it crawls into and creeps
in your mind
and inside of you
is an uncontrollable rapid
that your heart struggles to keep up
and your breathing shakes
your skin turns cold like you're
drowning
wondering when
will it stop
and.a soft whisper tells you
to fear for your life.

silence is loud when you're alone
and it's not the absence of noise
or the humming in your ear,
it's something only you can hear and no one else
it's constant and explosive and all around
it's the uproar of your thoughts
making all that sound

you can try and hush it,
try to make it a nice place to be but
you know another just comes
and it can affect you, hurt you
leave you in a loop— analysis paralysis
now don't lose yourself in it
break from that cycle, don't let
it eat at you bit by bit

it's like a virus that spreads
and starts numbing your body
your mind'***** overload and
just blaring, almost deafening...
but still,
you can never hear complete silence
not even when you're alone
so go rest your heavy head
and escape from reality
i'm sorry you have to do it again
because dreams are temporary.

don't call us “friends”
when all you do is pretend

act like you don't want to attack
but you'll do it behind my back

and all i've been was loving and nice
but you were threatened by my spice

you mistake me for being flirty
when you're the who did me *****

telling everyone i'm the one to hate
when all i've done was be a good mate

so go on and talk **** about me
and i get we all have our insecurities

but don't be fake and start talking ****
hurting other people is just not it

words are just as hurtful as fists
pain like this can exist on wrists

there's too much hate already being hurled
when are you gonna realize we need more love in this world?

if you're wondering if i'd ever do that to you
i don't have the heart to do what you did to me too

and in the end, i'd still care about you
even if our relationship decides to fall through

let's play a game
you and i
stare in silence
while locking eyes

nervous and quite shy
turned into big smiles
then quiet laughter
still looking intently all the while

every second passing
and strings started to exist
attaching and latching
knots tying in twists

electricity started flowing
unseen but a rushing feel
back and forth
a connection -- is this becoming real?

in that short time
i started to imagine
me leaning in to kiss you
and I almost let it happen

three hundred seconds is up
and i tried to explain
but i couldn't tell you everything
that was going on in my brain

so i told you i feel closer to you
without saying anything more
didn't want you to know
it was you i was longing for.

distance makes the heart say you want her

I think of your smile
I think of your jokes
I think of your soft brown hair
I think of your sparkling eyes
I think of the way you wear your jacket
I think of the time when you first came over to talk to me
I think of the time we first sat beside each other
I think of the time we shared boba
I think of the time you brought me home
I think of the time you kept trying to talk to me
I think of the time you try to come near me
I think of the time I've waited around for you after work
I think of the time we messaged each other
I think of the movie we watched together
I think of the pizza we ate
I think of the time we talked about sports
I think of the time when I met your parents
I think of the time you first held my hand
I think of the time you picked me up when I fell
I think of the way you laugh
I think of the way you kissed me
I think of us
I think of what we could've been
I think of you when I listen to music
I think of you when I watch tv shows and movies
I think of the hugs you'd give me at my front door
I think of the way you looked at me when I left
I think of our conversations
I think of the trips we've planned
I think of the time when we were vulnerable
I think of the way you made my heart flutter
I think of the way you made my blood rush
I think of the way sparks flew when we touched
I think of you when I'm about to leave the house
I think of you when I look up at the stars
I think of you when I play the piano
I think of you when I exercise
I think of you when I wake up
I think of you when I cook pasta like how I did for you
I think of you while putting on my make-up
I think of you when I'm about to pray
I think of you before I go to bed
I think of you even if I don't want to
I think I'm not over you.

can we just lay in bed
with my head resting on your chest
listening to the sound of your breath
and your heart singing a perfect duet?

the sound of the rain
hugged our memories as i cuddled the pain
shivering in anxiety; wrapped in blankets of your shadow
touching the most fragile parts of me in sorrow.

the sound of thunder
travelled in reverse like how our always turned to never
and in the rolling of silent roars, I look for your sweet voice
as if it's the cleanest noise, and yours is the only choice.

the sound of the wind
whispered all the could've been, all our would've been
caressing your skin the way i should’ve held you close like it’s a sin
my love, can you help me comprehend?

but you make me nervous

I've been watching the clock
daydreaming of us holding each other,
the sun in our eyes and the bright blue skies,
the smell of the grass and the white noise of chatter,
the wind sending us cold kisses on our cheeks and
whirling your chestnut brown hair,
the way your lips curl with your charming smile
and the way your eyes sparkle melts my soul,
I've craved feeling your skin against mine,
your touch that sends me to the highest of places
as our fingers interlace gently,
your lips pressed to mine as I can feel
how much we've missed each other, passionate yet tender
and every nerve in my body sends into this rush of longing for you
and here, all I want is to stay in your arms a little longer,
stare into each other's eyes a little longer,
I want us to just stay at this moment for a little longer
but for now, you're alive but only in my mind
missing you extra hard every single time
waiting till I see you again
counting down the seconds till I can.

a coward holds the lovers card upright in his hand
told them both he’d take to the promise land
torn between two queens, all confused
didn’t want to leave any of them bruised.

a naive youngster held the fool in reverse
fell for all the tricks and games was the curse
she gave in full but took none, always came at second best
time wasted being used, finding out again she was just the guest.

sitting across from me
was you and your big smile,
the way your eyes would squint as we were
laughing about the different oreo flavors
watching you pull out packs and packs of them
eagerly from your backpack
dunking it in a purple shake -- the sweet taste
of ube and the little pearls sitting at the bottom,
our table filled and soon our stomachs,
the steam of freshly cooked rice and the sizzle of pork sisig,
the clanking of the utensils and the sound of the conversations
you started,

i can hear it all in my head.

a scene that almost played out but didn't,
a moment i wish took place,
excitement was now a shade of dark blue
and the plans we've made turned into dust.

i wish i've known what was going on inside your head
and here I am talking to you in mine
whispering for you to come home
but you are.

you feel
too much
all the time
every single **** time

and time and time again
you tell yourself
"don’t make that same mistake again"
"don’t give too much again"

and when things don’t work out
you hurt, feel that aching pain
a thousand times more
over and over

and you tried to step back
have one foot out the door
you tried to be ready
but you will never be ready

you locked your heart
so far in a safe box
for the next person
but you end up spilling yourself
all over them like you did
the last time

it’s okay to give
everything
it’s okay to feel
everything
but honey,
guard your heart
and love
with no regret.

a shimmer of lights
stillness of the night
patterns made by the stars
gazing up at what could be ours
the cold air kisses your face,
wrapped in blankets like a warm embrace
the sound of leaves caressing the trees —
a lullaby, slow dancing in the breeze
moonlight peeking through the shadows
a whiff of nature in the atmos

Black and white
but, this was gray.
Six trips around the sun,
and finally today.

Variety of hues
stained my eyes,
shades in between
no longer in disguise.

At last, I gaze at the layers
of paint on your canvas
remarkable, complete chaos—a portrait;
palette drips in harmonious madness.

Words stain like red wine on your couch
and you try so hard to erase it out
but remnants will remain
and even when you no longer see it,
it will always exist in your mind
and you will remember,
memories and feelings will rush back
and you wish you could remove that stain--
that scar that won't ever disappear
in your mind as easily as you removed
that red wine.

tequila
sliding down
quick, hot
and its taste
lingering in
the insides of my
mouth now
dancing inside
my body
and running
in my blood
like a marathon
racing to
the finish
only to get
me feeling
weak in the knees
tingling
and my mind was
once full of
stressed thoughts
creating
unnecessary pain
is now emptied
into the sound of
good laughs
and clanking glasses
whilst
drowning in the
music,
my body
swaying
in its rhythm
and my heart
sings where
people can hear it.
Did you hear it?
when I asked you
to dance?
when I grabbed you
by the hand
going with every
beat of the music?
when we smiled at
each other,
locked eyes
and I told you
what a great time
this was?
did you feel it?
did you feel
the way
I did?

It was in your eyes,
I knew.
That all I want,
is to spend the rest of my life
with you.

but you didn't.
you stopped,
you didn't even try
and just walked away
and I wish you would care.

Maybe
the things
we think that happened at
the wrong time
may be
just the right time.

It was a good night,
we didn’t know where the time had gone,
we could not stop laughing
because it was all so much fun.

We were all filled with whopping joy,
big smiles and full hearts.
We all hugged each other goodbye,
exchanged “I love yous” like sweethearts.

But that night I knew,
it was too good to be true.
I woke up being told
unbelievable news.

I couldn’t believe,
didn’t want to, from what I’ve heard.
I was so confused,
couldn’t say a word.

It was only then,
I saw you lying on a bed,
your eyes closed and lips curved into a smile,
was when it all sank in, in my head.

It only took one look,
and I looked away so quick.
I stood there, tears welled up in my eyes,
my heart ached like it was kicked.

It was only a few hours before
that I’ve heard your voice and laugh,
I didn’t think it would ever be the last,
only left with a memory like a still photograph.

My mind’s cluttered; I don’t know what to do
or how to face the reality of this.
I keep thinking it’s all a dream
that this is all just ludicrous.

I waited for you to wake
and tell us, this was all a charade
because you loved to fool us a lot
so, I just prayed and prayed.

It happened all so fast,
your face was full of color but now, a shade of gray.
You lay there so peacefully,
knowing you’re fading away.

I lost a great friend that night
but heaven gained an angel.
I pray to you every day, and to God,
for blessing me with you, that, I am thankful.

When I look at you,
you give me butterflies,
a flower garden springing,
a rush in my body, so
explosive yet still,
a feeling I haven’t felt in a while.

When I look at you,
bringing out a smile,
so genuine, flirty, lingering
glued shut in my mind,
wishing I was brave to say,
“it looks so **** good on you”.

When you look at me,
I catch you with mine.
I see you staring
with your sparkling, buzzed
hazy brown eyes, my heart races
as the crowd blurs,
the voices muffled,
an unbroken gaze, breathing deeply into
the split seconds we hold.

When you look at me,
a series of stolen glances
is all it is, with us thieves.
Wasted, only to look in my eyes for
a fleeting, hot, one-time moment,
but I was looking for a lifetime in yours.

When I look at you,
it’s like gold dust, uncommon.
Only to look from a distance but
never stare, as I can’t have
but only glimpses of you.

When you look at me,
I only hope,
it’s the way I look at you.