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you hold my hand under the
yellow light of a baptist church
praying to no god:
narcotics anonymous.

you introduce me but it doesn't feel like i'm yours
our clasped hands break apart as
a fifth marlbolo black slips
between your lips.

murmured conversations
secret promises
drift back and forth:
and my apparition
waits in the tepid
night.

i shift back and forth
through the golden amber haze: i could
lean back into the dim scraps of pavement
and no one would notice a thing.
this is going to be a series of poetic memoirs about an abusive relationship i was in a few years ago. i'll have tw in tags but it's mostly the occasional reference to SA and stuff like that.

also idk why but re-reading i just imagine someone with five cigs in their mouth at once LOL
Dresden Apr 8
just as the braces of an adolescent teen bend and mold through force and binding
as does your love for me
Aspen Apr 3
“You are gaining weight”
“I do not care about you”
“You are just like your mother, her side of the family is messed up”

Would you maybe, like to reconsider what you just said?
I hate to admit it, but your words cut deeper than a knife
I’m trying so hard, but they are getting to my head
Maybe reflect on how your words are ruining my life
How I grew up hating myself, wishing I could be someone better instead

They say that family is important, that bonds are important
But I’m starting to reconsider
That maybe family is not the blood that runs through my veins
Or the group of people that share my last name
But it is a group of people where I can feel enough
I’m starting to reconsider
Whether I should stay by your side
Because yes, you do provide me with food, shelter, and the necessities of life
I walk on eggshells, reading your jawline for intentions of strife
You may be family but you should know
If you do not reconsider your actions, your own family will become your foe
Day 2 of the poetry month challenge! Prompt: Reconsider. TW: Emotional abuse from family members. But yeah this was a hard poem to write. It was a vague prompt and tbh I felt pretty anxious going along with this idea. It's hard to open up to people about this, since I've always been told to stay quiet about what is happening at home, so I'm not used to talking about this. Sorry for the dark topics for the first two days, I promise that lighter poems with pretty imagery will be coming this month!
Your that black
smoke...

Puffing
into the
environment,

Making it
unhealthy.

Your
devilish
way,

Became
a dance with
life and death.

Drowning my
heart in your
BullSh*t.

Your devilish
ways became
a balancing
tight rope,

To not fall
to my demise
of playing russian
Roulette with
my life.

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Copyright belongs
to ©BSM

2021-8-1
Dark poetry
brokenhearted
Abuse emotional
abuse.
Jagged kiss
ripping my
heart open,

You ruined
that happy
home.

I am that
run away
bride,

That runs
from dating
commitment
and marriage.

I want
nothing
to do with
marriage.

Your that
jagged kiss
I run from.

I'm happy not
being controlled
living my life
in peace.

All rights and
Copyright belongs
to ©BSM

2021-8-1
No interest in
Marriage comment
dating abuse survivor
emotional abuse Survivor.
I was never
difficult to
love,

You just
couldn't accept
your scars and
wounds.

And you
couldn't accept
your mistakes
as your own.

So I was
difficult for
you to love
because you
couldn't love
you.

You couldn't
heal your,

Selfishness
hatred or past
pain you just
blamed me for
your scars.

So I was
never difficult
to love because
I would of did
anything for
you...

But being
with someone
I'm not killing
myself,

And feeling
trapped no I
won't do that
anymore.

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Copyright belongs
to ©BSM

2021-7-20
Never change yourself
if they cannot accept
you move on walk
away that isn't love.
You wanted
to control
everything...

Treating
beautiful
human
beings,

As your
property and
possession.

Crushing their
spirits to feel
powerful.

As if they
were a helpless
bird trapped in
a cage.

And now
you've lost
that power.

Because what
is ment to be
free cannot be
caged up.

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Copyright belongs
to ©BSM

2021-7-20
My sweet souls abuse can
be done to men and to woman it is on both
sides it happens.

So if she abused and hurt
you heal and know not all
woman are abusive and cruel like that,

And if he abused and hurt you heal knowing that not all men are abusive.

Save yourself
before you lose
your life.
You would
of loved me,

If I was
your corpse
bride.

If I treated
you like Sh*t
as you did to
me.

You would
of loved me.

If I was as
dark and selfish
as you.

But I'm
not a corpse
and I'm not
selfish,

I'm too caring
and forgiving
and strong.

To be selfish
like you.

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Copyright belongs
to ©BSM

2021-7-20
Dark abuse
Emotional abuse
Abuse awareness
You stroked
and played
me,

As drowning
teardrops choking
for air to breathe.

I was the strings
of your fiddle 🎻
to your games.

You played
me and stroked
my strings,

Making me
drown in
melancholic
teardrops.

All rights and
Copyright belongs
to ©BSM

2021-7-20
Dark poetry abuse
Emotional abuse heartache
All along I
was grieving
me,

I thought
I was grieving
our love.

I was trying
to find me

But I am
still healing
because of
the abuse,

I'm still
terrified
of marriage

I'm
terrified
of being
controlled.

I'm terrified
of life some
days,

So lately old
wounds have
resurfaced.

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Copyright belongs
to ©BSM

5-21-21
I thought I
was healed from
these wounds.

I do want to heal
from this because it
still scares me as
it's hard for me to
trust.

I still feel trapped
in a cage in marriage
I know it's the bad I
went through it scares
me and it's normal to
feel that way.

Marriage isn't
supposed to
feel like your
trapped at all.

Keep me in your
prayers and others
like me that struggle
with this today because the struggle is real.

Healing trapped
still healing marriage
terrifies me because
it wasn't a marriage
it was control and
abuse emotional
abuse I write to
heal.
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