I hope you never know how much pain you’ve caused.
I still defend you with my every breath.
The hope I entertained, it now is lost:
All of the hopes of you, I put to death.
There is no reason now for me to stay.
This anger burns hotter than I can scream.
And now, all I wish to do is escape
Because, with you, I cannot feel my dreams.
I longed for what I used to think was real,
But now I know that love is just a lie.
So now I’ll let you go, and I will heal
And wait for someone else to show me why
Love is not wrong, misplaced, or worthless, see—
But love like that can’t happen now for me.

Homework, thou art a most wearisome ghost
Who doth chivy and harry my frail bones
To their shatterment, to amuse the host
But I shall not delight them with great tones
Of fear and agony, nay; with homework,
I shall blast the fearsome foundation flat
And though my heart bids me to papers shirk,
Quiet strength am I, and never fearing
What mere letter or stroke may do to me
For I have but one desire: to learn
And to become the best that I can be
While for homework no sense I yet discern.
What shall tear me down from where I now stand?
Only homework, which I cannot remand.

Don't hurt yourself
    because you're hurting.
Don't break yourself
    because your heart's breaking.
I know you're sinking, drowning,
    tearing apart inside.
But someday I see you smiling
    And that's why I keep loving.

I liked you first
when I realized that I wanted to be alone
but not as much as I didn't want you to be

I thought I could put you in a box
I was wrong
I thought I could work you out like math
I was wrong

I thought this was what you'd say
You said something else
I thought you were one way
You were another

But it was the same about me

I tried to put myself in a box
I tried to work myself out like math
But I'm more than that,
And I can't figure it out

I thought I was supposed to say this
But I should have said something else
I thought I was one way
But I was another

I tell myself that I don't know you
But I don't know me

And that is much worse.

Billows of blue sheets
Scarlet ribbons in the sky
Violet petals
Gold strewn across the heavens
Dazzle me. Then the sun sets.

an outpour of you,
Creativity, the bird
who lives inside me
and sometimes devours me
but sometimes leaves me helpless.

I can feel you here
When I'm alone and weary;
Even in silence,
Words are unnecessary.
I know that I'm not alone.

If I repeat you,
Playing you endlessly here,
Will you stay with me?

honestly, just a good beat
and a breath of air
can sometimes mean the world
to a suffocating soul.

“Do you ever feel like…
um
like in a moment you see where you were a year ago
and you wonder how you got to where you are
and you trace it back, reading through a journal or something
and you can’t remember so much
it all happened so fast
and you wonder if you’ll ever get back the time you lost
I barely ever look back
but when I do
it feels like looking down the other end of a tunnel, where it’s so bright now that it’s hard to see the light that I started out in at the other end.”

So much commotion
Takes over my tired brain
Can I just sit still?

It's been a little while since I decided
since I started telling everyone who asked
since I posted it in every corner
since I declared my major.

But what if I don't want to be a teacher?
What if I go off to college,
and I suddenly have the courage to do
what I didn't want to do before?

I'm afraid that it won't work
afraid I can't make it work
afraid to let go and fall
because what if it falls through?

All I want to do is music,
and yes,
I'm minoring in music
and honestly
I could be a teacher
but I'm rethinking that.

I know I don't have to go with the career
that matches my major,
and that I could finish out a teacher's license
and then go on to music.

But I could be so much more prepared!
There's so much more I could do
if I majored in Songwriting, Music Performance, or Worship Ministries.
What should I do?

What can I do?
I can take generic classes now,
ones that can count for any major,
and choose later.

But how long can I wait?
I'll just have to be patient
and wait for His guidance
because He knows what I should do.

Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing
Or where my life is going,
But I know that without your leading,
It’ll just be endless roaming.

I’ve looked at my past and present,
And my future doesn’t look bright
Unless I accept Your leadership
And give in to your calling tonight.

I’m asking for help ‘cause I need it:
I need you most desperately;
I can’t live this life without it:
I need help immeasurably.

I’m tired, exhausted, of being alone
And giving in to loneliness;
I’ve realized that that’s You, calling me
It’s you wanting my brokenness.

Because when I have no one,
I have You;
There’s no one I need more,
But I forget the truth.

Please keep reminding me
Of how much I need Your love;
It’s not that You won’t give it,
But that I don’t think it’s enough.

I don’t want to keep searching,
I’ve done this all before:
I know that it ends in sorrow;
Your light is what I look for.

So please take me, it’s hopeless:
Without you I am done;
I’m giving up on myself
And accepting that You’ve won.

I know You’ll take me,
Of the little I do know…
It’s a comfort I find
A Friend who will never go.

You fill the longing deep inside
That I cannot comprehend
You’re the road before me
In a sea of stone dead-ends.

So don't let me forget it,
How I am completely Yours;
I cannot have grounds for despair
When I am on Your shores.

brownies taste better
and fill me up with their love
more than you. that's it.

Should I drive you from my mind?
Shall I stop my heart?
Or are you even close to me?
Do you play a special part?

I forget to think of you
When I am alone,
And I can't say I like to say
Our names in a loving tone.

I admire you, I know that,
But are you in my soul?
Have I even written your name?
Or imagined us on a stroll?

In fact, am I infatuated?
Or do I fancy it
So that my heart longs to feel,
And yet, it doesn't?

I don't know what I'd do
If you suddenly loved me,
And I don't know what I'd say
If your eyes began to see.

Perhaps my heart's run out of love--
Perhaps I am a yawn:
Too tired to think romantic things
And to friendship go beyond.

Finally, I have defeated
A meaningless urge:
The wish to be your only one,
Under tiredness submerged.

plant a seed down deep
it must die before it grows
but then it will rise
and be greater than ever
closest and strongest of all.

There is one I hold to,
One whose love is strong;
Strong enough to hold me
When he’s been deeply wronged.

For when I find I’m empty,
He fills me up with love,
And strength enough to carry on—
Much more than just enough.

He keeps me from despairing
For he’s never too busy for me;
His every waking hour,
He’s attentive as can be.

I know no other as righteous:
He’ll never do me wrong.
I wish I was more like him, but
The process will be long.

When no one makes me special,
When I’m selfish and want my way,
He’s patient, quiet, humbling:
He takes my breath away.

He’s not just something to hang on to
Because ‘nothing could heal this pain’:
He is the only solution,
The sun above the rain.

My faith isn’t blind, here—
It’s more than justified;
My Savior keeps me going.
To Him I owe my life.

Sunset
Sunrise
Twilight and
The moonrise

They dictate
Time and sight
Without be
No more light.

The raven whispered
"Nevermore was an old phrase;
Forever you'll die!"

Would that it would end
And leave me in silence here,
Tranquil and alone.

Tread not on empty ground,
For the skies may stretch across
And the grass may abound upon the earth,
But you'll not thrive in the desert lost.