Ashley Somebody May 2016

And now that you're dating someone else
I suddenly understand you:
Things that you did, words that you said,
Even when I withstand you,

I took you for granted, but from the first,
You always respected me.
You bothered almost everyone else,
But you knew when to stop with me.

You've always believed in me
I'm not sure how I deserve it;
Between us, I think now we're closer,
And I will strive to preserve it.

And as for wishing that you were with me,
I think I can leave that behind;
Probably friends is all we will ever be,
And right now, I don't really mind.

Ashley Somebody Feb 2016

I'll be strong for you.
Usually I'm the anxious one,
Scared in crowds and streets.
But your pain is crippling you;
And I know I can be strong.

Ashley Somebody Feb 2016

There's always a ploy,
Complicated stratagems,
And a backup plan.
When I meet potential flirts,
I throw up my guard.
I save aloofness and pride
For the clingy one.
For the one given to thought,
I display impulse,
Expose spontaneity,
And show thoughtlessness.
For those expecting much praise,
I laugh at their face,
Disregarding some kindness,
And I spurn their wants.
But for the analyzer,
Who looks inside me--
I open up the floodgates,
I lay bare my faults,
And try to convince the man
Of every vileness
And of every cruelty
That I can muster.
For if he believes I sin,
And do so often,
Perhaps it will save him then
From the traps I'd lay
If I let myself like him,
Try to entrance him,
And lie about my dark soul.
This way, no man knows:
No man sees my tender heart,
No man knows my fears,
No man feels my true sorrow--
And my heart is saved.
But I wonder deep at night:
Am I lonely? No...
But I've run so far from love
That I'll never try again.

Ashley Somebody Feb 2016

I know things happen,
And bad things to good people;
I wonder sometimes,
Why to him? Why in this way?
And why now? Tell me.

Ashley Somebody Feb 2016

I take it back.
I said I wanted something to happen,
Something that would thrust him out of his comfort zone,
Something that would shatter his world and bring him closer to You.
But not like this, not so viciously that he can't eat or sleep.
Remove his pain, I didn't want this.
Take it back.

Ashley Somebody Feb 2016

Give him wisdom and peace he's never known.
Give her humility she's never had.
Give me the listening ear I've yearned to show.
Give us grace through this before it gets bad.
'Cause he needs wisdom to deal with her words:
She might accuse him and confess little.
I don't think he's ready to be this hurt,
And I know his pride is hard and brittle.
Humility will save her from sadness
For if she admits her wrong, she'll be fine
And I will sit here amid the madness
Treading on mutual friendship's thin line.
Even though I wish this was just a phase,
To bring us through, I will bear any weight.

Lord, don't let this end in disaster.
Ashley Somebody Feb 2016

Maybe
He will change his mind
Or grow a new opinion
As doors close for him.

Maybe
Thoughts will turn from her
And he'll see me waiting here
And he'll notice me.

Maybe
He will take a chance
Hoping that I will say yes
And I'll be surprised.



But maybe
He knows already
Because I've not been tactful:
He's seen my red face.

And maybe
He avoids me too
And rolls his eyes at my jokes
Because I'm stupid.

Maybe
He's flattered by me
By my attentions and smiles
And he lets me laugh.

Maybe
He doesn't notice
And I'm just another girl
Here on the sidelines.



maybe
he knows and hates me
and he talks behind my back.
i should give it up.

maybe
it'll go up in flames
and he will embarrass me
and they will all see.

jab
Ashley Somebody Feb 2016

Honestly,
She deserves better.
She would be so good for you,
But you would hurt her,
As you already have here
By forcing her to say no.

Honestly,
You need someone strong,
Someone to put up with you
And keep you in line,
Because you'll respond in turn
And influence will change you.

Honestly,
You have been the first.
I idolized the others.
But I see your flaws
As I ought to; I could say
All the things you need to hear.

But honestly,
You need more than me:
I would hurt you, I know it.
Though unintended,
I would run with my feelings
And push you away instead.

So honestly,
Think hard beforehand
Don't ask for what you don't want
You're resilient
But I'm a pain in the neck
And I don't want to break you.

Honestly
I won't make a move.
For both fear and for the hope
That we'll just be friends
If not best ones, then good ones:
Just as we are already.

So honestly
I might want to lie
But honest I will remain
As I tell you this:
That I would only choose you
If you fully knew the price.

jab
Ashley Somebody Dec 2015

He's always with my friends,
And I'm always with them,
And I kind of see him every single day.
The funny thing is this,
That I have a secret wish
To see how long—if—he can stay away.

One Sunday he slept late
And boy, I felt great
Knowing he'd miss church with us together
But smiling with chagrin
I saw him back again
When everyone meet up to eat our dinner.

I mentioned it that night
Before he I left his sight,
And he suggested—with us laughing together—
That someday, both of us
Should, without a fuss,
For fun, passively avoid each other.

Today has not been long
But so far I've been strong
And haven't sought him out, or told him so
But I know that tonight
We'll meet again, alright
And once again the count shall be zero.

Lol this guy. He gets on my nerves but he's too fun to hate.
Edit: April 19, 2016 - I didn't see him all day long.
Ashley Somebody Dec 2015

I've decided my sadness
Is not about you
And all of my worries
Are only mine, too

That I don't wished you liked me
I'm just overall lonely
I don't think you ignore me
I'm just not your somebody

I have my own life
I shouldn't make it about you
When you're yourself
I should be myself, too.

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