there are tears stinging her eyelid,
so many emotions are whirling round and round,
and her heart clenches as she looks ahead.

but when she looks into her future,
she sees nothing,
and she wonders.

for if she deserves one,
as someone so silent,
who cannot seem to find her voice.

and she ponders,
if she has the will power to influence,
or whether she will fall apart.

it feels like a dream,
seeing you illuminated by the moonlight,
twirling yourself in a circle,
your dress floating vividly.

a cheeky smile,
tainted on your features,
as rich laugh slips your lips.

not a care in the world,
as you take your hand out,
waiting patiently for me to take it.

surpassing a widening smile,
i reach out,
and grasp your hand.

and we run, run, run,
run away from reality,
run away into our own paradise.

you caught me spinning on my axis,
only to knock me off my spin.

and now i'm afraid i'm the only one,
falling off their routine from missing you.

behind the castle walls,
behold a girl who's been hurt,
a girl who's been taunted,
a girl who's been broken into pieces,
a girl who's been tossed aside like nothing,
a girl who's been torn down.

behind the castle walls,
lays a ******* her mattress,
eyes trimmed with water,
as her gaze is fixated on her ceiling.

behind the castle walls,
is a girl who doesn't understand love,
because she's numb to the feeling,
something that stings but no longer pains.

behind the castle walls,
is a girl who's tired,
both emotionally and physically.

behind the castle walls,
is a girl who doesn't want to breathe any longer.
because even the shallowest breath,
burns like flames.

We often hide our feelings, away from the light, it’s kept in the dark for what it feels, an eternity.

Maybe just continuing to keep it all inside will help us, simply ignoring the emotions will do the trick.

So we let it become a habit, shoving everything deep down within us, all due to one action we didn’t think much of.

And merely when we think it’s all under control, the bottle begins to tip.

Did we overfill the bottle of emotions, maybe we stored in too much for our hearts to handle?

Then it comes out, a deluge of tears and the never ending pain and hurt, an overflow of emotions usually kept in the dark.

Often, we face the question, ‘why is this happening to me?’

Maybe we want to be okay, but how can you be okay?

What exactly is okay?

So discreetly it is hidden that no one knows we’re in pain, and maybe, maybe it’s for the best.

To act like everything is okay, to not show weakness nor vulnerability.

We bottle it up, repeating every process, all hell breaks loose when the bottle finally tips, all on its own.

It is then, when we are all alone, the tears threatening to fall finally join in on the chaos.

And to keep it away from the others, we try our hardest to provide an illusion of we are okay.

Deep down, there is a bottle of emotions hidden in the darkness, far from the reach of others, forbidden to reveal itself.

father says to conquer my fears,
but how can i when losing you is always
at the fault line?

when the earthquake strikes,
the tectonic plates shuffle,
slipping and grinding.

oh father, how can i conquer my fears,
when it's always on the line?

i can't help the thought of losing you,
how can i ever conquer that?

i have convinced myself otherwise.

that all these feelings for you have vanished,
and it did at least for a little bit.

or maybe i just ignored it too well,
but when you grasped my hand.

your touch brought warmth,
and sparked all the forbidden emotions to unleash.

yet i still try to convince myself otherwise,
but these emotions are a good high.

even if you are never mine.

you you you
my mind is clouded of you.

and it’s suffocating me to the
point where i can no longer breathe.

but i just wish you could reciprocate
these crushed emotions that flutter

through my heart and pound on my
ribcage like a wild animal.

you you you
my mind is clouded of you.

and it’s suffocating me to the
point where i can no longer breathe.

but i just wish you could reciprocate
these crushed emotions that flutter

through my heart and pound on my
ribcage like a wild animal.

thousands of words race through my mind,
yet i still draw blanks.

the paper is still clean,
like the clean slate i dreaded for.

what can i say,
to embed those words from you.

nothing,
i suppose that's why i can't come up with anything.

i’m free falling
and i’m hoping it’s you
that will save me from the fall.

when i gaze into your eyes,
i feel myself drowning a little,
a little more than i should.
            
                          i'm
                               slowly
                                   slipping
                                            away.

when your presence is near,
my heart flutters in your madness,
i feel your effects.

                        like
                              alcohol
                                          in
                                              my
                                                system.

when you speak my name,
i feel my body freeze and my mind,
replaying your sweet melody on
repeat.

                            like
                                    a
                                        broken
                                                record.

when you're not near,
i begin to crave your more than ever.
perhaps it's the after effect.
or the withdrawal of you.

                             i
                               need
                                       you.

but when you whisper it so softly,
the fact that you love someone,
someone else, i can't help it.
i can't help my miserable feelings.

                               i
                                 can
                                       hear
                                              my
                                                   heart
                                                           crack.

meeting you has caused me to lie awake at night,
staring at the stars on my ceiling.

my sleep has been broken throughout the night,
and you're the sole reason for my insomnia.

i think it's normal to miss people,
i can see you twirling your hair with your finger,
i can hear your melodious laughter rumbling through my mind,
i can feel your smooth skin under my fingertips.

i want to admire your beauty once again,
gaze into those dazzling eyes,
feel your lips locking mine.

but you're gone,
you've vanished into thin air,
leaving nothing but bits and bits of memories,
and countless amounts of heartache.

and along with you,
you've stolen my heart,
robbed me of the sun's rays,
and took away countless hours of sleep.

you've left nothing but pain,
poured me endless thoughts at 3 AM,
everything consists of missing you.

is missing someone like this still normal?

it scares me to love you,
because everything you love,
always gets old to you,
everything will someday lose its color to you.

like that day when we were outside,
strolling the park side-by-side,
admiring the glories of the cloudy day,
but it began to pour,
and you told me you loved the rain days prior.

you didn't embrace it,
you hurriedly ran the way back home,
dragging me along helplessly.

i arched a brow,
and blew the question out of my lips,
"i thought you loved the rain?"
you let out a raspy chuckle,
shrugging your shoulders as you bent down.

"it got old, the rain's full of bacteria,"
you responded like it was no big ordeal,
heaving as you ran your fingers through your pocket,
in search for your keys.

it hit me then,
falling in love with you,
would just be like loving the rain to you,
it'll get old and it'll be filled with bacteria.

and i thought you loved the rain,
but running from it isn't love,
and i thought i loved you, too,
but this isn't love, is it?

all these jagged imperfections of mine,
why can't you just disappear into thin air,
like my ol' trusty friends,
like my appreciation for life,
like my motivations for myself.

all these jagged imperfections of mine,
why must you stick with me,
through thick and thin,
through rain and snow,
through hail and sleet,
through summer and winter.

all these jagged imperfections of mine,
why must you love me,
more than my friends,
more than my family,
more than my love.

all these jagged imperfections of mine,
why must you show me how cruel life is,
with the sunshine blinding me day and day,
with the rain pounding on my window,
with the endless heartache in my chest.

oh, all these jagged imperfections of mine,
can't you just give me a break,
to breathe the sun's rays,
to stroll through the forest,
to admire nature.

is it a lot to ask for you to go away,
jagged imperfections of mine?

my heart doesn't want to let you go,
because you made me feel something other than numbness.

my brain cries to let you go,
because you're going to cost me much more than just a heartbreak.

you are nothing but the cause of blood on my fresh wounds.
i am nothing but the cause of your fatal demise on paper.

but you didn't just cause bleeding,
but i didn't just cause your demise on paper.

funny how things come to be, my love.

you were my picture perfect fairytale,
and i'd die a million times just to see you,
in my dreams by my side.

poison is what you are,
but i guess, somewhere
in my imperfections, i too,
prefer poison more than the antidote.

in a bed of flowers,
her hair is set adrift from the wind,
a discreet secret tainted on her lips,
that echoes into the unknown.

in a suit of black,
he greets her with a melancholic smile,
forever wondering what more he
could have accomplished.

he could've done more,
she could've done less,
but it's too late to settle the scores.

there are voices in her mind,
constant echoes that bubble wildly,
telling her that she's not good enough.

it tricks her into thinking,
that maybe... just maybe,
she's really not good enough.

they tell her she's not suitable,
not for this not for that,
and she just happens to believe them.

as naive as she is,
she's quickly fooled,
for thinking she doesn't have the potential.  

but deep down,
passing the harsh reminders,
she really is good enough.

dampness forms in her eyelids,
slowly treading itself down her honey skin,
slipping down her cheeks;
teardrops are born.

brown eyes gaze into the horizon,
sweeping over the sunset,
forever wondering;
if the pain will cease.

fragile fingertips trace shapes,
twirling and digging themselves,
into the earth's surface;
dreading to be loved.

heart strings pull and release,
yanking emotional impulses,
and flooding imperfections;
coveting for a shoreline.

delicate arms are open,
awaiting for the storm to hit,
a futile attempt to embrace it;
but she is the storm.

Trapped in the corner of my confined room,
with wonder fluttering in the pit of my stomach,
and an unknown path that is yet to be paved ahead of me.

Imprisoned in the resentment of others,
that happens to echo in the vacant spaces of words,
with little provisions of positivity from others.

Grey clouds hover over me,
blocking out the sun’s mellow rays,
and forbid me from thinking of ever seeing the light.

Sharp whispers are heard from the back of my mind,
reverberating endlessly as the snarkiest comments are formed,
from plump pink lips as all eyes are set on me.

“Do you not have any dreams?”
they ask in saccharine tones laced with surprise,
and I shrug my shoulders; thinking and thinking.

Legion amount of strolling is done on the land of the unknown,
tethering along the shoreline of the known,
to compose an answer for their prying mouths.

The mirror that used to stand broadly by the door,
has shattered into pieces and shards flood the floor;
a perfect representation of my dreams.

Mother’s words begin to come to me,
like a warm blanket on a cold winter day,
“growth begins on the inside.”

Like that delicate *** of sunflowers,
she’s tended for day and night,
they expand not because of negativity.

To flourish means to be thrown in despair,
and come back out thriving, striving, luxuriant,
to surpass the grey clouds for the transcendent sunlight.

I take their words,
absorb it like it’s nutritious,
and release it like oxygen.

I’m sprouting dangerously,
exceeding the limits and surpassing heights,
but who’s to stop the beanstalk, not Jack.

i watch the rose you planted in my garden with anticipation.
where i hope our love blossoms beyond just a garden.
pray tell what it will become, for i only hope it grows
with beauty and an exquisite story.

standing in the sun's golden rays,
you let yourself enjoy the peaceful paradise,
that's hardly ever to come.

the way you smile suddenly feels so foreign,
as i witness your moment from afar,
hands crumbled into tight fists.

the stinging pain has become numb,
for centuries of laying on my bed,
gaze glued onto the ceiling,
and muffled sobs.

but when you're laying on the fresh cut grass,
with hands spread on the spacious greens,
it hits me again but harder than before.

yet this time is different,
because you're finally happy,
so despite my hard feelings,
i pick up my feet and turn away.

because you deserve this happiness,
i don't get to take that away from you,
so with a heavy heart,
and a mind of thousands of words,
i leave before i disturb your paradise.

i shove the confession down my throat,
even if it will soon eat me alive again.
i love you, and i did this for you.

you control a part of me
without even realizing the power
you have over me.

save me from a pending heartbreak
by slowly giving me back control
and hand over my heart.

you taught me that just because we fit together, like two missing pieces that finally found their way after being seperated by the sea for years ; doesn't mean we're meant to be.

when i let you go,
             please take your belongings with you.
when i plead you no more,
             please understand my desires has vanished.
when i release your hands,
             please clasp yours together.
when i inhale fresh air,
             please don't let yours become polluted.
when i aim to please you no more,
             please don't tear yourself apart.

thrumming my hands against the table,
i sit tightly with patience running,
the spark of hope ever fading.

i await for the day to call you mine,
to run my fingertips down your curves,
and to kiss every inch of perfection.

to hear the soft groans that echo into the night,
to feel the sheets between us,
and a hearty laugh shared over a ***** joke.

i shall await for the day,
where i can grasp your hand freely,
with your head upon my shoulders.

sacred whispers of flirty jokes,
and little i love you's,
between you and i.

because no earth,
no lightning,
no air,
no flaw,
no one,
can tear us apart.

through thick and thin,
you and i belong together,
even if you dare not to accept it.

you tell me you care,
your words warm me for a little,
but a fire in a blizzard will always be put out.

there's nothing left of us,
besides vacant memories of what-if's,
and thousands of errors we've failed to fix.

when i stare into those eyes of yours,
ones that i once loved more than anything,
they no longer strike a meaning strong enough,
for me to continue holding on.

so i let go,
and even though i shouldn't have,
i need to because slowly,
i'm losing myself trying to fix us,
something that never ceased to exist.

even if the fresh intake of newly found air,
burns my nostrils,
harms my lungs,
i welcome it with open arms.

because you no longer strike a meaning worthy for me to hold on.

i love it most when you tackle me
with your arms swinging onto me
as we form our embrace.

                                                                          and for once it makes me
                                                                   feel safe, even though i'm free
                                                                                falling into your arms.

but i know you won't be the one
to catch me. because your heart's
e     l     s     e     w     h     e     r     e.