I tend to forget who I am when I love somebody
Saying I need you in order to be me
Asking myself who I was before I let you consume me
Draining all my energy just to fill your cup and make it whole
Losing myself just to keep you around
I like to pretend I don’t fear being alone
So I sit here and beg
Promise me it’s love and say you’ll never leave
Tell me that you care and that I’m the only one you need
If you promise I swear I’ll give you all of me
I know I’ve told you about all my past lovers
All they did was hurt me
But I’m hoping that you might be different
Maybe I can convince myself that you’re the one that I need
And when you leave it’ll hurt worse than anything before it
But I’ll still let start all over from the beginning
Picking myself up off the floor again
On the hunt for a new soul to gain control of my heart
I’ll spend all my time searching worrying when the world will change
When it’ll send me an angel
Someone to save me love me never hate me
Maybe if I loved myself the way I wanna be loved I’d stop searching for it in someone else
So this was originally a song I was working on about my struggle with codependency. I changed up the format a little bit and fixed some things so I could post it here.
She is lonely
but she wants to be alone
She is trapped in a room
with the door unlocked
She doesn’t remember
but her dreams don’t let her forget
She wants to wake up
even if she can still see the stars
She wants to be the best
but she feels like she is the worst
she works hard
even though she cannot move
He threw compliments at you
until they stung.
He kissed you
until there were violet bruises
blooming across your arms.
The fingers he traced
up and down your back
turned into thorns.
His words morphed into
Until it's not.
A baby cries for his mother.
His mother hears him cry -
looks for love from another
promise of a passer-by..
She says "no love from the haters"
but what she really means
is that her people no longer cater
to her schemes and childish dreams..
Just an addict without a name
with nothing left to live for
claiming loyalty to the game,
but it's not a game anymore -
the players have all turned
from bad to worse - empty hulls
consumed inside of fires burned -
desires churn inside their busy skulls..
Buyer's terms - they hire her
taking turns until her needle's dull
passed the point of no return
before she even drew a second pull.
Now the baby doesn't cry
Someone has taken her place.
Just another cold goodbye
to cut more lines in her face.
Posting photos just for compliments
from hungry souls too quick
to heat the coals of her cold confidence
But yeah, that's a really nice pic.
There's an understanding between 'em
as she welcomes her guest
from "nah, I haven't seen him"
to "girl, you know you're the best"
Has her right where he wants her -
bitten by invisible bugs and fear
and a memory that often haunts her
when she looks in the mirror.
The baby's happy now..
Doesn't know what he's missing
She swears she'll see him somehow
to anyone who will listen.
Addiction and the likes of which.
Swinging from this place, I never thought I'd leave
I craved the welcome comfort, that sense of purpose
There was no end in sight, who else did you have?
But one day, I saw you look at me. With no need.
You had no want, for me to keep you warm
With all my patches and holes, I couldn't help anyone
But I didn't see that. How could I?
So now I hang here, silent
And no one needs me now
A codependant coat
Sometime I wonder what you saw in me and why..
When you decided to hmu in my dm and say hi
Did you glance at my pictures and see the hurt in my eyes?
Because when you saw them in person, you decided to stay...
Through the tears, the anger, you never strayed away.
The insecurities, the infidelity, you never were ashamed.
Sometimes you'd have me up at night just wondering if...
If I had never decided to respond back
If I never decided to share that hurt with you
If I never decided to share the **** truth with you
If I never loved you...
Would you love me fragile, weak, and meek-
Sprouting, Blooming, Flourishing
Striving, Thriving, Aligning
Would you love me in every way? Everyday?
You were like a wild fire
That I watched from a distance
Yet somehow you caught my heart
I wanted to be closer, in your presence
So trusting, I reached out my hand
In order to be embraced by you
Aggressively, painfully you took it
And naively I didn't have a clue
That my hand claimed to be unfit
You burned my skin around and through
Crazily I thought I would get used to it
Build up a tolerance that was tough and true
I was mesmerized by your puzzling beauty
How brightly you shined on your own
Throughout the day until the night
I never felt like I was alone
However my tolerance
Didn't seem to grow
Your flames started to consume me
Taking more as they go
You weren't satisfied with a piece of me
You wanted more than I could show
Oddly enough I relished in it
My crazy passionate joking beau
Another Night Here
Yelling in the Hallway
Can’t make all the words
Never can when they are drunk
A knife was involved
And a chain of some sort
They are pleading their cases
Pleading their sides
Cops patiently listening
He pulled knife on me
She’s a *****
Sir please calm down
He’s a drunk
He stole my chain
Now I get the picture
I’m peeking out
I’m a peeker
Goes on for a bit
Ma’am Did he hit you
He pulled a knife
I was cutting something
Sir did you pull a knife on her
He threatened me
Did you threaten her
I threatened to throw her out
It’s his place
When this is figured out things calm down
She just wanted to be heard
She just wanted to be loved
He just wanted to be left alone
Don’t we all.
Don’t we all.