Wake up.
Think.
Eat.
Think.
Socialize.
Think.
Cry.
Sleep.
Again.

What I
       Need
   Is An
Escape.
     From My Own
    *Reality.

I’m a happy human being.
There’s a smile on my face.
And my heart is quietly singing,
I’m dancing in my place.
It’s a tune that’s all my own.
My dreams are all in color,
And have joyful, merry tones.
There’s really just no other,
No one’s happier than me.
My life’s the most perfect thing,
It’s wonderful, don’t you see?
For I’m a happy human being.

The wind howls,
Calling out in an icy scream.
You look down at your frozen feet,
Watching as your teardrops freeze.
They’ve done this,
It’s their fault.
This is what they wanted,
Isn’t it?

The metal beneath you creaks.
Cars drive by undeterred.
Who would care, anyhow?
About a person like you?
Thinking back, you can hear them.
Their voices crowing out loud.
“Ugly.” “Stupid.” “Worthless.”
“**** yourself.”
They don’t like you; they don’t care.

Your parents won’t notice,
You think that, anyway.
Will your mom be worried?
When she goes into your room,
Like she always does,
To check on you at night.

Will she tell your dad?
Will he call your friends?
Will he panic as he tries to find his child?

Your friends will be fine.
Your best friend will replace you.
She/he will find some else to talk to.
But, will they be able to tell them everything?
All the things they’d only told you?
The things they were only comfortable talking to you about?
Would they find someone else?
Surely they would- Maybe.

You’re the oldest sibling.
Who will your baby brother/sister look up to?
Will they ever be able to be close-
As close as they were to you-
To anyone again?

Or, you’re the youngest.
Will your older sibling feel as if they’ve-
They haven’t-
Failed you?
Will they blame themselves?

All of them.
Will they blame themselves?

You look back at your numb feet,
Then, you look out over the water,
And then,
If only for them,
You take a step back.
You climb back down.

It's always you.
Your feelings,
Your heart,
Your mind.

Not me,
Or my sanity,
Or my peace.
Never me.

Always your happiness,
And your pains,
And you telling me
About how I'm wrong again.

And it's always you
That's right,
That's on the chopping block,
Not me.

It's never me,
That's hurting,
That's crying
While you're talking
About yourself,
Your needs,
On the other side.

It's never about me.

I wander aimlessly,
And people say to me,
"You're gorgeous, and
Pretty, and perfectly
Happy."
But is that because of you?
You weren't there for me,
My Grrandmother raised me,
My mother was M.I.A.
And I would cry.
I understand that
you have problems,
That he hit you, and
Cussed you out, and
Drug you down.
But you kept promising me,
Kissing and hugging and
Crying to me.
But I was little,
Too young to comprehend,
Too Juvenile and naïve
To really understand.
And then it got worse.
I grew up and
Began to see.
No longer blind
I saw
What you had come to be.
My pain began.
You were never
There for me.
My Daddy died
And while I cried
You did drugs with
Men so fowl and snide
and painfully
crude.
I tried to hide
My tears
My cries
My pain.
I died;
A little inside,
Each time you lied.
You promised me you wouldn't
Leave me,
You'd choose me,
But No.
You chose the men,
Time and time again,
Over your kids.
I barely know
My siblings because
Of what you did.
I'm all grown up;
An adult of forty
At the age of fifteen.
Because I helped
Raise the only
Brother you kept
While you acted like
It was you in your teens.
And then February.
It was February,
You almost died
And you don't seem to notice.
You lost your children.
Do you even care?
Life seems good for you,
But those burdens I carry
Were meant for you
To have to shoulder.
Where am I in your
Mind's picture of life?
Me and my brothers
And my sister too?
Oh, Right,
Were right next
To the bible
Laying on your shelf,
Right next to the rest of your dignity.
And P.S.
While I'm at it,
Can you tell me you
Love me,
Just this once,
Like Maybe,
You might really mean
It this time?

There’s something poetic about the color red.
The irony in its symbols.
The way the representations clash.
Red; some think of love.
Red; others think of danger,
Of hatred.
Or, really,
Red is a metaphor in itself.
As it does,
In fact,
Represent love and danger.
Love can be dangerous

Roses are red.
Many think them to be beautiful.
People also see the devil as red.
Many assume him to be ugly and intimidating.
Red is not a discriminating color.

The American flag has red.
Red can mean freedom.
Red can mean good.
The ****’s used the color red.
Red can be a cage.
Red can be evil.

Red is like people,
Human, but not all the same.
Some are black and some are white.
Some are in between.
Some are gay and some are straight.

Humans are like red.
Some are good and some are evil.
Some love and some hate.
Some are dangerous and some aren’t.
All this in one species.
All this in red.
Red is,
Sort of,
A Poetic Color.

My
heart
        stops,
As
    your
   smile
takes,

        *Away my breath.

It creeps along,
Slinking in the shadows,
Watching, waiting,
Wanting for you to pause,
To hesitate in your movement,
Smirking to itself in a sly way,
Grinning at the goose bumps,
The chills that chase you
Chanting your name,
As it chisels its way
Into your mind,
Catching you as you stumble
On the corner of a slanting stone,
It takes hold of you as
Your wary will makes way;
Your resolve risks crumbling;
Your heart pounds,
Pounding.
Pounding at your mind,
Until you can't help
But to give in again,
Like you have so many times before.
It has you in its clutches,
Grasps so tight to its prey,
Pray for a good outcome,
Or an escape,
A reprieve,
But it has its hold,
It has your bold
Soul screaming out in fear,
You are ensnared.

I Love You.
With eyes that promise me forever.
Kisses trail up my thigh.
I Love You.
I picture the future so clearly planned out.
He looks me in the eye.
I Love You.
Tender lips on mine,
Gentle heat in the air.
I Love You.
Fingers get lost in the moment,,
Hearts get lost in the hours.
I Love You.
I cannot process a single thought,
That is not
I Love You.
Begging for his everything,
I somehow gave my own.
I Love You.
Wanting to be a piece of his forever,
I pray that he will be the whole of mine.
I Love You.
I am lost in the pictures
Of my mind
I Love You.
Never to escape its holds
I am trapped in
I Love You
Petals float to the ground,
I gave him my all.
I Love You.
I Pray for forever,
I shake at the thought
I Love You.

Creativity is a weapon.
Giving up is not an option.
Imagination is a strength.
Knowing your flaws is not a weakness.
Knowing you have them is a strength.
Pride is important,
But too much pride is deadly.
Love is key,
And hate is the beginning of the end.
Death is an adventure,
But life is as well.
Perseverance is admirable.
Crying is okay to do.
Taking a break,
Catching your breath,
That's okay.
But with all the things working for you,
Giving up is not an option.

Looking at me with gorgeous eyes,
They sparkle as she stares,
She’s listening to me rant and talk,
She’s showing me that she cares.

I don’t know how she does it,
Or how she knows what to say,
She’s never really judged me,
It’s just always been that way.

She may be small,
But holds a lot of surprises,
She doesn’t look like much to you,
But magic has many disguises.

She’s sweet and cute,
And so beautiful beyond compare.
She’s perfect for cuddles and hugs,
And I love her nose, ears, and hair.

To be honest I love it all,
Though I might favor her freckles.
I’m proud to say this pixie-like beauty is mine,
The one and only Grace Sprinkles.

Happiness
What is it really?
It's you,
It's me,
It's acting silly.

Happiness
Isn't forced or bought,
It's what you love,
It's where you go,
It's what you've got.

Happiness
Is a soldier come home,
A wife who's with child,
A dream come true,
A trip to Rome.

Happiness
Is a person's smile,
A heart unbroken,
Music that speaks to you,
Artistic style.

Happiness
For me,
Is my girlfriend's smile,
And the way she holds my hand.
It's the feelings I get when she looks at me.

Happiness
Is looking towards the sky,
Smiling at my future,
Being at peace with my past,
And not stopping to ask myself why.

Happiness*
Is living life the way I want,
And smiling in the dark.
Laughing at the meaner people,
'Cause they can't torture me with daunt.

Heartbreak
Is not an overreaction
Is not a figment of imagination
of the ones who feel too much

Heartbreak
Is not simply a word
for the ones who have loss.
Is not simple at all.

Heartbreak
Is ripping
Is the tearing
of one's heart into miniscule pieces.

Heartbreak
Is the breath
that both catches in your throat
and completely leaves your body.

Heartbreak
Is the physical reaction
in which your heart stops beating
and your lungs stop working.

Heartbreak
Is when your smile stops working
but you use it to cover up the tears anyway.
*Is when you picture your life without them in your day.

I've found myself lost,
Drifting around in a
Series of complex caverns,
Spinning from one dead end
To another inside the
Terrible length of tunnels
In which I've found myself.
This maze of which I can't escape,
I cannot decide which way to go
I do not know
Which way is out,
And how do I choose,
What way to cruise,
Left or right?
I cannot tell,
Wouldn't someone ring the bell?
Break this spell,
That keeps me dazed,
Unfazed inside my jail,
Which is my mind.
I'm trapped in a bind,
It is now time,
I've not gotten ready,
I'm not prepared,
My legs aren't steady,
My heart is scared.
Where do I want to go or be?
Here or there?

How do you feel?
Now that you've taken
The most of all I've ever had?
How do you think?
Now that you've filled
My every waking thought?
How do you see?
Now that you've stopped
My eyes from seeing
Anyone better than you?
How do you touch?
Now that my hands
Will forever long to hold yours?
How do you taste?
Now that I'll never want
To taste anyone's kiss but yours?
How do you hear?
Now that you've stopped
Me from ever wanting
To hear anyone's laughter but yours?
How do you smell?
Now that I'll never be able
To smell your cologne
Without wishing to be
Wrapped in your arms?
How do you sleep?
Now that my every
Dream is of you?
How to you live?
Now that I'll never be able
To live without you again?

I
Have  Survived.
Am  Surviving.
Will  Survive.­

Because I
Have been Strong.
Am  Strong.
Will be Strong.

And I
Have been Determined.
Am  Determined.
Will be **Determined.

Leaving your mark upon me,
Kissing my shaking hand,
Keeping my dreams above me,
Loving me despite high demand,

I do not deserve you.

Calming my nervous thought,
Holding me in your arms,
Helping me through fights fought,
Standing beside me despite alarms,

I do not deserve you.

Ignoring the unnecessary struggles I cause,
Embracing my love, although I might be annoying,
Loving me despite all my flaws,
Accepting all that comes from me, and all that is adjoining,

*And I do not deserve you.

Life is blessed when one is in love,
And I am in love with you.
I am in love with
The way that your eyes
Crinkle at the corners;
The way that your eyes shine
In a special way;
Your freckles
Which are scattered;
The way you're always smiling;
The way your lips move
As you're talking;
The way you move;
The way you act when you're tired;
The way you hold me;
The way your arms fit me,
Like we're two pieces of one puzzle;
The way your hands are made,
Calluses, fingers, palms, and nails;
The way you hold my hand;
The way you place
Tiny kisses randomly
Upon my face;
The way I can lay
On your chest
And sleep so peacefully;
The way you pet me,
Like I am a fragile
Butterfly, which you never
Want to lose;
The way you'll put up with me,
Even when I'm at my worst;
The way you look at me,
As if I'm the most
Beautiful, perfect, or to-be treasured
Person in the world.
But Most of all,
I love the way
You love me.
The way you love me;
Despite my every flaw.
All my baggage,
And yet you love me.

"I'm sorry..."
I feel a pause,
As I hear myself say the words.
Were they meant for *me
Or someone else?

Kiss me* like the world depends on it.
Kiss me like your heart might break.
Kiss me like it'll start a riot.
Kiss me like the ground might shake.

Kiss me while the sky is falling.
Kiss me while the world is ending.
Kiss me while my heart starts stalling.
Kiss me while our minds are blending.

Kiss me at the peak of a mountain.
Kiss me at the ocean shore.
Kiss me at the drinking fountain.
Kiss me at the prison door.

Kiss me everywhere,
In any place,
Kiss me anywhere,
Not just my face.

Kiss me now,
Or kiss me tomorrow,
I don't care how,
It removes all sorrow.

Just kiss me here,
And kiss me forever.
I need you dear,
To kiss me however.

If ever there is no light in the shadows of your world,
I will be the candle that guides you back to your path.

Maybe

Maybe* she won't cry today,
And maybe he won't lie today,
And maybe life goes on today,
But maybe I'll be wrong today.

Maybe I'll be strong today,
And maybe tears won't fall today,
But maybe he'll break down today,
Because maybe she won't die today.

Maybe things get better today,
And maybe I'll write the letter today,
Maybe I'll sign my name in ink,
But maybe that's a permanent link.

Maybe that's too much for me,
Maybe "attached" is something I don't wanna be,
And maybe it'd be painful to watch,
Over the years; Death's painful march.

And maybe she'll go down today,
And maybe things won't be okay,
And maybe he'll give up and say,
That maybe he'll just run away.

But maybe I'll just cry today,
Maybe that's a better way.
Maybe that's my job today,
Maybe I'll just try to be okay.

Because maybe it's important to grieve,
And maybe it's okay to leave,
A little room to be left for me,
A little time to simply breath.

Maybe I should put myself first,
And maybe it wouldn't be the worst,
To maybe just take care of me,
Instead of being the one in lead.

*Maybe.

So maybe I've broken you,
And baby I'm sorry,
But honey I couldn't continue,
With the lies I told myself,
Because it wasn't fair to you,
Or to anybody else.

And maybe I should focus on,
The pain that I was feeling,
Or the things I'm struggling on.
It wasn't easy for me either,
But I couldn't just go on,
With trying to convince myself.

And really, I was in denial.
"You love her, you're crazy.
Just walk the line single-file"
When really, the love I held for you,
Was different, by a mile.
But really it wasn't that either.

At one point what I thought I felt, I did.
I used to really feel,
I fell head over heals for you I swear I did.
But It left,
Like a dead-beat dad leaves their kid.
And I'm sorry for that.

And so maybe I've broken you,
And baby I know I'm sorry.
But truly I'm broken, too,
And I have no right to be.
Because baby I've really broken you,
And it's broken me to know it was me who hurt you.

Everybody's telling me that these shoes are too big to fill,
But I'm not filling any shoes.
*I'm walking in my own.

I
                                          listen when i-
                                        n many moods
                                      bec-                 ­ a-
                                     use-                  it
                                     he-                  lps
                                      to­               clear
                                       m-       y mind.
                                        music alway-
                                   s makes thin-
                               gs better. I-
                        t lets me e-   s-
                 cape my t-           o-
             rtured r-                   e-
          ality. T-                       he calm it br-
        ings                    makes me feel safe, and t-
        he st-              rength          i-             t gives
         me h-            elps                m-              e to st-
           and               tall.               It               helps
              me                   ke-             e-            p my
                    hea-                               d         held
                             high, even when my h-
                                    eart is breaking.
                                                       ­      It
                                  it                          ­ai-
                           ds me in e-                   x-
                        pressing my-                 se-
                         lf. It                          ke-
                              eps­ me sane. Music
                                      is my safe
                                          place.

I always thought of her as a house.
Shelter from any danger;
Home for the weary traveler;
Warmth for those,
Who've been lost or cold for too long.

Her arms,
Like the walls of a house,
Keep me safe,
Sheltered and hidden
From eyes like stars.

Her words,
Like windows of a house
Make me see the world,
As if it is my own backyard.

Her smile,
Like a worn and patched roof
On a Victorian house,
Shields me from the worries of the world
That fall like cold rain.

She is strong.
Like that Victorian house
That has stood proudly
Through decades of wind and rain.

Like the walls
Of the age-old structure,
She has seen
And she has heard
Many things that give her wisdom.

Through generations,
She holds her family together,
She has rooms enough
For every person.

She is elegance.
And she is grace.
And she is that Glorious House.
And I will never,
Allow her to be knocked down.

Such potential for catastrophe,
God couldn't resist the flipping of my reality,
The idea of such a beautiful chaos,
It was a temptation too much,
So he submitted to the Irony calling him,
And tipped it into tragedy.

A wish,
A dream,
A hope,
A kiss.
It's all these things,
That I would miss.
If I should die sometime today,
And someone asked me,
"What'll it be; Come on and say,
The things you'd miss,
The things you'll need?"
I'd bow my head,
And look below,
And sadly state,
"You'll never know,
The extent of the love I have in me,
For all the little things,
You see.
My heart belongs,
It longs for these.
I'll forever miss my little things."

Never* give up,
'Cause that's not who you are.

I hope you never fall,
'Cause you're my shining star,

Please just kiss me soundly,
And never let me go.

Because without you I'd be lost,
Of this, I'm sure I *know.

Maybe tonight will be the night,
Just before we say goodbye,
We can lay and rest our heads,
Looking up at an ancient sky,

I could hold you closely,
If only for one last time,
And forget to think,
Unless that thought's a rhyme.

Perhaps you'll let me kiss you,
And dream of better days.
The days where things weren't bitter-sweet,
And the future wasn't a haze.

We'll be together; You'll never leave.
Except when daylight breaks,
I'll give up on deluded lies,
As my heart shatters, and the earth shakes.

I'll wake alone,
In a flowery field,
And after only a moment's denial,
My brain and heart will yield.

With a pen to a paper,
Like a sword to a foe,
I write poetry,
And present it to the world,
Like a present with a bow.
Letting the words
fill my paper.
Watching them take flight
Like many birds
drifting across updrafts in the wind.
And I will send
Them like a "get well" card
To every person who needs a friend.
Poetry is a healing process.
A coping system
A cure
A medicine for those in need.
Poetry is a dream
In which you don't
Have to scream
Unless you want to.
A dream that you control,
A beam that you can hold,
A story yet untold,
Perfectly crafted jewel,
With scripture writ in gold.

Does your mind go there?
When my ranting becomes too much.
When my emotions go haywire,
And you cannot hide.
Do you fantasize of the possibility?
When I am unmanageable,
And you cannot imagine the ability to take more,
And I am your biggest hurdle to leap in the day.
Are your dreams filled with thoughts of life without me?
When I am at my worst,
And cannot appreciate your forever best.
When I am unlovable.
Do you think of leaving me?

The violence, the cruelty, the ignorance,
Is this really what’s become of the human race?
Pain, drugs, belligerence,
The kids’ childhoods are gone,
Did they even exist?
Their parents’ lives are done,
Due to drugs and violence.
Must their lives suffer, too?
Must they grow up this way?
All these things that are taboo,
Why can’t they just go away?
There’s a tolerance for stupidity,
A lack of logical thinking.
People all around, just sitting.
Our economies are sinking.
As the crime rate grows,
The number of deaths do, too.
The soldiers are all fighting,
A war that never ends.
Quick! Just hit the lighting,
Camera ready? Let’s begin.
It’ll be a movie about reality,
The real one, not the fake.
A lesson on morality,
The laws our people break.
And as you sit down watching,
I hope you stop to think,
About the tears that shouldn’t be shed,
And the blood going down the sink,
From the people who shouldn’t have bled.
Why are people turning on people?
Why are kin abandoning kin?
No one gets left behind!
Did that get tossed out to the bin?
You must be loyal, you must stand strong,
And when your back’s against the wall,
You must continue fighting!
Catch each other when you fall!
We want equality for everyone,
Not just the privileged few!
You want us to be happy?
I’ll give you a little clue.
Treat humans like they’re humans,
And give respect where it is due.
I’ll keep trying to save this world,
I hope that everyone else will, too.

White.
Plain white.
All I could see was the white.
It was a numbing sensation,
Which in my case was a relief.
I guess.
It was a pleasant change;
A break, for once, from the hurt.
From feeling as if my everything was tearing apart.

I had felt as if my chest had been cracked open,
My innards spilling out in a painful gush,
And the only thing I could do,
Was hug something close.
And maybe the tighter I held it,
The closer together everything inside me was,
And the closer to being better I was.

But it made me feel alone.
To hug a stuffed animal,
In a desperate attempt to make myself well.
To stops the heart aching and sobbing.
All I wanted was to be held,
And comforted,
And just held together.
Because everything felt as if it were falling apart.

But now it’s gone,
For now, at least.
I’ve let it all out,
Like I so rarely do.
I’ve cried it all away,
It feels as if I don’t have any tears left.

I’ll relish in this,
In this short period of numb.
Because as soon as I let it,
As soon as I move from this spot,
As soon as my mind begins to work again,
It’ll be back.
The cycle will begin again.

This is for the people,
For the bullies,
For the Monsters,
For the ones who want me to fall,
To scrape my knees,
Or crash my car.
This is a promise
That I swear to keep.
A message to the evil ones,
Or to the ones who just don't believe.
This is the song
The one I'll continue to sing,
The one that means everything.
This is the poem of my people,
Of this generation.
This is the one that'll speak for thousands,
And have a different meaning for every one.
This is the artwork that has every color,
The one splashed on every cover,
The one you'll always remember,
Because it's the one the strong ones recite.
These are the words that speak to your heart,
The ones that are already there,
Even if you don't yet know.
This,
This is our motto,
This is our war cry,
Our victory chant,
Our promise,
Our dream,
Our secret,
Our scream,
These,
These are the words of the unappreciated.
This is a vow to always succeed.
To all the bad,
The cruel,
The evil.
The farther you push us,
The farther we'll go.
You'll be our ladder to success.
You'll be our motivation.
You'll be our dreams' creator,
And also its creation.
You are only making me win,
When all you want is for me to lose.
You every action is a contradiction,
Because they're the opposite of every word you choose.
You will degrade me,
And hurt me,
And try to make me cry,
But no matter what I'll just keep rising,
And you'll still be below me,
Trying to tear down the Eiffel Tower,
With not but your hands.
And from our perch in the clouds,
We'll laugh as we shout down,
*"The farther you push us,
The farther we'll go."

Death.
It's said to be the greatest mystery.
That no human has ever truly been there,
And been able to come back to tell of it.
Well,
That may be true,
But Death is not the greatest mystery.

No,
Because that would be life.
It would be to live.
Because no human knows what the future holds for them,
And while in death they may get their answers,
In life they never will.

There’s a person here in front of me,
Their voice is in my head.
They’re saying not to rush, you see.
They’re begging for patience instead.
“Please, just take your time,”
They’re crying out,
“For these present days are sublime,
Don’t spend them all whining about,
The things that do not change,
Live your life as a happy person,
For the number of roads possible in your life have large range.”
And with that, these people were gone.

That's the thing about Silence,
It's not quietly peaceful.
It's cold,
And it's haunting,
And truly deceitful.

The thing about Silence,
Is that it's painful,
And overbearing.
It gives you room to think,
About the things that aren't so joyful.

The thing about Silence,
Is that it isn't really silent.
Your thoughts scream out loudly,
Demanding that you hear them,
Uncontrollably Defiant.

The thing about Silence,
Is that it's quietly violent.
Hurting you,
Breaking you,
Always destroying your will to be vibrant.

The thing about Silence,
Is that it isn't great at all.
It causes more destruction.
It sneaks inside and plants the hate and doubt,
It breaks through your shielding walls.

That's the thing about Silence.
It slowly kills me.
With the self-deprecation,
And the memories.
*That's the thing about Silence, you see.

It's days like these,
Dark,
Cold,
Lonely.
You're blind
You shiver,
And you hurt on the inside.
It's days like these,
This one right here.
Feeling the things,
Maybe it's been a year.
Or maybe a month or so.
Struggle,
Strife,
Success.
You've fought,
You've crawled along.
You stand up on two feet.
You know that you're still hurting,
But you can carry on.
Because it's days like this.
These are the ones we live for.

Listening to Music,
Slipping between the notes,
Letting myself get lost in the feeling-
The emotion- and stealing
Back the last bit of sanity.
The bit that I had been using
As a tug-o-war rope
Between me and the people
Who can't really see.

Writing.
Letting the thoughts flow
Through me as I dream of
Something soothing,
And creating something
Great to share with others.
Something maybe they
Can relate to,
But it's okay if they can't,
Because to be honest it was meant
More for self-healing than
For others' need to critique.

Art.
All aspects,
From drawing to painting
To molding and crafting or knitting.
Something to paint the scene
That's in my head,
The one that I can't see dead.
A form of venting,
True,
But also of sharing a view.
Casting to canvas,
Or whatever else you'd use,
The beauty of the world,
Or the painful bits,
You choose.

Escapes from my reality,
A cruise around the world,
A chance to see my dreams
In actuality,
Instead of forgetting them too soon.
A chance to chase my pain away,
To feel a little less bruised.
A moment to breathe with ease
At least, and it's never a moment to soon.