Talia Grace Jul 8

I found victory today
And I wanted nothing more than to tell you
Let you know of my show
Falling to my face and feeling my feet touch my helmet
I had it
She was out
And I wanted nothing more than to hug you
See your smile

I'm learning
But it'll be slow
And I'm trying
More than I ever have
And maybe one day we'll finally find victory
Together
Not in separate time

We used to say we were forever
That we were 110% loyal to eachother
And we would spend an eternity together.

What happened to those promises?
Where did the loyalty go?
Why didnt we last forever?
Who am I to question you leaving...

Its hard reading old messages
People change its true
But I never wanted that person to be you

What happened to the I love you?
Where did the happiness go?
Why did it have to end like this?
Who am I to force you to stay...

I dont know, I just miss the forever, and the parts where we promised to be eachothers forever. We promised wed love no one else, that wed always work through it all and be together... I was so so naive...

You don't have to put another thought to me.
I don't have to exist in that part of your heart anymore
But you exist there for me
I can't bear to exist without you there anymore.

I miss
Your bright, warming and truthful smile
I miss
Your innocent, pure and honest laugh
I miss
Your unwavering, strong and undying loyalty
I miss
Your soft, tender and loving embrace
I miss
Your quiet, compassionate and dedicated love
I miss
Your erotic, delicate and natural body
I miss
You...

Im sorry I just needed to get this out. From your kisses and hugs, to your soft breath, I feel lost without em

Just for a moment,
I felt as if I was able to breathe.
Just for a moment,
It was like I was someone else.

I experienced
For the first time
Something I would only describe
As...
Happiness

I felt it for a moment as I lay there, exchanging words.
Natural, raw and emotional
It felt right, like it could do no harm.

All good things come to an end

Just as quickly as it came it was snatched from me
The air sucked from my lungs
What once was, now an empty void
Desperately trying to fill itself.

But even for that moment
I felt as if I was able to breathe.
Just for a moment,
It was like I was someone else.

I experienced
For the first time
Something I would only describe
As...
Happiness

Even though it only lasted a moment, thank you for making me happy. It had been so long I'd almost forgotten how it felt to smile like it meant something.

Not now
Not once
Not ever

Have I wanted you to see how I truly feel.

I'm fine
I'm okay
I'm happy

The lies I tell so you don't know how I really struggle.

Don't worry
Don't stress
Don't ask

All things I say so you don't find out how I really suffer.

I lie so you can be okay with the decision you made.
So that you dont find out just how much I wish you hadn't have done it.
I pretend so that you think I've moved on from it.
So that you don't realise just how much I haven't moved on.

Try as I will,
Try as I might.
I've already accepted,
I can't win this fight.

Ive always feared playing friend.
I guess what I really feared was the truth,
That playing friend would mean,
I had accepted we as us had come to an end.
•~•
Truthfully I think it's already true.
It's already too late to change anything,
'Cause at the end of the day,
I know there is no more me an you.

I still type,
Those things,
We would say to eachother.
They all go,
In my notes,
Because I cant say 'em to you.
I still pretend,
That it's okay,
When I'm only kidding myself.
Call me stupid,
Maybe I'm ignorant,
But I wish my notepad could type back.

I really dont know what I was going for, the things we used to always say to eachother are now nothing but words in a notepad for me, my only way of coping. I didn't choose for things to be this way, so not saying them is nearly impossible, I just wish at least once... I could hear them back.

Nothing helps,
Externalising this pain seems almost impossible.
These emotions don’t translate into words,
Into sentences,
Into paragraphs.
I can’t tell you whats wrong,
I can’t tell you how I feel,
I can’t tell you whats wrong,
I can’t tell you how I deal.

Nothing helps,
Externalising this pain seems almost impossible.
These emotions don’t translate into words,
Into sentences,
Into paragraphs,
I give it my all,
I try try try and I try,
I give it my all,
I cry cry cry and I cry.

Nothing helps,
Externalising this pain seems almost impossible.
These emotions don’t translate into words,
Into sentences,
Into paragraphs,
It all seems so hopeless,
It is a dead end for me,
It all seems so hopeless,
It is a dead end you’ll see.

There, if I cant externalise the pain, I'll externalise the struggle

If with you there is nothing to gain,
Then you will always be my favourite kind of pain.

They ask me why I still talk to you,
Perhaps it’s because I don't truly believe we're through.

So I book another appointment,
Met with yet another disappointment.

I’d say I believe everyone deserves a second chance,
But so many later I’m not sure I’m worth a second glance.

I wish I could expel the emotions in my heart,
Whilst I remain silent, allowing myself to fall apart.

Why do I do this to myself?
When you’ve already put us on the shelf.

At times I find myself craving your pain,
Even if there is nothing to gain.

I really wish I knew how to express how I feel, how I hurt, how I hope.
Next page