You made me happier
Than I've made myself.


F.Z.N

And I hope that she makes you happy
The way you once made me.


F.Z.**N

Never be happy,
Said the girl with blue hair
Because then you will become
Very very boring
And you will start to die.


-- Eleanor

I am happy for you.
And sad,
Very sad for myself.


F.Z.**N

We can either hate or admire
the people who have the talent we don't.


F.Z.**N

Hazel eyes on the bus
I looked for you,
You looked for me.


--Watercolour

Is your heart
In your chest
Or is your heart
In your head?


F.Z.N

Does your heart
Rule your ego,
Or does your ego
Rule your heart?

I once had a human heart
It beat right in my ears
Now the buzzing of a fly
Seems to have replaced
All the inner sounds
That were eating me
From within.

There is this girl
With cute tiny feet
And she once was my friend.
Now she's screaming
Writing a suicide letter
On ***** sheets.
Sheets I climbed into
Without guilt,
Without remorse,
Without emotion.

I said, "sorry I am poison.
I contaminated you
But you shouldn't have touched me."
I said,
"I try to live up to expectations
But most of the time I fail.
Most of the time I hurt me."

She wasn't listening anyway.
For her, I had ceased to exist.
For her I had no heart beat.

But I hope she can still
Hear hers.


F.Z.**N

I am tired of carrying my body.
It's heavy, really heavy.


F.Z.**N

I saw him today
He seemed happy,
He is happy, you know.
So I'm happy, too.


--Eleanor

I smile so wide and ask her about
her boyfriend, how he's doing,
how he's treating her...
She smiles back and says
that they love each other.

Don't get me wrong,
I'm happy for her, really.
It's just that it's so weird
to refer to you now as someone's
boyfriend when you used to be
the reason I was breathing.


F.Z.N

I am my flower's little one
The petals of she float
Reflect the silver lining
Of a lonely moon.

I am this flower's soft breeze
The petals of she shiver and shrink
Fly in the air
And go back to God

She goes back to God
And never to me.


-- Eleanor Rigby

Here's you and here's me.

Here's you happily living
Your life without me.

And here's me happily dying
In terrible poetry.

Here's you and here's me...
Here's you and here's me.


F.Z.**N

Your love for me stops
Where her lips begin.
My love for you lives
In every place we've been.


-- Eleanor

In every story there is a hero
Or multiple
And the God above,
Like a writer,
Picks his
Very carefully

The rest of us
Have got no miracles.


-- Eleanor

Darling darling darling!
I scream at your ear
Wake up and love me
Or at least
See me
For who I am
For who I'm not
Just see me
Anyway.

Darling darling darling!
I scream for hours
But you're still sleeping
And probably dreaming
Of her whisper.

F.Z.N

I met someone today and he was awesome.
He wore a leather  jacket, almost the same as yours.
He had a neat haircut but a funny beard.
Do you remember when
I used to always pester you
About trimming yours?
I did it all the time and you never listened.

Anyway, he told me a joke;
One that I've heard before and that still
Made me laugh like the world was about to end.
I think I know where I heard it the first time.
He also ordered your milkshake, I mean ours.
And smoked the same brand of cigarettes
You always did.

He was awesome because he took me for a ride
On his Harley Davidson and gave me his helmet
The way you always did.

He was awesome because he winked
At random girls and smiled at me
The way you always did.

He was awesome because he listened to the blues
The way you always did.

He was awesome because he reminded me of you.
Baby I think I still love you.


F.Z.**N

Circumstances are hinges
Where poetry swings.
They can open a door
To a million linguistic expressions
Or they can shut them off
**** them in the sore of your throat
But never mute the meaning of.
Meaning lays in the very state
Of furtiveness and nakedness
From which words, inner or external
Emerge.
When mine merge with yours
It's beautiful
But when feelings do
As ore as they can get
There is not a word
Left to say.


-- Eleanor

It's a historical day
And I am happy.

But without you
It means nothing to me.


F.Z.**N

You drilled holes on my skin
And peeked at my within.


F.Z.**N

I was hollow
And you filled me with sunshine
That I thought was going to stay mine.
But someone else now
Is demanding it.
And you're emptying me of it.
Life is giving and taking.


F.Z.N

Two seconds with you
Were worth a thousand years of sorrow.
In your eyes, I saw eternity,
Scarcely cared about tomorrow.

But now you're gone
And I've never been so hollow.


F.Z.**N

They called her lost
Because she was looking
For her home.

But those who never
Searched,
Were they ever home?


-- Eleanor

You feel safe, darling.
Just like home
When it's raining.


F.Z.**N

I went fishing everyday
But today I met you,
And it's the first time I learn
That eyes can be hooks, too.

-- Eleanor

you said
if life tries to sell you ****
pay it with roses

******* horseshit

It is in the very feeling of hurt
That I begin
To feel
Nothing.


-- Eleanor

Just when you're ready
To hurt me,
Avoid the heart.

-- Eleanor

With you I am myself.
With everybody else, I am a stranger.


F.Z.N

I can't replace you with a book
Because it tells the same story
Again and again.
Nor with a song
For most songs
Are only three minutes long.

I can't replace with another person
Because you are one of a kind.
Nor with anything
I can think of
Except your ghost.


F.Z.N

I can't sing,
Or play the piano.
I can't draw
Like you do.

But I love you.


-- Eleanor

What is your dream little one?
Said the mother to her son.

I dream that I dream that I dream
Of a light that will not beam.

What are your fears my dear?
Letting out a little tear.

I fear that the weather as warm
Will not melt the ice storm
I see in your eyes.


-Watercolour

I am icy cold
Because nobody handles
My liquid state.


F.Z.**N

I don't care that you left, you know.
All you took was my happiness.


F.Z.**N

How I ever stumbled across you
I don't know.
How I ever started to love you.
I don't know.

All I know is that there won't come
A day where I don't think of you.


F.Z.N

Distant lights at the horizon,
At the shore with longing;
Once a sail, a sail forever.

Hope alike the burning stars,
Afar, afar but dying;
Once a death, a death forever.

Dreams, vibrant with colours,
The real lacking indeed;
Once a grim, a grim forever.

And, you and I will never
Ever, ever, ever
Be together.


-- Eleanor

I have dreams that I once was
A free majestic albino peacock,
Jewellery trapped under a rock.
I have dreams that I never was.

I have dreams  that I once was
An old tree covered in snow,
Winds that took an eastern blow.
I have dreams that I never was.

I have dreams that I once was
A poor little drowning fish,
A silver ring left to tarnish.
I have dreams that I never was.

I have dreams that I once was
A lot of things and one thing,
But I never was anything.
I have dreams that I once was.


--Watercolour

I know her
That of which your heart is made,
That for whom it beats,
That for whom it bleeds.
She is forever scarred
Into your skin
Like a one-winged
Butterfly tattoo.
Your dream lays
Where she sleeps,
Where she breaths
Soft and neat.
Your passion lives
Where her attention
Is yours for hours
And you long for years
To trade her fears
For heavy tears.

And you long for her smile,
Her laughter
For only a short while.

But your pain expands
Where mine also does.
My shattered heart and I
Know you, feel you
For you are broken
Just like us.


F.Z.N

i left you because
my glass feels less lonely
than you.

i left you because
my drunken haze
didn't match yours.

i left you because
your soft voice was
heaven to my ears

and i always preferred hell.

i left you because
you leave me every night
and speak the name
of someone else.

someone skinned
deeper onto your skin,
someone you can't just leave
someone for whom you breathe.

i left you because
you always left me

and your fingers didn't feel like a lock
when mine were the key
they didn't fit in.

i left you because I love me
like ghosts on water
like ideas of forever

and you love me
only
momentarily.


-- Eleanor

Maybe these things happen all the time
And I haven't been seeing them


--Watercolour

But darling,
There is no such thing
As I love you goodbye.


F.Z.N

he wrote about
her and
made her
immortal.


-- Eleanor

Losing lovers,
Losing friends,
Losing everything I am.

How do I exist independently?


F.Z.**N

I never learned to care
Until I hurt you
I never learned to dream
Until I slept next to you
I never learned to desire
Until your lips met mine
And the sad part about it all
Is that you never learned
To hate
Until you met me.

F.Z.N

You are Tequila shots
In perfect desperado
Your days heavy and long

Your nights, sudden aislado.

I am wine glasses
In bittersweet nocturno
My days short

My nights, eternal inferno.

We always swallowed those notes
Like fire down our throats.


-- Eleanor

It's funny that once ink is skinned
it's pretty difficult to take it out.
It becomes hypodermic and almost eternal.

Could it be the same case
for the those who hurt you
carve a part of their memory
deep deep inside your bones
and make a wreck of you?

I don't know,
all that I know is that I want to destroy
everything that reminds me of those.


-- Eleanor

My bag heavy
With sanity
Slowed my steps
Before I dropped it
In the middle of nowhere
And started to run
Toward insanity,
Toward you.


F.Z.**N

In the light I am born
And in the light I die
But somewhere in the dark
I see your face.


F.Z.**N

there is something invisible
that lives inside us both.


-Watercolour