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Elizabeth Zenk Jun 2022
it’s troubling.

to be but one missed dosed from death
from the sting of warm showers
and the ache of tight clothes
rubbing on bark textured skin
The darkening of faded lines
Tip toeing that vermilion tightrope.

I am tempted by light chairs  
by satin smooth ropes and twine
leaning close to door handle delight
a hug around delicate veins
May I dream of peace before being
For it is my only true god

I only see this illness in memories failure.
when medicine is sidelined
to work and school and friends.  
Only am I reminded of it’s weight
When I grow reckless and wild
daring to miss my dose.
RedAgain Jul 2021
echoing laughter emanates through empty tunnels
hidden from that safe red street lamp glow;
and I quietly notice how I am always a shadow
in the trees that move in the wind as they’re changed by the season.

A collection of lost souls I nurture and hold as I rock myself to sleep
And I can’t cry for them
any more than I can  for myself.

The silent, gentle suffocation
which squeezes the breath from my lungs
snuffing out the candles
I meticulously lit on my way to my room.
It’s still and dark and creeping
and I feel the energy to smile slip away as I talk

Just as quickly as the uncertainty
which shuffles in uninvited
and steals the silverware from the kitchen.

An audience applauding the self deprecation Muffling the screams for help
As i’m invited to their table
but never quite loud enough to shout above the off stage rumble.
Destiny C Jun 2021
This is a love letter.
Please do not get this confused.
You & my serotonin became infused.
I love you,
But I love you not.
It's almost like my old self,
That I forgot.

You take away the pain.
Only some of it,
The rest remains.

But I love you more than you know,
You've helped me in ways that don't show.

You are the drug that I've been chasing
Need some replacin'..

I hate your manipulation,
The way you think I need you,
No hesitation.

You starve me.
You beat me.
Make me physically weak..

But instead of leaving you,
I take you everyday,
Every week.

Because of you,
I've stopped & smelled the roses,
Had my first smile in awhile,
Took some pictures,
Held some poses.

But yet,
I know this can't go on forever.

I'm not sure when our last kiss will be,
Sometimes I only feel you & me,
Other times I feel the urge to leave

But I'll stay with you for now,
Because I don't know better.

The only reason I'm alive,
Is because you help me survive.
Velvel Ben David Apr 2020
I couldn’t sleep.
My brain shivered when I moved my eyes.
I felt invincible
“Invincible” fails to describe it.
Then I was a cockroach
Crawling like a little bug
My head missing each obstacle
Just enough to feel them
Brush their matter against me
Blowing a rush of air back at me
Warning me my choices are crucial.
Cutting it close to the end
But - I don’t mind it.
-I’d be a liar if I said
I didn’t like it this way-
Some fear the discomfort called the unknown.
I welcome it with open arms
A gift in each hand.
As long as it never bores me.
Life must never be boring.
Fear is inevitable
It is always present
My greatest weakness.

Life is not the time to find your purpose
It is the time to create it
B Mar 2019
brain zaps, brain fog
welcome to Zoloft
refill your script
before you decide to quit
this pill comes with a cost
it's not that easy
to taper off
this illness is not visible
one might say it's despicable
the pill that can make things bearable
everyday at the same time
remember it's no cure
it can help
and that can be worth
feeling secure
SSRI's Zoloft (sertraline)
Peasant The Poet Feb 2019
Look I'm awake!
I used no alarm!
Not torpid, no despair,
Pill worked like a charm!

I've been mentally marinating,
In a cerebral stew.
Truly amazed by
This chemical brew.

-  Shoutout to Zoloft
Victoria Aug 2018
Starry nights cause
hopeless flights which
my bottle of Zoloft dislikes.
Saheed and sadya Dec 2016
Tiny euphoria, relax like the world is made of all the good things. And how I wish to bottle the moment of his,and  when he realizes that not everything is made of twinkling lights and all his favorite things, I'll grab him and hold him closer, protect his heart from all his heartaches. But for now I revel in the thought of the moment when he was blanketed with tiny euphoria.
Star Girl Dec 2015
Three days ago I started a journey of self help.
I started a journey of discovery
And, I'm not ready.

Three days ago I began taking anti-depressants.
Three days ago I stopped sleeping through the night.
Three days ago I got migraines that made me want to empty my stomach.
Three days ago I started a journey.

Because I can't deal with myself.
I can't deal with rejection and the pressures of day to day life.
I can't deal with the ideals and standards of other people.
I can't deal with the judgment.
I can't deal with the ***** looks.

I scrub my skin raw when I think of the look she gave me.
The mother of the man I love.
The man I adore.
Her eyes pierced through me.
And no matter what, a wound will be there.

Zoloft is not a quick fix.
It is a gateway to a way that I might be sane.
Maybe it will work.
Just maybe.

I can wish on a hundred thousand stars of things I need.
But this world only gives me the things I don't need.

I don't need the constant reminder that I am failing my body.
I don't need to be told I am mean.
I don't need to be told that I cause misery.
I don't need to be told that I'm making the wrong the choices in my relationship.
I don't need to be reminded that I am unwelcome, because you are close minded.

When I feel all those things I remember a younger me.
A me that was searching for something.
I tried everything.
Even God

But there are some things that even He can't fix.

I was told growing up that depression wasn't real.
Well honey, it's

I am blamed by something I can't control.
How would that make you feel?

Three days ago I started a journey that I should have never stopped.
Three days ago I decided to do this for me.
Three days ago I started the search for a little girl who hoped and dreamed.
Three days ago I started the journey to regain my joy.
My hope.

Three days ago I started something.
Just for me.
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