i miss the days
of being alone
in the house by myself
and i didn't have to hide
my feelings
and i could cry
in each corner of the house
and i would try
to occupy myself
with frantic cleaning,
horrible singing,
expressive dancing,
and absent writing
and the way i could
get myself high
just being all over the place
or sometimes
oversleeping at
one place
because i didn't want
to think
but now,
it feels like
i can't be me
when i need to be.

so please
just leave me alone