theres a pack rat in my stomach
grabbing reason to starve myself

counting calories and carbs
till I think I might pass out

though logic is no burden
that mouse if knows my routes

knows the miles, knows the steps
that I’ll take for a piece of chocolate

and every night I try to cough it out
to purge it from rotting gut

they say this rat is life threatening
and that I can finally see

because one day I’ll feel it
tearing through this wasting body

there’s a pack rat in my stomach
grabbing reasons to starve myself

i’d cross through burning bridges
and swim through boiling seas
if that's what you want of me.

i'll trudge through ice and glaciers,
climb so high i cannot breathe
is that you want from me?

i can play your game to lose
i'll let you win, guaranteed
what more do you want from me?

if you want my life, have it
i'd let you **** me with glee
there can't be more you want from me?

i'll do anything alright
just promise me one thing please
please oh please,
keep your paws off my poetry

if you are capable of painful silence,
you are capable of painful relief.

it wasn’t the earth that brought them here. Nor grass nor tree
instead a solemn scavenger
disinterested of it’s grateful treasures

sprinkling not like rain but like ashes
a goodbye unsaid and unheard
a kiss blown from armies away
hoping it may reach his camp

no god brought it here
as we fight our wars and **** our brothers
it did not fall from heaven
pushing through a crowd of loss

may there be no reason for its being
but persist it must
in hope for its spawns survival
growing evermore

through the cracks, they pray that shrapnel escapes
not all are so lucky as they
blood spilling for their passage on

they are no villains
just weaken souls in need of homes
so far from where their lovers lay,
in bed with other men

deployed as her seed will be too

no one tells her that those candy-colored pills are not chocolate
that no matter how many she stuffs she'll never be full,
nor will she be entirely empty.

though they taste so sweet
they will rot your teeth
and their effects shall be engraved in your skull

that candy apple cyanide
so hard to resist
so hard to not take a bite

no one tells the ugly girl with a mouth full of tombstones
that she gleefully presents for show and tell
that she too needs to eat, to keep it down

though the dissolving graves
withing her smile
tell a saddening tale

that candy apple cyanide
so hard to resist
so hard to not take a bite

no one tells her that her mind and mirror are distorting
morphing the person she truly is
into the person she hates to be

though her measurements are static
her body seems to inflate
like balloons at parties she avoided

that candy apple cyanide
so hard to resist
so hard to not that a bite

no one tells her that average isn't too heavy
that she can be loved and called beautiful at 120
and that she can love herself too

though she's grown accustomed
to the taste of acid and ice cream
and no sees no need for stopping

that candy apple cyanide
so hard to resist
so hard to not that a bite

no one tells the girl that she's wasting away her body
no one warned her of all the pain

no one warned her that her illnesses would always stay

your sugar-sweet voice
makes my face shift hues.
most every word you speak,
tastes of toffee and milk.

honeycomb heart
so sweet and so kind
your gentle embraces
taming my world of fear

you turn salty tears
into sweet honey
like warm liquid citrine,
golden as meadow’s light

delicate kisses
light sunshine touches
romance’s secret dance
our blooming love flowers

drunk off your nectar
a syrupy high
your heavenly flavor
erasing my mind’s pain

the price you pay to be thin
you won’t even miss your fee,
it's just the feeling of empty

nevermind the color in your face,
draining into plastic bags,
filled with last nights hunger

no matter your darkening smile,
cracking into sunflower blossoms,
that you hide behind your knuckles.

don't bat an eye at your thinning hair,
swimming in your bathroom drain
strangling your hope of recovery.

now what could those tired eyes,
broken and red with strain say that
puffy cheeks and chapped lips cannot

lips like concrete, spilling weeds,
lips stuffed with cigarette love,
lips that once bloomed spoken word

but you smell of no dandelions.
you wear perfume of stomach bile
mixed with the stench of hatred.

the smell that every bathroom you visit
knows like the back of your hand,
the hand scarred with teeth’s embrace.

the side effects aren’t pretty
but that’s all a small price to pay
for the feeling of trying to be thin.

am i something other than the scoff of thunder?
other than the whimper of the wind?
do my words mean more than the weeping of a storm?
or am i the same as the breeze out of reach of the hurricane’s rage?

shall i linger like ash
or drift like sea-foam?

what matters more
how loud my song
or how long it echoes?

you’ve drenched my canvas in pigment,
so i’ll paint you a memorial,
with passionate bonfire sunsets
lolling cloud’s giggles
and the loveliest oneiric wisps.

you are the piccolo sky

the maundering thunderstorm’s dissonance,
and the electric sting of the lightning.

the dazzling stars sharpness coupled with,
the magnetic pull of the milky moon.

the lustful vapor of magma sunsets,
and the shimmering ocean's distortions.

you're the tornado's wrath fueled destruction
and the light kissing dust in the sunrise.

you can be as daunting and as infinite
as you grey abyss in december,

or as soft as april's white raspy breath,
loving brushstrokes across the blue heavens.

i don't know how i reached you so high up,
or how i can stay afloat in the clouds.

but i will figure it out just for you.

you are the piccolo sky.

bony branches reach,
fingers point to wisps
bottomless sky trembles,
finches tread the clouds;
a question.

chilly breath rattles,
nature's coo darkens
waves of grey grow infinite,
deep grumbles follow;
an answer.

deciduous skeletons sway
dry leaves cackle
winds hum indifferently,
sinister growls emanate;
a warning.

bitter air swirls,
dark hatred billows,
rolling mistrust encroaches,
blanketing the stillness;
a threat.

viscous jaws snap,
energy laps at dry bark,
brief clarity,
deadly faze;
a strike.

woods slits into flame,
smoke oozes from its shelter
fire coughs sparks west,
destruction on its way
a battle.

droplets of forgiveness,
ashes sizzle into ink
soot dissolves away
war's footprint revealed;
a recession.

When you’re below sea level,
the downhills are trenches,
the uphills are the visible depths.
No matter where you are, you’re drowning,
it just depends how much pressure you’re under, how crushing it is.

you can cut out the tongue
of someone’s who’s numb
and still they shall not say a thing.

there is nothing beneath
that mirror of grief
and nothing to stir the silence.

no flame to purify
you’ll still want to die
and sink into oceans palm.

so you drown in the sea
you can soon be free
and still you shall not feel a thing.

If I could paint your every detail
and drown your profile in colors
and let them ooze life into the canvas,

I’d miss a million of your hues,

and if I could write my passions,
into sonnets and quatrains
and pour out my heart and soul

I’d lose thousands of your wonders

but if I could give you all my trust
and loan you my heart
just for you to throw them away

I’d rather leave than stay.

but I know that I couldn’t stray.

dandelion seeds
sprout bad memories
unwanted by wind
heightened downward spin
time again will show
how earth tends to sow
under leaves of weeds
unholy misdeeds
grow into mistrust
deflowered by lust
he deceives quiet well
broken petal hell
manipulated
and self-degraded
deep roots anchor tight
they cling onto fright
weeds want affection
willing infection
tainted damaged hearts
ransacked for their parts
left with only roots,
terror of disputes,
and alcohol now
so alas they vow
never, never again
they’ll forget the pen
that cleared the mind of
   their godforsaken love

bore knifes into my flesh
and bran me with your ****

i can bear the words,
wear my filthy name
  
****.

so if you want my pain
you’ll listen now to me

you’ll fill up the tub
with my greatest flaw

jealousy.

soak me up in envy
****** the one i love

steal from me my pride
i’ll drink a tea of

foxglove.

once you reach the surface
it’s easy to float

and it’s easier to forget
about all of us drowning beneath

and easiest to pay no mind
to the gargling of salt water in throat

change the channel please
the static is choking me
the digital fuzz
the buzz of the drugs
is all too much to handle
so please oh please
change the channel.

the beast inside me is hungry for blood,
it burrows its hellish gaze into reflective glass
and it rips what I see to shreds,
and worst of all it tells me to do the same.

when the hands of a chosen,
gentle lover
are not the first you have felt.
you flinch at the signs of intimacy.

because we are animals
with broken bones
mended with welded thoughts
and who cower at the idea of fracture.

because we are flowers
with plucked petals
striking with jagged thorns
and whose blossoms are choked by thistles.

because we are butterflies
with shredded wings
hesitantly fluttering with fear
and who are bodied by the terrible wind.

and alas
we wander
we grow
and we fly.

a redwood in our family tree
you yell at me to shed my leaves

and whittle down my cosmic grasp
and come down to Earth, perhaps.

but your leafy canopy once shielded me
and now that I've grown up differently.

my roots you tangle and choke.
unaware of how I broke.

want me to tell you how I'm evergreen
when there isn't another conifer to be seen?

you never told me how to grow
so I taught myself everything I know.

so when you see my towering grace
know that I was not misplaced

and all of it was your mistake
and my pride you'll never take.

beaten and bludgeoned
mind’s eye clouded
in vermilion defeat
uncognized haze.
astilbe branches
bleed into a canopy
of tinted pools,
scarlet windows,
weary blossoms.
all flags are fire,
all songs are screams,
and nothing is true
in these panes
of crimson glass.

Thou shall finally be revered as that of commonality in the menace of living.

A staple of humanity's misdoings and a trademark of all we've done wrong.

tell me i’m crazy,
so i can feel sane.