You’re a dork. Nerd chic and cute.
2. You make me feel worthwhile.
3. I am a guy when I’m with you.
4. When you mess up my pronouns, you feel bad.
5. You feel bad when you’re an ass to my friends.
6. You tell horrible jokes.
7. You write me songs.
8. You draw me pictures.
9. The songs all make sense now. I find pieces of you in all of them.
10. You’re stupid sometimes.
11. You look at me when a sappy song comes on.
12. When I cry, you cry.
13. You constantly compliment me.
14. You get mas when people make fun of me.
15. You actually seem to give a fuck about me.
16. It makes you sad when I’m depressed.
17. You help me calm down when my anxiety’s high.
18. You think I’m adorable.
19. You play basketball with me.
20. You tease me about my poetry, but not in a mean way.
21. You apologise after you do something wrong.
22. You don’t make fun of my headspace. I’m not sure you fully understand it, but still.
23. I smile when you smile.
24. Your smile is “like bright white firecrackers in a starless sky” (John Green).
25. Your laugh.
26. Your eyes.
27. You make me laugh.
28. You love the rain almost as much as I do.
29. I told you what my favourite cologne was. You went and bought it the next day.
30. You’re not stuck in your past.
31. Our conversations.
32. You don’t treat me like a freak.
33. You’re trying.
34. Your confusion makes sense to me.
35. You drink black coffee. I hate the taste but love the smell.
36. You always give me the nicest plate.
37. You inspire poetry.
38. You inspire music.
39. You have “a whole magnificent soul burning brightly behind [your] shy” (Atticus).
40. You don’t judge me about my past.
41. You don’t want to be “the man”, just a man.
42. There is a glimmer in you.
43. You aren’t alone. You never were.
44. You help me erase my darkness.
45. You are my destination.
46. It’s easy to be myself when I’m with you.
47. The thought of you is enough to keep me alive.
48. You are my peace. My sky full of stars. My sunrise and my sunset. My art museum. My sun and moon.
49. You help me believe.
50. You help me remember what it is to live.
51. It feels like you would do almost anything for me.
52. “But something tells me I must love you” (Geoffery Nutter).
53. You understand, even when I don’t feel particularly understandable.
54. Your “smile could end wars and cure cancer” (John Green).
55. I’m okay being invisible with you.
56. Je pense que je t’aime.
57. You do stupid things to make me happy.
58. The thought of losing you crushes me. It hurts because you matter.
59. You are poetry.
60. I don’t deserve you. Or your love.
61. You say that love is fake, but then you say you love me. Which is it? Which do you believe?
62. I’m tired of losing you.
63. You + little kids = my heart’s demise.
64. You feel like home.
65. Happiness looks gorgeous on you.
66. You’re worth more than mascara (poem reference).
67. Sometimes you can be really funny and make me laugh. You also don’t make fun of my real laugh.
68. Thinking of you keeps the nightmares away.
69. Thinking of you helps my anxiety recede.
70. You act tough.
71. But you’re really a softie.
72. You are a melody.
73. I feel like I’m not good enough for you.
74. This list is so easy to write, because it’s all true.
75. You usually make me feel safe.
76. You’re an ass.
77. You can be so sweet.
78. I know you’d never hurt me intentionally.
79. I’m sorry I’m leaving you here.
80. You shine brighter than any galaxy.
81. I’m so fucking stupid to love you like this, especially after you hurt my friends.
82. But I can’t stop. And that’s scary.
83. I’m sorry that bad things have ever happened to you. You don’t deserve that and it breaks my heart.
84. I really hope you believe in love, because life without love is pointless.
85. You care. I care too much.
86. You put up with my bullshit.
87. You’re not afraid or ashamed of who you are.
88. I can’t stop reading your letter.
89. You don’t make fun of my stuffed animals.
90. Every time I talk to you, I am simultaneously anxious and calm. I hate it.
91. I’m not sure I should share all of this with you.
92. But I probably will.
93. You’re being a prick again.
94. I wish you would stop. I don’t think you realise just how much you’re hurting me. I stick up for you and then you prove me wrong.
95. It makes me feel so stupid.
96. And like all I deserve is crap.
97. That nobody will ever love me, because I haven’t earned it.
98. I’m sorry that you think this is your only option. You’re so much better than this.
99. Abz just broke a lightbulb and I hid two pieces. But Antion came to talk to us so I gave them up.
100. I really wanted to use them, though.
101. I went off on you for trying to talk to me.
102. So now you keep looking at me all sad-like.
103. And I feel like a bitch,
104. Abz says you’re doing it because you care and don’t want to see me hurting.
105. But you’re sure as fuck not acting like it.
106. I only have a few days left.
107. And you’re making them shit.
108. It’s not fair.
109. It’s not my fault I’m leaving.
110. I really don’t want to. Trust me.
111. But even after all of this, I still love you.
112. And that makes me so fucking stupid.
113. I really wish this would end.
114. Because I have so much faith in you.
115. I believe in you.
116. I just don’t believe what you say.
117. Because sometimes, people say things just to make other people feel better.
118. You are so much stronger than me. I envy that.
119. Abz said she was going to ask me out, but she didn’t because she knows I really do love you.
120. You mean so fucking much to me.
121. I love how your eyes change colours when you’re talking to me. Green means happy/flirty. Brown means sad/mad/anxious.
122. When your eyes are brown, they’re gorgeous. But it makes me sad.
123. Because I know you’re hurting.
124. We all hurt.
125. “Unravel me to understand me” (Robert M. Drake).
126. You are my almost. I love you, but you only almost love me. We are almost together.
127. I wish I could hold your hand.
128. Because when I want nothing more than to hold someone’s hand, I think of you.
129. You are always in my mind.
130. You have me wrapped around your finger.
131. When you tell me you love me, I wait for a “but…”
132. I hope for a “no matter what”.
133. I love you in a way that words can’t express.
134. You look at me like there is something in me worth looking at.
135. You try to hide your feelings so I don’t worry, but I think you forget that your eyes tell me all I need to know.
136. You hate many things about yourself, but they are my poetry. I love them, because they make you.
137. I fell for you like the raindrops.
138. I’m sorry I have burdened you with my presence.
139. I don’t know why I keep thinking I have a chance with you.
140. It’s stupid of me to think you could fall for me, too.
141. You have flaws. We both know that. But I still think you are as close to perfect as anyone can be.
142. You told me this morning that you’re acting the way you are because you’re depressed about me leaving.
143. I’m sorry that I let you in. Because look what it’s doing to you.
144. I use different words and different languages when I speak of you because “I love you” is so overused. It’s worn out, and my adoration of you is not.
145. I whisper to the stars, the sunset, the rain and all of nature about you.
146. I never realized how much I care for you until they told me I was leaving.
147. Seven days is not long enough. I need more time with you.
148. “My youth is yours” (Troye Sivan, Youth).
149. There is so much I want to say to you. But I’m not sure how.
150. You are poetry because poetry makes sense to me and is easier to explain.
151. I write poetry about you because it helps me understand.
152. I always get shy when you talk to me.
153. I can’t tell you any of these things out loud. When I do, my heart races.
154. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to tell you goodbye.
155. I can’t look you in the eyes because I’m trying to hide a lie, but because I’m trying to hide a love.
156. My thoughts are just poetry divided, and most of them are about you.
157. Te amo tanto que es difícil respirar cuando pienso en ti.
158. You told me you wanted to be more than friends after I leave. I hope that wasn’t a lie, because I do too.
159. Please never forget me. Because I will never forget you.
160. But even if you do, that’s okay.
161. You are poetry, personified. I will whisper you on late nights spent thinking.
162. I really hope you find away to talk to me after I leave. Because it’s hard enough when you go for a few hours, let alone forever.
163. The worst, saddest sound ever is how your voice cracks when you cry.
164. Every poem I create is heavy with the thought of you.
165. Do you think of me as much as I think of you?
166. I’m tired of being afraid of your rejection.
167. I’m tired of being afraid of losing you.
168. I love you, even if you don’t love yourself.
169. I wish we could have more deep conversations.
170. There’s so much more inside that I could say.
171. Please, just talk to me.
w h y i s i t s o h a r d