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Jenie Oct 7
I'm telling you that's it, I quit!
A year on now I weigh a ton,
drinking my way out of this pit.

Hotel meals with a book I sit,
a woman on her own must be fun...
I'm telling you that's it, I quit.

Day after day sleeping a whit,
puff in the lungs and pulse on the run,
drinking my way out of this pit.

Monday drive bawl or afternoon fit,
abusing I yell before the sun,
I'm telling you that's it, I quit.

A ring and a promise, we almost split,
I never home or seeking to stun,
drinking my way out of this pit.

I will admit I learned a bit.
Of colleagues and business I knew none.
I'm telling you that's it, I quit
drinking my way out of this pit.
My first job, almost 15 years ago, spending the weeks in hotel rooms, flirted on I learned to bring a book. Unable to sleep, stressed out, crying in the car, eating too much, drinking, smoking, I started having panic attacks and quit after a year.
june ivy Aug 12
Went and got a tattoo just for the needle
See myself out of body, I don't need her
Spinning till morning
Looking at old pics mourning
I don't know why it's happening again
I thought I was done being broken
In and out like the breath from my lungs
Fast heartbeat but not from the drugs
Please, no
Another low
**** me slow
Ginger R Aug 7
I didn't realize this was
What it's like

Next to you
And you're trembling
It's quiet

You know,
Your boyfriend came to get me
Told me in a hushed voice
"[She's] having an anxiety attack"

I paled
I should've researched what to do
But I sat there
Next to you

He handed you a rabbit
I remember you giggled
When it tried to eat your necklace

It was quiet
Soft smiles and trembling
I couldn't help you
I didn't know how to reach you

I didn't know that this
This is what it's like
I've seen this

Deep gasping breaths for air
That doesn't help

(I have to go)
(I've had this)
(I had gotten worse)
(Panic attacks)
(Anxiety attacks?)
I feel like sobbing

It's quiet
You smile
We both pet the rabbit
You stop trembling
I don't.
My friend had a really bad anxiety attack recently and I just remember watching her and thinking "if this is really bad, then what are mine?"
Bee Jun 1
there’s a rabbit with moon hooded eyes inside of my heart
and every night she looks up to the stars
yearning not to break apart

my rabbit and i feel fine most of the time
but when she starts racing i cry
because my mind believes my existence is a crime

and my heart can’t take it
she thinks she must’ve stopped
so she relentlessly pumps
creating dangerous music; thud thud thud

and look! there goes my rabbit
thrashing around in my war torn lungs
creating chaos in case of catastrophe
because future battles must always be won
june ivy May 19
I try to tell myself everything I do is not for you
My life it revolves
The sun the stars the moon
I stand before the mirror trying to see myself clearer
Tears morph my body’s shape
Blurred like spilled paint
I whisper, “I hate you” as I stare at my face
I can’t breathe, so faster I try
Lightheaded vision, gagging, wanting to die
But the most I do is cry.

I drift lonely, lonely for you
You’re my depression, you’re my muse
Self hatred claims my compass,
So I follow it into the forest
And loathe your loving,
It infects me like fungus
Now I’m lost and scared
Inside my brain, you inject your lethal stain
I follow you on your path of wonder till I collapse
Exhaustion, pain, death, relapse

I idolize you and your flaws
How you seem so free
While around me forms a mist of misery
A clouded conscious with what I made you my life
Now I hate everything that I am,
And nothing’s right
Unmotivated, unsure
I allow you to engulf me; careless for a cure
I know what I’m doing but I don’t know who I am
Still on my knees I pray to you,
The blood slain of my own lamb.
My addiction to your presence has forced me to beg for more
I don’t know why I can’t end this war.
Heather Apr 25
First I feel it in my fingers and toes
The buzzing that grows
Grows into a quiver
From my thigh to my spine; a shiver

The pain of numb so few will know
Vision as black as crow
I trace my raised skin
What made the tingles begin?
Eleanor Apr 10
It hangs in the air.
It.  a poisonous cloud
heavy, smoke like, choking.
I can't.
It is dark,
It has captured.
It fills my head
fear, stop, numb.
I can’t think.
It has wrapped up my tongue,
controls my speech
slurred, empty, wordless.
I can’t speak.
It is in my eyes,
Dark, lifeless, scared.
It won’t let the word be seen.
I can’t see.
It has filled my chest.
It forces its way down my throat,
It pulls in my ribs,  
It claws at my lungs,
I can’t breathe.
inspired by the feeling of a panic attack or constant anxiety. Also related to numbness or depression.
Purusottam Apr 9
The wasted years — four years of my life
Demons of mind, battles I'd to strive
The poor choices and all my hidden fears
The mess of my life and unseen tears

Blue Eyes begin to strain and heart starts to race
Can't even face family, friends and a crowded place
Shivering body and a bunch of crazy thoughts
Tightened chest and heavy breathe, the drought  I'd fought

Finally, it's all  over wishing a happy new year
It's the end of 2018, the month of December
2019 — a new beginning I've been waiting for
2019 — a new beginning  I've been waiting for
It's in these moments of calm that I feel the most panic
These moments when the TV is on
telling me a detailed story of someone else's life,
these moments when I am the most distracted,
that I am also the most aware of what's happening inside my body
Inside my head
It's in these moments of calm that I am the most afraid.
IV.III.MMXX @ 17:23
kk Nov 2019
Not. Not not not. I’m scared. Maybe I need to eat (nauseous)
I don’t really want to. Don’t want to. Going the right way
Staring people are staring
At you
Looking at you.
At me.
I’m hungry. I’m not. It hurts
My chest is hard
Home. I wanna go home. It hurts
Panic attack? I’m not showing signs. Except I feel...
bad, terrible, exhausted, sick
Shortness of breath, heart palpitations
I’m not freaking out. Not outside
Not outside of me. Not outside so it’s not real
Not real. It’s not real
Slowly walking have to talk to someone prepare prepare lots of people

I acted weird. Was that my brand? No way
I got the masks confused again oh I /knew her/—
I want to go home
Do I have enough money? I’m gonna embarrass myself gonna take too long
Don’t wanna be here anymore. Sometimes living—no. I won’t go down that road
I’m not tired at all

Fresh air. OCD—-
I’m obsessing. Stomach’s gnawing, but I’m so sick
Looks like I was wrong,
You’re content, making—
It’s rumbling. I just need to eat, feel less
So treat me like I’m all yours
...treat me like I’m all yours
Sometimes I’d rather be just a friend
‘Cause they get all the attention and I barely get a thing
Maybe once you've had a drink
Them you might make a move
But that's not how I want it when I'm making love to you

I thought we'd get it on, looks like I was wrong
'Cause you're content making love to your phone
I could give you more, why am I fighting for?
'Cause you're so tired when, baby, I'm not tired at all
I've been feeling lonely lately
One more night and I might give in
Lust, it's just lust
So come on, put your hands on me
And show me how it's supposed to be, I'm yours

So treat me like I'm all yours
Just treat me like I'm all yours
Treat me like I'm all yours
Just treat me like I'm all yours
the song is “treat me like im all yours” by sasha keable. sometimes music’s the only thing keeping me from shutting down
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