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Being told by friends you havent seen in a while that you "look good"  or "look better" right as you are coming out of a long bout of depression just hits your heart different.

Because you as time passes think you're feeling okay, you think you are making progress, you think time is passing normally for you again... but it's hard to remember what is or was normal when you grew so used to feeling the way you did. Like coming out of an endless fog...

So to have someone accknowledge they can visibly see your progress... to have someone verbally commend you for... basically choosing to exist as yourself again... those comments just hit different.

There's a sad realization that you really weren't okay and it was noticeable... but there's also this weird sense of pride as you wait for the weight of it all to drag you down again - But it's different now.

There is not a consuming heavy darkness, but a manageable awareness of a shadowy part of yourself that you no longer feel tied to. A part of you that aches less with painful thoughts and bitter disappointment, and more for the light of understanding and rebirth.

And you realize; I did that. I taught myself how to stay aware... to heal... and not allow that dark to take hold again-  

And it is
actually
slowly
paying off.

Yes...
I think I am feeling better.
I am weary, sure-
but I'm okay.
I'm getting there.
Ramblings about the moment when your friends verbally accknowledge your improvements after months of being depressed.
PenNameBree-Z May 14
"Goodbye, my love" She whispered. But she knew from experience - from the countless goodbyes she had murmured before today - that forming words of farewell was never harder than the anguish of learning to let go.
The breakup with ZLB
whoa whoa whoa
hold up
love addiction in progress
exit to the left
wave goodbye
to rational thought
buckle in buttercup
this ride has highs that feel like
20 hot rails
like getting away from the police when they gave chase and you're riding
hot as ****
it takes you to bliss but watch out for the tail
that fall from ten stories high that withdrawal
I internally panic and do nothing to avoid
the craving
the need
the unrelenting urge to reengage and get another hit
to avoid that 4am empty as a shell feeling
like
the whole world
caved in on itself
and
your ego is dying by eating itself alive
I play this game and tell myself
not
this
time
but it is exactly
when those two words form
in my thoughts
that my head feels
like the mind of ten psychotics spouting word salad  
at full volune
all at once
cognitive dissonance is a *****
oh hell yes the pleasure is exquisite but the pain is
the pain
the death knell
that sweet little reaper
that comes to gather the pieces of your heart spilled on the inside of your Honda civic because you're practical afterall

Nothing to see here
Keep it moving
Vincent Legrand Nov 2021
a no I have
a yes I can get
a no I can give myself
i don’t always have to victimise myself
Sam Struggles Nov 2021
the most painful band aid i've ever ripped
eye opening, too much so it hurts
i can't shut them again

i'll never see that darkness
birthdays won't be shocking
i deserve to age and experience

the release of a trauma bond
i can't help but see it everywhere around me
i see myself in everyone now

treated the worst, told you're the best.
they do the bare minimum
i pick up the rest
it's heavy.

support isn't selfish, who taught me that?
did my parents want me to be like them?
i won't feel miserable again.

they wanted a mommy, not a partner
my mommy married a man like him.
i never learned what love looked like
so i did whatever i could
took whatever i was gotten.

abuse
am i this worthless? should i quit?
no. not life. just him.

draw back the curtains, get burnt by the light
let the realizations heal my wounds
i'll never do that again.

oh spirit guides, i've learned this time.
i do not need this lesson again
A few months after moving out and I've never felt better in my life.
Katy Miles Nov 2021
if we are trees
our roots are intertwined
cut one down, and the other dies
as long as we live
we'll sway in tandem
arm in arm, limb in limb
"write me a poem about a tree" -maggie
Vincent Legrand Nov 2021
and i am always the one
doing the suffering
i wonder if anybody else
were to be the one
whether i’d exhale or run
JA Perkins Aug 2021
It was right for you to leave,
but you didn't have to
take me with you..

Now I'm cold and alone
and my hands are clammy..
gripping my reasons  
like that bouquet of
Dogwood flowers I clasped
till the pedals fell..

Just as I fell into the same
desperation that plagued
my soul before you came..
Pitiful
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