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Sep 2023 · 89
Untitled
Irene J Sep 2023
You don't have to fall in love with me.
Why?
Because you the person I want to be with,
all the time.

Used me all you want,
I'm gonna fall in love with you, anyway.
Because I'm giving you my all.

You don't have to fall in love with me.
Because when the time come,
everything will be remind you of me.
Dec 2021 · 183
You, him.
Irene J Dec 2021
You are far away from my reaching.
Every day, my soul would burn in flames,
with my days only haunted with the thought of you.
But it was impossible.

I want you, I want your love.
I want the extraordinary feeling,
the lust, the laugher,
screaming and fighting, and make love.

But him came into the picture,
a real person, who love me as much as I love you.
He makes all of my imagination into reality.
He made me forgot of your existance.

As I learn slowly to love him body and soul,
your appearance start to fade.
You has evaporate from my thoughts,
and my days were only to love him
Sep 2020 · 193
to you whom I ghosted.
Irene J Sep 2020
Hello, how you doing?
I haven't write back to you in a while.

I suddenly thought of you during this depressing time.
Longing for the words you written in your letter.
How it can comfort my weary heart.

But in the same time,
I'm exhausted with all of this uncertainty and the distance.
Whether I can keep letting you in or not.
Or it was just in my mind that everything is something
but actually it isnt.
So IDK if you read this though. Just wanted to say hi and hope you stay safe.
Irene J Jul 2020
I just wish people could understand
about my wellbeing without I had to tell it to them.

Because sometimes a little part of me wanted me to hurt myself so that the pain that hurting my mind and soul,
could just go away and replace by the pain from the blood that was dripping all over my hand.

Its better that way.
Rather to be in pain silently and slowly falling apart.
I was having a sudden mental breakdown. That moment I realize how stuck and lonely I am, that I’m always been ignore.
Apr 2020 · 1.2k
somewhere beyond the sea
Irene J Apr 2020
Somewhere beyond the sea,
lay a no man island.
Hidden with a mystery
no man dare to reveal.

The sound of the waves
keeps on sweeping me away
from the land,
taking me to somewhere,
with no destination.

And then I know.
Somewhere beyond the sea,
there is hope,
with a hopeless dream.
23.03.20
Mar 2020 · 307
never the same
Irene J Mar 2020
Do you know how much pain I need to bear?
Living in a life that never a bit consider your existence.
How much tears I sherd inside my soul, just waiting for it to burst.

Not only the world that has it own space,
but I do.
A space where I can completely stop ruining myself.

But,

The darkness has already pulled me.

And the world was never the same.
I get it the fact that a lot people are going through things that a lot harder than mine. But it doesnt mean I shouldn’t feel pain.
Nov 2019 · 342
the absence of you.
Irene J Nov 2019
Your smile has faded away.
Your warm back has become cold.
The shadow that was beside me has disappeared.

Oh, how I miss you.

Until the days burned my soul by
the absence of you in my life.

I'm haunted by your silence answer
and the distance you kept from me.

Even when our eyes met in the crowded room,
it was just a cold stare from a stranger.
No expression, no meaning at all.

How did we become this way?
It hurt me reading our past conversation on "dm"... It was a beautiful friendship between a guy and girl until someone decided to cross the "line"= fall in love.
Nov 2019 · 350
last words I write to you.
Irene J Nov 2019
This is the last words I write to you,
I say goodbye.

I'm sorry to be a bother in your thoughts.
I'm sorry for trying too hard for you.

Do I regret it?
I do. I regret falling in love with my best friend,
and broke the beautiful friendship we had before.

I miss you.
I miss the old us.

Can you come back?
I ******* ******* things up, I just wish I can go back in time and stay where I was before.
Irene J Nov 2019
Besides your beautiful smiles,
your foolish laugh,
your silly jokes,
and all those ways you
tried to comfort me
and understand me.

From all of that,
I fell in love with your flaws.
where nobody would,
I fell in love wanting to be that person
who can be right beside you and love you
for who you are.
Not because of your beauty,
but your flaws is more beautiful to me.
I try to reflect the reason why I suddenly fell in love with him when at the beginning I told myself not to. It was that moment where he opens up to me and told me "finally someone appreciates" him. And from that moment, I wish to give him the comfort and love he deserves. But yet, now he has left me out because... idk. I just dont get it why.
Nov 2019 · 1.0k
I wish we never meet.
Irene J Nov 2019
I wish we never meet as friends,
So we can fall in love as strangers.
Maybe in another life.
Nov 2019 · 337
I miss you, not as lover.
Irene J Nov 2019
I miss you, not as a lover.
But as the guy who would ask me how I'm doing when nobody asks.
When we would talk random things for hours and argue all of a sudden.
Yet, the next day is just another day to laugh off about other things.
And I miss you that way.
Still, wonder why he avoids me, was it because of my feeling? Yet we still talk, only if suddenly an important topic needs to be discussed. Yet, suddenly everything feels strange. I'm just disappointed if he really distances himself from me. I really need to get the point straight about why I like him to him first, dont I?
Irene J Nov 2019
I wish I can go back in time,
and take back everything I've done that has damage us.

I wish I never fell in love with you,
I wish I had listened to myself in the beginning.

I focused too much on the idea of you and me together,
I forgot that expectations never met reality.

I just let everything flow itself,
and maybe someday faith can bring us together.
Only if someday ever exist.
so... I am really have given up on liking this guy. He grew distance to me all of a sudden, and I wish it never happen. This was I fear.
Nov 2019 · 340
the idea of loving you.
Irene J Nov 2019
you did nothing wrong,
it was me who loves the idea of loving you.

I keep avoiding the reality,
hoping that the idea of mine came true.
But the reality, it's far from happening.

I destroy my own soul.
Nov 2019 · 379
do you love her to death?
Irene J Nov 2019
Do you love her to death?
She left you once, she wouldn't hesitate to leave you again.
If she loves you in the past, then why won't she accept the flaws you have?  

Do you love her to death?
Until you can't see me standing in front of you,
waiting for you to see my love.
Instead, you are looking at someone back,
who isn't looking at you.  

Do you love her to death?
Even if you know how sincere my heart is,
you still choose her who you love to death.

I may not understand your love story,
but I understand you enough to know everything.
I don't want you to live with an empty heart,
while there's me wanting to be inside of that heart of yours.
I wondered what makes him love her so much, and wondered what am I lacking. I don't know why I let my feeling too far for him. yet it makes me in a dilemma whether should I told him the truth or no.
Nov 2019 · 992
the reason.
Irene J Nov 2019
the only problem that I haven't told you
it's because you are my dearest friend.
you probably already know,
from the words I wrote,
that it all meant for you.

I'm not ready yet to prepare myself to heart the truth.
Because I know it would **** me softly.
hopefully, you will read all of my poem to you.
Nov 2019 · 612
gone soon
Irene J Nov 2019
It's really true
I'll be gone away soon.
Don't you worry about me,
my feeling won't stay long.

But still, I want you to know,
that my heart is sincere.
Even if you aren't capable of
loving me,
I'll always hope that someday will come.
Even if it only happens in my wildest dream.
To the guy I like, who softly rejected me because he still loves his ex, I want you to know this. Just don't worry about me anymore, I'll be gone before you know it.
Oct 2019 · 416
the consequences
Irene J Oct 2019
I'll bear the consequences of falling in love with you.
Yet, you always make my heart flutter,
whether you sincere of your feeling,
or even it was just because you are that kind of person.

The pain will forever scar,
but the love will stays.
hoping that the consequences will turn around to you.
Is it fool that you keep having feelings towards that person?
Oct 2019 · 383
you are here, not there.
Irene J Oct 2019
just for once,
can you look at me,
and tell me if I really there?

All you can say is,
"You are here."
But I never there.
In your heart.
How can I make him notice me?
Irene J Sep 2019
If we never found our way to each other,

I just want you to know that my feeling was sincere.

I could've loved you better,

but it was only in my wildest dream

that I'll ever have you love me back.
to the guy who makes my cold heart melt
who is my best friend, a guy who I always rely upon.
but I wish you'd realize
Sep 2019 · 896
hide your love
Irene J Sep 2019
where should I hide
my love.

while I'm dying for
you to notice me,

you said that it
better to be kept
inside

rather ruin the beauty
of what it is now.
Sep 2019 · 425
dying for you to see
Irene J Sep 2019
never it crossed my mind

that I'll ever have a feeling for you.

but yet, you crossed a line you

didn't realize.

I was in love with you

with all the time you kept saying,

"I want someone to love."

But yet you didn't realize,

there's someone in front of you

dying for you to see her heart.
It's a confession of my feeling toward a guy, who's a close friend of mine. He gives me so much comfort, until I fell for him. but the thing is, Idk if I should tell him or not.
Sep 2019 · 336
blackhole
Irene J Sep 2019
You reminded me of a dream
that I failed to reach.

Even though I dream all the way
to the moon,
at least I fell amongst the brightest
star.

At least I didn't fall into your black hole,
that eats me alive,
and lives inside space of time,
left waiting for the unknown.
An old poem I wrote 12 weeks ago.
Jul 2019 · 326
intention
Irene J Jul 2019
Your heart was pure,
but was it real?
Was the heart you show,
ever meant to love?
If you knew it would
destroy a person who loves.
Mar 2019 · 492
under
Irene J Mar 2019
Under the night in Paris,
I dreamt.
The man that I love came to me,
giving me all the hope that I've wished,
a love from him,
from his whole heart.
Mar 2019 · 280
Parisian Night
Irene J Mar 2019
Under the Parisian night,
I dream,
I met you.
Your cold eyes looked at me judging me,
but your heart tells me you want me here.
I didn't walk away,
I stay as you said.

We walked around the city of light,
we got lost in the light.
you didn't know where we were going,
because you were too busy talking about love.
It blinded us.

You held my hand all night,
but as the night about to end,
you whispered you love me,
but I whisper,
I have loved you for ten years.

And under the Parisian night,
you kiss me.
When I open my eyes,
I still can see you standing next to me,
smiling,
but that was it.

Under the Parisian night,
it only happens in my dream.
this was inspired by the story I'm writing, this was sitting on my draft far too long.
Mar 2019 · 547
Distance
Irene J Mar 2019
We both ran from the reality we live in,
Wanting to be inside of our dream,
but it was impossible.

because we stuck between reality and our dream.
It looked near, but yet, it still far away.
Even if we close our eyes,
the distance will pull us away.
I just write what came out of my head.
Mar 2019 · 475
What should I do?
Irene J Mar 2019
The world feel worthless,
when there's no one
to understand what
you are going through.
When you needed help,
but they never listen.

should I say that I'm not doing fine?
Or should I say goodbye?
Mental illness stigma ***** guys.
I hope you all doing well and can seek for help if you needed.
There's always someone for you out there to comfort you.
Sep 2018 · 575
should I love you?
Irene J Sep 2018
I'm no perfect human.
I make flaws.
But my flaws don't define who I am.

But the one thing that makes you can't love me,
is the fact I don't have the perfect body,
or the perfect beautiful face.

Should I love you?
Even that is all the reason why you can't love me?
Even I love you so badly,
it haunts me every day.

But how can I love you,
if I don't care about who I am.
But should I change for you?
I don't deserve you.
I don't deserve a person who can't
accept other flaws.
Then I can't love you.
Even if I can love you more than enough.
A sad goodbye to someone I love. Or to everyone who loves me.
Sep 2018 · 673
talking eyes.
Irene J Sep 2018
At the beginning it was nothing,
it meant nothing.
it was just a cold look,
from a man, who doesn't seem to like me.

But as time goes by,
I've learned,
it was more than a look.
there was something written in his eyes,
as I look deeper into his dark brown iris,
it was something he can never say,
but only he can feel.

But I saw it and he saw mine.
We never talk,
we just look at each other,
and just knew it what we meant for each other.
and it felt real.

even I have to stand far across him to see,
while he's in the arm of someone else.
well, this base on something I experience recently. So it kinda heartbreaking.
Jul 2018 · 486
Remind me.
Irene J Jul 2018
Remind me with your whispers
that you love me.

Remin me with your touch
that you want me.

Remind me with your kiss
that you love is passionate.

Remind me with the way you look at me
that you love me for who I am.

Remind me with all your weakness
that I'll love you for who you are.
This is very random, I was in the mood to write but idk what to write.
Jul 2018 · 1.3k
Insomniac dreamer
Irene J Jul 2018
What are we thinking about until we can't
close our eyes?
Why it's hard to just sleep rather get through
a day?
You just want to close your eyes without
having to wait for tomorrow.

Why we're wide awake during the time we dream?
Why we're asleep during the time we work?
Why has the day become the night for me and the night
become the day?

Maybe, my world isn't the earth.
Then, I'll just sleep and fly away.
This poem I wrote at 03:09 AM, I couldn't sleep and write about it.
Jun 2018 · 850
New York kind of love
Irene J Jun 2018
I met you across the subway,
we took a walk at the Central Park.
We went to a $1 pizza restaurant on our first date.
And spend the rest of our date at The Met.
We moved in together in an apartment in Tribeca.
And we go to work in Manhattan.

But one day on a sunset,
you took me to The Empire State building
and propose to me.
And we got married at the City Hall.
This was very random, well, in fact, I imagine this happening to me lol.
Jun 2018 · 465
The round earth
Irene J Jun 2018
Tell me why you cry
tell me if you love me
tell me why did I do wrong
tell me if I should sail the ocean
to prove that the earth is round?
Jun 2018 · 305
I could...
Irene J Jun 2018
I could smile.
I could cry.
I could tear a wall.
I could burst into laughter.

I could hate you so deeply,
but I could forgive you
like it never happens.

I could be the quiet one
in a middle of a conversation
but I could be the louder one
when you start a conversation with me.

I could talk a little,
I could talk a million words.

I could sing terribly,
but I could sing beautifully.

I could notice the one thing
people will never notice.

I could forget things,
but I could remember things
that people won't remember.

I could be perfect,
but I never could be perfect.
Jun 2018 · 483
The death of the poet
Irene J Jun 2018
The hand that written have
become frozen.
Words have become
meaningless.
The paper is just an empty
blank space.
The love story is never
the same.

How can I say I love you,
when a poet died
and words are no more a word for love?
But instead, words have become a hurtful way
to **** somebody soul,
Like the poet.
This poem was just a one-minute poem I wrote a few days ago and I don't even know if it makes sense lol.
Feb 2018 · 660
Why love is created?
Irene J Feb 2018
Love is like the wind,
you can feel it,
but you can't see it.

Love is wide as the ocean, too wide until
we are lost in the middle of the sea udders.

Love is like a season,
it comes and go,
and change circumstances.

and I ask myself,
Why is love created?
if only to feel and cannot be seen,
if it leaves us in the middle of somewhere,
and if it only to come and go and never stay?
This is my first poem and why I decided to keep writing poetry.
Feb 2018 · 1.3k
drowning
Irene J Feb 2018
Help me,
I'm drowning.

Nobody see's me,
I'm invisible.

There was no air to breathe,
there was nobody listening,
I was all alone.

The darkness pull me down,
and the light slowly slipped away.

I didn't take a chance nor I try
because nobody could save me,

except myself.
Feb 2018 · 276
Forbidden
Irene J Feb 2018
Our love is forbidden,
but you only live once.

How can I walk away from you,
when in the end I still ended up in front of you,
loving you.
old poem on my draft.
Feb 2018 · 336
to be.
Irene J Feb 2018
It was perfect for the very first time,
living on a fairy tale,
to be kissed not to kiss,
to be loved,
to be missed,
to be special.

But what if 'to be' wasn't meant to be?
What if 'to be' was just a dream and
never was a reality?
just a short poem about heartbroken.
Jan 2018 · 344
love felt like
Irene J Jan 2018
I didn't know what it felt like,
closing your eyes and wanting to be
kissed.
I didn't know what it felt like,
had someone look at you straight to your
soul.
I didn't know what it felt like,
until I met you.

Love was just a game,
love is fictional,
it never felt real,
because I only knew love from a love story,
but never know what love is.

You open up my heart,
putting my missing pieces back,
but as I learned what love is,
I realize that love was more than just an affection, more than a feeling towards two people,
but love was....

Something deep and mysterious and couldn't be explained because love is unknown,
it came out of nowhere and caught you,
once you get in it,
you stuck inside of it.
And if you left all alone,
you wish,
you never know how love
felt like.
And rather live a life without knowing
what love actually felt.
This was random words that came out my mind, and few lines from my story!
May 2017 · 379
silly book
Irene J May 2017
I brought a pen
cause I want to write
nothing important,
just my thought.
cause of this little square
journal book,
that remind me of you.
even when I hates you
I want to write it on that book
how silly is that book is.
nothing important,
you give it away to someone
who don't appreciate the truly
meaning of that silly book.
I'm ****** right now and that the reason why I write this.
May 2017 · 307
dream
Irene J May 2017
I wish I was dreaming
right now about the reality
how it hurts
how it too real to be a dream
but I want to open my eyes
and see that it never happens.
that it's only in my dream
where's my reality lives.
May 2017 · 320
Close my eyes
Irene J May 2017
I couldn’t see you
like a piece of an abstract art
who knew?
a pure as water
and white as snow like you
are hard to be notice.
The invisibility of yours
are hard to be understand.
if you look deeper,
you are deeper than the ocean,
and darker than the cloudy sky.
If I could only close my eyes,
rather wonder what it’s like
to be loved by you.
my first try :)

— The End —