Deep down I was holding on tighter than I already knew I should. Deep down I was hoping that although it’s not forever now, maybe it would. Deep down I was praying that if you gave me the chance, I’d give you everything I could.
Deep down I know I should’ve trusted my gut more. Deep down I know that I was just another girl for you to score. Deep down I know that I am broken to the core.
Summer nights spent locked in my room Was it suddenly fate that came and brought me to you? A message; so simple, yet so damning I had no idea what one little word could do Back and forth we went All that time spent questioning If may I should get with you When it came down to it All I could think was "****, you're pretty cute" Seeing your face was the one thing that brought me relief Oh how your voice made me weak I'd give anything if I could start over And return to those nights That left me destroyed beyond belief
Another silly little poem, about the same silly little love for a silly little boy back in the year of 2017. Seems like I could only ever write or get struck to write when I was sad. He's a quite nice guy now, well-rounded and all. I'm glad he's doing well, we are all grown now.
Thinking back on all those nights spent with you Barely exchanging words Mostly swapping tongues between us two I still wonder why it was so easy For me to fall for someone Who plays for a living Not caring about who they could lose Making me feel special was step one Attention was two Saying you missed me So easy for you to do Now I see How easy It all was for you Even if you never really cared I can't say that I really regret those nights I wish we could be together I wish we could fight I wish that you would come back into my life
This was an old poem about a boy I used to love, back in 2017. Very one-sided, I wrote it at the height of my obsession. So long ago, but I thought it wasn't that bad, so why not publish it here?
sometimes, people exist just for you to have a good time with them and then move on from
once you can accept that it makes everything a lot easier because a lot of happiness stems from managing expectations
the reason we get hurt so much is because we have a good time with someone then we obsess- waiting for them to text us wanting to see them again picturing our life with them and when we find out that they don't want exactly what we do we're crushed
but really, they don't owe us a future or anything at all they don't even owe us a text the next day
and i've come to accept that sometimes a good time can just be a good time without the promise of a future ..... and that's fine.
even though we know deep down we're not fine at all
Id waited so long to get that text To just hear you say it once; To hear you apologize For all the damage that you'd caused. And for leaving me broken For moving on without a pause.
Id finally gotten over you After months of feeling empty So why now, When i'm finally feeling plenty, Did you decide to cut open these scars that had just healed? Why now, When I needed you the least, Did you decide to apologize For ******* the life and love out of me like a leech? My heart now stained with the memory of us Like a black t-shirt stained with bleach.
Was it because you saw that I was finally moving on And you knew that that one text Would take me back to square one? Or was it because you felt guilty for the ****** way you treated me; Telling me you liked me one day And disappearing the next. Because you got bored of your shiny new toy, One you once believed was the best.
I wish I could say I hated you, But that would be a lie. My heart aches for your sadness And I can't stand the thought of being the reason why. That big “*******” I wish I could end lingers on my phone Because what if that was the last thing I said. It was the last straw; A reason for your end.
Thinking about loving you again makes my head spin in ways I didn't know it could. Because im filled with rage But also a sadness that I never understood.
Why am I longing to tell you I miss you? Something I've never admitted out loud. Because I miss your smile and your laugh. I miss the way you'd send me pictures of the weather forecast When it was supposed to storm Because you knew those were my favorite things. I long for your familiar warmth.
So ******* for making me feel these things again; For digging up the past. ******* for making me love you. ******* for being my first. And most of all ******* for making me believe you'd be my last.