the walls are stretching
for miles on end
i can feel my body
on the bathroom floor
while my mind starts to ascend
my body’s feeling is nothing
my arms are shaking
i try to find my medicine
but i just get ****** back in
can you please give me something
that could ease my mind slowly
just take this drink and you’ll feel better
just fill the void and you’ll get better
just smoke this joint and it’ll be better
you keep telling me
that it gets easier to deal with
but does it ever?
self medicating is not the answer
i remember feeling the hard lump in my throat
you told me everything would okay
but i couldn’t bring myself to believe you.
For months, i was a different person
but with the same face, hair and name --
a name that quite frankly,
didn’t feel like mine.
That part of me was ripped away
and torn to shreds.
Because the me you used to know,
had to swallow and medicate to feel even a
little bit okay.
The medication made it even harder
to pull myself out of the dark and
rip off the covers.
It took a long two weeks to get
used to the feeling of being a living zombie,
only to have to strengthen the dose.
Afterall, you can’t medicate a broken heart
and no amounts of sertraline
can truly take away the thoughts in your head.
Thoughts of a better life,
with no more hurt and acceptance.
But then you come back
and rid me of any chance i had
of getting away.
i don’t remember the last time i truly
felt like myself.
i look in the mirror and see me,
but it’s not me.
it’s the idea of what i could’ve been,
the idea of who i could’ve become.
But that idea will never be me,
and i don’t want to medicate anymore.
I'm addicted to a life
I'm trying to quit
and get hooked on living.
Inhaling clouds of smoke each day
My head feeling ****** up
Wondering why I always see *****
When I look inside my half-empty cup
Want more than bottles and grams
Than band-aids, pills, and glue
I'm searching for peace; a permanent fix
That heals, not covers up, pain in me and you.
And just like medicine you are my cure, but the more of you I take, the more determental my health becomes
I no longer medicate myself to the thought of you.
Self medicate, while we sleep we let the night chase evil things away,
Burst into flames,
Scream in the dark
I'm gonna light up this place
And die in beautiful stars
Meds for depression.
They make me feel numb,
make me lack expression
I need someone.
I need something...
just to take away the pain.
Nothing helps anymore.
I thought of everything.
But how do I fill the void that was meant for you?
but you're not.
I don't know what's real anymore.