So there again -
In minutes
Falling deeply

So intensely, so
Wildly so, so
Graciously so

And although
The night exhausts my bones,
The lightest, faintest glimmer of sunshine

Blinds my mind into nothingness
Into an ever falling, enfolding
Gripping, releasing
Tease of the
When you look into someone’s eyes and time ceases to exist
Right now,

The mind flutters.
The body clutters in emotions.
In motion.
Trying to sip on a potion
While staying in devotion to something.......
I try to be it all, yet I cant control this
THIS ——- flutter

Yet, falling freely.
Seeing me be me.

I stay away
At bay. Yet fragment, moments, ideas
All collide into an explosion of the possibility.

And my mind flutters
Like a butterfly
Crashes like a falling airplane;
Freely, painfully
As I hold onto the railings on the bus. There is a single stop
I crash - again, again.... When, I say stop
Again -
Reality -  
A shattering crash.

And I flutter, more

Nothing will stop, nothing.
This fluttering flies away and I am left shaking

A wound
Is opened, in front of you
I want crash now. Because my explosion in front of you
Will hurt you
You will stay

Yet I think:
Please come (I flutter)

Please go —-

At the same time..
A mind so afraid to be oneself. Creating scenarios for love, friendships, and life.
We can not go,
This, I have said this to myself millions of times.

But, that day my heart took the driver’s seat.
My mind stopped working like a well-oiled machine.

I was in the middle of the urban jungle, the concrete city of cars, traffic, and cookie-cutter homes...
The land of squared, sanitized spaces, and constant noises from technology, automobiles, and the noise in our heads to keep up with the rat race.

I closed my eyes

Then, I opened them again.

A different reality!
A dream, of course!

I found myself in a jungle of green, moist, humid sweat.
This was the land of  kaleidoscopic dreams;
The monkey’s howls pierce the air -
birds symphonically, swimming together in the air-
Life in every single layer of nature

I felt myself
Losing myself in the greenery
The lushness
The awe

I had time to contemplate
In my contemplation, I decided, the only thing in life is real is the story I create in life

And as I go through the forest
My thoughts become more developed and articulated

I slash at everything that does not make sense
I slash at every idea
Every preconceived notion
Who I thought
I am

I cut like a savage warrior
On a mission
Branches, dangling distractions
Temptations of fruits and branches that grab at my waist,
And more branches, like physical arms tieing me down like chains

I slash the blade
I cut with no intention of where I want to go

Exhausted, I rest my head

In the darkness in the middle of the amazon

A jaguar comes to me
With their yellow eyes waiting in the corner - It observes me in the bushes
I sit still
Is this a message for me?

Wanting to hear what I have to say
I wait and wait
I stay up all night.

As I wait for prophecies
The jaguar eventually leaves me alone in the darkness

Dissapointment rages inside me
I am left in more uncertainity

But, my heart spoke really loud today
Something took a hold of me
I was not rationale.
I was not cautious..

I opened my backpack and dumped everything off a cliff
I ran and jumped in the blue ocean

I listened to my heart
This is for all of those who do not know where life will take them. This is for all of those who are not sure where they want to go next. I think it is really, really important to just keep going and eventually you will find yourself just enjoying life. Chasing feelings, chasing your heart, and getting out of your head.
The night came like to the woman in white like thunder, but it was unlike any dream she had ever seen before.

Nothing could compare to this. Nothing could compare to this scale, this intense freedom.
She kept running
She walked into a kind looking abyss

And still there was a new way of living that tore her away.
From her current reality

What a dream she thought, what a confusing, chaotic dream.

Losing and finding it all
at - once -

She looked up
Wiped the tears and sweat

A thought caught her by surprise,

This is magical beyond all desires.
Just allow change because change can sometimes be incredible.
The truth inside you will be a whisper
The most quiet sound.

No one would hear it, not even you

And as that voice in multitudes it said you will

And it said a word that shook your body
It shook your being
Every foundation - every cell - every experience
The sense of being shattered

And the broken pieces that bottled, closed, and caged you
In an invisible prison - one in which you never saw - these pieces
Will be a reminder...

For every time you think the past is catching up again...
You will stomp your feet harder: time and time again

This is the Real
When the old you is replaced by the new you
Years went by and a single dream
Intoxicated me like none other.

Willow leaves whispered silent lullabies
And the sunlight's rays poured into my haze
I stared longingly at the possibility.............

Yet these lustful diaries
so forbidden,
so drunk with rich fantasies,
the smell of each thought
fumed with tempestuous spirits
dragged me under into the lonely abyss.

And the fantasized romance became torture
and freedom -
limitation and liberation all at once.
This dream was a playground.
A sanctuary, a church to let my spirit soar.
Glorious joy I could feel, but only for a second

Then, the truth sank in
like a sinking ship  

The shackles of a single question still haunts me
-- what if?
And I wonder.

The pain is dull, haunting, yet hangs over me constantly
I am reminded that I remained in my dream world.
Unable to speak up,
From the wisdom of the pure heart

Unable to see the dream was always on this earthly plain
In plain sight.

In frustation, rage, and pain
Silent pain

I flip through my poetry account

-- *** damm it. I have done this before
More humor in my maturity and realizations of how I live in my love world
It felt so disappointing
To have

All I knew

Become something so distant.

So strong, so intensely -- like there was nothing that could stop me.
Nothing that could show me another way

And I felt so
Sadly, truthfully fallen
So broken

------ I could not speak ----

And every where I look the voice
inside me says

But I felt so small. Something felt so wrong
So I asked
What do I do.

And nothing -- but you said to you --
Get through it all.
Just live
Just pass
Just go

And my head, my mind. This idea
This reality
Where am --------------

The blank spaces. the intense thought, become

I am falling
Or am I diving

still I say -
I lost it all
in one night

I have never felt
so empty

yet so full
When I try to contemplate the changes, the things I want to do. I try to rationalize what is going on in my head. Yet, I must learn to not overthink every moment and go with the flow.
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