Hello, how you doing?
I haven't write back to you in a while.
I suddenly thought of you during this depressing time.
Longing for the words you written in your letter.
How it can comfort my weary heart.
But in the same time,
I'm exhausted with all of this uncertainty and the distance.
Whether I can keep letting you in or not.
Or it was just in my mind that everything is something
but actually it isnt.
So IDK if you read this though. Just wanted to say hi and hope you stay safe.
I just wish people could understand
about my wellbeing without I had to tell it to them.
Because sometimes a little part of me wanted me to hurt myself so that the pain that hurting my mind and soul,
could just go away and replace by the pain from the blood that was dripping all over my hand.
Its better that way.
Rather to be in pain silently and slowly falling apart.
I was having a sudden mental breakdown. That moment I realize how stuck and lonely I am, that I’m always been ignore.
Somewhere beyond the sea,
lay a no man island.
Hidden with a mystery
no man dare to reveal.
The sound of the waves
keeps on sweeping me away
from the land,
taking me to somewhere,
with no destination.
And then I know.
Somewhere beyond the sea,
there is hope,
with a hopeless dream.
Do you know how much pain I need to bear?
Living in a life that never a bit consider your existence.
How much tears I sherd inside my soul, just waiting for it to burst.
Not only the world that has it own space,
but I do.
A space where I can completely stop ruining myself.
The darkness has already pulled me.
And the world was never the same.
I get it the fact that a lot people are going through things that a lot harder than mine. But it doesnt mean I shouldn’t feel pain.
Your smile has faded away.
Your warm back has become cold.
The shadow that was beside me has disappeared.
Oh, how I miss you.
Until the days burned my soul by
the absence of you in my life.
I'm haunted by your silence answer
and the distance you kept from me.
Even when our eyes met in the crowded room,
it was just a cold stare from a stranger.
No expression, no meaning at all.
How did we become this way?
It hurt me reading our past conversation on "dm"... It was a beautiful friendship between a guy and girl until someone decided to cross the "line"= fall in love.
This is the last words I write to you,
I say goodbye.
I'm sorry to be a bother in your thoughts.
I'm sorry for trying too hard for you.
Do I regret it?
I do. I regret falling in love with my best friend,
and broke the beautiful friendship we had before.
I miss you.
I miss the old us.
Can you come back?
I ******* ******* things up, I just wish I can go back in time and stay where I was before.
Besides your beautiful smiles,
your foolish laugh,
your silly jokes,
and all those ways you
tried to comfort me
and understand me.
From all of that,
I fell in love with your flaws.
where nobody would,
I fell in love wanting to be that person
who can be right beside you and love you
for who you are.
Not because of your beauty,
but your flaws is more beautiful to me.
I try to reflect the reason why I suddenly fell in love with him when at the beginning I told myself not to. It was that moment where he opens up to me and told me "finally someone appreciates" him. And from that moment, I wish to give him the comfort and love he deserves. But yet, now he has left me out because... idk. I just dont get it why.