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JB Feb 11
Happy 6 months sweetie! I love you so much <3

6 months
120 some days

but all i remember are the nights
of loneliness

staring at the ceiling
wondering a million what-ifs
and what-did-i-dos

what if i never brought it up
what if you never texted her
what if we just talked
what did i not do that she did
what did i do that wasn't enough
not skinny enough?
not kind enough?
not perfect enough?
i've concluded
just not enough

curling up
holding my stomach tight
breathing heavy into my pillow
so no one knew
my panic attacks about you

thinking about you
and then her
really leaves me here
to think with my mind unclear
left with a smear

nothing to do
no one to go to
but you

only
you're not there
not in the same way
as before

or at least
not for me
I’ve been scarred from head to toe so many times, it’s impossible to tell the old me from my recent history

My mind scarred from disease
                                       My feet from anxiety
My hands from guilt
                         My stomach from impurities


My heart scarred from betrayal, never to trust again
My ears from stupidity that never fails to turn on me

                                   My face from insomnia
My arms from inability
                                             My gut from fear
My shoulders from loneliness
                                         My fists from fights
My eyes from violence
                                     My knees from failure
My bones from pain
                              My ankles from weakness
My reputation from mistakes

And my soul from these dark clouds that refuse to fade...
JB Dec 2018
****

Am I in love with him
Do I love him?
Is this what love feels like?
Or
Felt like...

Did I mess it up?
I think I did

******
I let him go. ****.
Thorns Oct 2018
The lights dimmed

The music slowed

Everyone but me and him had a partner

he stood feet from me standing, watching me as I looked depressingly on the

dancing lover and their dates
-
I just sat on the floor my long white dress a mess

My lip stick long gone

My long hair lying frail on my shoulders
-
Then he looked at me and I looked back

He looked as though he was about to say something

Then he stopped himself

I nearly said something but I stopped myself
-
So we sat and watched the dance
The slow dance
You don't need to say it out loud when your in love...
Madison Oct 2018
I love to write poetry
But I’m afraid
I’m afraid of what they’ll think
I’m afraid they’ll think my poetry will **** because of my age
But I’m most afraid of people I know reading my poems
Because then they might see through my walls
Into my broken
Shattered
Messed-up
Crazy life
I don’t want anyone to worry about me
Or to try and protect me
Or fight my battles
Because that’s what I’m supposed to do for them
I’m suppose to worry about others
And shove my problems away
I’m supposed to protect others
And never worry about my pain
I’m supposed to help win their wars
Because I’m already losing my own
If I loose to myself, promise me this, you won’t mourn a day and you move onto someone else.
~Neon Gravestones-Trench-Twenty One Pilots
Indigo Sep 2018
This is when i write my best poems

When there is
So much
Inside
Messed
Tangled
Intertwined
Unraveled
Kept aside
Forgotten
Brought back
Rememberd
Ignored
You Decide
Undecide
And then one hundred words fall into a piece of paper like drops of rain hurling from the sky.

You can not expect it
You may not understand it
But you
Feel

Feel the moment
It collides
With your soul
Finds a home
In your ribs
It's a trauma
In disguise.
Veronika Sivka Jul 2018
Parents teach their children to believe in God,
but not to believe in themselves,
They give their children phones,
but they don't teach them how to communicate,
They tell them to clean their room,
but not to clear their mind,
They teach them how to ride a bike,
but not how to meditate,
They get their children new videogames,
but don't teach them playing with people's feelings is not okay,
They teach them not to talk to strangers,
but not how to speak up for themselves,
They pay a tutor for their children so they can get good grades,
but when they show signs of depression they don't get them a therapist, because "you're still a kid, you don't need it, it's all in your head anyway".

And then, we wonder, why kids nowdays are so messed up.
Mahati Jul 2018
I'm messed up
and you ain't here
to pick me up when i fall
i'm *******
cuz i don't know
what feelings i have anymore
You don't listen
so now you can't even see
i won't let you see
when i cry
when i pray
or when i write
You don't understand
what i've been through
You don't understand my thoughts
and the only one who did
is now a drunk
You can lie
to anyone besides me
cuz i know the truth
no matter what you believe
But this ain't on me
I'm messed up
and the mess is all you see
flower-color Jul 2018
pull me in the darkness where stars are catching themselves
and give me light if your heart is still burning
and return to me the darkest shadows of the sun

while kissing you my thoughts get slow
promise to never let me go
because my demons are speaking about your hands

while you write my name on your palm
don't tell me your life story
because if i would have to hear your voice i would put a curse on myself

ill give you an advise - hold me with force
because when i see love, i usually run
i'm probably a bad influence

but i cant help my dark love
Araoluwa Jacob Jun 2018
I am such an open book
I am the same around humans
in church, in school, even in the hospital
I never change how I express myself
Because I am an open book, people take this an opportunity to ignore and obstruct themselves from the the deep and mysterious me.
They never want to go near the boundaries that separates and defines the real me.
Immediately they see the open book, they are satisfied
And then they mistake me as someone with a good life
little do you know about what I face in the dark
The place where trouble of peace lies.
It is so peaceful that I am so troubled
I break into tears because I know something is wrong
Is this a dream or something worse
I know something worse than a dream.....
                       Reality
I have to go back there and be the open book that is easy to read
The smart girl who always whines and argue
I don't want to go back to that
I just want to stay like this,
as that girl who always think and meditates about deep things.
But I have to return to my daily duty
the role I am good at being a rook.
being an open book.
An open book whose life is *******
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