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it would've been a month of voice messages,
delusions, and silly advances.
but on the 26th day,
i'm still on the way.

every time i pass by any train,
or the skies prevent to pour the rain,
26 days of crippling pain,
now numb, hopeless,
yet still a crackbrain.

no one seems to fill the void you left
but they elude me from that silent altercation
you were probably the best choice
even on the 26th day of separation

have you forgotten that fast,
or probably i didn't linger enough?
i should've pressed my nails deeper onto your arms
i should've kissed you against the alarm

maybe if the train ride lasted longer,
maybe if the sunset wasn't purple,
maybe if we didn't dream the ugly denouements,
maybe there would be a 33rd day.

I raced for you like shelter
Until I realised you were the storm
And I could’ve been anything in the world
But all I wanted to be was yours

You knew I was fragile
But you dropped me anyway
And even still it never took much of me to love you,
But it took all of me to leave you

k.g.

that was the most turbulent, gut-eating feeling i have had in the last five years; or maybe, my mind made it so. coming from a stagnant relationship, built through years of falling apart—every possible connection is amplified, feeling anew. or maybe, i was just sad. i let impulse run my mind, i let delusions eat me, i let my heart decide—all of it to end abruptly, in a torrid snap.

"it's fine, it's only been five days," i said, with bitterness and gratitude gritting through my teeth. spare teenage hormones and angst filling the chat. my replies were not rational at all. "maybe we're just sad and ****", you said, quoting my pretentious nonchalant words.

"it's fine, but why did you have to lead me on like that?" and i pressed send, only to find out i was already blocked.

you didn't have to take me out, watch the sunset with me, or even hold my ******* hand, or be the most fictional character to ever grace my life. you didn't have to outdo all of the dates i've ever been to. i was vulnerable, too kind to spend a whole monday with you. you said you were obsessed with me—but dropped me like that hot chicken wing.

"i loved the idea of us", you said, but probably not with me.

I actually know how this was going to end,
the great war ended badly for the both of us,
and it's just me in despair again,
so i drove my wheels faster than light
the road became a curve and i was in parallels
t'was a mess, i'm in my next getaway car

i was in my highest in those moments
you threw me, i was at my lowest of lows
maybe it was pathetic of me to think you were different

i know i left you in the blue,
never thought the right thing would be so wrong
you were sunshine, and i was definitely midnight rain

I hate your wit and how childish you are,
where my days were filled by your nonsensical jokes,
where i would swore by your calls,
i hate how i could not live without it
i hate how f*cking tall you are
'cause someday i'll be finding myself in the same crowd as you
and you're the first thing that i will sight
i hate how i remember every detail of your voice, style, and face
i guess the rumors were all true
tall, dark, and beautiful
he flies away and saves someone else

I just want to see him one last time
Not to scream or chastise
But to meet up with a friend
Late at night, after a long shift
Just to talk about life

Just like last time:
Six feet distance for my safety
Ranting about the storm,
Growing over the horizon
Washington mist hanging heavy

I don't want to talk about it
I'd rather forget your hands
And ignore my beating heart,
That sick turning in my stomach
Ignore those things you said

I could take your Wellbutrin
We'll listen to dad rock and indie
I'll comment on that painting I love
Talk about the job I hate
And say goodbye like good friends do

We could talk about your dad
And living away in Germany
About my ****** boyfriend
And all the regrets we share
Just one last time

But we will never meet again.
You will never respond to me.
You'll forever just be a name,
echoing the pain you've caused,
ever so indefinitely.

fingers harming hair,
hot fillers *******
open horizontal chair,
hovering blonde slots,
spot scent 'n sound mix,
set in stone carving X,
crack o' clock lingers,
cranked foreign giver,
converting reign leader

ground control to major
ships of implied delusion,
delusionships in fusion
never co-depending,
neither co-developing
deeply- delving, daunting,
open-ended forming,
TRANS-
           CULT-IVATING
                                 EVADING
                                                [R]URAL
rotating­ out of orbit,
falling prey to rotting,
bits of gums soaring,
bites of arms Taste -ing
                          Test sting
                            Test stink
                              Test  sink-ing
                                Test   sink in
                                  Test   sin king
                                    Tes   singing:
                                       La lal lala la la lla

I’d love you less if you were here
crowding my dorm bed, nibbling me,
rubbing me like sandpaper

I’ve come this far all by myself
I am a stone, leave me alone

Let’s keep it nonchalant
don’t kiss me on the lips
don’t label this a situationship
because then one of us would need to care

but when i saw you for the first time
i instantly felt so connected and drawn to you, weirdly enough
you felt different, even though i had never spoken to you

finally we meet, and everything was perfect
conversations flowing naturally, and you had the most perfect face
i would admire you as you spoke, knowing i hadn't felt this way in a long time

time goes by, and i realize you're not perfect
and i noticed flaws in you i just couldn't stand
you revealed yourself as the type of person i hate most

but in those moments when everything was perfect, i didn't see that in you
and it's still hard for me to accept who you really are
maybe you are lost right now

because when you held my face, while i spoke about vulnerable topics
you made me feel so safe in your arms
how could the you i saw in the end really be you?