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Eyithen Nov 2022
I’m clawing at my chest,
Because I want to make this itching ache stop
But I am unable to reach into my chest and grasp my stomach and clench my heart;
I am unable to tell it to stop its fluttering
Just as I am barely able to hold back the sob that wants to rip through my throat in an agonizing scream.
Because I can’t do anything.
I have no control.

And normally I would be okay with that,
But in these moments losing control is the worst thing
Because it is the one thing I so desperately need.
Just when things are going well I collapse into myself again like an exploding star.

The cycle is repeating.
This is the hardest part. It’s the most painful.
It is crying all the time
It is anxious
It‘s having fidgety hands
It's headaches from furrowed brows
It's seeing the inadequacy of yourself and not being okay with it.
It's like having a microscope on yourself
Its being exhausted all the time because you can’t stop the overthinking, the analyzing, or the constant pity parties and comparisons

I’m sick of being so emotionally fragile.
I just want to move on to the next stage already
To the numbness that follows
So I can stop caring
Stop crying
Stop hurting so **** much

I just want it all to go away.
I want the pain and hurt to go away.
This ache isn’t numb, it's not sharp, but rather it is suffocating.
It is hands around my throat squeezing  just tight enough so that I feel like I'm dying, but aware that I can still breathe.
Louise Oct 2022
My city...
I was here before it was even one,
my toys are older
than the high-rise buildings.
Yet all of my oldest dreams
have long been gone,
this is where new people
from far-away are dreaming.

People dream to visit here
even for a day,
I can't count the years
I've been trying to escape.
People travel here
to have a sip of coffee,
even the taste of water here
can tell that I am sick.

In the inner city,
while everyone takes photographs,
I try my best to walk
with my shoulders not dropped.
In the chic cafes
where others strike a pose,
I knew I never wanted more,
I had my dose.

My city,
that many people dream
of visiting and living in,
why, then there's me
who's here and feeling livid in.
My now-larger-city
that still feels like a small town,
I feel suffocated,
as if all my life I'm in a tight gown.
I'm sick of the city life. About d*mn time
ilias Jul 2022
answers to the question
i was never asked

yes, my brain is on fire
it burns at a million degrees
all those mistakes
that I’m made of
are slowly breaking free
like pompeji
i‘m buried underneath
the ashes suffocate me, still,
even if no one else can see
Nikki Mar 2022
This feeling is like
A weighted blanket
I can’t shake

A suffocating

A silent scream
Ever present

A severed connection
Separating me
From life

Stuck behind glass
Always looking in
Banging loudly
Yet never to be heard

Only ever alone
With my pain
The only one
Always by my side
The only one
Never to leave me
Isabella Jan 2022
air bubbles float with ocean foam
each time my breath escapes

my lungs deflate
my vision shakes

body sinking

i try to survive off of air bubbles
because it's all i have left
stillhuman Dec 2021
Stumble after stumble after stumble
I have stumbled
through the roots of this forest
there's no light
passing through branches
just the sound of life
right outside it
And I try to reach
outstretch my hands
but my fingers get scalded
as I point them in the wrong direction
But all paths look the same
in the forest
as frantic I try to find
my way out
When they said "it's time to experiment", I should have assumed that meant "trial and error"
WickedHope Oct 2021
Open spaces
Make me
The void
You opened up is
Smothering me
There is too much
And it is
Squeezing me tightly
Choking me
With emptiness
Stuffing it
Down my throat
I'm filled with it
The Empty.
I can't.
Please stop asking me.
I can't do this anymore.
Brumous Jun 2021
I don't remember
many memories of comfort,
or maybe I'm just biased

since I forget how it is,
the time it ends

It's exhausting.
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