Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
the price you pay to be thin
you won’t even miss your fee,
it's just the feeling of empty

nevermind the color in your face,
draining into plastic bags,
filled with last nights hunger

no matter your darkening smile,
cracking into sunflower blossoms,
that you hide behind your knuckles.

don't bat an eye at your thinning hair,
swimming in your bathroom drain
strangling your hope of recovery.

now what could those tired eyes,
broken and red with strain say that
puffy cheeks and chapped lips cannot

lips like concrete, spilling weeds,
lips stuffed with cigarette love,
lips that once bloomed spoken word

but you smell of no dandelions.
you wear perfume of stomach bile
mixed with the stench of hatred.

the smell that every bathroom you visit
knows like the back of your hand,
the hand scarred with teeth’s embrace.

the side effects aren’t pretty
but that’s all a small price to pay
for the feeling of trying to be thin.
Adellebee Jul 5
Fat
Do you ever feel so **** in your own skin?
Where you pinch and grab at your physical reasons to hate yourself
All the taunts and cruel phrases relive in your jiggles
You fad diet yourself into comfort,
Only to be reminded of your deep scars as you catch a glimpse in the reflection
You strive for societal perfection as you let yourself slip into a cracked version of someone you were
The fear that happiness is gone for good
And this is all that's left
been fighting for years
The plastic mat that my mother placed on the bottom of the bathtub
To keep my brother and I from slipping in the shower
Prints circular patterns into my shins as I force up the first
Home cooked meal she’s made in months.
The music plays at full volume and the vent hums its disheartening song,
Drowning out the retching sounds coming from my lungs, and I start to shiver beneath
The river of steaming water drumming against my back.
Water is infinitely more comforting than any human touch has ever been.
The heat on my back sends goosebumps down my arms and I think about
How it would feel to be held by something other than
Warm water and moonlight.
Am I so damaged that the only sensations I would feel are
My heart in my throat and a tsunami of fear that would rush over me
Like the water washes over my back?
I sit in the bottom of the tub staring into my ***** as it stares up at me.
The pattering of the water hitting my flesh whispers softly
You are not enough.
You will never
Be enough.
I rest my head against the chilling tiles of the wall
And the words soak into my skin before I can think to wash them away.
NM Feb 26
Only then did I realize I was starving for something food could no longer satisfy.
Lately I have been battling Bulimia and this was just a random awareness I thought admist a declining health.
Luna Jay Jan 17
X-rays always made her feel like a model,
The doctor always taking her pictures.
She always posed.
Every imperfection, every flaw in her porcelain skin,
They refused to overlook.
They had to inspect her,
Make sure she wasn’t contagious.
“Drink this, eat that, take these.
Let us shove tubing down your throat
So we can find you another pill”
And she was absolutely sick and tired
Of all of the rules and tubes and wires
And people she didn’t know touching all over her,
Making her feel
“Better”
It made her feel exposed.
Cold.
Like she was some
******* bunny for a physical health magazine.
Her nostrils were stained with
The strong scent of hand sanitizer.
And she couldn’t keep the hospital food down,
And the shower was always freezing cold…
But at least they could make her feel
“Better”
Erasing the taste of
Copper anorexia at the back of her throat,
She’s just an experiment.
She feels fat
She feels ****
She wants to be MORE then just flat
As the days go by
Her struggle grows
She feels alone
Then, the voice arose
Said he knew what she wants
Said he knew what she needs
The thoughts her brain they did haunt
So she listened.
"You need to do what I say"
'He can help me'
She decided not to disobey
He told her not to eat
"The less you eat, the less you'll weigh"
She finally knew what to do
It worked great til the third day
She wanted to eat so badly
The pain was so horrible
"Don't you dare eat a thing"
'But its so unbearable'
"Don't be that way"
You may know someone like this
But there's something you don't know
Its something everyone will miss
Even friends and family
The person known as 'she'
How horrible it may be
Is me.
well the poem basically explains it
Keegan Nov 2018
My life's in vain
I'm going insane,
And I can't help feeling sad

I'm going bonkers,
I've fell off my rocker,
And I'm completely, utterly mad

Caught in confusion,
My minds a delusion,
And in the shadows I hide

My life's a mistake,
Filled with things that I break,
No matter how hard I tried

I'm not doing so well,
I'm going through hell,
They ignored my hapless pleas

I fell to the ground,
And wept without sound
They left my down on my knees

Away I was tossed,
And now I'm so lost,
I feel so wonderfully dumb

I cried my tears,
And I faced my fears,
But everything now is just numb

2 a.m knows my woes,
And as a write this prose,
A tear slides down my cheek

A sob breaks free,
And I whimper softly,
That I'm so pathetic and weak

My skin is stained,
From the blood that I drained,
From my wrist in a thin little line

I perfect a disguise,
With a smile full of lies
And everyone thought I was fine

My mind's in a whirl
The demon gave a slow curl
Of his bony skeletal finger

He crept up to me,
And smiled nastily,
"You'd be prettier if you were much thinner"

I smiled a fake smile,
And held on, for a while,
but my life was filled with strife

My blood was red,
And mixed with tears that I shed,
Left alone in the room with a knife

So I put on a mask,
and completed the task,
I placed the gun to my head

I curled my finger,
And pulled the trigger,
And In the end I was dead
Moon Nov 2018
The lunch money you gave me was never spent on lunch,
It was spent on emptying myself more.

-laxatives
Vxn Sep 2018
i remember the first time i binged.
it felt so fantastic to fill stomach
push it to it's limits.
Renee told me girls with wide hips are sloppy *****.
i was ******, never even kissed a boy but i was going to show her how sloppy i could be.
i remember
2 boxes of six jumbo honey buns
3 microwave pepperoni pizzas
2 bottles of sprite
4 microwaveable fast bite hamburgers
1 back of gummy worms
1/2 a box of cheeze itz
my stomach hurt so bad
i hurt so bad
i looked in mirror and thought about Renee
neat petite small but tall i thought about 6th grade
it all came up
crouched in front of the porcelain bucket
everything came up
i hate puking
feeling my stomach spasms and rub against itself makes my skin crawl
after i emptied i stood up
light headed
but i felt full
i felt good
i looked at myself and thought
oh no
my first experience with bulimia.
ryan Sep 2018
it was at the crossroads of 1:10 and 100 and i knew this is where it ended
the only things that would grow at this place would be broken and brittle
insignificant to say the least
this barren ravaged land couldnt grow anything no matter how hard it tried
it just isnt possible
and yet this is land is where i made my home
out of bricks and stones made of apathy and lost hopes
theres truly no point but really was there ever ?
its hard to tell
doesnt matter becausethese crossroads of 100 and 110 are my new own hell
my new home
i was miserable in school and battling w my dosorder when i wrote this. remembered my login but maybe if i write anything itll be happier now
Next page