The car ride home felt like a crawl across a ground made of nails. I listen to one song, thinking I could write a whole book from just that feeling.

I look forward to long car rides so I can listen to music for hours. But the thought of him, and the weight of his sighs, blinds me from even enjoying the silence in my own head.

I can’t tell if I’m thinking… or slowly rotting.

As we enter the tunnel, I feel his eyes peeling the skin from my bones, telling me I am home, yet I felt his heart was covered in rain. It doesn’t let me in.
As we exit, it feels like a break-free, but I’m still stuck in the middle. Am I free? Or Is he? Or are we simply lost?

He drives away from his truth, taking me with him in his front seat, leaving me to witness his colors under the ever-present moonlight. He drops his sighs like a cold drink on my thighs.

Love once opened the door for me when my hands were cold. But then love slammed it shut, right after me. It makes me wonder; Was it for me… or just for the motion?

Love holds back his words. Love is a black berry; bitter and unripe, unwilling to be digested, poisonous and rough, it is the deadly leap in my heartbeat.

And I was there, still in his front seat, carving away at my own skin, trying to shape myself into whatever he needed, until I had nothing left for me.

I sat in a spiral and asked myself, Is this who I want to be? Until I realized, love isn’t unkind. Love isn’t rude. It’s just an unfamiliar name, love letters kept in old pocketbooks, unheard and forgotten, once lost to make space for another.

All this searching, all this crawling,
only to find out;
Love was in the front seat all along.
Love was me.
It was never the blackberries under the moonlight.
It was me,
and the heart I buried
to carry his.

- Ulia Georgina

writing and scribbling and scrawling down my all thoughts,
each and every
dark and sinister alley twisting in the curves and
    crevices
of my mind.
dusty, hidden corners filled with filth -
hidden by the shadows of my
    weighted self.

She was a simple girl.
A kind, happy going, compassionate and a talented one.
Over thinking was her hobby.
Taking pain was common for her.
She valued people more than self…
And received pain more than she deserved!!

It’s getting loud—
Can barely hear
I’ve been drowning
In all my tears
Words convincing
They cut like a knife
I’m barely wincing
Another: girl vs. life
It’s my head that’s the problem
It knows what it’s done
I’ve hit rock bottom
And it’s no longer fun
I tried to drown it out
But it’s tattooed in my brain
And it’s making me doubt
And now I’m in pain—
It’s getting loud in here
And I want it to stop

I’m scared of crushing people with my feelings. It seems that though I have this armor of mine that protects me from theirs, are they safe from mine?

I constantly ask people if I ever overwhelm them, and luckily, they always say
“you don’t”
I just wish believing them was as easy as breathing, if only my mind and I could be civil and agree that everything is indeed fine, they don’t want me gone, with all the certainty that they carry in their pockets, “stay.” but sometimes I know I can be insufferable and I don’t know what to do about it.

Feelings find shelter in my chest, feelings are all I’ve ever known, who am I, if not made of feelings. I’m worried it will slowly start to suffocate people, so I silently **** myself trying to push them away, in the hopes of saving them from drowning.

People from the past are victims of my feelings being too much of a burden to carry, so they leave, or I leave? I never truly know.

If you hurt me, it’s fine, at least you’ll no longer bear with carrying what I have to give, what I can’t give, my mind, 9 missed calls, unsent letters and everything else that weighs on your shoulder. I however will sit here in silence, looking into familiarity, as time and time again, I have and always will be seeing this coming.

— Ulia G.

I can shape my plans with clarity,
But fate’s still drawn in mystery -
What’s hidden lies beyond my sight,
And only God knows what’s truly right.

I seek to be the mirror that reflects minds, uncovering shadows and light within, or -
I could be the sun that lights their way,
Guiding seeds to bloom in the day -
Turning boys to men, girls to queens,
fulfilling their lofty dreams.

I am a wanderer in the ocean of thoughts,
I ponder deeply,
In the realms of reason, I tread,
Countless journeys of inquiry I embark,
For I am a wanderer in the ocean of thoughts.

My mind dissects each word you speak,
Like puzzle pieces, I must decrypt.
Each detail stowed and analysed,
Each contradiction memorised.
Your lies will always be uncovered,
As habits form, truth is discovered.
I'll turn your tales all day and night,
Until the pieces fit just right.
So spare yourself, I implore,
I will solve your messy jigsaw.

©️Lizzie Bevis

I’m starting to believe that this nomadic lifestyle
Ain’t at all for the faint of heart
Thousands of places in so little time
Exhausted but I can’t stop yet as no one place holds extreme value to me
Footprints in the sand tell a story of where I’ve been
Darkness engulfs me and makes it harder to decide where to begin
Perhaps I should just ‘eeny meeny miny mo’ it
Since stopping isn’t nearly as important
Thoughts clutter my walkway like precious gems covered by a recent sandstorm
Disgruntled, I glance out over my shoulder
Listening for the whisper of the wind to call out to me
But wait… I’m getting a head of myself
That’s dangerous when you’re a nomad
Whatever is waiting around the next bend
A mystery waiting to be unveiled
Like a grieving widow, mourning her sanity
I run
Disjointed from reality
I feel no pain
Opinions stabbing me like shards of glass
Dripping with the blood of identity
I’m a fraud… and yet, on I run
The tears I’ve cried flow through this deserted land like the Nile
It’s ingenious
They nurture my steps
A suckling waiting to be fed
I travel the worn path
night and day day and night
Stopping only to mark my place
I’ve been here before
And I never even left the comfort of my bed
This journey of a thousand steps
Inside my ever restless mind

Flowers bloom
The sun shines bright
The outside seems alright

But you're there
All bottled up inside

Storms don't last
But yours felt like
Clouds of dust following you
All year round

All you wanted was to shine
But all you see is their squinting eyes
So you stayed behind
Waiting for the crowd to be kind

So you wished
If there was another universe
Where your feet wasn't chained to the ground

You started your first day
Thinking of new beginning
But you stayed inside your head
And ended up running
"Maybe I couldn't"

Strangers and friends
Didn't differ that much
Gone faster than the wind
They wouldn't look back