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Lieke Feb 1
In a cloud of white air
I yell and I yell
enclosed by the air
and yet I can't feel it.

I want to hurt myself
just so I can feel something
So I try and I try
but not a drop of blood shed.

I shoot and I shoot
I clash my cymbals
I set myself on fire
I bomb the whole **** cloud.

No effects.
No restraint.
No movement.
No feeling.

I am stuck in an infinite circle of an alternate reality.
Isolated from life.
I sit down here
in a cloud of white air.
about a dream I had a few nights ago. 1 February, 2019
Tommy Randell Jan 30

"Stopping the flow of our music was like stopping time itself - All that promise, all that light, and the quality of the shadows we cast, was gone."

I hear a Drum calling out to me,
Though the Drum hasn't been played
At all recently to my mind,
Certainly, as they say, not in haste.
I hear too a flute, rising to the beat,
But haven't witnessed one of those being played
Also it seems in some considerable time -
I admit then it must be my mental state.

The world is shrinking, as Time fades for me
The more often I tell visitors not to come.
But I do treasure those far away days when
The drumming made all worries disappear
And the quality of shadows in the room
Was lighter as the flute played inside my head
And the shadows outside in the world
Held less fear.


"Making music in a duet was like layering shadows -
Where the negative spaces dappled and flickered with our fire."

In the quality of life's shadows now
Memory gets dimmer the thinner it spreads -
The counting down of opportunities
Dwindling ahead.

We have lived years
Of distant knowing from afar,
Each of our lives lived out
Beneath independent stars.

A friendship of opposites,
In many ways
Non-touching parallels
In the straight-line choices made.

Rare days together we played music,
Sometimes, played at being in love -
But I wonder whether, if ever,
Either was enough?

Is it in the quality of such shadows now
Time too gets thinner the dimmer days become
And there are gathering ambiguities
In the failing light of love?


"In our duets music was built from silence in a very special way - It was like drawing curtains in a room to make people look more closely into the shadows."

I have too few souvenirs of you -
But more might only rankle now,
Like a list of things I have to do
To uphold some long forgotten vow.

Empty shelves are better
In matters of the heart -
I mean, If I had a box of your letters
Where precisely would I start?

I haven't played my drum
Since you have stayed away,
Yet I know it was my silence
Caused you not to come and play.

My fault then, to be so self conflicted,
To say I miss our music so,
Yet it was me that killed it -
Though why I still don't know.


"Like looking into a river where the light cannot *******, it is in the quality of such shadows, insight and harmony are perceived, and so one sees one's own part in the music."

Together we made a river
When we played -
Downhill, always downhill
The beauty that we made.

From some locus between us
There would form a phrase,
A ripple in the stillness,
Making a sense of place.

At best, Time was created
Where rhythm found a name -
At most, sound was celebrated
In the artistry of embrace.

From a duet of plaited silver
Playful knots and shapes,
A cascade always tumbling -
Like beauty being explained.

Always that tension between us,
Always that twilight of dawn,
Always that quality of shadows,
Where some new purpose was born.

And if now the river has run
And what was travelled is lost,
If now the flute and the drum are gone
And the reality of shadows is dust,

No worries, no river is gone forever,
No music is ever complete,
In time, again, the shadows will gather
And our music will flow through the streets.

As life is all about the shadows within
So music is all about the flow of time.
As love is all about two hearts' rhythms
So our duet is not for me alone to decide.

"Many play duets all their lives without realising it is not the music they are searching for! - I was the lucky one then."
Not playing duets anymore after 25years.
Alex Adams Jan 29
I wish the heart didn't feel,
I wish I could forget,
I wish the tears would stop falling,
I wish I could see your face again,
I wish I knew what to do,
I wish you were here,
I wish the blood to flood faster,
I wish my heart to stop,
I wish to be free,
I wish I would die.

I wish you could guide me again,
I wish that I could hear you again,
But just hold on because I'm on my way,
The tears are falling and the blood is now flowing faster,
just wait a moment and I will be with you, in your arms again
I'm letting my depression win an I might not be around for a while
my blood is now flowing an its getting hard to type so this will be
Recently I tell myself
I'm putting this love on hold
It sounds easier than giving up
Or moving on from a love untold
It sounds indefinite yet not
I'm neither trapped or controlled
To stay or leave when parts of me
Are still divided to uphold
If in 10 years I still love you
Or forget this love I know
I hope to be content, in love
To wherever this heart may go
I don't know why
I love this game so much
It got me tangled into situations
That even I could never imagined.

I guess this is my consequences
Of trying to figure out the difficult
Of trying to lighten up the dark
Of trying to mend what's broke
Of trying to lift what's drown.
Maybe I did play with fire
And I'm loving the way you burn me.

When you call me up
Saying you need me
I came running to you.
And the moment
When I want us to stay
You'd left for someone else.

When I want to talk
You'd shout and walk away,
When I needed you
You'd ingore and shut me up.
Isn't this so toxic?
This love is complicated,
But I guess it never was,
Since there's only one that loved
The other one thought she wasn't enough.

And just when I'm out of air
Saying baby you suffocate me and you're the air I breathe.
This is our endgame,
Baby I won't say "please stay".
Raj Agrawal Jan 16
There’s nothing left worth fighting for,
Lower your ****** fists,
Scraped and scratched over nothing but a thought,

Admit it’s all for nothing
Just let it go,

But you still choke,
Nothing but air fills your throat and lungs,
The air slowly piles out and your lung collapses,
Your heart is the next to follow,


You think you’re close to the end,
To winning,
To letting it all go,

But as your eyes pan up,
You see the brick wall in front of you,
Not a single chip in it.
Raj Agrawal Jan 16
I miss being praised.
Is that narcissistic? Selfish? Self-Obsessed?

No matter how much things may improve, the lack of a constant reassurance that used to exist leaves a gaping hole of insecurity.

You may improve yourself, get better, but if someone is not telling you that you are, have you actually improved? Are you truly getting better?

If progress is based off your own assessment isn’t that biased?

I Give Up.
sophia Jan 11
If you have to ask, "Why me?"
When you're feeling really blue.
When the world has turned against you
And you don't know what to do.
When it pours colossal raindrops
And the road's a winding mess.
And you're feeling more confused
Than you could ever express.

When the saddened sun won't shine
When the stars never align.
When you'd rather be
Hanging by your neck on a tree.
i have nothing to say here.
mads Jan 7
To give up and not try
sounds so appealing
so easy
To just stop caring
just quit
maybe it would
be easier than this
im so exhausted from trying to be okay
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