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I remember the first time I walk out with Helen oh so proud I was hand In hand we walked
of
to the park It was winter snow falling fast and laying
deep we sat and we stayed for while
Trees along the river banks
lined up like ghostly figures waiting to spring
from
the shadows so bitterly cold but we were young and didn't feel the cold at
all
But as I looked In Helen's beautiful eyes I knew there and then she'd be mine through
child abuse and
shyness
I
missed a chance to make her mine when I was much younger
Helen had gone
off
and married some guy In the Airforce but but he treated her bad made
her
ill then devorced her purely by chance after many years fate bought us
together
We fell love and soon after I married Helen she gifted me a son I'm so proud of him
his
mother two years gone now but he Is so much like his mother In every
way
When I first saw Helen all those years ago when she was a school girl who used
to
come down to my school and
tease us boys that all those years later she would become my loving
wife
Johnny walker Aug 29
The first ten of our twenty years together Helen had metal health Issues but Improved In those first ten years were
together
but last ten years became sadly Helen's disabled years In all that time as I was 24/7 carrer to her thought
I
knew all about pain but It wasn't till Helen passed on to heaven that I became
to develop osteoarihtis which was
only
one of the many things Helen had wrong with her but I realise her frustration In being unable to do the simplest of things most people
take for
granted  
and think It just a bit of pain have absolutely no Idea It takes away your Independence
your capability to make love to your partner and give those who suffer very poor quality of
life
Johnny walker Aug 19
Again I didn't sleep very well the pain of osteoarihtis bothing me there was a time when younger thought It was just old people complaining about a bit of pain how wrong could I
be
The pain and restrictions of things I can do never realised
how hard this could be those who don't have It Won't to pray they never do my wife suffered the
same
Now I have It myself I really know just how debilitating this can be Its starts to rob you of your Independence to do thing for yourself but It's so fusstrating Simplest thing one cannot do any
more
dandelion seeds
sprout bad memories
unwanted by wind
heightened downward spin
time again will show
how earth tends to sow
under leaves of weeds
unholy misdeeds
grow into mistrust
deflowered by lust
he deceives quiet well
broken petal hell
manipulated
and self-degraded
deep roots anchor tight
they cling onto fright
weeds want affection
willing infection
tainted damaged hearts
ransacked for their parts
left with only roots,
terror of disputes,
and alcohol now
so alas they vow
never, never again
they’ll forget the pen
that cleared the mind of
   their godforsaken love
strong weeds grow in the cities,
to be tainted by those who see
how broken they are.
But desperate for love they fall,
they don’t care about it all
not the pain, not the manipulation,
even if they see it, they just want to be loved

their dandelion fluff
turned to unwanted ****.
Johnny walker Jun 21
Sometimes even hate myself for just being me abused as a child gave me no confidence In
life I blamed me for years and punished myself time and again
through
self harm
but
why did blame myself for I did no wrong I would take razor to my wrist not
because I wanted
die
but as
punishment
and these's people who are caught and punished seem think they're hard done by but they have no
feeling
to lives that they destroy of the innocent victims who are forced
to live In shame they
not as they try to claim of being sick In there defence but pure
evil
Johnny walker Jun 15
I remember the way trees looked as we sat In the park holding hand In the middle of
winter
Trees that had been stripped of all the leaves lining up like figures on the river
bank
Ghostly figure waiting to jump out from the mist rapidly descending around
us
Almost as If they were watching and waiting while Helen and I kissed so sweet her
kiss
And the trees look on while two lovers embraced each other I believe they jealous
of my Oh so pretty
girl
Remembering the way the trees looked as I kissed and embraced my Oh so pretty girl
Comfort May 7
Alright, perhaps I'm listless

Drained, by my past now gone

So, please don't get ahead of yourself  

You won't find what you're hoping for

But I do hope you're not disappointed

I can only be who I am, to who I try to be



But if you so choose to go on with me

I hope you remember what was said from the beginning



Don't tell me that you love me
Because I won't love back
Don't tell me that you need me
Because I don't need that
Don't tell me that you want me
Because I'm on my own



So,  

When it all start to whittle

Remember every bit of what was said, every bit of it  


Yes, maybe I want to be by myself

Not wanting anyone else

But I'm not



For I truly hope you're not disappointed

I could only be who I am, to who I try to be

But if you so dare, to go on

Don't you use those words, those gestures,  

Or even make promises that hold no meaning to you

Because to me they will and once they do I hold on to them

While I'm easily crippled, to be repaired with side effects.

If I was to be honest I don't know either.
Based of lyrics Alone by Bazzi
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