The moon is really bright tonight
we're partially drunk and having
a fight.

*All that I know is the moon knows why.

I once wrote about one sad Jellyfish,
that disappeared trying to find her place,
looking back now I wonder how
she swam so far away,
when she was always safe.

I hear his laugh
and the world stops spinning.
No one ever told me how good it felt
to just be happy.

To take a look at your life
and know what's happening.
Even if it's still the beginning
things can change so fast.

I never thought I'd move out
I always believed I'd be sad forever,
that I'd end up settling for someone
who always hurt me and made me cry.

Today I'm happy.
I can see my future unraveling.
I am in love with my best friend,
and I don't know what will happen tomorrow...

But I know it will be okay.

Forever is a long time,
but can I spend it together, with you?

She lives in her room
In front of a screen
Always talking to you
She screams talk to me

You hate leaving her alone
But people call for you to
answer the phone
If only you could be beside her

Always, you want to stay near
Because you're well aware that
behind the screen she fears
you'll be taken away

Further than distance can convey
Little does she know you live the same way.

Coughing Crazed
trying to feel things
trying to be happy
just two kids, guitar playing
broken hearts healing
we are cough crazed
and sad some days
Vibrations always find their way
through the soles of her shoes...

She hates the days
when her soul fades away
can't keep up with the daily day
and there isn't any way that
you could make me say that
I love the way life treats us
Like trust for something that rusts
I must keep my head off of the floor
metaphor number four
can ya catch me
or can ya catch no more?
I'm mean like that
and I ain't even roar
I bet your brain is sore
from this rap of sorts
I bet I ****** you off
down to your core, she's singing:

I'm just a sad clown
only around when I'm not wanted
we're just two coughing crazed kids
trying to not be forgotten
but now we've become unresponsive...

Coughing crazed
trying to feel things
trying to be happy
just two kids, guitar playing
broken hearts healing
we are cough crazed
and sad some days
Vibrations always find their way
through his finger tips like magic...

He hates it when they tell him
that he can accomplish so much more
do they not get it?
That he's trying to not be sore anymore
just close the drawer
it's time to move on but he won't forgive and forget
she stung him in the chest
he was crying from it
so overwhelming
everything turns
ain't it absurd
how much they expect
all he needs is respect
but they'll never give him it
so tired of trying
and that's when he starts singing:

I'm just a sad clown
only around when I'm not wanted
we're just two coughing crazed kids
trying to not be forgotten
but now we've become unresponsive...

**We're just sad clowns
only around when we're not wanted
we're just two coughing crazed kids
trying to not be forgotten
but now we've become unresponsive...

I don't want to..
You're everything that I want..
So perfect, but at the same time, not.
Am I going crazy? Please don't give up on me.
I'll do anything to show you, how much you shine..
                                             *Inside of this torn heart of mine.

Thank you for always being there.
I know that you're not going anywhere.
I appreciate everything that you say to me.
You've helped me learn to think more freely.
And for that I'll never be able to thank you enough.
Maybe this emotion I'm feeling is stronger than love.

I quit therapy, despite it helping me.
The place and time stopped being right.
I think she'd be so disappointed
I'm full of shame again tonight.

Why am I tearing up
as I'm looking back at all this stuff?
I know I can't go back to these days,
so what's the point in feeling this way?

I dont remember the last time
I spoke to most of them,
So many of them are married now.
Of course I am happy for my past friends.

Sometimes it's just hard.
These people used to be the light in my life.
I'd run off the school bus to get inside,
just hoping they hadn't started a que yet.

I hoped so strongly back then
that they'd be waiting for me to get back.
Everything changed so fast.
Everything changes so fast...

I close my curtains once the sun comes up
I ignore the light and keep myself closed off.
I'm sick of the brightness when I'm in such
a dark place
Does no one understand, they should go away?
The darkness is soothing, but also leaves me
with a wanting; some special kind of craving
it nags at me even when I'm safely sleeping
Which should be a place where it leaves me
but sadly there is no such place
**It always finds me.

This Jellyfish that floats along
trying to confidently stay strong
is distinctly sad, so often it feels like
it could just sting itself,
but it does *not.

It floats along.

I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep.
I don't want to hear the alarms beep.
I want to lay with my eyes shut
only to open them in a dream.

It doesn't have to be romantic or anything
Just something unrelated to life
I think I'm exhausted, let's not get into the why.
I just want to sleep.

For so long I was blinded,
but now I see clearly.
You blamed me,
you can never be at fault.
Maybe twice you gave in
but the rest was barren.

In the beginning it was obvious,
I was struck with a new kind of substance.
but mixed in with the distance, lies and resistance.
It felt like for so long, I was inexistent.

I tried so hard,
but I was never your lifeguard.
I was just a distraction,
and I'm sure, soon enough you'll be on to the next one.

I wish you'd all just go away
leave me alone- at least today.
I'm sick of you always telling
me what to do -especially you-
of all people.

You're so hypocritical.

I'd love to wake up
As a strum in the air
From one lonely girl's song
about how much she cared

She'd appear melancholic
On the side of a road,
Well not exactly the road
She's in a field off on her own

She strums and sings
Letting the wind take away
Every memory and pain
She's experienced throughout
Her days

"I'll run away,
So far you won't see where
My footsteps end- I'll take a train
To the ocean and fly so high"

She makes you feel something inside
You try to meet her in the middle
But didn't realize just how tall the field would be,
so you follow her somber melody

You find the key to her guitar case,
She left it behind, but left no trace
Of which way she went
You still hear her humming

But sit instead and that is why,
She got up and left.

You describe me as a sunflower that was planted beneath a bee hive
I suppose you just are unaware of my aching need to hide
but my personality makes me seem closer to some kind of ****;
I am lazy and tend to hide,
I often wilt when hurt; I subside.
I try my best to not attract attention
Do you understand yet; what I'm venting?
When people get too close to me I tend to *****
if I feel the need. You might bleed; I stress so much-
stay away from me.. I just don't want anyone to be hurt.
Just try to understand that I'm not a flower and if I am I'm off
somewhere in the middle of no where, waiting to be picked.

You could find someone better, trust me I'm someone who hides their feelings beneath their sweaters I'm a distanced person who spaces out even in the moments that are most important. My anxiety keeps me from saying the things that I want to blurt out so badly but cannot because of the words that others will slap down on me. Trust me I'm not someone to stand beside. Toxicity engulfs me often I'm barely pushing through this sticky path that was created out of hate my anxiety is always entertained do you not understand the pain that these people have caused me to feel!?
Insane.
I always thought I was, because my thoughts often turned from happy to horrific once something bad had been said, well what did you expect?! For me to be perfectly happy afterwords and forgive you as if you had never meant the words that twisted and slurred around in my mind, ******* it's about time you learned your place bullying is not something that can be accepted so easily so stop doing it for ***** sake I cannot begin to describe the way I hated myself for so long! I'm damaged even now from back then and it's been so long! I know you don't give not one single ****. It's depressing really, how empty I had and have felt because of you..
Let me try to define this kind of pain for you since I know you'd never be able to handle the things that went through my mind after what you had caused me to feel. You see I have always been trapped inside of a shell, even when I was very young I was shy but you made it a point to deny it's all in my mind you said to me a billion times but did you know that I was dreaming of dying, drowning, suffocating, nearly injuring myself as the tears would fall down. I was a suicidal case thanks to the things people had forced me to endure you thought it was funny but would you still if you knew how violent I had become towards myself?!
Just try to imagine now, you have a child and will probably have more what will you say to them when they come rushing in through the door, their angering tears slapping down against the floorboards as if they were raindrops will you let them know you were not a victim!? I bet you will lie and tell them something to confide in I hope for their sake you do because if I knew that my parents caused others to feel such ways well ******* I bet I'd have went insane knowing I was living in the same house as a perpetrator. *How could you do that, mother!?

Laughing until I cry
Building walls way up high
staying up late into the night
But I don't care, because you're by my side.

In a dream I was walking, all alone.
A flower; I saw-

                             off in the distance..

it was all alone, like me.

Dizzy not silly
tears are forming
inhale - exhale
feelings swarming.

Maybe it'll rain
wash away this pain
inhale - exhale
today.

Drowning
you're not
around me
inhale - exhale
just surround me.

No apathy
lines are discrete
inhale - exhale
inside empty sheets.

Feelings ricochet
please don't
go away
inhale - exhale
nothing remains.

You released a mechanical type of chemical inside of my brain it drove me insane but *you did it anyways.

Thanks for always staying by my side
and making me laugh, when I'm ready to cry.
You're my best friend, from you, I'll never hide.
You're the only one I want to share with my
*"I love you, goodnights"

Maybe in an alternate universe
we could be together in person...
Sitting; standing right next to
e a c h o t h e r .

I'm always missing you
I swear to god I'll never stop waiting
for that day to arrive...
The day where we'll stand side by side.

s i n k i n g
s l o w l y
I ' m
d r o w n i n g
s u f f o c a t i n g
i n s i d e
o f
y o u r
w o r d s
t h a t
a l l
c o m e
o u t
a s
s l u r s .

I hope you choke on your coffee this morning
and burn the way that you make my eyes
I'm tired of you always making me cry
you have no compassion; you're empty inside
just like the coffee *** is at the end of each night.

I wonder,
have you forgotten about me yet?
I'm not sure that I'll ever forget you
even though I'm wanting to, so badly
It seems my mind isn't ready to let me.
But I have to keep trying.
And it'll take a while for me to stop crying
but at least I won't be denying,
my longing for you
to still be in my life.
Yeah, we had strife
but somehow we managed and
right now I'm tired of standing
here without you beside me.
Please just pull the knife out of me
set me free from this agony, maybe
give me an anaesthetic to numb all
of this pain.
I'm waiting for Felicia Amnesia to
sink into my brain.

I'm sorry for mumbling
so often I'm nervous
I've been told too many
times to hush
or to be quiet
if I ever heard it from you
I'd probably fall silent
for many reasons actually
you're someone who truly
f a s c i n a t e s   me..
I'd hate to bore someone
who's just so intriguing

I feel bad about the moods I've been in.
I've noticed you're trying
which makes me smile again.

Everything is so heavy,
and it's hard to stay sleeping
(at least during the night,)
I lay awake reading,
absolutely anything that I can find.
To keep my mind occupied...
and I'm sorry.

He's like the first snowfall
in the beginning of winter.
After the heat and craze
of a stressful summer,
he shows up to cool you down
and is so lovely, but funny too.
He'll cheer you up,
even if it means throwing a snowball at you!
While blizzards sometimes occur,
he always goes back to that softness.
The softness that looks so perfect and simple.
The same way it looked
after the first snow fall.

I really dislike these changes you've made,
while some are okay
others have ruined my day.

My fingers touch the strings
everything's connecting
we're not strangers..

you remind me of a certain someone,
someone who i was close to like no other,
who caused me so much pain and stress.
exhaustion is a mess and I won't do that to myself again.

Right now I'm
outside looking
up at the sky
and I'm tired
of trying to
rhyme all
the time
everyone's
always
butting
into my life
it's as if they
want me to
be upset all the time?
one day I'm happy
the next day I'm not
but you know what
never changes?
Their screams that
spout from hatred.
Whatever happened
to telling me I could
accomplish greatness?
Because I'm tired of
waiting and chasing
while I'm complaining
as I'm suffocating beneath
your demands ****
I wish I'd just stand-
up to you.

I feel like a half moon in a full blue sky, Weaving neap tides, a subtle lullaby. I drift in circles, revisiting places, Wishing the wind could carry me through spaces.

Caught in a cycle, I must confess, Some days I feel whole, moments of success. Everything's beautiful when I’m truly living, Yet I always find myself back at the beginning.

Like the moon, I have my phases, A relentless return to familiar places. In an unbroken cycle, a path well-tread, Like the moon, my heart waxes and wanes instead.

I'm a half moon in a full blue sky, Weaving neap tides, singing a lullaby. Drifting in circles, retracing my steps, Wishing the wind could carry me, I confess.

In this cycle, I find my truth, Days of fullness, moments of youth. When I'm present, life is a vivid scene, Yet I always return to where I’ve been.

Like the moon, my phases are clear, Always returning, year after year. In this unbroken cycle, my heart finds its way, Waxing and waning, night turns into day

I guess this is goodbye
because it was all a lie
when you see me around
don't bother saying hi
or any other kind of hello
because I'll ignore you
to avoid more pain
I should've realised
that you could see the disdain
smothered all over my face
but this is the end because I'm
tired of two worded conversations
and the feeling I get when I read
what you've written and just are
unable to delete. You still have feelings,
just not for me.

Now you're doing the things that we once did with someone else and I'm not okay with it. I told myself I'd never allow regret to seep into my mind and I still haven't but I'm feeling sad because of everything we built time and time again that I had to throw into the trash because of the things that you said and did. I hope it was worth it for you, obviously you've moved on without tears or pain while I am the one floating in the sea of disdain. You'll always be the friend I tried so hard not to give up on.