I just wanted you to know me
I just wanted you to love me
I just wanted you to feel me
I just wanted you to hug me
I just wanted you to touch me
I just wanted you to breathe me
I just wanted you to keep me
I just wanted you to believe me

I just wanted you to want me
I just wanted you to haunt me
I just wanted you to pray for me
I just wanted you to hunt me
I just wanted you to **** me
I just wanted you to kiss me
I just wanted you to see me
Now I wish you would just leave me

I hate being alone
But I hate being in love more
I'm torn apart like an old t-shirt
You wore it out and left it on the floor
I only tell you how I feel when I am drunk
I need the liquid confidence
I need some gypsy luck
To tell you I don't care any more
To tell you you're not there any more
To tell you I don't need this any more
To tell you I am done

Sick of sleeping alone
But I hate sleeping with these thoughts
I'm haunted like a house you see
You died in my heart but you won't let me leave
Can only tell you how I feel at night
Cause in the day I never cross your mind
The dark protects me
It protects me from wanting to die
Why can't I tell you I don't care any more?
Why the **** are you not there any more?
I'm tired of you pulling out my chair to watch me fall
What can I do to make you love me once more?

You're an apparition
A ghost
You keep on switching
Behind the curtains
In the dark
I hear you moan
I feel your spark

Find a moment in which the world stops
Becomes idle for a second
Gives space to a dying mind
The membrane of a society
Driven by illusions
Is it all a façade?
The wicked ways we count our money
As if it was worth more than our soul
Worth more than sacred bodies
The wild girls tamed by the men
To close their mouths and hold their tongues
Powerless, hands bound by the ropes of promises
Promises wider than oceans
I swim deep in them
Never satisfied by a life in cold captivity
I insist these doors are left open
Submissive, obey the quiet mouths hard actions
Aching for touch, aching for love
This pretence I figure
To be a shell of what it is in books
An empty box
Embezzled with jewels
Is still an empty box
Your touch remains empty
Your heart turns it’s back to me
Turns it’s back to the warrior girls
With eyes bright with fire
Now eyes dark with ash
Now ask yourself
When did you lose the fight
Against dismissiveness?
Abandoned by the hunters
But the fights of women outweigh
Those of man
Disregarded as merely an object
But do not be fooled
My roar is louder than the thunder of a storm
My bite is harder than the sting of a hand against a thigh
My heart is larger than the mountains you can climb
My words are powerful they can break your spine
My love is fierce, as ferocious as I.

I can feel you in my body
And I can't tell if it's just worry
But I, know that if I could hold your hands in mine
I'll love you for all time, I'd love you cause you're mine
I can feel you in my stomach
I'm sick to death cause of how much this hurts
And I, know that I have to give you up
But I'll keep you on my mind, I'd keep you in my mind
This may just be me being crazy
And trying to keep a piece of him
You may not even exist beyond my dreams
But I can feel you weighing underneath my skin
I hope to god when I'm older
I can spread a part of myself to the world
But it just isn't my time now
I hope you understand that there's just too much **** to hold.

I tried to fall asleep
But I couldn't let you leave
My head is filled with memories
Unwinding...torturing me
I walked the room for answers
Searching underneath my skin
Punched a wall but it didn't hurt as much
As it did when you left me

I can't love any more
I can't love me like you did
Does it even make sense?
To say I want you out of my head
But I want you back in my chest
And when you reach me
Even if it's in another place, another time
I don't know what you'll say when you see me
I don't know if you'll remember my eyes

I let go of the drugs
But I couldn't forget about us
My armours up more than ever
Cause I have no one to protect me now
I moved away to the coast
Tried to find some calmness in the waves
I still sit in bed for hours
Wondering if your life's better without me

Chorus

You couldn't handle the pressure
Of walking in my shoes
And when it came down to it
I guess you had nothing to lose
(Except me. Except me.)
You're so stuck in your ways
Why the **** did I think you'd change?
I guess I need to grow some spine
To get you off my mind.

I have dreams of him
His eyes are missing
All flesh, pristine
He's not looking but still seeing
He cannot show but he guides me
To the meadows I roam free
Clear skies torn apart by sun rays
Like it was always that way
Our bodies glisten as they sway.

He calls me in, a messenger
I breathe him and he is medicine
From the ghosts in my bedsheets
From mosaics of grief I've seen
And the shadows appear on the hilltops
Trickling towards me like rain.

Then stormy skies run like watercolour
He is gone and darkness creeps in
Bad dreams line the clouds of sleep
From summer in the meadows to rough seas
I see his face in my morning coffee
And I pour him down the sink
For I cannot swallow this feeling
Knowing the visions belong to me.

You haunt my dreams of places I will never visit
People I will never meet
In the background of each painting
You're the stains on every seat
You're the barbed wire round my heart
You're the rotting in the woods
You're the dark circles under my eyes
I can't sleep because of you.

Wild;
The lines are obscured
Between who is there to feed you
And who is out there for themselves.
You're a parasite, you pacify my voice
So I can't scream it's muffled
In my messed up brain
I go insane to take my rains off.

Beast;
The mirror is obscured
Between what is real to me
And what is the real world.
You're an animal you amplify my need to run
Away in darkness
To a wasteland where
I find my place and I am my own boss.

I guess I should feel flattered
That I get it all the time
But it doesn't really matter
Cause I feel so dead inside
I'm waiting at the station
For a train that never comes
And I'm cutting up his t-shirts
Cause I'm bitter that he's gone

But I won't cry this time
Cause I'm lucky that they want me
They can **** me until everything's alright
And I just laugh because I'm rich
Oh I'm not rich from money
But I swear I'm rich from ******* that I know
But I'll never tell them no, no, no.

Another day, new invitation
They're inviting me to bed
But they can never satisfy me
Too much ******* in their heads
My best friend told me that he loves me
But I guess he's not the one
Cause I'm saving his kind heart
From my weak, destructive bones.

But I won't cry this time
Cause I'm lucky that they lust me
But it's not enough to fill the aching in my chest
So I'll just laugh
And I will continue dancing
I'll get high from all the happiness instead
Until they want my heart not what's between my legs.

Before you, my heart was a starless sky
An unspoken goodbye
A life without a reason why.
Before you, my heart was heavy and dull
A lonely night, an empty hole
A desperate humming in my skull.
Before you, my body was only for fun
An amusement park, rebellious and young
A love song that no one true has sung

Cheekbones so sharp you cut through diamond
Your gaze pierces my soul
I'm naked though I'm fully clothed
Bruised eyes, ****** knuckles tell it all.

I meet you where nobody goes
The grey sky marks the open road
To love so deep and live with nothing
This longing now is all I know.

Fight for me with all your jealous rage
If I have you I need nothing more
So drive away and live on adventure
Feel the fire in your core

I indulge in this decadence
This raw passion tears me apart
To die so loved would feel like heaven
So shoot your bullets through my heart.

I crave to be near
But you burn me at the touch
You leave your mark on me
And I use you like a crutch
When you smile I feel our spark
And when you frown I just smell smoke
Stuck in a cycle I'm left in the dark
But without you I would choke.

My voice is loud
To make an echo in my soul
I came in eyes wide
Like a whirlwind
And shook up a storm of a man.

Decay and rust what once was gold
Now common copper
Broken homes
You promised the world
And left empty handed.

The thunderclaps of your touch
How do you leave what eats you up?
Addicted to your darkness
Cause when I see sun
It rips apart my sadness.

I'm delirious with delusions
I envisioned more than this
But your touch is hot like fire
And I still long for your kiss
When I'm alone at night, do you remember this?

Bound men frown quietly
Bound by pressures of society
To be a man but you're a boy
And boys just have to play with toys
Not girls, not women you see
But I hope you remember me.

Your love is a cigarette
The instant relief of your embrace
Lasts only a second
And then I'm left with a bitter taste
Charcoal lungs.

Yet I yearn for more
I know you're bad for me
But soon our flame will burn black
So I'll let our love cool
And I'll stub it out.

Wonder child
Use me up
Like money
Use me up
Like drugs
We'll run away from the world
Just you and me
A ******* crusade
Campaign for a life of luxury
Where love is fast
And dope is free
I'll leave you addicted to me

I swore I'd make you happy
But it's never enough
I could give you my life
But you only show me tough love
You are a joker, you're a menace
I thought I was too
But you take my fragile heart
And break it in two
And you laugh oh you laugh and tell me to go
And when I get up to leave you swear it's a joke
You don't know how to be serious when it comes to love
There's a conflict in my head
A friction between my lungs.

The shambled emotions on the side walk
Singing songs with our eyes cause we’re dirt poor
And talk is cheap but I guess yours is free
And you never leave when you’re next to me
And I can’t help but push you away from here
Tearing paper skin with crocodile tears
Try and leave a mark, leave a scar
But it’s wearing thin, I bruise hard
The casualties of history
Oh treat me like you don’t know me
And if I die do not mourn me
Yeah if I am dying don’t resuscitate me

The sadness came like a car crash
The hope of the open road and blue skies
Overcame with rain and darkness.
The kind of sadness that tears through your chest
Like the seatbelt saving you is all you have left.

There's a kind of fantasy
In the immortality of memories
Where I remain
In a glass frame
Caged in youth
I age by the day.

A fond departure my dear
In the winds I linger
Not by your hands I leave
But by your heart I remain.

A bitter departure my dear
In your thoughts I linger
By your words I leave
But in your memories I remain.

We do what we do for a reason
And you may not understand my life
I cannot understand mine either
But it makes so little sense to fight
With the people I owe my success to
I'm successful in only one way
But success always leads to a downfall
And that is always the part that I play
No damsel in distress but I'm waiting
Because deep down I need to be saved
Cause my greatest enemy is myself
And my actions cut deep like razor blades
And I know deep inside I have power
But to release it takes more than I have
Maybe one day I'll stand on my own feel
Maybe one day I can just please myself.

I'm a drunken mess
I cant evem typed pribperly
Must have kissed 6 people tonights
and all mmy mates havbte me
yay.

I find serenity in storms
The slams of doors make my heart race
And if you trace your finger's down my spine
I'll give you an earful
Of distasteful pleasure
I'll juxtapose any situation
For the most fun I can find
Oh I love being hard to read darling
I want you to open my closed eyes
And if you read me like a story
I will lie dear oh I'll lie
And cover up my deepest fears
And conceal everything I despise
I love to hate and hate to love
Those I regret most I crave
So lay me on the darkest train tracks
And pray that I will be safe.

You crawled under my skin
And made a bed in my chest
The weight of you is heavy
But knowing you're there gives me rest
Tore a hole in my heart
I keep your promises there
Soon you grip onto my veins
I lose my balance, you pull my chair
I feel you inside my bones
You made your way through my body
I need a map through your thoughts
I sit here frozen with worry
You smoked up in my brain
Clouded my sensible vision
I know that love it makes you crazy
But I swear you're an addiction

I'm naked in your sight
You look at me as if you see through me
See through all my mistakes
Exposing everything I've left behind
Look in my eyes and read my mind
I'm uncovered in your gaze
You tear off my mask, destroy my cage
Trace all my steps and walk through them
Viewing me for what I am.

I find serenity
In the faith others hold
In a being larger than us
Who we cannot see at all.
I wish I were able to conjure up a life
To lead others to salvation
To give reason to hard times.
I find healing
In others wisdom that others hold
In the words of forgiveness
When I fear I'm growing old.
I find hope
In the growth I see around every soul
In the plants and the earth
It makes me feel whole.

I encompassed myself in a cocoon
To envision a transformation
I embodied myself like you
To become something worth gratification
I tasted the wine and I ate the fruit
But it all was a trick
Now they're coming for you
The serpent sleeps well knowing
I fell for the view
Got kicked out the garden
I'm destined for doom

There's a lump in my throat that won't leave
And try as I might I can't sleep
I know that finding love is a want not a need
But I feel like you were my missing piece
I still see you when I'm out with my friends
You say hi and then you leave again
When we hug I hold on, you squeeze then pull away
And I'm trying to move on from my mistakes.

Cause darling you don't love me
You don't want to settle down
But when you were in my bed
I felt you in my heart
And I'm drawn to you like magnets
Your a plus and I'm a con
You can let me down gently but I want you gone
From my mind, give me space, give me time.

There's and emptiness in my chest that won't leave
I fall in love so easily, its a flaw in me
Cause I swear I need someone to breath
And everyone tells me that boys are not my relief
I see my friends have someone who makes them happy
And I look at myself and I'm filled with worry
Cause I want someone who's scared to lose me
Someone who loves me so much they drown in it.

Cause darling you don't love me
You don't want to settle down
But when you were in my bed
I felt you in my heart
And I'm drawn to you like magnets
Your a plus and I'm a con
You can let me down gently but I want you gone
From my mind, give me space, give me time.

Give me love,
I'm elastic, push me hard
I'll bend backwards
For you dear
I'd move the earth
So you'd see
I put you first.
Give me space
I'm enigmatic, warm heart
Words are static
But I love
You like poison
Drink me in
I'll take over your heart.

I'm grieving for a year that I held dear to me
For a year that taught me
That people will leave
But others will follow.
For a year that taught me that pain
Should be taken with a pinch of salt
And a shot of tequila
I mourn for a year of lost lovers
For now they have truly gone
A clean slate lays before me
But I wish that I could still hold on.
A year of fighting and kicking
To make something of myself
Or completely erase the things I've done
Thing's I've said
A year I made it to the hospital bed.
I mourn for a year I found myself
Found real friends and lost people I love
And now we move onto the next year
It's up to me now to make this one count.

I breathe in the fumes
Intoxicated states of pure bliss
In the form of headaches
I feel quietly numb.

Huffing away the days
To forget what's going wrong
In my solvent haze
I remember you have gone.

I breathe in the fumes
I medicate myself with bleach
These tendencies last weeks
I fear it may be my last breath it takes.

I have so much love in my heart
But don't let anyone love me
I take and take and push away
I bruise, I break, I bleed.

I crush the souls of those I meet
To get my daily feed
A dose of poison in my veins
Is all the love I need;
Heart breakers and hell-raisers
Can never love for free.

Why do I fall so easily?
Why does nobody satisfy me?
These questions seem to fill my troubled head
I push away before I'm hurt
I too have felt pain of the worse
Because with love and lust comes fear and greed.

I try to forget it
I try to act like you were never mine
But when I wake up it's the same day
I repeat you leaving me in my mind
I wash my skin like a ritual
To try and wash your lips off mine
You're haunting me I can't escape
Cause you surround everything

Hurricane, you took your pain and destroyed me
Hurricane, I took the blame and avoided it
Hurricane, you took my heart and you swallowed it
Hurricane, was it all for nothing darling was it all in vain?

I try to move on now
And pretend you were never in my bed
But I can still hear your voice
Whispering words that you never really meant
I try to find love in others
But I can't find my home with them
You aren't alone I know this
Cause you get everything you want

Hurricane, you took your sadness and ignored mine
Hurricane, I tried to change but it was too late
Hurricane, my house was solid before you came
Hurricane, what did you get out of hurting me that night?

I hate you
Because I can't hate you
Loving you is all I know how to do.
You're a *******
You're infuriating
I want to slap you with my heart
I want to **** until we're screaming
I miss you
Because I can't hold you
And holding you is all my hands know how to do
I love you
**** I have to stop loving you
Why does my heart open every time I hear your name spoken?
I'm broken. I'm broken.

Don't try to tell me how to live
Don't say that love is hard to give
I don't need you to save me
I don't need to you pray for me
Don't try to test me with your mind
I'm tired of games I'm tired of lies
I've fought my way through too many times
I've fought my way through to survive

I'm not gonna fall into the dirt
You stamp on my heart I don't get hurt
You try to cut me with your words
I am a falcon rising above it all
I've been through hell, I've found the light
I am whole I don't need a guy
I don't need you to save me
So who's the weak one now baby?

Don't patronise me I know best
I know that life is just a test
I don't need you to show me
I just wanted you to want me
In all the darkness I found stars
You pull me back, I'm flying far
I've struggled underneath the waves
I've struggled just to find my place

I'm not gonna fall into the dirt
You stamp on my heart I don't get hurt
You try to cut me with your words
I am a falcon rising above it all
I've been through hell, I've found the light
I am whole I don't need a guy
I don't need you to save me
So who's the weak one now baby?

I'm a ******* heroine
I don't need you darling
Cause I'm a ******* warrior
And I will be victorious.
I'm a ******* champion
You can't ******* undone
Cause I'm a ******* demon
And I will fight till I find love.

I tell the world I'm invincible
That the words they say don't lacerate my skin
That every time I look in the mirror
I am happy with who I am
What I am, who I've been.

I tell the world I'm invincible.
That I go to bed each night with happy dreams.
That every time I fall in love
I am content with loving them
Wanting them, them having me.

I tell the world I'm invincible.
That nothing in the world can hold me down
That every time you crush my walls
I'll build myself up
Never cry, never frown.

I know inside I'm not invincible.
But I tell myself to make it all okay
So every time I crumble at 3am
I'll move on from it
I'll make something from it, I'll grow, I'll change.

Life as an island, there's such solitude
Every syllable an echo
The time is unknown when there is only you
Everyone is an island
Their own little world
A canvas in which to paint
A garden in which to grow.

I always believed that my shores were untouchable
Little boats enter inside the borders
But that's as far as they ever go...
Until one day
You stood at the mast
Took your lasso, pulled the rope
And dragged me into your waters
Built a bridge between islands.
Formed a continent with your company.

I write you poems all the time
Every time you cross my mind
My mouth never utters a word of you
But my mind it never shuts up, its true.

I write you poems all the time
And tear them up and say I'm fine
That I don't need you in my life
But my mind says otherwise.

I wrote you poems when we met
They were so different back then
I spoke of love and innocence
My mind was stuck on you, my friend.

I wrote you poems in Autumn
When the leaves died I thought of them
I thought of what we were back then
But we know things have to change again.

Some of my best friends
I've found in my darkest times
When all the ones you felt closest to
Have slipped away
The true ones show.
They reach out to the depths of your heart
Like a blanket of comfort
Shelter from the snow
And cradle us with kind words,
With sincerity.
And that's how you know
That even when the rain falls
And you lose all hope
They will not stray like lost sheep
They will cling like leeches
And **** the poison out.

I would rather be cast aside
Than live my life forced to abide
By what you want from me
By what I'm expected to be
My body is not yours to take
It's mine to give
It's my choice to make
So don't **** me when I turn away
And say "not now" I mean never again.
My body is a gift to give
Receive it as such
And bless it with grace
A temple of truth
A body of trust
To use it against me is far too much.

You should have listened
When I said I wanted out
When I told you about the things in my head
When I said I was better off dead
You should have listened
When I said I needed someone
But I'm not blaming you for this
Don't get me wrong
You should have listened
At 3am when I was sobbing in my room
And you were sleeping peacefully
You should have listened
When I said that I loved you
The humble crack in my voice
Like it's the last chance for me to be true
But will you listen?
When I'm lonely and it's cold
And I need someone to protect me
This life is growing old
And if you listen
And give me a reason to stay
Then I promise you you won't regret this
I'm here when you feel this way.

I saw a glimpse of myself
Hardly recognised the face
Staring back at me through the glass
A life going to waste.

The lonely sun beckoned me on
Up towards the sky
All that's left of the future
Remains blurred behind my eyes.

I'm a soldier to my wars
Fighting battles of the past
Closed eyes are my armour
I fight to make my moments last.

Cold hands, grey eyes
Gives them butterflies
Dances all night.

Goes home, still drunk
Another boy, false love
Gives up, gets ******.

Messed up, trying hard
Plan fell through from the start
Can't get better with a broken heart.

Wants love, can't love herself
Puts her worth high on the shelf
Can't reach, kills herself.

Lonely, wants him
But he's dealing with the same thing
She wants more than a silly fling.

Must wait for him
Though the future looks grim
She'll hold on to it.

Loving you is exhausting
But exquisite and intricate and haunting
The kind of love that lingers like the smell of smoke
From the candles in my bedroom
The kind of love that touches the crevices in my body
That no one has reached out to touch before
And yet there you are
In my veins, in my heart, holding me
Loving you is all I can do darling
I knew from the moment we spoke
That I would want you forever
And that is my promise to you.
Loving you isn't easy
Because loving you makes me crazy and insecure and worried
But loving you is a new journey that I am taking
A sacrifice that I am making
Something I must get used to; loving you.

You told me you were "addicted to me"
Who need's drugs, when I had a stronger affect
Your lips are ecstasy
Your heart is LSD
And I crave you like morphine
You numb me
When your gone I have withdrawals
The effect is so strong
You're not perfect
But you feel too right to be wrong
You hit me so fast
And I'm high for the night
But the rush never lasts
I need you here tonight.

Losing weight
Losing my mind
Losing love
Losing time
Losing hope
Losing friends
I've fallen down a hole
And I've lost myself again.

If you shot me with a gun
I'd probably apologise to you
I say sorry for everything
Cause that is what I've learnt to do
They tell me not to say I'm sorry
Cause it's not like it's my fault
But I just want to make them happy
And it kills me when they're not.

If someone you loved had passed away
I'd probably blame it on myself
Cause everything is my fault
I'll keep my problems on my shelf
They tell me not to apologise for my existence
But what a sorry existence I am
I crave someone to make me happy
But no one out there gives a ****.

They say I need to learn to say no
But the words won't leave my mouth
And even when I am not happy
I'll try not to make a sound
And I can learn to find my voice
Or I can stay in the same place
I know I'll never be happy
If I keep putting on a brave face
So tonight I'll rest my bones
And when the sun comes up at dawn
I wont apologise for you
No I won't say sorry to you any more.

Night time on my mind
Graffitied to the walls on my train ride
To where you live
You give anything to feel real
To feel alive
So you get drunk, get ******
To drown out the pain
But after you're done you still feel the same.
I cried to him in a drunken state
And he told me not to hurt myself
I told him to slap me round the face
He did, but I still didn't feel a thing.
We slept together, skin on skin
I felt my heart opening which worried me
Then quickly closing down
Metal bars, can't let you see
What you do to me.
The next day you called me a taxi
Asked me why I looked sad
And kissed goodbye to me
Your love bites don't mean a thing
You won't know this but I'm sinking.

We are nothing
We're not lovers
We're under covers
We are nothing

We are nothing
Nothing but an illusion
It's all in my head
What I'm feeling for you

We are nothing
We are just a drunken rampage
Just a moment of touching
Just the emptiness we create

We are nothing
We are nothing after tonight
So why am I hoping?
That you'll see me in a new light.

In my oblivion I loved you
Eyes wide, I idolised you.
My boss, my king, my only.
Hold me? Do you love me now?
Do you love me now I'm on my knees howling?
I'm bowing down to you
Cause that's all I know how to do
Darling?
Do you still miss me?
Do I still make you happy like I did that day?
I'm choking on memories
Holding back months of tears
Cause I'm lonely.
You say you want me
But you don't really want me
You just want to own me.
So I stray to feel like my soul is still holy
Cause I have fought myself
For so long now do you see?
So in this endless naivety I'll keep you
But you'll never own me darling.
You'll never own me.

My trail of thought left with the train in the distance
Do not disturb my blissful ignorance
Because it's a long way to jump from here
Adrenaline rushing through a tunnel of thoughts
As tangled as a tube map
I stand at the crossroads of my life
Mindlessly dodging traffic.

And of course
Every now and then it hits you
Like a car crash
Like a train-wreck
And you feel yourself choking on the unsaid words
And vomiting up the residue from drunken kisses
Howling at the night sky
While friends tell you "it gets better"
A truth you do not need to hear
Because right now you miss them like a limb
And you're dragging yourself around every day
Trying to make it to some kind of finish line
Some kind of end
Where the pain stops hurting
Where you stop remembering their name
And how you held them and danced with them
And spoke to them about how you wanted them
And now at 3 in the morning
You're lonely and longing
And they're with somebody new
Who probably kisses them the same as you did
And they no longer yearn the touch of your fingertips
No longer crave you like water on a summers day
Because they have them.
They have found someone to hold their aching bones
And you are alone.
But you are not a reflection of those you have lost
And you will be loved by people you have never met
And you are beautiful despite their passing
You are worthy, don't you forget.

I am rotten
I am plagued by my own soul
An anti-Midas causing ****
Everywhere I go.

I am broken
And no one understands
How lonely it feels to put your worth
In everyone else's hands.

I am sorry
If I have ever broken your heart
It makes me feel in control
To keep my barriers up.

I am happy
When I am in your arms
And all the pain it goes away
I'm protected from harm.

I am just me
I'm a wounded complicated thing
Although I may not show it much
I appreciate everything my life brings.