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Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2021
I do not know what is wrong with me
But I have a problem clear to see
When attempting to smile my muscles won't move
Like sorrow is a splinter I cannot remove
Sadness an infestation sprouting from seeds
Spreading throughout soul with greater speed than that of weeds
Roots reaching furthest depths of my ragged reality so dark
Squeezing skull so tightly it leaves a permanent mark
Scars nothing new to me
Wear them with pride
Whether on surface or invisible inside
I am aware of imperfections
Count them one by one
Internal self-critique is a cycle that is never done
There are always mistakes to look back on and regret
Unrealistic expectations too high to ever be met
At night lie awake
Unable to find sleep
Haunted by promises failed to keep
The sight of photographs on my bedside table
Makes atoms in my flesh excited and unstable
Igniting flames
Stoking intense yearning
Enticing while simultaneously burning
Pleasures forever lost echo in my head
Beyond my grasp are words you once said
Clutching pieces of past so tightly my hands start bleeding
It's the shattered fragments and broken bits I'm needing
Your presence rendered life beautiful on our hardest days
Can't help but wince when I hear the word "always"
Time after time you have shown your love to be only lies
Only have myself to blame for being taken by surprise
I was an easy target
In line of fire
Lured me where you wanted with powerful desire
I was a pawn for you to manipulate
Took advantage of fact for you I could never feel hate
Regardless of how bad you hurt me to your embrace I'll always return
Victim to games countless occasions because I never learn
I suppose had it coming after all that we've been through
Traveled all the way to hell for you and back again too
I've tried everything could think of to make mistakes right
Still threw them in my face each and every night
I ponder if our relationship meant anything to you at all
If the years we spent together to you were insignificant and small
It's difficult to accept you are happier without me there
Try to chart a new course but each direction leads nowhere
Perhaps I should teach myself how to survive alone
Have it as MY choice not answering the telephone
When it comes to you it's not possible to win because I'm weak
I don't stand a chance against the silky smooth words you speak
I watch you through a screen wishing that I was where you are
Sigh because distance separating us is way too far
You moved on and left me reeling struggling to understand why
I'll get by without your touch
Missing you silently until I die
I got more issues than a magazine rack!
andTilly Nov 2020
I silenced myself
myself and others
lovers to brothers
I made them deaf

I silenced my voice
and voices of mothers
my sisters’ covens and covers
of the never ending choice

I stepped in silence
to not have to answer
what and why and why her
and what happened to my lens

Silence for my eyes
that need not to see it all
silence to my ears dull
and my mouth full of honest lies

I want and will be silent
to those who do not wait
to those who wait I may
whisper part-truths of repent

Where’s the reason for my silent
(do not) ask, I do not know
under pressure, I bend and bow
guilt of hope lost makes me violent

Wounds I don’t see, silent there
I wish to draw, thousand lines
smelling iron, liquor and pines
caring enough not to care

Silence, voices, winds and hums
so loud that I cannot breathe
deafening so that I flee
feeling my fleet running past

A last drumroll, silence dear
to be honored, to get big
I’ll switch gears, clothes, wear a wig
tongue on the floor, silent fear

Silently dripping, drooling red
silence clicking, rhythm lost
for the silence, hidden costs
here I’ll sit down, sound is dead
©2020 andtilly.com
Irene J Jul 2020
I just wish people could understand
about my wellbeing without I had to tell it to them.

Because sometimes a little part of me wanted me to hurt myself so that the pain that hurting my mind and soul,
could just go away and replace by the pain from the blood that was dripping all over my hand.

Its better that way.
Rather to be in pain silently and slowly falling apart.
I was having a sudden mental breakdown. That moment I realize how stuck and lonely I am, that I’m always been ignore.
Poetic T Feb 2020
Shallow grave hung,
     Where the forgotten
Lyrically blessed suffocate,
      
     They just scream silently.

But I dug you up,
brushed you off,
          reserectted your carrear.

Now you be trying to hit
From behind with the *****
    That revived you last year

I dug you out,
         I can bury you deeper


you hear.

Don't think I didn't fill in that hole,
                      in-fact I dug it deeper
just in-case you thought that you
           climbed higher than the hole
                              you were dredged up.

RIP, you were exhumed no I embedded
       a ***** as your tombstone,

sorry I dug it a but to deep.


    But your vocal cords were severed

                                now enjoy your rest
and  scream silently you hear.
Mark Wanless Feb 2020
the wolf howls
the bear growls
the man silently kills
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