I'm sorry baby but you can do that for you so I don't have anything for me anymore and you have no worries I love it tho lol okay I'll text your mom if she wants you too but she is still a little too bad she said okay good night but she is so happy I got to see her tomorrow morning so she could have a great time she said thank goodness for you so I don't have anything else for me anymore lol okay so sorry to say I don't want to do that but I'm sorry for you so much but you have a great day and you will see it all together again.
So high I barely feel the alcohol
So high my teeth are grinding into each other, I can hear their gnawing bone through my skull...
So high I'm flexing in-&-out of 5 of cups/5 of swords feels
In-&-out of 9 of cups/ace of cups feels
I don't want to sleep
I'm not sure if I want to speak to anyone, yet the thought that everyone is dead to the world makes me slightly sad
I wish I had a body like an instagram model. I wish I had an unlimited supply of molly.
Now I wish I had a car.
I'd drive 80mp into the middle-of-not-here
I'd listen to jointy, artful goth techno.
I'd continue to wonder if there is anything to patch up the hole inside-just right.
My head-space searching for things to sew in the fear or guilt.
Your peers think you're a fucking freak.
They think youre a toxic idiot.
They think youre homely and annoying.
You don't give a fuck what they think!
You know that if any of these people, that hardly know you-think any of that. It's exaggerated and unimportant.
Turn the volume up.
Nothing is real. Really.
Everything is a choice and decision.
You're deciding to be happy. Better than ok. Better than anything.
Thousands of days spent before. Rocking backnforth. In your bed. In the corner on the floor. The bathroom at work.
None of this terror is news. And none of it was ever enjoyable. So why the fuck do you entertain it?
You remember joy. Peace of mind.
You're in control.
I really like this song. Volume higher. Alone in the boondocks. I'm alone in the darkness. The only sign of life my heartbeat&breath.;
terror to rejection. Always glancing over your shoulder. To maintain perfection. So you don't get clipped. So no one else abandons or abuses you.
You keep your heart in plexiglass.
Cloud your eyes from the opportunity to be vulnerable.
But can you trust?
I pull away. To discern contrast. To discern how I really feel.
You still choose a plan B. You can't seem to release that.
You need to find your self love. Recover it. That which has been taken from you-before you had the chance to cultivate it.
I need the potion. So I never forget this cyclical pep talk.
I keep looking for that potion in booze, drugs. Positive reinforcement from others, outside of myself.
I'm so high. I need...
I'm fucking happy.
i wanted to say
but they got stuck
in my throat
so I choked them
back down like
vomit in your mouth
and I forgot them
just like that-
of better days
and better ways,
but we'll always
to waste, like today,
next year, maybe
where we're going,
where we've been
because the fish
aren't biting like
they used to
but the beer
is still going
and that's beauty
of late the word sources
has featured in an American President's
and on the subject of sources
he does like to ramble on and on
and on ....
who are the sources
the unnamed gang
what is the purpose in the sources
when will the sources
show the song sheet which they sang
where do these sources
all inconspicuously hang
why oh why are they sources
without any real twang
how can we believe sources
who've become estranged from
a reliable fang
She had a smile that lit up my heart and soul like a winter campfire,
no a bonfire, and rock and roll music playing constantly in the background, with the joy and sorrow in her huge heart,
that she flaunted with robust ease,
"Gorgeous", she said,
She was so gorgeous, and she called me that from across the apartment,
you are too, I thought but didn't want to say the same word so I just smiled, It's like we could spend a night together, a day together, a life even in those Betty Davis eyes, in hind sight, a life, intimate and quiet from another land near mine but not quite yet connected, or conquered,
but you did, and you quit smoking,
"I'll change for you", she said,
Movies and window peeping, it's okay they'd close the blinds if they wanted to keep you from looking, you did say, you said a lot of funny things I'll forever remember, I'll catch up with you later, if I make it, your not my wife I guess, I won't hold you back, stupid things to think, to say, in hindsight, more like a close sister,
"goodbye my very dear friend", and she would say it too,
A friend and companion, you were number one, teenage love,
partners in crime, should of stuck with you, I sometimes think, marching fast, arm in arm, way ahead of all those lazy stragglers with less direct motivation, swimming, bathroom makeover, frolicking in the night, fun, then the kiss, my very first kiss from a girlfriend, I liked it very much, short and brave and fast,
"Gross", she would not of said the same,
Sporty spice, travel the planet for hopes, and travel journey fun,
sports, and smarts,
"Fire in a running shoe", does you no justice,
Words, thick frame glasses on a little bird, but a very wise one, and eager and muchly shrewd, I wanted to stay, I don't know why I didn't kiss you on the mouth that day, to cautiously laid upon the cheek, sorry, you were the coolest,
"life as a poem, an article, a revolution", I just whispered it of you,
Oh how I wish to write you name now, for I fell for it before I even bought into you, not as quickly as I saw your frame in the distance though, my heart leaped, but you were a teacher, so busy I figured, still time for me though, mountain quests biking with a failed challenge to bunny over a log, it could have been done, you push, you challenge, we dove into conversation, eyes locked, I say we never dated but we did pursue it non the less,
"Spunky geeky gospel funk" I was up to it, still am,
Animated worlds, the gradual approach, a white girl from Africa, to know if you were an Africa-an African I didn't get that far, I knew it was possible when you touched my hand that night when we all went to the LOTR at the movies and you sat next to me, was that intentional, I think it might have been, so exotic yet familiar,
a real animation trooper, I wonder where you are now,
"Military legend of the big screen, a real tooner"
You all rock and roll and Rock, an old way you do, the real way,
I did love, I did care, and still hope for you girls, ladies, women, people.
I told her I'd write this in the shower
She was mentioned first
the order changes, you're all so cool plus,
there's no order,
just know you all could have been the number one for me,
if i weren't a crazy fool.
But a fool can become wise, so
"Here's to you!"
Maybe I'll catch ya later,
maybe I just did,
or maybe not.
I hope to someday,
anyways, until someday,
Bye for now,
I'm content with the journey that is my life,
There may be thorns within the beauty I've started to grow, just false protection to the unfamiliar touch, easy to feel but hard to hear I'm not all that you see,
It's the attitude of music that has inspired me to speak,
Unfurling our languages from knotted conversations, confusing scriptures in song reveal truths thought lost,
Time would ask for an extension because it was created late, I would only like to know where the wild ones roam, all the things have been found, now the nowhere man stands by at attention,
Searching,then researching human interaction,
Affirmation for such a tedious pursuit is hard to come by, I can find myself asking if there is more, The simple course is yes along with a side of maybe, hors d'oeuvres to pick first make a choice caught red handed or blue balls,
Wash it away on a sunny day, finding warmth within a surreal glitch, escape your person destroy what isn't true,
There is what you make of it,
I see it as a challenge of wonderful mystery, it can be anything, what a weird word it, I love it, will you join me in it, Take care of it,
Ramble with me about it.
you can never comprehend how much is actually touched by the rays of even the smallest of lights until it is snuffed out,
submerging the world into a darkness more harrowing than you ever thought possible
I steal lyrics to start a conversation
"I want so badly to believe that love is real"
And this has got me asking how does one think of love?
Do you think we are talking One Love or Free Love
I could explain the how's of love
How does love taste?
How does love sound?
How does love smell?
How does love feel?
I might even one day tell you what love looks like...
The one thing I know best of all about love
Is that I've got love to give
Maybe it's something I caught as a kid, could have been born with it, but I'm sure I have love,
It's possible that I may fill a void, fit like a puzzle piece, curl up like Yin does with Yang, melt into a beautiful mess of love,
I'm always ready to take chances with the waves of love
I'm not blindly in love I'm fully submerged
Just keep your eyes on me
I love (you)
The breeze holds my hand
It's grip restrains me from my destiny
Love is so damn blank
It is filled on melancholy
We hold our thoughts together
So we may not be so insane
But insane is another portal
It's the way through the universe
Live life love all
Thats all I know and am
If you really want to know
I can show you all I am