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Jun 2020 · 393
Sweet
Leila Valencia Jun 2020
There’s something so beautiful in not knowing tomorrow.

Tomorrow could be everything great, or it could be ——- endless despair —————-

It could be death.

But tomorrow could be endless dreams manifesting into actuality.

And all is well.........

But you don’t know what will be. But don’t worry - why worry - you don’t have that much control.

Just laugh when you can.
Cry if needed
And treat yourself with the upmost love.
Take life easily.
Jun 2019 · 315
Even though
Leila Valencia Jun 2019
I loved him,
Even though I said, "no more"

Even though, I took a stand

I still love him

I see into him,
His desire
Awakened my desire
And my desire

Became our desires

But, a long distance away
A time away,
A thought (that became too many thoughts)
Too many thoughts, alone
Became fearful forces
That forced and forced to find pleasure

Yet, emptiness in this loneliness became the only outcome

Of being so far away
Gave positive contemplation
With the mixture of insane

...Over-contemplation

And still, I love him
I think I always will
I think, I always have
I have always loved you
Apr 2019 · 225
New
Leila Valencia Apr 2019
New
Sleepy spot
I swept these
thoughts

Out, I hear, out I feel near
Newest birth of a babe

How the joy of creation is alive
before my weeping eyes
beauty in a new born
Apr 2019 · 240
Fine
Leila Valencia Apr 2019
There is so much more to life than a glance
Yet
We feel small

Days
Disgusted, peeved, put off to no end

Days
life truly captures our heart
In a space of excruciating exhaustion
of, hopelessness

And then the world blinks its eyes open to hold us
Remind us, tend to us, guide us
And believe in us

Intuition arrive with a screaming
halt!

Whisper softly
caress our most intimate
heart
with assurance

unfolding
carefully
pleasing,

everything will be fine
Apr 2019 · 391
Bitten
Leila Valencia Apr 2019
The egde
of a smoke

It's tapped
Out -

I seize
a whisking night

That brushed me
cajoling me
like lemon berries
bitten under the moonlit star sky
the lustful bite that tests your heart + body
Apr 2019 · 392
Clash
Leila Valencia Apr 2019
Every turn, I take...

I felt the trench of heaving suddeness
I felt the simple rush, to rush

I felt a clash!
With wants, and following the flow
And no;
They are not aligned

One is sacrificing, one is true
And it's exasperatingly terrifying

To listen intently
Apr 2019 · 2.6k
Blue Depth
Leila Valencia Apr 2019
I turn my head to the most beautiful sight of all - the sapphire, green-brown, grey ocean.
(Breath In)

The thick blue ocean that rolls, churns, and glistens.
And the glisten slices, the glistening currents. The ripples that move the ripples that have no ending or beginning.
(Breathe Out)
_

Every shape, form, and structure captured in the liquid.
It smooths out.
It rounds out.
It rolls out, it crashes down.
It’s smooth clarity. It’s smoothness it beyond me.

Its beauty is truly found within its movement. It’s constant change, exchange between all forms;
Connections throughout,
Different experiences of the same object throughout,
And out and out.

I see this giant blue gulp, of sea of truly magnificent bodies of water held in a single space.

As I see the land overturn over:
In new shapes, colors, lengths, and everything that contrasts one thing to another

I just see so much brightness, dimness, and something that overturns into another.
,,,,
I can not believe this sea
How it makes that sound

And when nothing is around
It just profound,

How every jewel of the dancing ocean
is a collection of drops
connecting forms throughout
__

When I feel the truth of this beauty
I see,

the ocean, something I never created
It was there to touch us
To hold us
This ocean was made to believe in us.

Without realizing it I just fell into a deep sleep.
I fell into something so deep.
I felt the ocean's arms
embracing me
I love the ocean. This is my ode to the ocean
Apr 2019 · 302
Burnt
Leila Valencia Apr 2019
Im now 20,

and sympathize those in the same age category as me

----

The painful

insanely, mechanical yet dizzying push to be

--something --
titles, names, high status nothingness
Yet, we search

every corner we turn to
say
Is this it?
Security, Purpose, a treasure trove of possibility
find me - you - me - you see?
Did you land here on my lap, perfectly?

Today this is it
But, then Tomorrow blows up
Like an a unpredictable field mine.
In my precious heart, that thought it knew
it was right, right?

And this pressure crushes me
And somedays I feel so lonely

Yet, this insane pressure
To be this mold
And hold this space to be a list
And the uncertainty
Unfamiliarity
It literally crushes me
In it's silence, yet ferocious noise that pounds in my skull

The wild voice,
It drives us insane,
And drains me with this internal pain

That 'I will never be enough'

That....

--money, not enough
-- my schooling, not enough
-- my experience, not enough
-- my materials, not enough
-- my social circle, not enough


And this pain of enoughness is stuffing me with fear
So I try to turn every direction
Scattered, and seared with this
Deep insanity to grab it all

Yet, we sometimes fill ourselves with doubt
that pushes us to a dangerous, unforgiving - edgde

Yet, after being broken down by the day
vulnerablity blossoms
Honestly, I say - where do I go?

Now?

I search, plea, beg..
I grip tightly,
asking - pleading for guidance
Being 20 is exciting, yet hard.
Apr 2019 · 274
Dream
Leila Valencia Apr 2019
I was thinking
A thought

That turned into flashes
of grandeur, greatly mundane, yet profound storytelling
of the conscious mind's eye

Yet, I fall into the trap of tracing and chasing
the dream ...

I fall into the trance of
tracing back, a transient feel
yet, feeling so out of place

Placed - here, and here I hear it
A thought, that became a stream of opening
That fluidness of it's true nature
of becoming a story - that never happened

- Yet, feels like reality -

I wake up
And think about my memories of my day to day experience
I see them like I see my dreams
I can NOT distinguish between one or the other (in past tense)

Yet, there is something so real
Yet, fake about a memory
Because a dream is rememebered the same way as a memory

That is the fine line, I constnalty walk upon
Dream/Reality remeberence
Nov 2018 · 371
Roll
Leila Valencia Nov 2018
So there again -
In minutes
Falling deeply

So intensely, so
Wildly so, so
Graciously so

And although
The night exhausts my bones,
The lightest, faintest glimmer of sunshine

Blinds my mind into nothingness
Into an ever falling, enfolding
Gripping, releasing
Tease of the
Eyes
When you look into someone’s eyes and time ceases to exist
Jun 2018 · 525
No. Not Possible.
Leila Valencia Jun 2018
Right now,

The mind flutters.
The body clutters in emotions.
In motion.
Trying to sip on a potion
While staying in devotion to something.......
I try to be it all, yet I cant control this
This
THIS ——- flutter

Yet, falling freely.
Seeing me be me.
Really,,,,,

I stay away
At bay. Yet fragment, moments, ideas
All collide into an explosion of the possibility.

And my mind flutters
Like a butterfly
Crashes like a falling airplane;
Freely, painfully
As I hold onto the railings on the bus. There is a single stop
I crash - again, again.... When, I say stop
Again -
Reality -  
A shattering crash.

And I flutter, more
More,
More.

Nothing will stop, nothing.
This fluttering flies away and I am left shaking

A wound
Is opened, in front of you
I want crash now. Because my explosion in front of you
Will hurt you
You will stay

Yet I think:
Please come (I flutter)

Please go —-

At the same time..
A mind so afraid to be oneself. Creating scenarios for love, friendships, and life.
Apr 2018 · 618
Lost in the Amazon
Leila Valencia Apr 2018
We can not go,
This, I have said this to myself millions of times.

But, that day my heart took the driver’s seat.
My mind stopped working like a well-oiled machine.

I was in the middle of the urban jungle, the concrete city of cars, traffic, and cookie-cutter homes...
The land of squared, sanitized spaces, and constant noises from technology, automobiles, and the noise in our heads to keep up with the rat race.

I closed my eyes

Then, I opened them again.

A different reality!
A dream, of course!

I found myself in a jungle of green, moist, humid sweat.
This was the land of  kaleidoscopic dreams;
The monkey’s howls pierce the air -
birds symphonically, swimming together in the air-
Life in every single layer of nature

I felt myself
Losing myself in the greenery
The lushness
The awe

I had time to contemplate
In my contemplation, I decided, the only thing in life is real is the story I create in life

And as I go through the forest
My thoughts become more developed and articulated

I slash at everything that does not make sense
I slash at every idea
Every preconceived notion
Of
Who I thought
I am

I cut like a savage warrior
On a mission
Branches, dangling distractions
Temptations of fruits and branches that grab at my waist,
And more branches, like physical arms tieing me down like chains

I slash the blade
I cut with no intention of where I want to go

Exhausted, I rest my head

In the darkness in the middle of the amazon

A jaguar comes to me
With their yellow eyes waiting in the corner - It observes me in the bushes
I sit still
Is this a message for me?

Wanting to hear what I have to say
I wait and wait
I stay up all night.

As I wait for prophecies
The jaguar eventually leaves me alone in the darkness

Dissapointment rages inside me
I am left in more uncertainity

But, my heart spoke really loud today
Something took a hold of me
I was not rationale.
I was not cautious..

I opened my backpack and dumped everything off a cliff
I ran and jumped in the blue ocean

Finally
I listened to my heart
Finally...
This is for all of those who do not know where life will take them. This is for all of those who are not sure where they want to go next. I think it is really, really important to just keep going and eventually you will find yourself just enjoying life. Chasing feelings, chasing your heart, and getting out of your head.
Apr 2018 · 453
Allow Change
Leila Valencia Apr 2018
The night came like to the woman in white like thunder, but it was unlike any dream she had ever seen before.

Nothing could compare to this. Nothing could compare to this scale, this intense freedom.
She kept running
She walked into a kind looking abyss

And still there was a new way of living that tore her away.
From her current reality

What a dream she thought, what a confusing, chaotic dream.

Losing and finding it all
at - once -

She looked up
Wiped the tears and sweat


A thought caught her by surprise,


This is magical beyond all desires.
Just allow change because change can sometimes be incredible.
Mar 2018 · 645
This is Me
Leila Valencia Mar 2018
The truth inside you will be a whisper
The most quiet sound.

No one would hear it, not even you

And as that voice in multitudes it said you will

And it said a word that shook your body
It shook your being
Every foundation - every cell - every experience
The sense of being shattered

And the broken pieces that bottled, closed, and caged you
In an invisible prison - one in which you never saw - these pieces
Will be a reminder...

For every time you think the past is catching up again...
You will stomp your feet harder: time and time again

This is the Real
Me
When the old you is replaced by the new you
Mar 2018 · 492
Lustful Dreams
Leila Valencia Mar 2018
Years went by and a single dream
Intoxicated me like none other.

Willow leaves whispered silent lullabies
And the sunlight's rays poured into my haze
I stared longingly at the possibility.............

Yet these lustful diaries
so forbidden,
so drunk with rich fantasies,
the smell of each thought
fumed with tempestuous spirits
dragged me under into the lonely abyss.

And the fantasized romance became torture
and freedom -
limitation and liberation all at once.
This dream was a playground.
A sanctuary, a church to let my spirit soar.
Glorious joy I could feel, but only for a second

Then, the truth sank in
like a sinking ship  

The shackles of a single question still haunts me
-- what if?
And I wonder.

The pain is dull, haunting, yet hangs over me constantly
I am reminded that I remained in my dream world.
Unable to speak up,
From the wisdom of the pure heart

Unable to see the dream was always on this earthly plain
In plain sight.

In frustation, rage, and pain
Silent pain

I flip through my poetry account


-- God damm it. I have done this before
More humor in my maturity and realizations of how I live in my love world
Mar 2018 · 444
Where is this All Going
Leila Valencia Mar 2018
It felt so disappointing
To have

All I knew

Become something so distant.

So strong, so intensely -- like there was nothing that could stop me.
Nothing that could show me another way

And I felt so
Sadly, truthfully fallen
So broken

------ I could not speak ----

And every where I look the voice
inside me says
stay

But I felt so small. Something felt so wrong
So I asked
What do I do.

And nothing -- but you said to you --
Get through it all.
Just live
Just pass
Just go

And my head, my mind. This idea
Inside.
This reality
Where am --------------
I/////


The blank spaces. the intense thought, become
nothing
everything/
something

I am falling
Or am I diving
???

still I say -
I lost it all
in one night


I have never felt
so empty

yet so full
When I try to contemplate the changes, the things I want to do. I try to rationalize what is going on in my head. Yet, I must learn to not overthink every moment and go with the flow.
Feb 2018 · 471
..L.i.s.t.e...n
Leila Valencia Feb 2018
Now,
Listen.

CAn you?

Listen.

Plead to listen.
It’s yours
It’s always been yours


No one has such power
The voice inside

It pleads
It asks
It begs

It may shake you
_____

But - dont - forget —-
The power
The poWER
It’s all yours
It’s never going to leave you.

No matter how much you turn your cheek -
You push it;
Scream;
Claw;
Burn;

It will sit quietly
Closed
Eyes...
calmly

When you open your hands.....
It will say
..gently..
Quietly .........
...............Lovingly.

“Dear, I have been waiting for this my entire life”
Listening to the voice inside.
Feb 2018 · 364
Flowering
Leila Valencia Feb 2018
Maybe I can - said she
The little petals seemed like crowned jewels...
And I breathed

Something more.

It felt like connection
Sense
This deepness

I have never known
And I felt I could.
The stars seemed like guides.

And. I knew — where my compass....

Directing me
Slowly

Blows my sails
When you are beginning to have a deeper understanding of who you are to you.
Leila Valencia Dec 2017
There is a time;

When All,

FallS...

A time when;
our true character-
.....
What we say we are -
Who we think we are -
Who we want to be -
What we want to do -
.....
Is tested.

The time,
When the chills.
The darkness...
Keeps us inside.

And it’s the greatest - the worst - the scariest - it can be a transformational period.

And it’s a time where loneliness wanders...
The superficiality of the summer is all but vanished.
As the daylight dims....

The time,
When
death seems
..Closer...
Than before.

The time,
When
My heart
..feels lost..
More than before

The time,
When...
When............


the last leaf falls.
An ode for the winter time. It’s a bit somber, a bit meloncholy. But, I thought a nice winter poem would be a great way to truly capture the feeling of the season.
Oct 2017 · 408
Can not Close a Door
Leila Valencia Oct 2017
Maybe never.

The sound of a bird flutters, ahhh.

Maybe someday.
Maybe someday I would tell you it's not there....
Maybe I wish I knew the never - the forever - all coming together like a crystalline kaleidoscope.

Maybe I don't know - maybe I do - I can't tell.
And if you asked me, maybe I would scream. Maybe I would laugh.
Maybe I would fall into something I would never understand.
Oct 2017 · 744
The Haze
Leila Valencia Oct 2017
Oh but a haze.....

A fog, a blow
Oh but a weariness.......

Oh but a fallacy. A curse.
Unless embraced, unless held with care.

The haze can confuse,
Lose you....
The haze, is hanging angel, a shining curse.
If torment will come -- you can allow it to.
If the haze is taken slowly, it can caress you.

There is nothing but freedom and madness.
There is nothing but darkness and pure light.

At the harbor, the docks shake and anchor.
But out at sea there is nothing to guide you.....

And the haze can be the meaning you put.
The winds will blow the direction you gear.
And the haze can be nothing but a story you tell it.
Jul 2017 · 235
Am I But One
Leila Valencia Jul 2017
The moving of feet
Shaking, bustling, the chaos of the clunking calamity that passes through

And I feel my senses, the airs, the ground, the peace, the joy, in my senses.
And the tip of my toes, the top of my head - that is all I am,
I am only now, I am only this, I am only one.


But once, I realized what I looked at changed with a different pair of eyes - I felt like, I was all that is

And will ever be.
Leila Valencia Jun 2017
As I sit by the window, a blistering wind bellows
Howling at me, howling for a reason - I question.
The statue angels in the rose garden below listen in.

I close the creaking window. I shut my book on the rose colored cushion.
My reflection leaves me, alone......

The wind blows - and the window blows, open, I did not touch - anything.

Again, I close the window, the hollowing blows the trees down, but my period on sentences for myself make me shout inside me.

The written notes with scattered arrows, the massive circle in the center with a question mark - all scattered on the cushion. And as the trees shake and children scream below me, the question marks grow bolder.

My truth?

My purpose?

My intuition?

I hear a sharp shout calling my name, which does not have handed flowers in its tone. I wake down stairs. And as I close the door the paper I drew on falls to the floor,
Where dust resides
Leaving your passion and self behind to go to do something that you do not care for
Jun 2017 · 440
Grasp
Leila Valencia Jun 2017
Can it be held?

The moment. The determination. The moment above you, turned to dust.

The determination like arrows thrown your forehead....

How long does it last?
The fires turns to embers so quickly
The flame is blown - out.

A swirling, beating intensity like tribal drums
Will it be switched?
Passion

Can it last....
Can it sit...
for Eternity so you do not have to grasp for evaporating dust
Holding onto ones passion and desperately holding on.
Jun 2017 · 496
We Write
Leila Valencia Jun 2017
To become something more, I tell you less
And as you grow into someone more, less you know

And so I write, to make sense, but my writings writher with time.....

Each slash on paper, do not complete me.
Each tense does not fufill me, but these writings stand with time.

I write - now-  less you feel you know - but my writings will be a piece that.... will sit quietly forever.
writing and feeling like whatever you write is not complete
May 2017 · 279
Build Mountains
Leila Valencia May 2017
Has the wind knocked my feet down...
Scuffed at the ends - worn out - beaten old shoes, the soles can no longer sustain.

And the sun beats on my cheek, the climb, infested with gravel - smothered in dirt

A shout from above says looking down is only your perspective, a fools trick to our mind.

A shout in exclamation marks.

Running away from the echo of the past.
Sweat dripping, in splatters like drops - each drop a thought

Floating in space and time - your frustration wound up in a second.
Where does it drop?

A climb, claw - tear..... running into the mountain.
To fight against the battle
That stays quietly, patiently above you.
Apr 2017 · 1.3k
Away
Leila Valencia Apr 2017
Connection beyond all belief. Connection between two.
If only.

Deep connection, where tether strings are tied, no matter how far - there is a floating connection.
And I yearn for it.
The connection, one where I fall, one where I fall aimlessly into reciprocation.

And I am always closing every door.
No one sees the mirrors like I do. And if they stand behind me - I crack the mirror, or, I will fog the mirror, I will stand far away....
With my entire heart, my entire being - one day - I held out a single, violently shaking finger (the only part of my body reaching out.)
The only part asking for help, love, acceptance.
The only piece of flesh that I will reveal.
But, I tend to clench my fists.

And the connection between anyone is never as strong as I hoped, as I wanted, as I....
I stand in the darkest of corners.
Hearing my own breathe every once in a while.
My heart beat, loud, my stinging chest, quivers at their intertwining connections.
They......

And I wish I could connect, but fear keeps my mouth empty
My mind's sparks are dim - I keep the light low.

But their roaring flames, brilliant, luminescent - it's growing.
Shining through a prism.
Shining daylight - glorious to all with wide eyes

and I.... wish, they knew I had a finger to spare in their conversation.
But the corner, is comfort.
The corner is the protection against loss. The corner never gains or loses. And that is where I will remain.

Do they know?
When you are so afraid of vulnerability, openness, trying to please others, you simply stay in your spot and never move.
Mar 2017 · 507
Vulnerable
Leila Valencia Mar 2017
The word itself
The word itself
The word is lost,
And I am
Lost
In its shadow, its very being.

On, the, word - open
The word itself
The word I shreek from
I want to stay from....

The very word, the word that I will never be close to, the word,

Intamate
Leila Valencia Feb 2017
My mind is looking
For an answer.

You.

Me?

I'm not sure anymore. Because,
When I look up, there you are.
And I..... lost it.
Those thoughts that make me - an individual.
Those thoughts that me me - unique.

........... End so quickly - with you in my presence.

My own being - lost.
My own mind - lost.

..........You can be too much.
To many thoughts, emotions, ideas for my being to
Handle.

And I am losing what I need.
Who I need to be.

- One Day, I will not need question marks (?)
One Day, I will not need last minute calls...
- One Day, I will not need confusion
One Day, I will not fall so deep into my delusion
And I will not hold onto a faint, loose, illusive - idea

To be in your presence -
I will, one day, not feel the need to be beside you -
Because I hope.

You're are no longer a hope......

And I will stand with my own two feet -
strong!
I will be planted in my own being, not hoping - for an idea.
I will be brave!

And I no longer wait for strength from other's before I ask it from myself.
I will no longer wait for their question marks to become my ideas of romance.
I will no longer wait for an idea
I will become the idea - of who I am meant to become

So I will never lose again.
Trying to make sure you take care of yourself before you let a day-dreaming mind become to strong.
Feb 2017 · 418
And you Heard, me.
Leila Valencia Feb 2017
So you did, listen.
And winds - blew me over.
And waves ****** me in.
And you did, hear me.

And you did, see me.
And all the stars collided - once and for all.

The ands, and ands.
Coming in unison - coming together.
The moment is the vase, the bowl, the pool of collections of moments
All rushing, together.

And I see how you cared, over and over and over.
Now, over and over and over,
one moment is the collection of how you - saw, believed, hear, watch, care.... how you want me,

How I want you

And a moment is not what is one moment

The moment is, now, how everything before and everything in the future is making this moment seem greater and
Larger.....
More, you look beautiful.
Feb 2017 · 336
Shrinking
Leila Valencia Feb 2017
And we sing, together. But, I feel
And I sing alone, I feel, still.
And I feel alone in a breathe....
And every song is the last.
Breathe.
Feb 2017 · 422
Beginning
Leila Valencia Feb 2017
Nervous tick, like a beating drum, thumping, dumping.....

Pouring, waves, into your chest, waves of pure blue.

And electricity shoots through like a power surge
A fluttering heart cracks open ideas, waves of amazement
And dreams of vulnerability
And dreamers of fleeting ideas, caught in one giant (tornado)

Always a mess, undressed - eyes of green, blue, sage, summer days - wasting away

Are the feelings reciprocated?

Until a physical touch, is no longer caught in the distance. Until a physical touch is mentioned in your prescience

And all your tornados became storms of grey, black, and darkness shrouded your thoughts until you were touched with hesitancy.... with consistency.... with assurance
Feb 2017 · 283
Locked in Time, Wishing
Leila Valencia Feb 2017
Stuck in time
Wailing
Pinching, wishing, and waiting
Wishing there was another way, but it seems like time is stuck in between your hands

And there is no trick to move forward
And as backward as I feel
Small
Crushed
And confused

I still think of your in fondness
Jan 2017 · 500
Grip
Leila Valencia Jan 2017
The tightest grip on a loose tether string

I want to lose control
Be in control
How can they happen twice - at once?

I feel you, I see you, and its pounding.
I'm pounding.
And I can't lose myself, I can't lose control.
Oh You -  and how I stand alone again.

And when I do, lose control, I lose you.
But I need to lose control to get you.

Do I know what to say, do?
How to act....
How to feel...
I want to stay away.
I want you to stay away.
Or I may lose control, and I mean control over my senses

Yet, I need to stop worrying about controlling you or me.
Controlling how I want everything to happen.
You to happen,
Me to feel

So let it flow, free fall, tumble and take its wave.
Tumble on the shore, and pull back into the current - once more, it splashes down on the wet sand
And each curvature in the wave is so different, pushed by wind, and shaped by geography
And each push and pull towards you, should flow
As I realize this, I may lose my grip

And release
When you feel so vulnerable around someone you have strong feelings for and you want to not feel this way because you hate the feelings of losing control of yourself and your emotions.
Jan 2017 · 386
Crawl
Leila Valencia Jan 2017
You I think of,
In every shape, form, wish.....

There it is - Your shadow is attached to the wall
And as I peel back, I could not find you,
The consequence of my bleeding nails...

I scratched, and clawed for you, only to see my own reflection
Of my mind.
When someone can not get out of your mind
Leila Valencia Jan 2017
In the air
I wait

I the moment
I listen

And all, falls, so, patiently.
Every, single, moment - there is feeling

I say, all I could, all I could say.
And if you knew who I was, I would not need to explain.

But with this, you, and our slow stops - I feel stuck
Yet, I feel grounded, in the air, around, and lost
To much, all at once.

And my thoughts, my mouth cant describe - if only there was one tick
Time stops, when that feeling
Could sit, and closer, closer......
We came together.
When there is a person who you can't say what you want with them. For some reason, it is hard to be straight with them, yet there is a sense of feeling that can sometimes be stronger than words.
Jan 2017 · 740
Force
Leila Valencia Jan 2017
I'm tangled inside and everything comes out like glass
I'm cutting inside.

The way you carelessly lose yourself, cuts me inside
And I forcefully tear my skin off
To show you I'm bleeding.
Can these pools of red speak louder than thunderous phrases?
I've tried.

You find yourself in dark places
Losing yourself to people who won't remember your name.
And you forget yourself
And
It
Tears
Me
Inside

In the worst kind of way.

I can't force you
Can tears? Can pleas of red and blue? Can whispers of adoration?
I've tried.

Does it come down like lightning - or do I sit in a deserted room...
Watching an hour glass, receiving postage with your name written on it.
Hearing about you from everyone but
you.
I've tried

And I'm the woman stuck in a painting
Trapped in an artifact
Scribbled on a drawing.
I can't speak!
Every single piece of me is lost in time, to trying, to trying..... Fading.

But, I saw you yesterday.
You smiled.
It felt like the beginning of something,
I realized
After all this time, maybe we can began again
Trying to hard to force someone to stop them from hurting or what you think is hurting themselves but you can not do anything about it.
Jan 2017 · 637
And Who?
Leila Valencia Jan 2017
Was it me, you?
I could not know.  

As you sit by the veranda, I watched us fall down feet from each other
Years ago, our legs were entangled.

A choice made, that would change my life
Moving, living, and being together - then, nothing planned.
And now we don't see our plans as one,
And who could say what made that happen...
When someone is becoming more distant from you and there is nothing to truly pin point why the relationship has slowly drifted away.
Jan 2017 · 561
Slowly --- All at once
Leila Valencia Jan 2017
Believing and dreaming, growing and leaving
Leaving behind......
A whoosh and a spin, a grin and a glint, all that it takes before time is amiss.

DREAM
larger, infinite, timeless, senseless, insurmountable, imaginable.

These are the moments in which the impossible can be conceived.
A smile is taken as a romantic gesture,
And every single moment can be jumbled in a messy, wild, reckless grin
Each stroke taken as its last
Each beat felt like never before
And its all coming now

Will it ever come like this again?
What it is like leaving home for the first time and finding your own
Leila Valencia Dec 2016
I'm a poet in my prime
Spiffing up my rhymes

I'm a legend can't you see
Only my words feel they spew to you and me

I'm a master at this connection!!!

My wonderful phrases
Creep into your heart
They pierce through like a dart
Shattering, mattering, caving a meaning
Keepin ya dreaming... beliving, comforting the soul!

Theese word like a bowl -- fill you up: with love, desire, the power to ignite!

I can only imagine what the rhymes in a singy-songy fashion
With fervor, power, and a burst of flaming passion turn up on paper

How they are presented by the maker

The writer, poet, artist of words - flowing, stringing tieing in the clarity with blurs

Creating a canvas that paints a moment through the feeling of words cascading by feeling, not structure

That sounds absurd, but these moments are momentous, in a passion of flury strung up in a phrase that summons the whole day

And the day has gone by, so has the year -- but I must keep rapping through poetry lyrics

I might not be as quick, fast, slick, or hip as some
With funky names, large persona, or partrying till we see the sun

I am a rapper of the moment in its purest sense -- of human nature and its surroundings through my philosophy, wisdom, passion, and emotions

I hope this year 2017, will acommadate this year's fast run
Rapping for 2017
Dec 2016 · 1.2k
Writing a Piece for Her
Leila Valencia Dec 2016
So, once was told to a shy girl the world was hers...
In fright, in sheer terror - the world for her was under the covers
The dancing trapeze animals alive in her blanket -- consistently distracting her from her abstract, constant fears
The wondrous squeals joined in with her, other children too.
The quiet tent, tight, small, concealed.

Nothing would leave -- the ideas of far reaching dreams would stir floating about, in the tent's humid, sweaty, sticky cover - like swirling fireflies
The tent was alive, contrived of dreams - dreams bigger than her palm.
And she never wanted to leave
Never.
She always slept with the blanket over her head, up until she was old enough....

Time passed, the blanket was to small to cover her head.
She felt the cold air press against her soft, rosy cheek
But, it was a stinging cold,
One she could not shake.

And it was there the hot air, turned into frightening pierces of reality.
Bare to the chill, bare to it all.
Bare to her very core.
But the tent was no longer a tent.

She felt the sting in her skin.
Sting in her veins. Her blood.
The emptiness of the golden blanket, oh, what a circus tent it was to her youth.
A blanket of dreams, a blanket of play, a blanket were the freedom of life could grow, develop, flourish -- ignite!
Now, it's just a blanket.
A blanket were anxieties, deep fear, depression, pent up rage, do not find the light of day in a circus getaway
Growing up
Nov 2016 · 1.1k
Hypnosis
Leila Valencia Nov 2016
Last night
A quiet word...
was trembling
A touch....
hypnotized the senses

It was pitch black....
I went to the kitchen
I drank all I could find,
And slept in the garden.

Last night
I pulled flowers from the garden's ground
And clipped their petals...
It tasted like honey.

From that,

  All blended into a kaleidoscopic metamorphosis.
Channels opened,
yet, I could not foresee the end
the world became a dome.
Immortal shape shifter's
danced restlessly...

When I awoke
There was dirt in my hands.
My mouth, had dirt.
I woke up covered in dirt.

But, I can only remember
how I drowned into an deep abyss.
The rest amiss.

In the depths, my outer self became less
In the future, I hope I do not grew thicker skin
Mind and body alterations
Oct 2016 · 366
Blowing Circles
Leila Valencia Oct 2016
We come and go, going far out

When we enter our vessel..... we fall - deep into the darkest abyss, but all seems light by day
When we fall and grow in ourselves, we constantly run - all around a quiet star

We lock our chests inside a wall
We  stain flowers in our garden
We burn every paper - containing evidence of our manifestation

And I sit inside my own, waiting to burn inside

The life I live and its perilous surrounding - came circle again, once again

And the burning became an amber - crystallizing as stone
Holding back from your passion in life, waiting for that passion to come, then realizing you have such limited time - it's important to decide what we will leave behind - what will our legacy be?
Sep 2016 · 544
Pearls of dreams
Leila Valencia Sep 2016
Each breathe, momentary thoughts.... tumble like sand
Beating breathlessly, all the while, in a moment, the dream - shatters!
A bottle of sand. A bottle of sharded pieces beside granules of sand.
The ocean tugs, again, once more, then in a flicker of moments the shard vanished from earth's surface
Pulled out by the oceans current, further, eventually the singular piece of glass sinks below, quietly below - quieter than darkness.

The abyss' dark shadows thicken, envelope the single shard of glass - the only piece left.
As it aimlessly sinks quickly beneath, unable to swim, gravity's weight forcefully leaves the piece no options but to fall into a further kind of darkness.

All the sudden, a swing, a single bounce, and drums beat and their bass of the underworld stings of sorrow and empty screams, the sea bottom was swirling touches of unwelcoming creatures and carnivorous eaters - a whirlwind of fright.
Suddenly the glass is swallowed, gulped up, it wasn't what it expected - it wanted to find its missing pieces and piece back again, but the swalling creature would not allow that dream to happen, ever again.
All it felt was the chomp of heaviness and it didnt move.

The mouth held the glass into shape, other pieces of sand mixed and moved.
What a feeling. Heavy in darkness, quiet, calm, and steady; the piece of the broken bottle was forming inside the mouth of an oyster.
Each day the glass would wait, more sand appeared and  it worked away, waiting to be released.
Working to form, making its shape, toiling and forming, years in darkness, all waiting to see the sun once again.

Years in darkness, ousted from others, yet it grew and grew; bigger by the day.
Then mercy came! The day came, that shone in a brilliant manner, blinding and glorious.
The latched closure opened, years later for the single shard, but it was no longer a shard.
A single pearl among the desert of shards, the desert no one could distinguish amongst many shards, but a pearl laying amongst the desert of shards.
Sep 2016 · 523
Secret Plea
Leila Valencia Sep 2016
Quiet quiet....

Tingle, oh granted, a dream!

Silence.   It's burden.

Toiling hands, emptied veins, to give a dream beneath space? Time?

Quiet, the flickers dissolve to the present of thought.

Ambition? A dream conceived from particles space can not deny.
Restless hands dig for reasons...

Found space beneath.

A pit below - hollowed.

The abyss  of flickers snipped away- beneath.

Subconscious dream sleeping lowly,
Dark. Shrouded pitfalls creep your thoughts.

Uncover such dirt. deafeningly  uncovered. Brighter than light upon ones dream.

All the time - below
When your dreams and ideas are locked in your subconscious. The potential to live and grow.
Sep 2016 · 414
Optional
Leila Valencia Sep 2016
Why is the world so unemancipated

have leaves Fallen yet branches stay covered
the knowledge of life,  hidden.
may we know?

The treatment. suffering. Life unattained.
when may we know?

those who choose to live a life that many wish to stray
those who live their truth - others live.

The leaves bristle.  One day I shook the tree.
spontaneous leave fell.  I walked away.

May those who fall know to never stay.
let the wind blow away - you and your roots

Some, will hold. But Blow Away. Release.

That is the life where Freedom Reigns
Stop to live a life held by taught expectations. Blow away - anew
Aug 2016 · 437
Reliving in Motion
Leila Valencia Aug 2016
Shut slowly. Inch, inch - quietly careful
Tirelessly weary
Ever so close yet seemingly distant

Before air could Not pass, a slight crooked hand slips through the seal
The eyes believe its a welcoming shake, so opening - inch, inch
It's gilded gleam deludes, the captured gaze. Ones Hypnotized.
Before you could open your eyes....

The charred hand covered in scars of the past shakes yours.

Do feelings come fast?
Hatred burns inside?
Do you recoil from the truth?

The past the present. Works the same. Yet if you let it, the past will hold - from the present....
Always, when your door inches towards you, Close your eyes and..... Shut!
Needing to move forward but something from the past is holding you back
Leila Valencia Aug 2016
Breathing, inhaling
The moments jumbled like pieces of scrap.
A  crisp summer's night growing into faintness... Electrify
Shivering in bliss, tempting in wander
Shocking veins with icy fire blending fear, and passion - in a single ...
Beat.
Aug 2016 · 926
Fateful
Leila Valencia Aug 2016
A mind curious by step, ******* in streams of vitality
Grasping its journey..... Spirited by step  
Oh, curiousity, spirit - placed before caution....

Stuck between one or the other, unmixed?
Only a singly misstep and its curiousty's mistake without prior consideration- you tumbled.

Rolled down, the wind knocked out of you!
Heaving, anxiety of dying......


Now......
Every single curious idea was lost in faultful recklessness
Biking incident. Left me in the ER yesterday, pretty unpleasant day.
Jul 2016 · 401
Now said, yet still talking
Leila Valencia Jul 2016
I thought I could nestle by your side
Could it be, that my hands touch your side, but infested
Tangled inside the swelling smell - festering a volcanic catastrophe
What we're taking as I touch each particle - what could've been blissfully ignorant now I can not brush by in darkness

Taking as we will, selling as we must
Concocting a planet that can can only bustle and bust
As we strain every purity and inject every man made chemical
What must we burn before the world will concave and fall?

Could it be the genetic machine work inside
Or to follow ultimatum authority and deny
The forest of green burning as we've never seen
The Closed door populous unaffected they seem, to see the unseen
The growing earthly hazard kept closed and quiet, closed tight, sealed, and slipped under the door
Until thousands slain, diseased ridden, suffering, crying no more, or....

Now, look it in the face, look it in the eyes growing sturdier inside
Growing cautious, concerned, with a stern eye to those who deny
Don't take a full 'no' don't take a full 'yes' open the library with prying eyes
Look for yourself, your words are the purest, your thoughts, your actions, your ideas - to be anyone else isn't impactful, purposeful or sincere
From now on, make your actions clear
You're built on your actions - isn't that clear?


I can not ask for you to hold me in such weak arms
Could it be, the first time, you need our arms to hold you up
Tidal waves of resistance, but persistent I will be
In living the green side, living inside of me
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