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Luna Jay Jan 17
X-rays always made her feel like a model,
The doctor always taking her pictures.
She always posed.
Every imperfection, every flaw in her porcelain skin,
They refused to overlook.
They had to inspect her,
Make sure she wasn’t contagious.
“Drink this, eat that, take these.
Let us shove tubing down your throat
So we can find you another pill”
And she was absolutely sick and tired
Of all of the rules and tubes and wires
And people she didn’t know touching all over her,
Making her feel
It made her feel exposed.
Like she was some
******* bunny for a physical health magazine.
Her nostrils were stained with
The strong scent of hand sanitizer.
And she couldn’t keep the hospital food down,
And the shower was always freezing cold…
But at least they could make her feel
Erasing the taste of
Copper anorexia at the back of her throat,
She’s just an experiment.
She feels fat
She feels ****
She wants to be MORE then just flat
As the days go by
Her struggle grows
She feels alone
Then, the voice arose
Said he knew what she wants
Said he knew what she needs
The thoughts her brain they did haunt
So she listened.
"You need to do what I say"
'He can help me'
She decided not to disobey
He told her not to eat
"The less you eat, the less you'll weigh"
She finally knew what to do
It worked great til the third day
She wanted to eat so badly
The pain was so horrible
"Don't you dare eat a thing"
'But its so unbearable'
"Don't be that way"
You may know someone like this
But there's something you don't know
Its something everyone will miss
Even friends and family
The person known as 'she'
How horrible it may be
Is me.
well the poem basically explains it
She tries
To turn water
Into wine
But she can't

Tries to stop
Her world
From becoming a galaxy
Every time
That she stands up

Can't stop her hands
From shaking
As she reaches
For her food

Every night she paints
A sunset on her wrists
With blood
And tears
And the scent
Of iron
Permeating the air

Measures her waist
And looks into the mirror
Wipes away her tears
As she steps on the scale

Struggling to breathe
As she looks out at the world
So many people

A L L  W A T C H I N G

All intruding
Into her mind



A L L  S C R E A M I N G

At her to
Get thinner
Eat less
Get that size zero

B E  B E A U T I F U L



The voices
Just won't stop

Won't stop until she's


Just a skeleton of
Her former self
A bag of bones
And tears
And numbers floating
Around in her head

But no one will notice
Until its

U̶ ̷N̸ ̷T̶ ̴I̷ ̸L̶
̷S̴ ̴H̶ ̴E̷ ̷S̸
̸ ̵
̸̣̉G̶͙͘ ̷̝͠O̴͙̐ ̴̰̿N̶̽͜ ̶̠͐E̸̜̓
Keegan Nov 2018
My life's in vain
I'm going insane,
And I can't help feeling sad

I'm going bonkers,
I've fell off my rocker,
And I'm completely, utterly mad

Caught in confusion,
My minds a delusion,
And in the shadows I hide

My life's a mistake,
Filled with things that I break,
No matter how hard I tried

I'm not doing so well,
I'm going through ****,
They ignored my hapless pleas

I fell to the ground,
And wept without sound
They left my down on my knees

Away I was tossed,
And now I'm so lost,
I feel so wonderfully dumb

I cried my tears,
And I faced my fears,
But everything now is just numb

2 a.m knows my woes,
And as a write this prose,
A tear slides down my cheek

A sob breaks free,
And I whimper softly,
That I'm so pathetic and weak

My skin is stained,
From the blood that I drained,
From my wrist in a thin little line

I perfect a disguise,
With a smile full of lies
And everyone thought I was fine

My mind's in a whirl
The demon gave a slow curl
Of his bony skeletal finger

He crept up to me,
And smiled nastily,
"You'd be prettier if you were much thinner"

I smiled a fake smile,
And held on, for a while,
but my life was filled with strife

My blood was red,
And mixed with tears that I shed,
Left alone in the room with a knife

So I put on a mask,
and completed the task,
I placed the gun to my head

I curled my finger,
And pulled the trigger,
And In the end I was dead
Moon Nov 2018
The lunch money you gave me was never spent on lunch,
It was spent on emptying myself more.

Vxn Sep 2018
i remember the first time i binged.
it felt so fantastic to fill stomach
push it to it's limits.
Renee told me girls with wide hips are sloppy *****.
i was ******, never even kissed a boy but i was going to show her how sloppy i could be.
i remember
2 boxes of six jumbo honey buns
3 microwave pepperoni pizzas
2 bottles of sprite
4 microwaveable fast bite hamburgers
1 back of gummy worms
1/2 a box of cheeze itz
my stomach hurt so bad
i hurt so bad
i looked in mirror and thought about Renee
neat petite small but tall i thought about 6th grade
it all came up
crouched in front of the porcelain bucket
everything came up
i hate puking
feeling my stomach spasms and rub against itself makes my skin crawl
after i emptied i stood up
light headed
but i felt full
i felt good
i looked at myself and thought
oh no
my first experience with bulimia.
ryan Sep 2018
it was at the crossroads of 1:10 and 100 and i knew this is where it ended
the only things that would grow at this place would be broken and brittle
insignificant to say the least
this barren ravaged land couldnt grow anything no matter how hard it tried
it just isnt possible
and yet this is land is where i made my home
out of bricks and stones made of apathy and lost hopes
theres truly no point but really was there ever ?
its hard to tell
doesnt matter becausethese crossroads of 100 and 110 are my new own ****
my new home
i was miserable in school and battling w my dosorder when i wrote this. remembered my login but maybe if i write anything itll be happier now
Contempthy Aug 2018
I am the darkness,
A  candle that is barely flickering,
Yet that flickering flame accompanied by the passing of lost souls ignites just enough light within to see the **** within,
No amount of makeup can fix the scars on my face,
And that **** scale,
Is the Great Depression where all value has been lost,
I like white powder and white pills they make my toxic crimson bones a fuller shade of pink,
A pink cloud,
To float in nothingness that’s where my soul belongs
I want to shrink my body to a nothingness,
If god is love then that means I was not created into his image,
For I have never felt love with out a pericing pang in my heart,
Love is conditional,
So is god?
Nothingness though is beautiful,
But I am rotting flesh and bone with a short skirt and high heals on his bedroom floor,
He craves my destroyed body but has not time to listen to my soul,
Can you kick me out now I would like to go,
Go into the vast darkness that I am
The vastness of nothingness is my only remedy for pain of lost worth and dead souls
Lost Aug 2018
left all alone
to be strangled

I am Kitty Genovese

but my assailant
does not smother me
with the same hands
as hers

the fist of five curled fingers
punishing my throat

is connected with mine
we are one and the same

I kneel in the bathroom
left all alone

in sputtering prayer
over the toilet bowl

one hand untying the knots in my stomach
reaching down my throat to pluck them out
one hand holding back my hair

so tonight I am strangled
victim of my own hand
and tonight I am Kitty Genovese
as neighbors press their ears to the walls
to better hear my struggle
but don't dare knock on the door
Trigger Warning: References to bulimia
Becca Lansman Jul 2018
My body and mind are at war
two beings occupying the same skin

the diverged desire firing bullets into the heart
creating a cacophony of chaos within me

******* the jar of peanut butter
hidden by the blanket of dark sky
hugging the fridge like a newborn
caressing the chocolate bar wrapper

crouched over
crying in the shower
pinching my skin until bright pink, hot
with anger

trying to resurrect myself into someone more holy
trying to starve
out the monster within

only to find myself back on the bathroom tile singing gospel songs into the toilet bowl.

a cyclical strom
that will not stop raging

like a perverted lover
always, somehow
dragging you back home.
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