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Lighter Jul 25
One of the hardest parts to hide
Is when people ask how I did it,
"Oh you look so great!
How did you do it?"
How do I explain that after dropping 25kgs,
That the way I did it, is not safe.
The I only eating when its been 3 days,
And I'm starting to get to dizzy
And I can't even think when it comes to work.
How do I explain that I have a war going on inside my head
That I told her, and it helped
But almost made it worse
Now I'm lying to her
I tell her I'm eating,
Even when I've lost another 2kgs
I'll tell her I'm fine,
That I'm doing okay
Just as long as she doesn't see my hands shaking
I'll hide my body under over sized tops
And I'll doing my make up just right
So she can't see how tired I really am
For now I'll hide
Because I'm not ready to give Anna up yet.
How can you contain a storm
Because I've tried all these years
I've deprived myself of all things
Just to keep my mind clear
It seems like it's getting worse
I can't help but be frozen with fear
I just wanted to build a snowman
But I have to miss it every year
For once I want to let go
Of these gloves, my mental chains
If I suppress it, it only grows
I don't want to hurt her again
I'm afraid of keeping this coldness inside
That it will stay and freeze my heart too
Alone and afraid, trying to maintain this lie
When was the last time I said anything true?
I'm afraid of myself most of all
How can I fit in this society?
When I cannot be who I am
Without remorse, rejection and anxiety
I'm afraid the longer I'm away from her
I'll lose my last bit of warmth
That I will soon be cold-hearted
Then I will never stop the storm
Emma Hill May 2018
Her bookshelf to the brim and bursting
With pages worn, and well
Remembered for the virtues
And husbands in the war

Fallen woman--fall, and women
Harvests sown and reaped
Moon of full, of wax, of
Her heart of Shadow's seed

Hand of diamond and of band
Ashes, ashes, dust
A love once lived and now, one
The pages' faces face us
And sages burn, away
First in awhile. Hello again
Kenley Elrod Mar 2018
Dear Best Friend,
Thank you for the happiness you've given me.
You've been the only spark of light in my darkness before,
and for that, I'm forever thankful.
You keep me smiling when I don't want to,
and keep me up when I want to shut down.
Thank you for not letting me shut down.

Dear Best Friend,
Do you even realize how beautiful you really are?
Your beauty, grace, and kindness shine through any trial put in front of you.
To me, you're just as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.
I love my beautiful best friend.

Dear Best Friend,
I'm almost done with my thank you, and I wanted to end it like this:
You've given me more than I deserve.
You've given me second chances,
and thirds when I can't seem to get it right.

You've given me the backbone I need to keep myself up,
a helping hand when I needed the support,
and an ear when I needed someone to listen.
You've been there for me through every heartbreak,
every cry, every tear, and every doubt.
You've been my saving grace.
You help me more than you know.

Dear Best Friend,
Thank you for all that you do.
I love you.
"Love" By: Anna Akhamtova


То змейкой, свернувшись клубком,
У самого сердца колдует,
То целые дни голубком
На белом окошке воркует,

То в инее ярком блеснёт,
Почудится в дреме левкоя...
Но верно и тайно ведёт
От радости и от покоя.

Умеет так сладко рыдать
В молитве тоскующей скрипки,
И страшно её угадать
В ещё незнакомой улыбке.



First, as a serpent, it’ll cast its spell
Next to your heart, curled up.
Then, it’ll come as a dove, as well,
Cooing for days, nonstop.

In the frost, it’ll show itself curtly,
Or in the drowsing field of carnations…
To escort you covertly and firmly
Away from all rest and elation.

In the prayer of a violin yearning,
So sweetly, it’ll sob for a while,
And how frightening it is to discern it
In a yet unfamiliar smile.

Translated by: Andrey Kneller
I do not own this writing nor do I claim to own this writing. This is a poem from another one of my favorite Russian poets if you haven't guessed her name is Anna Akhamtova. I did not translate this poem into English so sorry if the translation is off. But I love how she used her words to show how love is. Sorry that I keep saying the name of the original author but I just don't want to take credit for something that isn't mine.
Kon Grin May 2017

Keep your vessel shared,
Keep its match along the wind.
Sixty million thousand metres
Seem no job with people in.

Keep your heart shut open,
Keep its tempo up the beat.
Sixty seconds on a sofa
Are eternity with (pointing at myself)
The greatest Russian poet, Pushkin, worshipped the simplicity. Let me worship him.
Jade Melrose Jan 2017
I loved you. I needed you.
But I shyed away from your rays
Yet I saw you without seeing you
When I do force my eyes to stare
at the goldenness of you
your face is unfocused and
I am temporarily blinded
by the halo.
2 seconds.
That is the longest I last in direct line with your light
before I revert back to my wallflower state
A moss of hair falls into place
Always busy doing nothing
Your closeness warms me
The close proximity makes me shiver too
Too hot and too cold at the same time
I break into a fever
I feel too cold without your presence
but my cheeks flame when you are too near
I swear my mind is getting muddled
all I think about is how I get the perfect balance
of the distance between me and you
Though you scorch me
my mind convinces me I want you near
The closer I get the harder it is for me to breathe
My heart pounds impossibly fast
What is wrong with me?
Inspired by this line from Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, “He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.”
Tim S Aug 2016
If she read this,
She would know exactly what I mean.

Her ghost is all around me.
Her voice rings in my head.

Even though it seems our chance has passed,
I'll never forget her.
Anna and I were always poorly timed. For one day in the summer of 2012 we weren't. That one day was amazing. I always thought that we should have tried to be more. This was written after reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Fantastic book if you haven't read it.
liza Aug 2016
Your skin, translucent
Your shoulders are sharp
My little hands pulled out chunks of hair
when I tried to braid the frail pieces of breaking, brown strands
I hid them under your pillow to avoid your tears of frustration
Just another reason to say, “I’m so ****, so gross, so ****”

Black holes hollowing your cheeks
Red rose colored water lines
Blue green seaweed swimming through the skin over your cheeks
The deep darkness of the ocean swallowing your mind

Filling up your stomach with water
to make the scale read heavier for the doctors
Vomiting it up before the presence of hydration in your veins
could make you live an extra day

Your jeans went from a size double zero
to a baggy children’s size
Dinners out turned into a messy plate of cut up food
None of which was eaten

Ana gouged out your eyes and replaced them with ticking clocks
And walked your bony feet to the scale four times a day
What is left of your skin is painted in red and deep purple splotches
Breaking nails and yellow brittle teeth

Only Ana can speak the language you comprehend
But not even she could tell you, “you’re beautiful”
You only hear muffled underwater words of disgust
Swimming hazily in a sea of pretty girls made of bones
Breathing Hydrocodone to numb the hunger pains
Eating Xanax to bring them closer to death.
Anna Mosca Jun 2016

it is a revelation
not one cicada
sounds the same

a butterfly sitting
by me admiring
something I lose

myself on such lightness
I use to tell children
to stop and to listen to

the songs  of
butterflies as
they nodded back
This poem is from the collection California Notebooks 01
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