Is it weird I thought the world was mines?
I said I was karma I controlled what happened to people who did my wrong and I made sure of that
The people I loved so dearly betrayed me so I gave them what they gave me, but instead of just a scar from the stab they gave me I gave them a jagger and twisted it inside them, I didn’t just give them a scar but I scarred their mind enternally I made their situation worst
But you know what’s wrong?
I’m not a god so do I regret what I’ve done
Yes at times but a lesson learned is better than doing it again
Vengeance WAS mines
Sometimes I wonder if I was drunk and in a room full of all the men I have loved
Who would I run to?
Would it be the first love?
The one who held my hand like it carried the world inside of it?
The one who kissed me closely in a stairwell?
The one who had the heart I broke into pieces?
Would it be the one that got away?
The one who made me feel wild and free and secure?
The one who always put me on the back burner but I wouldn't give up?
The one who broke my heart into pieces?
Would it be the one that was my almost lover?
The one who wanted all of me but not at the cost of a real relationship?
The one who drove me insane and made me feel like I was the problem?
The one who was my best friend in the whole fucking world?
Would it be the first real adult relationship?
The one who had a real job and real goals?
The one who took me on priceless excursions and showered me with gifts?
The one who told me I was too much of a stupid liberal city girl to be with him?
Or, would it be the one I thought was the love of my life?
The one who I spent most of my late youth with?
The one who had the family I loved and the laugh that brought me to my knees?
The one who told me I was too stagnate and was not willing to watch me grow into something spectacular?
So sometimes I wonder who I would run to
Who would I want to let in to break me again?
I do not know which hand I would run to hold, but I know any of those hands would be a mistake
meant to like you
meant to love you
meant to treat you kindly
meant to respect you
meant to honor you
meant to support you
meant to be there for you
meant to kiss you when you're sad
meant to text you :) when you're alone
meant to call you when they miss you
meant to give you hope
meant to push you to your dreams
meant to love you
even when they don't understand
As true as the sky is blue,
A best friend is always there for you.
From dreaming of dragons in a dizzy daze,
To standing together in scary school hallways.
Jessica the daring, Stephanie the brain,
They are two links in a chain.
Jess is ready to jump at the drop of a hat,
While Stephanie would prefer to pet a cat.
Steph's test is an ace,
While Jess's is a slight disgrace.
They say opposites attract,
The two were made for each other, and that's a fact.
However, a problem has breached this affinity,
There's a new boy in Jess's vicinity.
She has fallen head over heels,
For his bad boy disposition and decked out wheels.
Steph is not too fond of this new addition,
She's finding loneliness is her new condition.
Jess is too busy and cancels plans,
Steph worries and begins to wring her hands.
An attempt to capture Jess's attention,
Jess has yet to mention,
Steph has boldly dyed her hair,
But Jess just doesn't care.
Lips pressed against Blaine's,
Jess's head is in the rain.
Her judgement has gone cloudy,
With Blaine, she's beginning to act rowdy.
Every day they go farther and farther,
Blaine is pressuring her even harder.
Blaine has gotten into her head,
And hungrily leads her to his bed.
Now Steph stands alone in the halls,
And Jess stopped answering her calls.
It's been months now since they've conversed,
Steph's heart is about to burst.
Bad boy Blaine is not so great,
For Jess's sensative mental state.
They have begun to yell and fight,
Steph notices and thinks it's not quite right.
Steph tries to help; Jess tells her to stay out of it,
But there are signs that she's been hit.
She comes to school with bruises black and blue,
Steph knows this is nothing new.
Everything's beginning to fall apart,
Blaine has shattered her fragile heart.
In tears, Jess has a confession,
Her life is now ruled by guilt and depression.
After weeks of sobbing and crying,
Jess decides she should be trying.
She hesitantly picks up the phone,
And calls Steph at home.
Jess tells Steph her regrets about Blaine,
About her letting him inside her brain.
She gave him everything,
He toyed with her heart like a cat with string.
Jess and Steph now see eye to eye,
Now that Jess and Blaine have said goodbye.
They are once again two links in a chain,
They help each other through the pain.
After all, what are friends for,
Than to be there when knocking on each other's door?
A best friend is always there for you,
That's as true as the sky is blue.
Tell me what you had for dinner and what you and your mom debated about across the table.
Tell me how every time she cooks alone you wonder what your dad would look like with his hands across her hips
like he used to do when they were in love.
Tell me how you don’t believe in love anymore.
Tell me how everything that is whole can be torn apart.
How you have transformed yourself from a plain block into a Rubix cube emerging from the perpetual change in your life.
How the colours no longer match on any side
no matter how many times you try to turn things around
You don’t know what to believe in
Tell me you believe in her.
Tell me how hard it is to stay together and how hard it is to stay apart.
Tell me how you hate sleeping with someone beside you but you hugged her tightly in the middle of the night because even in your dreams you were scared to lose her.
Lately her side of the bed has only had your shadows surrounding it.
They wonder if she’ll be back or if they should change their address to your bed frame and tell the mail man to forward any letters meant for her to an address where the only kisses that wake her up are the ones that nameless men use to thank her for the night before.
That’s the thing about the calm after the storm, is it happiness or just relief.
My girl has this boyfriend,
I simply just don't trust;
When she brings him by the house
He dotes and makes a fuss,
Schmoozing me relentlessly,
Something's in the works,
Just teetering on the cusp.
I've got my keen eyes sharpened,
He isn't fooling me,
I've known the likes of him before,
When I was young and free.
But that was someone else's daughter,
No relationship to me.
Yes, she was someone else's dauaghter,
And I was young and free.
Warning* This is not a poem, by any stretch of the means, if you don't want to read a story then skip over this. If you are against any part of the LGBT+ community, skip over this!! If you would like to read this then keep on reading and thank you very much
Coming out is terrifying. Figuring yourself out in the first place is absolutely scary, but then telling everyone what you've figured out is even scarier. Here is my story.
My story starts in the 4th grade. I remember I would be at choir concerts and I would be in the audience watching with my family, and I would be staring at the girls. Because they had such pretty dresses, and gorgeous makeup, and long flawless hair. And I would pay no attention to the boys, because the boys aren't pretty like the girls are, they aren't pretty at all to me. Then suddenly I noticed that, and then I remembered all the girls in my class talking about how cute Johnnie is and I sort of connected that I thought Sally was a lot cuter than Johnnie or any other boy in my class was.
Then I remember going home and sitting in my room and being determined to figure this out, because this is weird. I've never heard of a girl liking a girl! That happens?!?! If this is real then why haven't Mom or Dad said anything? So I sat down in my room and I got a black, blue, and pink marker and a piece of paper. On one side of the paper I drew a boy in blue and on the other I drew a girl in pink. In the middle I put the word or. But I didn't know which side to circle, so I folded up the paper and hid in between my closet door because it was open but you could put stuff in between the doors without anyone seeing it. In a month I found the paper again, and this time I knew which one I was attracted to. So I grab my black marker and I circle the girl.
I don't really remember how much longer after the paper incident that this next event happened, but I know it was 4th-5th grade somewhere in there. I had my best friend over, I think it was for a sleepover. We're gonna call her Ally. But I remember me and Ally were just hangin out in my room. I look over at Ally and say 'Hey, Ally I gotta tell you something' and she's waiting for me to respond. So I say 'I think I like girls.' That's all I say, nothing more. Ally goes off repeating that it's wrong and that it's not right and that I have to like boys otherwise something is wrong with me, and is just going on and on when I just jump up and say 'JUST KIDDING, it was just a joke calm down'. Then we just laugh it off and then she makes the comment 'if you did like girls i'd be okay with it, but i wouldn't be as close to you because i'm a girl too'. That really hurt me, which caused me to internalize all of my questioning thoughts and try my hardest to forget about them.
Now it is middle school, during middle school I dated 3 boys. We are going to call them Jona, Chris, and Lucas. I dated Jona for 15 months and our "relationship" was more like a friendship with fancier terms. I'm buddies with Jona now so it's all good. Chris didn't last long so that doesn't really matter. Lucas!!!! I dated Lucas for 6 months and during this time I realized that I really was attracted to girls and I couldn't keep hiding it. I realized this because Lucas was my first kiss and I was not into it AT ALL!!! I just wasn't, I tried i really did. But I just was never much into the dude thing! Nothing against him at all, he's a really sweet guy and I'm really close friends with him now. But after I had my first kiss, I pretty much was like girls are real pretty and the dudes im just not into that. So I sorta just slowly stopped talking to Lucas, and I ended breaking up with him.
But I was scared of being judged for being completely lesbian, so i came out as a pansexual because i thought people would be more accepting. So I came out to my sister first, I have 2 sisters and i came out to the one that is a year younger than me ,Izzy. Izzy was in the living room one night and i walked out there and i said 'Izzy, you'll love me no matter what, right?' she replied yes and just asked me what was wrong repeatedly. Then I was like I was thinking and just needed some reminder. Then she followed me to my room and harassed me for an explanation. Then I came out and said 'Izzy, im pansexual.' Then I explained what it was and the first thing she said was 'OMG, NOW I HAVE A GBF!!!'. I felt so much better after that and i was just so relieved. After that i came out to my Mom, friends, and my other sister.
After 3 months, I revealed to my mom that i was still confused because I leaned more towards females and that at that moment i was just using pan as a label but if it changed to not be surprised.
Around a week after that I gained the courage to come out to my Dad. I honestly don't know why I was so scared to come out to him, but I was and he was around the last one to learn. So I walked into my parents room and was just talking to Dad, I had my mom stay in the room just to lessen my anxiety about all of this. Then I brought up the topic of the LGBT+ community, dad and i talked about it for awhile. Then i said 'dad, i mentioned gays because i like girls'. then my dad went on a list of analogies but in the end he was okay with it. Actually my dad was the most supportive about it right after i told him he was so okay with it and it made me so happy. Although my dad was upset because i was scared to tell him. After I came out to him, I pretty much just admitted to being a full blown lesbian, and it was all great and dandy and everyone was happy.
Then it was time to go back to school, but this year was the year I started high school. So I was a freshman who had just come out as a lesbian to all my friends and family over summer. So not many people knew that I was gay. But then I become friends with this girl, I really liked her. I was at a friends party and she was invited and after that party I couldn't get her off my mind. (I know this seems like it's going off track but it will connect soon) I figured out that we have a class together and we started talking.
At the party I mentioned the whole being gay thing and she was okay and very aware of it, and one day she went to my locker after school. She had been doing that a lot and gave me hugs to say bye and stuff but i completely overlooked it because i don't know what flirting is. She was at my locker and i decided to put my big girl pants on and ask if she liked girls. She responded with i'm pretty much cool with anything (pansexual). Then she asked me to the dance, I obviously said yes and wigged out when she walked away and immediately texted my best friend in florida (Ally).(Oh BTW I came out to her over summer over skype and she's completely chill with it now, we are still best friends and she doesn't mind at all) So we went to the dance and she asked me out. I said yes, wigged out some more, and then danced some more with my friends while she talked to hers for a few minutes. Fast forward to the few weeks after the dance. We had been walking down the halls and hugging so everyone figured it out.
That's where we are today. I am still dating the girl, i've met her family and she has very nice parents. All my friends know that I am lesbian, and they completely accept me. My family knows, but when I say family I mean my household family. My grandma and great-aunt know, but besides that no one else does but I don't really need them too so it's all good. But I am so much happier than I have been in a long time. Yes, relationships are so frickin stressful especially if it is one with the same sex and you've never had one of them before. So if you are in your first relationship with a girl, take it slow. But if anyone is in the mindset of coming out, first make sure that it is safe for you too before you do it. If it's not safe you can't, be safe about it no matter what. You'll be able to be open about it one day, but make sure you are in a safe environment. But if it is, yes coming out is the most stressful time ever! But in the end it is the most rewarding thing, to be able to openly say I'm insert your label(s). It's an amazing feeling, yes you might lose some people on the way but if they won't accept you for the real you then don't even deserve you. So my final thing it, you are an amazing human, and if you come out you are the strongest being and you have earned my utmost respect. If you haven't, you've earned my utmost respect because it's heart wrenching and I've been there, but you will be able to bloom one day my little flower.
he LOVED me
in ALL CAPS
he was loud in his affirmations
he told me i shouldn't be embarrassed
i was a fucking superhero, he said
he didn't hold back in how he loved me
he held me and i knew what i meant to him
he kissed me and i knew everything he was thinking
i was so taken care of,
even if he couldn't give me everything
the fact that he tried meant so much more
this is a special gift
he was a fucking treat, let me tell you
and my god,
when it was over,
nothing could have hurt worse
i didn't want anything that great again
if there was even a shred of possibility of feeling this again
with great love may come great loss, i told myself
is it even sustainable to do this again?
and he came back, with a different job and a new love
and my heart didn't flutter
he was in front of me, and i didn't reach out.
wanting the familiarity and safety of his touch
this is moving on
i thought i would be much sadder when this moment came
the eyes of former lovers meeting
recognizing and reminiscing
but that's about it
this is moving on
that's about it
i guess i expected more heartache as something to write about
since the wake of our destruction
was some of my best work
Laying down on the floor,
Crying till she falls asleep,
Praying that God would take her,
Knowing that he has other plans for her,
As she wishes for her life to be taken,
As she prays upon the Lord,
Asking him to take her away,
Away from this hellish home.
She has three older brothers,
One older sister,
A little sister as well,
Her mother is a stripper,
Bringing different guys home,
Every night she'll hear the arguments,
Between her mother and her beaus,
She covers herself as she listen to the fights,
Sometimes she takes the knife out,
As she tries to cut her pain away.
One day she had come home from school,
Her siblings weren't around,
She walked in on her mother's feud,
With one of her new boy toys,
She ran upstairs to her bedroom,
She locked the door,
Turned her music up really loud,
Until she can no longer hear anymore.
She screamed at the top of her lungs,
Grab her knife,
She kept on stabbing herself,
Over and over again,
Blood started to drip out,
As there's a small pool piling up,
The pool of blood circled around her,
As she fell and hit the floor.
Her mother ran upstairs,
Saw her on the floor,
Laying in a puddle of blood,
Where her arms are so sore,
Bruises shown where she carved,
As dried tear stains on her cheeks,
The mother froze at the sight of her daughter,
Laying on the floor motionless.
Her mother found a letter,
On the table next to her bed,
She stood there motionless,
Once more after reading the end,
Her daughter didn't want to live,
She wanted out of the house,
Away from her own mother,
Away from all the fights,
Away from her siblings,
Away from life itself.