Message

Connection beyond all belief. Connection between two.
If only.

Deep connection, where tether strings are tied, no matter how far - there is a floating connection.
And I yearn for it.
The connection, one where I fall, one where I fall aimlessly into reciprocation.

And I am always closing every door.
No one sees the mirrors like I do. And if they stand behind me - I crack the mirror, or, I will fog the mirror, I will stand far away....
With my entire heart, my entire being - one day - I held out a single, violently shaking finger (the only part of my body reaching out.)
The only part asking for help, love, acceptance.
The only piece of flesh that I will reveal.
But, I tend to clench my fists.

And the connection between anyone is never as strong as I hoped, as I wanted, as I....
I stand in the darkest of corners.
Hearing my own breathe every once in a while.
My heart beat, loud, my stinging chest, quivers at their intertwining connections.
They......

And I wish I could connect, but fear keeps my mouth empty
My mind's sparks are dim - I keep the light low.

But their roaring flames, brilliant, luminescent - it's growing.
Shining through a prism.
Shining daylight - glorious to all with wide eyes

and I.... wish, they knew I had a finger to spare in their conversation.
But the corner, is comfort.
The corner is the protection against loss. The corner never gains or loses. And that is where I will remain.

Do they know?

When you are so afraid of vulnerability, openness, trying to please others, you simply stay in your spot and never move.

The word itself
The word itself
The word is lost,
And I am
Lost
In its shadow, its very being.

On, the, word - open
The word itself
The word I shreek from
I want to stay from....

The very word, the word that I will never be close to, the word,

Intamate

Amber Valencia Feb 27

My mind is looking
For an answer.

You.

Me?

I'm not sure anymore. Because,
When I look up, there you are.
And I..... lost it.
Those thoughts that make me - an individual.
Those thoughts that me me - unique.

........... End so quickly - with you in my presence.

My own being - lost.
My own mind - lost.

..........You can be too much.
To many thoughts, emotions, ideas for my being to
Handle.

And I am losing what I need.
Who I need to be.

- One Day, I will not need question marks (?)
One Day, I will not need last minute calls...
- One Day, I will not need confusion
One Day, I will not fall so deep into my delusion
And I will not hold onto a faint, loose, illusive - idea

To be in your presence -
I will, one day, not feel the need to be beside you -
Because I hope.

You're are no longer a hope......

And I will stand with my own two feet -
strong!
I will be planted in my own being, not hoping - for an idea.
I will be brave!

And I no longer wait for strength from other's before I ask it from myself.
I will no longer wait for their question marks to become my ideas of romance.
I will no longer wait for an idea
I will become the idea - of who I am meant to become

So I will never lose again.

Trying to make sure you take care of yourself before you let a day-dreaming mind become to strong.
Amber Valencia Feb 26

So you did, listen.
And winds - blew me over.
And waves sucked me in.
And you did, hear me.

And you did, see me.
And all the stars collided - once and for all.

The ands, and ands.
Coming in unison - coming together.
The moment is the vase, the bowl, the pool of collections of moments
All rushing, together.

And I see how you cared, over and over and over.
Now, over and over and over,
one moment is the collection of how you - saw, believed, hear, watch, care.... how you want me,

How I want you

And a moment is not what is one moment

The moment is, now, how everything before and everything in the future is making this moment seem greater and
Larger.....
More, you look beautiful.

Amber Valencia Feb 13

And we sing, together. But, I feel
And I sing alone, I feel, still.
And I feel alone in a breathe....
And every song is the last.
Breathe.

Amber Valencia Feb 12

Nervous tick, like a beating drum, thumping, dumping.....

Pouring, waves, into your chest, waves of pure blue.

And electricity shoots through like a power surge
A fluttering heart cracks open ideas, waves of amazement
And dreams of vulnerability
And dreamers of fleeting ideas, caught in one giant (tornado)

Always a mess, undressed - eyes of green, blue, sage, summer days - wasting away

Are the feelings reciprocated?

Until a physical touch, is no longer caught in the distance. Until a physical touch is mentioned in your prescience

And all your tornados became storms of grey, black, and darkness shrouded your thoughts until you were touched with hesitancy.... with consistency.... with assurance

Stuck in time
Wailing
Pinching, wishing, and waiting
Wishing there was another way, but it seems like time is stuck in between your hands

And there is no trick to move forward
And as backward as I feel
Small
Crushed
And confused

I still think of your in fondness

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