Aug 3 · 489
Monday's Child
Original:
Monday's child is fair of face
Tuesday's child is full of grace
Wednesday's child is full of woe
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.


Our version:
Monday’s child will be a superhero – ABIGAIL
Tuesday’s child never gets a zero – JULIA
Wednesday’s child loves to smile – ASHLEY
Thursday’s child is kinda wild –
Friday’s child is so nice and likes to play –
Saturday’s child is true and won’t betray –
And the child born on Sunday, so happy, –
Is an angel with a great personality. –
I wrote this with my girls (7 and 9), and they had a lot of fun. I just love writing things with them, it always captures that childlike spirit of fun that just makes me smile.
May 13 · 410
Adderall
Day 33, a review:

Without it, I sit,
And if I'm bored, then I sleep.

With it, I am up:
I look with wide open eyes,
Eyes that see the world
And all I could be doing.
I step with purpose,
Standing tall and confident.
I wake, take the pill,
Eat my food, drink my coffee,
And drive off to work
With an automatic smile,
And I sing along
To the songs I know by heart.
Without it, I sit,
And if I must stand, I lean;
Dragging tired feet,
Holding a troubled tummy,
And wishing I'd wake.

In the end, on these days off,
I find energy:
I discover the reserves
Of serotonin,
Dopamine and endorphins
That my body saved,
Keeping stored for "the future."
My brain slowly learns,
And the fuel to keep going
Isn't out of reach.
So on these days off,
I won't despair or decay.
I used to collapse,
Before I knew my full strength
And what it felt like
To set my mind and finish.
So help me today,
God, let this Adderall work
To give energy
And to strengthen my body
For this scary four-mile hike.
  

~didn't get my refill before leaving for vacation~
All those books they made us read,
The smelly yellow-pagers
That weighed as heavy as the guilt
We felt as "zombie teenagers";

Do we remember anything?
The names of the main characters,
Or maybe, who died in the end--
Or the ones who were in pictures?

It wasn't that we hated books--
We didn't understand them;
Before the teacher's spiritless voice
Made us slowly condemn them.

"Memorize the vocab words,
And don't forget the spelling!"
Was that the point of literature?
But definitions aren't compelling.

So all those hours in English Lit,
The days spent reading Steinbeck,
Were soured by the grouchy face
Always looming over my desk.

I always wished someone would say,
"This isn't boring, here's why:"
But I was told to shut up and read
When sometimes I wanted to cry:

"I hate this story! Nobody's happy!
And everyone's messed up!
It doesn't make sense to force it on us
When we're already stressed out."

But we had to read it, because they had to read it
When they were young in school.
This book had an impact in history:
So now, reading it is a rule.

So if it's a must, that's fine, then.
But...why don't we make it fun?
Or talk about the psychology
And learn something when we're done?

A book can't be everyone's favorite.
We're all different people inside.
But please try to make us all interested
With wisdom only you can provide.
Steinbeck, Dickens, Orwell, Bronte, Fitzgerald, all those depressing writers that we were forced to read. I only liked Edgar Allen Poe, and that's saying something!
Mar 26 · 284
Job
Job
The day begins before it should,
and every minute is squandered,
before I jump into the car,
spilling hot coffee in my haste.

Then the rushing wind blows past me,
running through my hair in the dark;
headlights keep up with the sharp turns,
and the thumping stereo lifts me.

Parking, on time, walking briskly
to ensure the grandest entrance
to give a formal impression.
My echoed greeting meets my ears.

Hello, goodbye, I take over,
holding my vigilant station
as I toast bagels with butter
and wait for them to call me up.

"Ashley!" comes the petulant cry
and I manage to answer her.
"Coming!" And I take a slow sip
before heading up creaky stairs.

They want me to pick out their clothes.
They want me to help them get dressed.
I say, "You can do that yourself,
I'm here to do hard things, like cook."

Teasing, admonishing, waiting
for children to do what I asked;
I take one more sip of coffee
and the cup is gone far too soon.

Soon, they are eating their breakfast,
and I'm prepping backpacks and coats.
Something spills, and I clean it up;
then she says she forgot her shoes.

I tell her sister to get them,
but she won't go up there alone.
So we three climb the creaky stairs,
and come back with their socks and shoes.

We run out the door, lock the garage,
and jump in my car for a ride.
"Seatbelts?" I ask before leaving,
and they both ask me for tic-tacs.

A minute away, and I park.
They jump out and both wave goodbye.
I smile and wait for the school bus.
I drive to my next job, next door.
Work as a nanny, it's not for everyone, but I love my girls.
Mar 22 · 561
Cry
Cry
Frick.


Don't feel bad for yourself.
You have it so good.
You have a house
to live in
You have clothes to wear
You have
a family
who loves you.

You have a boyfriend
who wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
Everything is going to be okay.


Bad things suck.
Good things are hard.
Life takes a long time to get right.
Feb 9 · 969
Sleep
Goodnight my darling,
sleep until the morning comes
and wakes you with its gentle finger
of sunlight, shining on your pillow.
Sleep until the clouds break the dawn
and steal away the night
from under the moon.
Sleep until the day is bright
and the time is right
and your eyes open wide.
Sleep tight. <3
Oct 2017 · 1.4k
Investments
Ashley Somebody Oct 2017
Surely my life's work
Will be worth as much to them
As it is to me,
Waiting for sales to show here
To feed my music budget.
I've published a book. http://www.lulu.com/shop/ashley-spence/poetry-volume-i/ebook/product-23389434.html
Oct 2017 · 1.0k
Mess
Ashley Somebody Oct 2017
All of my dishes, stacked in my room
Am I a slob? Please don't assume.
Clothes—whether dirty, clean, or worn—
I know the difference, though they're strewn.

Twinkling lights strung overhead
Match the lamp beside my bed.
With dust my dresser is adorned,
And my favorite chair is red.

I see the beauty in the mess;
Why do you cry in distress?
Mom, I like to live like this.
And I have no one to impress.
Oct 2017 · 1.0k
Inspiration
Ashley Somebody Oct 2017
Inspiration grips my soul
And gives my mind no peace;
I try and try to let it go,
But silence baffles me.

Sometimes in the darkest night
It's dreams that haunt my eyes
And sometimes, inspiration's height
Looks about agony's size.

Ideas sometimes look like pain
And memories that hurt me;
And beautiful though my song may be,
Perhaps its roots concern me.

But art, it lies within the choice
To make a lie show truth
And find the love inside the voice
Of your heartrending youth.

Don't build your statues with ashes:
Compress them into stone,
And watch as sorrow clashes
With love that builds a home.

Darkness is no shelter,
But is an invitation
For light to burn the better
As fire: my inspiration.
Pliny the Elder said: "The depth of darkness to which you can descend and still live is an exact measure of the height to which you can aspire to reach."
Sep 2017 · 909
Autumn
Ashley Somebody Sep 2017
In autumn, my soul feels closer
To the wind and leaves that fall.
I wrap the world up tightly
And my scarf makes me feel tall.

The breeze that bites and strikes me
And fills my eyes with tears
Is welcome when I'm lonely,
When I cover up my ears.

I love just taking comfort
In the warmth of my own skin
When boots and hat and gloves here
Keep all my warmness in.

If only every day got cold,
And every evening froze:
For then, I'd get to hug myself
From my head down to my toes.
Ashley Somebody Aug 2017
One step behind the other,
I keep my eyes ahead.
I'll keep myself together
If I watch where I have tread.

I'm sure I'm being hunted
By monsters in the night.
Not sure if I've been stunted,
Or if this is their true height.

But if the shadows wavered,
Or gave way to my stare,
I'd sing instead of quaver
And stand with shoulders square.

No time to sit and panic
Or just wait for the dawn.
Until I leave the manic,
I must keep trudging on.

Wait until I'm with you,
And then I might break down.
Take comfort when it's through,
When at last pain makes a sound.

Just save me a seat in the closet
I'm fighting my fears now:
Fear was the one to cause it,
But I will answer how.
Based on my new track, "Save me a seat in the panic room" available to stream from SoundCloud:
https://soundcloud.com/theytooktheusernames/save-me-a-seat-in-the-panic-room
Aug 2017 · 879
Sonnet H
Ashley Somebody Aug 2017
I sing to voice the colors of my soul.
I write to bring the words I feel to life.
I rhyme to feel that I am in control,
And breathe to know that I am not a knife.
I dance to taste the wind blow in my hair.
I bend and sway to dodge these fiery darts.
I hide to keep my feelings unaware
That everything I reach for falls apart.
I bow to broken people like myself,
But when did prayer become a second guess?
I lie in bed and curse my mental health
And wish for broken bones instead of stress.
    When all is said and done, I cry to feel,
    And hurt myself to know that this is real.
Aug 2017 · 906
Bridges and Cliffs
Ashley Somebody Aug 2017
I never knew why standing on a balcony was so unnerving—
Why driving across a bridge,
Or around a mountain with only a short railing,
Made me question reality and life itself.

Tucking me in that night before you went home,
When we talked for an hour about Agency and Free Will,
Before you finally kissed me and left me to think in the dark:
My eyes were open wide as I learned that feeling's name.

"It's like how I could scream, right now?" I asked
And you nodded, "But something keeps you from doing it."
"I don't want to wake up Mom," I laughed.
He smiled and said, "And it would hurt my ears if you did."

Then a conversation later, after you blew a kiss
You turned out the light, and I lay in the dark.
I could jump out my window right now, I thought.
*There's nothing physically stopping me.
Jul 2017 · 783
Prison of Ice
Ashley Somebody Jul 2017
I am frozen from the inside out.
My breaths are not a choice.
Voices whisper answers to it all,
Answers to questions I didn't ask.
I try to close my eyes and close my ears,
But they push past my defenses.
And no one understands
Why I stand here alone
And cannot step forward
Without clutching his arm,
The one who helps me breathe,
Who wanted to understand it all.
I want to stand tall, and I will
When I learn to stand alone
And I am braver than the fear
Would have me believe I am.
Jul 2017 · 603
Butterfly Poem
Ashley Somebody Jul 2017
I'm here.
I am small and my      fears crowd      all of my thoughts.
The monsters        lean in        on my hopes,
  crushing         them and      my energy
as I fall          to my           knees
hopeless.*
But at your call,
every           cell in my          body
stands itself      up and marches      forward
knowing I can     do anything,     if you need it.
I will be there for you,           as you           have always been here
for me.
Jul 2017 · 513
Distrust Self Doubt
Ashley Somebody Jul 2017
If there's a word that you're holding back, say it.
If there's advice in your brain, let it out.
And if anything helps, then I'll take it;
But no man can assuage all my doubt.

I doubt that I'll ever quite make it:
I doubt that my dreams will come true.
I doubt night and day, but I fake it
In case they start doubting me too.

I don't think I can catch my breath now,
I doubt that this air will be clean;
Don't know if I'm close to my death now,
But alive? I just feel in between.

Come and steal away all of my guilt now
Make me sigh and admit I was wrong
For of all of the things my mind's built now
I distrusted self-doubt all along.
Jun 2017 · 616
say goodbye to hurt
Ashley Somebody Jun 2017
Will I now forget your face
Since I do not fear you?
Will your wretched memory fade
And will I cease to hear you?
Has this day brought healing,
Or is it a passing feeling?
Ashley Somebody Jun 2017
Sunlight streaming in,
I see you unlock the door.
I run in my socks.
You open it before me...
Every time, it's happier.

I will write a book,
But I won't describe it well:
Your arms around me,
When I feel safest and loved,
Is the moment I wait for.

Unexpected poke
In my side where it tickles:
I shriek with a laugh.
How do you still surprise me
The same way every time?

Listening to you
As we sit and look outside:
Your voice on my ears
Is a song of silent peace,
Calling for me to just breathe.


I can run and jump,
I can sit through the traffic,
And I can bear it
When the crowds are surrounding.
You take the fears from my mind.

Life has new meaning,
And death is not haunting me.
The trees grew this spring
And my heart grew inside me,
Reaching without fear of loss.

When I look ahead,
I see a haze, maybe storms.
I might need a coat.
But the God of Heaven knows
And will prepare us for rain.


So as I sit here
Waiting for you to come home,
I know He sees us
And He holds our lives gently,
Using life to grow our faith.
6-2-17 ACS
May 2017 · 758
Seasoned
Ashley Somebody May 2017
In those Summer days
When the green grass scratched my legs,
The mud cooled my toes
And I ran through the cold stream,
Pulling off green leaves
From the bushes by the house
And twigs from young trees.

Somehow the fall came—
I liked to call it Autumn—
And I walked slowly,
Picking up acorns and nuts
Before squirrels came
And quickly hid them away.
As morning frosts came,
I began to feel the chill.
Somehow the world changed,
As an apple will grow ripe,
And the world changed me.

In Winter's strong grasp I woke.
I looked around me
And in every grey shadow,
I saw a regret,
A what-if of circumstance:
A sharp memory,
Hanging like an icicle
Just waiting to fall.
Summer would sweetly call me,
And Autumn smiled,
But Winter's embrace choked me.
I would leave the world,
Fly back to the land of dreams,
If I knew a way.
I would cry to the grey sky,
Ask all the questions,
If I thought it would answer.
And so I slept deep,
Knowing nothing could be done
Unless the world changed,
Giving me fresh hope inside;
But it never would.

Spring has crept up to my door
It has knocked loudly
And shaken me from slumber.
Its face is grinning,
Smiling so wide, and laughing.
I've opened my door,
Not fearing a winter wind
For the first time now.
Spring calls me from my bedroom,
Asking me to play
And hang up my coat of doubt
By the scarf of shame
And the hat of my worries.
Spring pulls on my arm,
And even though it hurts now,
Somehow growing pains
Are better than the bedsores.
So take the shoes off my feet
And teach me to run again.
Choka 5-7-5-7-5-7-5...77
Feb 2017 · 845
Can I Fight?
Ashley Somebody Feb 2017
Can I fight?
Can I fight anymore?
Will I ever see the stars again,
Or will the clouds remain?

Will the sun,
Will the sun shine again?
Or will I dance beneath the shadows
Of a dark and dreary land?
Feb 2017 · 746
Fields of Glass
Ashley Somebody Feb 2017
Two days, and nineteen hours
Are left 'till he arrives;
And I'd count the ticking minutes
If I thought it'd keep me alive.

These thoughts just won't stop chasing
The dreams I once believed;
And when I try to catch them,
I find they can't be retrieved.

I'm trying to stand and fight it.
I'm giving it all that I've got.
But finding that I'm not adequate
Ties all of my strength in a knot.

Rain doesn't just soak your jacket,
It seeps in and freezes your bones;
And all of the warmth leaves your body
As you wander bad weather alone.

But find you a friend, and you're warmer
If only because he's a smile.
Just braving rain with a companion,
It takes the edge off for a while.

So I won't let fear keep me lonely:
I'd rather run through fields of glass
Than stay one more day in my bedroom
Just waiting for sadness to pass.
Feb 2017 · 628
The Terrible Three
Ashley Somebody Feb 2017
Hold onto me
When memory
Is pulling on my wings;
Your arms around,
When I break down,
They heal what sadness stings.

Protect me here
And hold me near
When fear reaches to claw me;
You hold my hand
When I can't stand
And in my panic calm me.

When worries come
And flutter from
Anxiety's dark cave:
You fight them back,
Stop their attack
And keep me strong and brave.
depression, panic attacks, and anxiety.
Feb 2017 · 795
Unbeating
Ashley Somebody Feb 2017
The heart that beats within me now
Was silent for a while:
Shouldering the guilt of years
And clothed in my denial.

And when, those blurry months ago,
It stirred to life again,
I tried to still my beating heart
The way it was back then.

I should have known, I should have seen
Through my soul's sad disguise;
But ev'ry time I saw the truth
I quickly closed my eyes.

The heartbeat in my shackled chest
Was loud, but I was louder.
Sticking fingers in my ears,
I hummed to quell the doubter.

"Your heart's alive! It beats again!
The fears you loved have faded."
But I felt safe behind the bars
My jailed heart had created.

So, silently, this gentle Trust
That I had never known
Came whisp'ring through to save my heart
Of flesh, and not of stone.

Trust wrapped its arms around me
And lifted up my soul
From depths of blue obscurity
And I gave up control.

I opened up my eyes that day
And though they shone with tears,
The hurting heart inside of me
Felt stronger than those fears.
1-2 Sept 9, 2016 and 3-8 Feb 4, 2017
Aug 2016 · 1.0k
Motionless
Ashley Somebody Aug 2016
My feet haven't moved
And my breath is caught somewhere
But my mind's racing.
Aug 2016 · 821
Here Again
Ashley Somebody Aug 2016
Again, I find myself at home
The home I made last year
And while it hasn't changed too much,
That I have is my fear.

I loved this place and made it mine,
And tied myself to it;
But now that I've returned, I'm lost
And not like the rest, I admit.

Will I find my place? Or will that only come
With friends who are my home?
Am I isolated now, and is this why
My home feels so alone?

Perhaps this feeling soon will pass
And maybe it'll get better;
But for the moment, I'm alone,
And can't seem to find my tether.
It's like I never left.
Aug 2016 · 1.0k
Wanderlust
Ashley Somebody Aug 2016
Out the window there,
Beneath the glassy, blue sky,
The white sun bleaches
Everything beneath its rays.
I wither inside.
I die if I venture out.
And yet, my heart yearns,
My soul burns, to see the world.
Mountains, rivers, seas;
Indeed, just to see a tree
I would leave it all.
I would risk the burning sun,
Drop it all and run,
If forests were there for me.
I would endure it,
Knowing that cool springs waited.
My heart climbs mountains
As I answer phone calls here;
My mind explores caves
As I file cash receipts.
I watch mountain lakes
Turn gold with the dying sun
As I read emails.
But some day, I will reach out
And instead of desk,
I will grab my mountain gear;
Some day, my fingers
Will callous and toughen up:
Instead of keyboard,
I'll skip rocks across a creek.
I will do it all,
See all I've wanted to see,
And feel the cool breeze
After climbing the mountains
And fording rivers.
I'll get out of this desk chair
And go explore what's out there.
Aug 2016 · 938
Both
Ashley Somebody Aug 2016
Mountains or valleys
Quick heartbeats or slow exhales
Who are you to me?
Aug 2016 · 651
Runaway Brain
Ashley Somebody Aug 2016
Eleven days left
I'm afraid I'll miss something
In my haste to leave.
Aug 9 2016
Aug 2016 · 1.5k
Suffocate
Ashley Somebody Aug 2016
Life is passing me by
And as I hold my breath
I realize I can't stop
The endless, rushing days
Hours of wasted time
Unless I breathe. And live.
August 9, 2016
Aug 2016 · 332
Options
Ashley Somebody Aug 2016
I think I could try this
An eternity of you
With loneliness as an option
You're the better of the two.
August 9, 2016
Aug 2016 · 723
But Why
Ashley Somebody Aug 2016
You had every right to ask
And no, no reason why not to
     But you couldn't have known,
     I just felt so alone
And I wanted someone to talk to.

I'm trying to get all my thoughts out
They're clogging the drain of my mind
     I don't blame you for speaking
     Yeah I'm just freaking
Out because I was blind.

'Cause I thought I could just be friendly,
And laugh and make you laugh too
     But things always happen
     When people are chatting
And that lesson is so not new.

So now that you've come out and said so
You said that you'd like to just do this;
     Now you aren't wrong,
     But I knew all along
I just wanted to pretend I was clueless.

'Cause avoiding is the name of my game here
I avoid the past, present, and future;
     I don't want to admit it
     But the way that you said it
Got my heart all caught up in my throat here.

I analyze everything two times
And then analyze it again
     And often I'm wrong,
     But it takes me so long
To realize my mistakes when

I lie to myself, so reality
Stays at what I can accept—
     There's nothing that's worse
     Than that second verse
Of a song that trips me up the steps.

I'm still getting over some feelings
That I had for someone I knew
     He dated my friend
     So there, the end
Nothing else will happen, that's truth.

So please, if you want, give me a chance
You might find that I'm less mature
     'Cause there's struggles I face
     That I would erase
If I could find a big enough eraser.

But if you took me at my word
And let me show you my faults,
     If you still wanted to,
     I'd stick here with you
And maybe try a new waltz.
July 26, 2016
Aug 2016 · 291
Help
Ashley Somebody Aug 2016
These thoughts run around
But my soul just wants escape
An escape through sleep.
July 26, 2016
May 2016 · 777
Goodbyes
Ashley Somebody May 2016
Please let me stand here
Just to watch you walk away;
Don't make me leave first.
May 2016 · 820
Hello
Ashley Somebody May 2016
Perhaps it is time.
I'll go back and say hello,
And maybe they'll smile.
May 2016 · 521
the tunnel
Ashley Somebody May 2016
maybe the end is coming,
but for me,
i'm stuck in the long haul
feeling like i can't pick up my feet
time is dragging on
and it's dragging me forward
whether i like it or not,
the sun will set and i'll be in the dark,
again.
May 2016 · 573
Finals
Ashley Somebody May 2016
Please let me leave

Mountains have risen up
that I created
by leaving my clothes in a pile
by tossing my responsibilities upon it
by heaping insult upon injury
by throwing caution to the wind
and by washing my mind down the drain.


Just let me leave

Too many times have I yearned to breathe
to inhale without holding back
to take it all in
to smell the roses
to take a deep breath....
and then breathe it out
blowing dandelions
letting it all out
exhaling without care.


Let me go.

I've given up on so many things I cared about
Too many of them were important
and now I have no excuses
except that I lost hope
and I thought I couldn't finish
and I believed it wasn't worthwhile
and the pain was too much to bear
and I didn't believe it would get any better.


Can I go home?

Finals week is taking its toll,
and nothing can make this better
except a big comfy bed
a mother's embrace in the morning
a hot cup of coffee in pajamas
tv shows I loved as a kid
brothers to goof around with
a smoothie when dad gets home.

I just want to go home.
May 2016 · 2.2k
The Library
Ashley Somebody May 2016
I come here when I'm lonely, tired, and bored.
The library's friendlier than most of the world.
There's books, coffee, couches: blue and red.
I love it more than anywhere except for my bed.
May 2016 · 453
Resolution?
Ashley Somebody May 2016
And now that you're dating someone else
I suddenly understand you:
Things that you did, words that you said,
Even when I withstand you,

I took you for granted, but from the first,
You always respected me.
You bothered almost everyone else,
But you knew when to stop with me.

You've always believed in me
I'm not sure how I deserve it;
Between us, I think now we're closer,
And I will strive to preserve it.

And as for wishing that you were with me,
I think I can leave that behind;
Probably friends is all we will ever be,
And right now, I don't really mind.
Apr 2016 · 769
Point
Ashley Somebody Apr 2016
I'll hold on
until it doesn't make sense
and when you tell me there's no point,
I'll give you a reason to love
and to hold on.
Apr 2016 · 1.3k
I Am Strong
Ashley Somebody Apr 2016
Heavy heart         fall on me    
       Guilty soul         you are free      

For I am strong,
I will hold you.
And I am good:
I'll protect you.

       Lonely one         come to me      
Lost and cold         I still see        

For I am strong,
I will hold you.
And I am good:
I'll protect you.

  Broken inside         I can fix you    
      You're afraid         I am with you    

For I am strong,
I will hold you.
And I am good:
I'll protect you.
Apr 2016 · 1.7k
anyway
Ashley Somebody Apr 2016
i long for the day
when i actually have to tell someone, "go away"
i yearn to say
"leave me alone" but they stay with me anyway
Apr 2016 · 980
spill my soul
Ashley Somebody Apr 2016
would it be alright if i
took the time to uncork my heart
and spill the contents through its narrow spout—
can i pour out my soul to you?
Apr 2016 · 3.6k
always running
Ashley Somebody Apr 2016
The place that I run,

And what I run from—

The boundary begins to fade...
—"Impostor" Rob Graves & Michael Barnes
Apr 2016 · 681
Grasp
Ashley Somebody Apr 2016
I grasp at the wind
But all I really want
Is to touch the sky.
April 17, 2016 ~ one poem a day challenge
Apr 2016 · 603
Mend
Ashley Somebody Apr 2016
When these old faces
Become new friends,
The pain from familiar strangers,
The ones who never made amends,
Will disappear like smoke;
And I'll watch these wounds mend.
April 16, 2016 ~ one poem a day challenge
Apr 2016 · 669
Torn
Ashley Somebody Apr 2016
Nothing will be the same
If he changes your name;
And we will be torn apart
If he does steal your heart.
April 15, 2016 ~ one poem a day challenge
Apr 2016 · 400
Hide
Ashley Somebody Apr 2016
I'm not sure if it's allergies,
Or maybe anxiety;
But burning tears come to my eyes,
And I deal with them quietly.

I always forget to take a breath—
Whether it's stolen away,
Or whether it catches in my throat,
Because there's nothing I can say.

A cold lump moved into my stomach—
It hasn't moved for weeks;
And the nausea that comes upon me
Drains the color from my cheeks.

Icicles of panic stab
My raw and tender conscience;
The voices inside my head keep screaming,
"No!" And I have to constantly fight this.

I can't sit still and just take this
I shudder, shiver and shake
I feel exposed and yet alone
How much more can I take?

What is wrong with this body?
And all the emotions inside?
If I could, I'd run to the mountains
To find a place to hide.

Surrounded by friends I think I know,
But who've never known me
I tell myself that that's a lie
I tell myself I'm not lonely.

If I once feel right again
If this throbbing in my head can cease
I'll take that as a sign from above
And soak in every second of peace.
April 14, 2016 ~ one poem a day challenge
Apr 2016 · 1.0k
hardrock
Ashley Somebody Apr 2016
rock shreds my heartstrings
until it hurts, and i heal—
the right way this time.
April 13, 2016 ~ one poem a day challenge
Apr 2016 · 669
Boiling
Ashley Somebody Apr 2016
.
                     This mess of me
                                 is boiling
The pressure's building fast.
         This churning, burning,
                        furnace heat—
I know that I won't last.

                 'Cause ev'rything
                          inside of me
It just keeps holding on
                  To all the things
                           hurting me
I know why it feels wrong.

                  I'm stuck inside
                        that easy lie
That says I cannot change
                  And when I cry
                               I realize
This certainly is strange.

            For though I died
                to flesh, I strive
To rectify myself;
               I tried and tried
          and then, surprise:
I needed something else.

                Nothing makes  
                 it past the pain
Except your healing touch.
        And you say, "Wait,
                 My child, wait,
For you will know My love."
April 12, 2016 ~ one poem a day challenge
Apr 2016 · 541
Anya
Ashley Somebody Apr 2016
Something about her
Shines without even trying
And everyone sees.
April 11, 2016 ~ one poem a day challenge
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