I'll wake up earlier than usual and for a split second, I forget what happened 24 hours ago. It seems like a blur, like it didn't happen.
But I know it did.
And I can't change that.
So I'll throw on a checkered shirt and look at myself in the mirror as I put on my key necklace and rings, looking dangerous and ready to kill.
I wonder whether or not it's worth it to button up my shirt, but I seem to like the aesthetic of looking like I'm helpless. So I leave the shirt open to seem lazy too.
But I will roll up the sleeves. I'll always roll up the sleeves. Can't risk snagging the cuffs of a good, bad, decently fashionable looking shirt.
Pick out a complimentary hat and go.
Face the day why don't you?
Because I know I'll still end up crying eventually.
And I'd rather have those shirt cuffs in tact to wipe away the pain when I do.
i'm sorry that i'm not the daughter you always wanted
i'm sorry that i fucking hate school and that i never told you i dropped out
i'm sorry that you still think i'm going
im sorry that i let you believe my lies when i told you the rumors people were starting about me weren't true
because they were
i'm sorry that i let you think i respected my self enough to say "no"
i'm sorry that i tell you i'm having a girls night in when really i'm going out and using drugs and getting drunk and waking up next to people who don't know my name
i'm sorry you think you raised me right
i'm sorry that i tell you about boys asking for my numbers and taking me on dates when really i meat them off some shitty website where men swiped right on me because i look like a girl that has it all together when really i'm dying inside
i'm sorry that i already slept with him and now have to find an excuse to tell you why he doesn't fucking want me anymore just like the last one
i'm sorry i wasn't the DD last night or the night before i was really the girl that woke up somewhere new with white powder under my nose again
i'm sorry i'm too hungover to make it to dinner
i'm sorry that i wish i was dead every fucking day of my life and i don't have the guts to tell you i need help
i'm sorry that i let you stand up for me when your friends tell you i've gotten out of hand
i'm sorry i let you think you're proud of me
I've always seem myself as
the empath,; the savior;
the bandage on the wound.
Until now, this careful heart
has set aside and ignored
that to which it's attuned.
For the savior has turned
foe, and the bandage ripped
clean off of bloodied skin.
It couldn't be chance,
nor accidental, because
I know that I'll do it again.
I was not
Closest to you
Not even a planet
To have been touched
By your light
As a moon
You live your life
So you know
A super nova
When you’ve met one
The problem is
The stars that
Shine the brightest
Are the very same ones
That burn out
Feels the emptiness
And we hope
A time warp ,
Where we could
Stay with you
Feel your brightness
Know you were in so
Many celestial Orbits,
And we feel
At our cores,
All on your own,
We have only
Your stardust memories
When our tears
For the wishes,
I hope to
In another sky
I can only hope that one day I'll stop hurting but I don't know when that day will come. I know a lot of people don't believe teenagers when they say they have depression, those people usually believe it's just for attention or that it's a phase. Maybe even hormones. Depression is a real and very serious thing, it affects a persons whole perspective on life. They feel worthless, tired, unwanted... It goes on all day long. Some have it worse than others but these people need help, they may deny it but they need it. Depression can make the simplest of things the biggest struggle, like walking, talking, eating. You become lifeless, you lose interest in things you once loved. Not many people understand, one minute I could be okay and smiling. The next I'm lost in my thoughts, stuck in a world of pain. I know it's difficult to understand how someone feels but just be there for those you know who are not okay. I have my rock, he keeps me strong. He helps me walk, talk, and eat when I can't do it anymore. He understands. People don't need counselors or medicine, we need love and care. We need to be understood and listened to. I am not seeking attention with this post, I am simply speaking my mind. I am not looking for sympathy either, I know what I have and I live with it everyday and it makes me stronger for doing so. Thank you if you did actually read all of this, and goodnight.
This is a poem that is inspired by the poem Being Numb by Delta Swingline
To the girl who never stops writing:
I never thought that I could be so stupid
But times change, right?
Just make sure you hold on to the other half of you
Keep the fifth though
You can make better use out of it than I ever will
Just throw on our favorite song and block out the world if you need
Don't blame yourself, and please...
Don't cry beautiful
You don't need to be sorry, I promise
To the boy who never gave up:
I never thought I could be this way
The people pleaser... choosing to be selfish
Never ends well, does it?
I just hope that this will all be better in the long run
Don't let me hold you back from the greatness that you have in you
To my sister:
I hope you look beautiful on your big day
Don't miss me too much, but I have to decline the invitation
The tension could kill someone
And this is your day, don't worry about me
To my parents:
I've never been the one you wanted me to be
Just don't try to pry when this is all over
I will keep my mouth firmly shut as to not cause you pain
To the logical thinker:
I always knew you were the smarter one
I just never thought you would be so right
Take care of my loves and treat them well
Don't let me cast a shadow over your beauty
To my coaches:
You're not the only ones I'm going to disappoint
I just wish I could have given you the metal you deserved
Make sure my team mates train just as hard as they always have
To the newbies:
More for one of you over the other, but still
You haven't been around long
Just try to remember me when I was happy
That's the only part you need to know
Don't worry about me too much
I'm not sorry
You're honestly a piece of shit...
You deserve all the pain you're in
Don't let other apologize, this is your fault
Keep yourself safe, dying will be a relief
Keep quiet and keep your head down
Your pain needs to be kept inside
Don't cry you idiot
You don't deserve the relief
If you need to let it out, make sure to punch something hard
Bruise and split your knuckles for all I care
It's all your fault
You deserve this
I'll never be sorry for you
You made your choices
Now deal with them