-21
I thought I
was healed from
these wounds.

I do want to heal
from this because it
still scares me as
it's hard for me to
trust.

I still feel trapped
in a cage in marriage
I know it's the bad I
went through it scares
me and it's normal to
feel that way.

Marriage isn't
supposed to
feel like your
trapped at all.

Keep me in your
prayers and others
like me that struggle
with this today because the struggle is real.

Healing trapped
still healing marriage
terrifies me because
it wasn't a marriage
it was control and
abuse emotional
abuse I write to
heal.
A single mother in desperation of financial stability and love,
dances from one manipulative man to the next

Each leaving her a little more broken
and killing off what little hope her two children have
for a father-figure to love them

Finally, she settles for a man whose words are sharp like knives
and creates shackles on her ankles

Expectations for a son give her two more daughters and finally a golden baby boy
Rampant favoritism for the new three breaks down the two eldest until it replaces their once eager-to-please hearts with hatred

Both battered with harsh words and threats until tears dry up and eyes hardened to combat the pain

Every adult near turns a cheek to every cry for help
and each plea responded to with punishment

Tongues scarred from biting back words
and faces turned slack to let the insults run off like water

Unhealthy coping mechanisms flourished
Starting far too young and soon
from toxic boyfriends for themselves
to cutting away the pain
or trying to end the pain altogether with a final act

Though no bruises marked the two eldest,
their scars and wounds ran deeper than flesh and bone
You will rise again

You have been beaten down

You have been abused

You have been torn down

You have been told you were nothing

You have been told you can’t do it

You are plagued by residuals

You are tormented by demons

You are tortured by nightmares

You are attacked by PTSD daily

You are reminded of it all by your scares

You are so tired of it all

Yet you survived all of it

You continue to live each day

You continue to smile

You continue to thrive

You continue to overcome

You continue to be strong

You continue to rise

© Seductive Poetry

Spoken Word Version :: https://youtu.be/xGzGQ-8tSGM
LannaEvolved Dec 2020
Everybody tells me to forget
But when I hear the song in your voice
I just can't get away from you
The feeling begins anew
That's how it was when we first met

Lovin' your skin was more important
Felt the tip of your tongue
When you had me all wrong
Even in your death
I've got life in my palm
But I just can’t get away from all these memories  

Every time I close my eyes
I wake up in a Paradise
Wishing someone else was here tonight
To push my desires
And carve out my dreams
To match the life  
I've been waiting for

There is no medicine for this kind of treatment  
Your face is one big memory
Your brain is like a eulogy split
into
All the things you've done
And it won't leave my mind

Your ghost is haunting me
But now it’s telling me that all we had
is dead

I wish for everything
To go insane
So I can rest my brain
Stay in bed
What you made me do
Was too much for you

I was too good to you
But it's not over yet

As this dream scene makes me
see all the things you've done
Once haunted by your darkened melody
All over again


I'm not here to stay in your waking mess
Not mesmerized by your burning soul
Your eyes so cold and alone
Even when I get to heaven
I know

Gratitude defines the truth
in My soul

I got out of that void a long time ago
Now waiting on the other side

Maybe one day I'll find him
People ask me how you live on
I tell em when you find true love
It lives within your blood
It lives it does not move on

Everytime I close my eyes
I wake up in a Paradise
Wishing someone else was here tonight
To help my desires come to life  
I've waited for so long

And all I can do
Is be true
Knowing you once made me feel
Alive

My heart has mended the wall  
And I won't stay to try to convince it to feel something else
That is inauthentic

As this dream scene makes me
See all the things you've done
Once haunted by your darkened melody
All over again
My standards have become all the more honest  
And I just can't wait to get away tonight
The past is only significant in that it provides the important opportunity to help make us stronger and resilient as well as to prevail in times of struggle and distress both emotionally, physically, and mentally to overcome what we go through as human beings
Sydney Dec 2020
You were a cancer
Unknown
Slowly breaking me down from the inside out
Leaving me much more damaged than imagined

I’m sorry
I won’t do it again
I was wrong
You were right
I will be better
I can be better
The only sentences that were allowed in my vocabulary

As we know, cancer has long lasting effects
And here I am
Still shrinking when I feel like I’ve done something wrong
Preparing myself for hurtful words when I feel like I’ve disappointed someone.

You were a cancer
Unknown
Until you found another to break
Sydney Dec 2020
She was full of life with a hunger for adventure.

Everyday she traveled to the ends of the earth to bring you back all of the happiness that you needed to sooth your racing soul.

But no matter how treacherous the journey, she always persisted, she would never let you down.

But as each day passed, each journey got harder and each time she returned, more exhausted than before and the happiness and joy that she wanted to share with you was never good enough - no matter how hard she tried.

Each song that she showed you, you said wasn’t your taste

Each accomplishment she was proud of, you were less than impressed

Each smile was never quite bright enough

Stomach not flat enough, hair not soft enough, kisses not sweet enough, each blink not quick enough, each breath not shallow enough.

Her mind was never sharp enough to keep up with your greatness.

Because you were royalty, the ruler or all, controller of time. But that is only how you saw yourself. The rest saw you as a crazed puppeteer trying to control the uncontrollable.

Which is quite the feat,
but you cracked the code.

Tell me,
How do you control the uncontrollable?

You break what isn’t meant to be broken until the point of being unfixable. But you fix them and break them like a record on repeat.

Showing them that you are the only one who can fix it, but like god you can take it away

So the girls who dreamt about falling in love walk on eggshells each day as to not **** it up.

To spare themselves from the verbal berating of
“i’m the only one who will ever care”
and the
“no one will ever love you like i do”
and the best of them all
“no matter how hard you try, you are and will never be good enough.”

When a lie is told too many times you believe it to be true.

Forever the ball and chain on the ankle keeping them grounded when the winds of someone new would come by.

Because who wants a girl who is damaged?

The instructions are shredded and in a language I don’t understand.

People come and they go, fixing and tweaking, leaving and taking parts along the way.

Forever a mismatch, an unmatched sock that you just throw out.

But someone, somewhere will help her understand her unreadable instructions
Larissa Frost Dec 2020
Bring out the sage
Pour on the bleach
I’m cleansing my soul
And cleaning my feet
Brushing my tongue
To rid the taste
Of your lies
Stuffing pockets
With the sound
of my cries
Rearrange my life
Clean out my purse
All because of
Your candy cane
Curse.

               -L. Frost
Renae Dec 2020
Remember me?
It wasn't that long ago, was it?
I was so carefree
I would shine like sunlight
staight through the trees
Dance like a rainbow across
the sky
No fear of, "who am I"
I could be anything
No fences hold me
I will travel the world
I will sing from balconies
I will tackle any mountain
I will swim the 7 seas
I am not gone
I remember me.
Larissa Frost Nov 2020
Set the boundaries
Ease the pain
Life will go
Much better they say
Easier said than
Put into place
Cause when I did
His hands rose to
My face.

                    -L.Frost

“They” have never lived
        with a narcissist.
Larissa Frost Nov 2020
You lured me in
With your compliments
And trapped me with
your lies
I could never please you
No matter how I tried
The day we tied
The knot to hell
I saw the evil twist
And some years later
I ran
To escape
Your
      Fist.

                       -L.Frost
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