I braced myself for the impact of what the blow would be. Kissing the sleep out of you on that cloudy Saturday morning keeps on running through my mind like the memories are water swirling in a whirlpool, they keep going and going before my eyes and I can't shut it out to sleep. You- God kissing you, feeling one of your arms go under my neck and the other around my waist made me feel like all the harsh silences and sad facts became irrelevant and all that mattered was the way you kissed me by the piano and the way you pulled my body towards you this morning. I'm preparing myself for the blow of you leaving and I don't want to.
Passive stances and subtle aggression ***** dishes wiped clean A bucket of bleach and toxic masculinity This is home to me, Lavish meals and trips dripping in fantasy Older men's eyes had *** with me While my neck was seared with fake jewelry Home appears to follow me, Desire wears a scarf of sin **** around my ankles and wrists ***** for all to see This was home to me.
The sun is rising. My head is pounding like it has a separate heartbeat. I sit out on the patio with my legs crossed every inhale is with a cigarette. maybe two. I can see my breath in the morning air but the whiskey keeps me warm. Although they were not the most memorable part of the night, I feel your kisses all over me. Torie slides open the door.
"I had the strangest dream last night. It was ******* terrifying." She says while lighting a cigarette. She stares out at the sunrise with me. A silent bond between the two of us. "Yikes. You okay? What happened in it?" I say.
I'm nauseous at this point from all the drugs mixing together with the sleep deprivation. I take another drag from my cigarette, remembering the night before.
"Huh... you know what's the weirdest thing? I cannot remember this dream to save my life. It just left me feeling, so strange... I'm so glad you're up." "I'm glad /you're/ up." I pause. "I've been thinking about life a little too much after graduation. My mind is scattered and panicked. I... have no idea, whatI'mdoing." I struggle to get the words out of my mouth. Torie looks at me. Inhales from her malboro for a long time. "I've been thinking too. It's hard /not/ to think right now. Especially about our present and future. It's a whole different life." "Yeah..." I trail off.
The sunrise is so gorgeous and so is my life in this exact moment. I can't think of any more words that could make this moment more perfect. We stare at the sunrise together. My fingertips are slightly numb. But that's alright. Who knew that this moment in our lives Would define who we are forever.
I put out my cigarette, Walk back in the room, Lay down next to you on the floor where our friend Taylor used to live. Who knew someone could move out of their home so quick and leave to a different state in a matter of days. She was the only one who got out, On her own terms.
I run my fingers through your hair. You're so sweet looking when you sleep. Your blonde hair is like bright white golden rays of sunlight. We both make tired noises and cuddle next to each other. I think about the nightmares. You think about dreams.
One of my favorites. A conversation with a best friend. Sometime in June 2014.
My life is but a weaving Between the Lord and me; I may not choose the colors– He knows what they should be.
For He can view the pattern Upon the upper side While I can see it only On this, the underside.
Sometimes He weaves in sorrow, Which seems so strange to me; But I will trust His judgment And work on faithfully.
‘Tis He who fills the shuttle, And He knows what is best; So I shall weave in earnest, And leave to Him the rest.
Not ’til the loom is silent And the shuttles cease to fly Shall God unroll the canvas And explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needed In the Weaver’s skillful hand As the threads of gold and silver In the pattern, He has planned.
by AUTHOR UNKNOWN
Based upon research, have discovered that more than one person has been credited with authorship of this poem. For now, have decided to list it as “author unknown” until there is further clarification. Corrie ten Boom. These words said Corrie ten Boom, the author of many many books. I feel honored and humbled that I may show you this poem she constantly presented in her life as a token of love to God and let you know about her. As Corrie ten Boom said the true author of this poem is still unknown. I am only the one who gives through.
with love, Sylvia Frances Chan Wednesday, 20 December 2017
CORRIE ten BOOM is a Dutch Evangelist who rescued many Jews from ******'s hands during WW II. She had traveled around the world to tell about the many Wonders she got from God during her life, especially during those war times.
To my once dearest friend, I simply wish to make amends, I know that you've moved on It's my turn to go.
But what's it like to realize That what we felt were only lies And not for real? Did it catch you by surprise, And did he open up your eyes To how you feel? I just want to know, my friend; What's it like to fall in love again?
I often wished to write, but then, I feared upsetting you again. I really should move on, But I need to know.
Will I look into her eyes Only to think of all the times I looked at you? Will not everything she does Simply remind me of the love That I first knew? I just want to know, my friend; What's it like to fall in love again?
I can't help thinking of The day I get to fall in love And show how far I've come, That I've let go.
But what's it like to realize That your first love was all a lie And not for real? When she looks me in the eye Will it catch me by surprise just how I feel? I just want to know my friend; What's it like to fall in love again?
I'm not sure how I'll feel. How will I know if it is real, Or if it's better that I run; I need to know.
Will she catch me off my guard And will I feel within my heart A love that's strong? Or will I know upon first sight When I'm with her I am right Where I belong? I just want to know, my friend;
Will she help me off the ground And will I at last be found As I take her hand? It hurt like nothing else before When you knocked me to the floor, I couldn't stand. Though I know you said we can't be friends; Tell me, what's it like to fall in love again?
SHAPESHIFTING 7/25/2014 in under two minutes I could shed my skin my limbs aren't my own- to be in your presence to feel the warmth hearing breaths, chest moving If your arms are around mine the shift becomes inside like the plates of the earths core positioning right into each other Filling each other, filling me up Shapeshifting im not me when I'm with you im indebted to this feeling take my skin; my veins - rip out my entire being shapeshifting for you
this is a poem from a time where I was very unhealthy. it makes me feel suicidal just remembering how I felt. I feel odd tonight but thats life.
My mind was on holiday It couldn't quite take me far enough away To escape your moral decay I was always lured with bait It took a decade to turn to hate I'm sorry I left the party I gazed into your eyes and saw tomorrow Only time will tell If I broke the spell It's not easy to leave you In your rendition of ****