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Andres Mar 17
my head could last for days
my head could think up a hole
It would take me a minute to try to distinguish a cold shoulder from cold
or maybe I’m something nice looking to ****
With men, that just be my luck,
Never know if it’s something to fear or if it’s truly something to trust,
but baby, you should stay, my head told me you wanted to go
I can’t take another heart break, so my heart, let’s just take it slow
Do you mind just actually leaving,
It would hurt less without an explanation
I’ve never felt worthy of one longer than a couple words,
Lonely and broken in the heated train station
my feelings and ego go away as soon as i look at your eyes
But come right back up on late night train rides
I wanna text you, but you’ll probably be suffocated
don’t expect gifts on my birthday unless it’s belated
momma reminds me to not settle for less than I’m worth
but momma don’t know that for love I’m a serf, for love, I’ll rebirth
But no worries, the couch is super comfy tonight
Your quickest replies are the ones that say goodbye, or so it seems,
My head is spinning like carousels after hours and behind the scenes
Shoot my heart like you on a dolly, got every angle
Hold my hand like you know who i am, baby, what can you handle?
I’m a mess inside and when I’m without you it spews
So doctors resort to telling me
“Honey, go sit in the pews”
But prayer to god, pray to allah and mami, nada me sirve
Y mami, con este dolor, amor nunca me hace libre
So anxious, and nervous, with no repercussions
So baby hit hard, slept w several concussions
Not the ones you think you got
But the ones that hit you in parking lots
You thought he would love you, but you can’t be loved
You thought it was his treat, end nights in Hyatt’s
Rent out a Beamer, **** it, a fiat
And baby you got me
Baby you got me

I wish i could see you and look in your eyes
I’ll sing some long and distracting lullabies
Don’t focus on the man you never signed up for, hes been through it all
You really wanna find a place with some privacy when weather gets cold in the fall?
his sisters running his life
And his parents not fit for the world
and if these planets don’t stop ******* moving, i swear I’m just gonna hurl
My body is broken in all the right places
if i don’t leave, he’s smashing all the glass vases
I should relax, pay attention to what makes sense
I’m over here in round two with my brain, playing chess
If you have hidden motives, would you promise to reveal?
If i had all these scars, would you help me to heal?
I have important questions to the subjects that matter
if something doesn’t go my way, it’s mind over the latter
My feelings are unattached, it’s my brain getting it twisted
So i think I’ll just go home and get myself lifted
blowing through cartridges like my gameboys too brolic
Can’t go a day without it, like a ****** alcoholic
I like you a lot, but my feelings won’t grow
I stress you a lot, but only on the low
I **** with you heavy, but my body’s too light
we could share stories in a dark room restricted of sight
Maybe you could feel what i feel and see what i see
I learn thrown in the deep end, but forget all out in sea
i added some Spanish in there.
I’m trying to be vulnerable with you. Spanish is my family’s language, and it’s my family. To speak to and about you in Spanish is to do it fearlessly. Challenge your language.
I learned that as opposed to living a life that is full of prediction and control, you could live a more fulfilling life of vulnerability. Risk your emotions, be the first one to take that step. Life rewards those with growth.
March 15 2019

I only wanted to be someone
Anyone but not me
I always wanted to fly away
Flying away. ever free

If only to be a hero
Stronger faster and smarter
But only to be a writer
My words never carried farther

Not smart. Not skilled
Not healthy. A life of no thrills
Losing my will
My clock ticks forever still

The beating of my heart
Slowly fading away
Nobody hears it crying
Nobody ever stays

Invisible to the world
Viewed only as a mute madman
A heart forever wanting
Of caressing loving wonderlands

If only in our minds
Could we ever truly be free
If only in my lost rhymes
Was i ever seemingly. Just me

I miss who i was
And hate who I've become
If you can never be yourself again
Why be anyone. Be no one

Life is up to us
It is our book and we a pen
If you ever feel left out
Just make some imaginary friends

Just a few words to flow with
In and out of your mind
While silence is welcomed company
Happy laughter is always good, nice, and kind.
I wish i could be me again
Who i used to be
I wish i was 14. And could try again
I took the wrong road
And it cost me my soul
I wished i couldve been a hero
Now i wish for a life on pluto
Nadine Mar 6
When I was small, carefree and young
I would laugh, giggle and have so much fun
Who would of known or ever could see
What I would go through what I would be

The roads I would travel the things I'd go through
I had love and friendship that never seemed true
Break ups and make ups, good times and bad
I lived through the fights and the memories I had

I believed in that prince on a white shinny horse
Will he still come and sweep me up of course
I'm still so young and many years are ahead
But at times I feel alone and in side so dead

I have worries and dreads and flights of fears
Its my demons and emotions that I mostly fear
The nights bring no comfort the day no peace
I wish this battle I face would just ceace

I can't explain and I don't know why
Sometimes I break and all I want is to die
I try to reach out and speak from my heart
But then the pain and emotions restart

You'll never know or understand if you tried
The mental agony and pain that inside I hide
Now I'll be fine and all seems so well
Then in an instant I pull into my shell

I know you worry I know you wonder
How can you calm my raging thunder
You cant help me you can't heal me
Cause I cant explain, I so wish to be free

It comes from within and it blows in an instant
Then from the world I keep my distance
It's emotions and worries and panic attracts
When you think it is over it's suddenly back

Where do I turn to where can I run
I wish to be happy carefree and fun
It raises in an instant and stays for so long
Then there goes my quietness like distant song

People try help and give there advise
They tell me to stand up, they tell me to raise
They say I'm stronger than what I believe
I must try harder and to advise give heed

I have tried this and that so many times
But it doesn't help cause it's more than my mind
Its deep in my soul my gut and my heart
If only I could figure out from where is all starts

How to control it so that it won't last
Maybe it's hidden deep in my past
I've dug and I've dug and pondered on things
All that it does is another one brings

It doesn't help me when you stare at me
You think I don't know but I always see
The whispers and giggles and **** remarks
Don't be back stabbing take of your masks

It's a constant battle to keep it together
I'm even effected by the change of weather
But I keep on going and pray to keep standing
And always on my two feet to be landing

So next time you see me distressed and ranting
Tears in my eyes and heavily panting
Try to be loving, understanding and gentle
It hurts me more when you are judgement

I know that you battle at times understand me
Do you stay away or reach out and hold me
I wish I could change and be more stable
Believe me I would of if only I was able
Amber Feb 12
a lasting portrait that sways in your head
like the pendulum in a clock swinging every second
it was tormenting you
and— i lingered     still.
even though i’ve long left
it seems like my heart was still there
my mind trying to cut off strings of attachments
my heart clung onto

both of us saw each other at the corner of our eyes         again.
yet we look down and walk away
not even giving a smile but a “bye
you didn’t know your feelings
and up till now u still don’t
but i did.    
—from the very start i knew.
but yet knowing you, like i knew myself
i still expected a nicely wrapped gift
when u had let me down.

from another perspective/ replying to @childofgodyay (carelessly)
Luminescence in the dark

She burnt, slowly but with intent, not so much a flickering flame ticking away at an oil soaked wick, but a continuous stream of energy sourcing from her earthly power. Most of the time she carried a faint glow, gently floating, casting the softest hues on things only moments forgotten, things in which she dreamt whilst spinning in creation, or perhaps things needing to be given to a nights ocean wave

She was born as deep as an ocean and many of her feelings reaching ranges unfathomable. Often troubled and tormented by things past, thoughts that burn and then rain tears like ash, a once dormant volcano breaking through the oceanic floor. Resurfacing, revisiting once more. Opening up to be quickly cooled and building upon her growing foundation, a demonstration for the ones she loves. Let her burn and boil, and when she erupts, be with her at her depths as she cools.
Caitlin Jan 27
I cannot escape you,
even in my dreams.
Sometimes they are fantasies,
showing how I wish we were.
Sometimes they are nightmares,
reminding me what we really are.
Both torment me.
I realize my last two have both started with I cannot, but to be honest I do feel helpless when it comes to this “muse”
I  heard the voice of silence
tormenting my soul
with spirits of nothingness
each day switching sentience
into my heart screaming
quiet in the shade of melancholy.
Amoy Feb 2018
By Amoy

Hiding behind the mask of shame and pain
I pick on you just so I can build my confidence and look cool
Who will help me to unmask my pain and show my true self to the world?
I hide in the hole of my mind waiting for someone to care enough to see through my game.
I hurt people because I’m hurt; I pick on you because I was picked on
I suffer in silence only to spew the nastiest thing that my ego dispels from my soul
Can’t you see that my venom masks my pain?
Help me too; I am the victim who only knows pain and anxiety
Everyone helps the victim; can’t you see that I am a victim too?
Can’t you see that my hurt takes shape and camouflages what lies beneath?
Can’t you see I hurt too?
Tell me who helps the bully?
Is it you? Do u have time to help me?
No one will
I guess u think that I’m a lost cause as well?
I’m not a lost cause I am a worthy cause
Who will help the Bully?

If you can get me to admit that I that I need love too then you have done your job
Help me see that I am worthy, that I can be confident without causing pain
Help me to love myself, that's where most of my pain lies.
Help me; forgive me so that I can forgive myself.
Who will help the bully; is it you? We are victims too
Who will help me see that my future can be bright too?
Who will help the bully is it you?
Blake Dec 2018
Oh how they speak about

gates of gilt and vivid silvery light,
the creator and how all pain of loss,
will be wiped away with his cryptic fingers,
shimmering of emerald rich jewels,
twelve different fruits on a tree of life,
The feeling of giving up a tiresome fight.

Oh how they speak about

a oven pit with the judgement of fire,
no rest day or night for a sinner,
holocaust lakes that combust a corpse red,
rebellious fallen angels and how every second,
chokes your soul with adultery,
The eternal torment or complete and utter destruction.

They speak and speak and speak
But I have seen and felt and seen...
both of these
In you

and don't you scorn so deliciously.
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