A message from you
and my mind is spiralling
on the road of overthinking.

Wanting to embrace you
even at the risk of you deserting me
once more.

Technology created for mass connection
Makes me lose my ability to interact
Immersing me in cyber sea
Leaving me detached from reality.

It makes me connected to the world online
But divides me from reality
It makes me click click
Tap tap
And scroll my life away.

It is true pain changes people.
But you know what pain also does;
it hurts you,
it breaks you,
it drains you,
it disconnects you from the
people around you at times.

It sometimes makes you feel
like giving up on your life.
But maybe that's just a phase.

Maybe we have to break to heal.
Maybe we have to fall to rise.
Maybe we give up to fight.
Maybe we have to make mistakes to learn.
Maybe we have to tear to be courageous.

Maybe we have to go through chaos to find peace.
Maybe we have to feel weak to be strong.
Maybe we have to get messed up before we step up.
Maybe going down was a part of the plan of rising
up once again better.

Pain brings out the worst,
the best and sometimes
it is just different.
And you get to choose
who you get to cast yourself as.

You get to pick up those pieces
and place them the way you want to be.
Sometimes it isn't bad, it isn't good,
it's just different.
And that's alright.

Inflicted hallmark of love on this day
Pink and red everywhere.
Heart filters virtually viraling everywhere.
Teddybears, roses, and chocolates handed from one hand to another.
A special word of kindness said,
small surprises, paper hearts, and friendly notes sprinkled everywhere.

I love you, not only for who you are but who I am with you.
I love you for the part of me you bring out.
I love you for the dose of sunshine,
for the comfort to my fears and gathering of rainbows and releasing them to my sky.
I am glad to have a friend like you.

Ferocity has burnt away,
all what remains are embers
fading and diffusing 
wth sorrow cascading 
down my cheek.

You met my concern with ignorance
and walked away in silence,
leaving me to lament over the coming days 
as I plunge into the dark abyss
unexplained.

Your leave,
****** the warmth
leaving me to gaze upon the horizons of loneliness
and the stars that now grow cold.

The night bleeds into morning, 
The sun dissolves the moon.
As I ache at the page in front of me
and at the vulnerability I showed you.

Every morning,
it takes a monumental effort to peel off myself from the bed
fighting gravity to sit up
as I become the ghost 
of different thoughts that run through me.

Hope is still ruffling its feather
and the bond remains stagnant, 
But I am too tired to stay,
too broken to cry.

So I pinch my fingers 
on something beautiful within
a star dripping with black infinity;
a hope to care for myself
to healing and to move on.

Small talks are refreshing,
Intellectual talks are mind stimulating
and deep talks are soul enriching.

She was a sweet chaos
hiding behind a delicate rose.

Why wipe my tears,
when you had to make me cry?

Why message,
when you never on planning to have a conversation?

Why get me attached,
when you had to leave?

Why do you come in peace,
when you are to leave me in pieces?

Why heal my heart,
when you had to break it?

Why fill my heart with happiness,
when you had to leave it will sorrows?

Why make me feel comfort,
when you had to leave me alone?

Why do you plant flowers,
if you were never going to water them?

Why did you build a home,
if you were never going to stay?

Why light up my world,
only to leave it dark?

Why do you come back,
just to leave once more?

I wanted to make you
taste the venom you poisoned me with.
Make you experience,
every ounce of pain you put me through.
I wanted to make you feel the wrath of the devil
and fire from hell.
Make you feel the darkness that consumed,
abandonment, hate, betrayal, loneliness and anger
that away the soul.

But now witnessing the consequences,
seeing you fall apart,
I realized this isn't what I wanted.

For this is an endless imprisonment of pain
and vengeance is not the escape.

You shone out of nowhere,
in the everlasting depths of darkness,
reaching out,
and stealthily pulling me to the light.

My emotions began changing
ever so swiftly
with the every pump of the heart.

My eyes blinding with such brightness and joy
For I wonder was it because of you
or the world now I saw?

But, then you left
for there were many who walked in this world,
Even when alone,
I thanked you for showing me another world,
Feel the depths of happiness
and the light which lit my skin.
But solitude in the world of
happiness was not my place.

Then came my old friend,
darkness that lured me back in
'Welcome back'
for it wrapped me in its comfort
And said 'here you are to stay'

Your words are like chemotherapy;
a dose of truth,
a dose of advise,
a dose of pain and hurt.

Draining me,
breaking me
with the way
the words radiate
through my body.

But once my soul
resonates with those words,
blooming begins
and life starts to flourish
little by little.

Sometimes, it gets to you,
no matter how hard you try not to care.
No matter,
how many times you deny it doesn't hurt.
No matter,
how many times you reiterate that it doesn't matter.
It hurts.
It hurts because it still matters,
and at times the thought of it mattering
hurts even more.
Sometimes all these things add on,
and you begin to break.
That's when you finally accept to yourself,
It hurts.

There is a hole that exists within me,
no pain,
just a sunken hollow.
A constant emptiness
and a feeling of terrible,
terrifying loneliness.

My heart latches onto people,
sometimes even to the ones
who may not know my name.

I can create or feel
love and comfort from them.
I embed them into the figment
of my imagination,
for they are always there to stay.

But once their souls
leave my reality,
the figment starts to fade.

Once the feelings are no longer there
my heart,
my mind
become a sunken empty hole
waiting to be filled once more.

But people,
feelings are so temporary.
For the only fill was self love,
self acceptance,
and connection with god.

A curtain drawn on the sun;
A summer storm pouring down.
Gale of winds brush past
making you lose your breath.

Emotions start to rile  
Thoughts start to pile
letting your words become vile
as tears start to flow down.

The fog settles
as the mind rages
and bones
start to feel uncomfortable
in your skin
as the swallowed air
seems to be too thick.

During those days
some just want to curl up in a ball,
take cover
and watch laughter evoking shows
to get you through.

Some want to
fight through the storm
trying to hold on to
the bleak of glimmer
that maybe there.

Some find comfort
in the presence of others
letting them be their crutch
and drink their potion of love.

Some just want to
cry a river nile
letting sadness trail down their cheek
to let it all out.

Some remain in the
black silences
falling apart to the rhythm of solitude
as the black matter multiplies
and they implode
falling back into the abyss.

- Beautiful Sensitive Soul

Love yourself,
So you can love others better
Trust yourself,
So you can trust others better
Take care of yourself
So you can take care of others better
Be kind do yourself
So you can do it for others
Do it for yourself
So you can do it better for others
Because self less
without ‘self’
just leaves you with less.

Every day you stay,
it becomes tougher to get out.
Each day you stay,
you become more comfortable with being alone.
With each day your fear grows,
and it becomes harder to take that step.
Each day consumes you,
and you become further away from this world.
So take the chance,
while you still have and
save yourself.
Take the first step,
for now that's all that matters
and the rest will follow.

Mental illness is rising
psychologists's career are booming,
social media is redefining
making it a beautiful suffering.

Sadness has become boring,
misery has become enchanting.
Scars have become beauty,
grief has become engaging
and depression has become alluring.

Emotions have become art,
heartbreak has become a heart wrenching song.
pain has become poetry
and mental illness has become
edgy-tending label.

When did they start to disguise agony
behind such beauty?

I dressed in long dresses,
pearl necklace around around my neck.
Applying bold lipstick
on my pursed lips.
Wearing high heels
on tiny feet.
Carrying a hand bag
like a diva,
pretending to be an adult.

But now that it is no more
pretend but my reality,
I wish it was easy as playing
dress up.

They aren't just poems,
but my vulnerabilities stripped
onto a page.
These words are the rhythmic song
of my heart,
the lyrics of my mind
These bare words
having an insight
beyond the skin.
To something more vulnerable and deep;
An entry to my mind

Sometimes I feel
I am no longer writing for myself,
but rather becoming more like an elf.
Working and writing for everyone,
but myself.

I feel the need to keep my followers
entertained consistently and constantly
out of the fear I may lose my audience.

I feel I lost the purpose of my writing,
finding myself writing to the others liking
rather than expressing the voice within me.

For, once writing felt like a destress
but now it seems more of a stress.

I find myself beating my mind,
scraping for ideas,
juicing what's left within me,
to be drained
just to post consistently.

It's important to remember
to put yourself first above others.
To express to your likings and authenticity.
To not lose one self in the muddle of others
demands, voices and likings.
To remember the reason,
why you initially started.

There are days when negativity seeps in,
draining your energy
turning your mind into a battlefield
making your heartache
stealing your happiness with haste
breaking your self esteem
fading away your belief
festering your mood
and stamping out your light
to leave you parched-desecrated soul
with venomous whispers slithering from cell to cell
cracking and wounding your heart
leaving your mind toiling in negativity.

These are the days you hold onto words
to keep yourself together
and let go of words to express yourself.

You try embracing positivity,
focusing on yourself
and pursuing your passions.
You try to hold on to what
and who make you feel better.

“Please, I am drowning. I am suffocating. I am fading. This is my plea for help that breezes on your skin ever so silently. There is only darkness. There is nothing. No one. You tell me you’re there, but I can’t see you. You tell me you’re there to listen, but there is no ear. You tell me you are going to stay, but I see you leaving. Is it because it is too much for you?
You’re going through nothing. You’re life is perfect. You’re going to be fine. It doesn’t feel like nothing. It feels heavy. Heavy on the mind and heart. Scarring and wounding. Re-wounding and never healing. It’s not nothing. It is more than something. And maybe it would be fine if you .

Here’s to the ones who opened my mind to various other world that existed. Here’s to the ones who’s deep conversation enriched my mind, soul and heart. Here’s to the ones who kept me sane. Here’s to the ones who did constant grammar checks. Here’s to the ones who accepted my insanity, weirdness and quirkiness and stayed. Here’s to the ones that offered their ear to listen and hand to hold. Here’s to the ones who loved me the days I didn’t love myself. Here’s to the ones who believed in me the days I didn’t believe in myself. Here’s to the ones who would check up on me, just to see how am I doing. Here’s to the ones who sparkled my day with their random acts of kindness. Here’s to the ones who made me laugh a ton at their lamest of jokes. Here’s to the ones who built houses in my heart and kept it warm. Here’s to the ones who made my dark days bearable and this year extra special by being themselves.

There is something wrong
about the place, I belong.
Ever since you came along
everything has changed
but has it really changed?
or have I just changed?

The friends with whom I ranged
through their thickets are estranged.
They are the same
but their masks seem to be coming off.
Was it all fake and just a part of a game?

Now I am afraid to relapse to when I was seventeen,
the time I had no ear to tell my thoughts to,
for they would leave, judge, not understand and rumor me away.

All alone and bottled up;
I had only a paper to listen to me.
My innocence and guilt is withering
no one's heart is there to grasp
no one's hand is there to to hold.
Many may offer, but it no longer seems real no more.
Trust has been dissolved by the words that held no meaning.

My emotions are no longer the same.
My love is no longer pure.
My attachments are no longer etched to hearts no more.

The year is coming to an end
and everyone is leaving,
Even the ones I thought would never leave.
Although, they are still there physically
none seem to be left in my heart anymore

You may have changed everything,
the way I see people closest to me
But if I held on to you,
and let go of everyone around me;
the day you leave,
will leave me with no one by my side.

So I'll let everyone stay physically,
even when they've deserted me in internally.
I am going to try grasp myself,
The ever-changing soul within me
For I myself should be enough to keep on going.

My darkness has more depth
My shadows are much taller
My reflection is merely rippling sand.

There is a whisper,
a voice so soft
that it goes unheard
amongst the bustling people.

There is a voice,
if you focus you will hear.
For it dances to different rhythm
and moves differently than other tongues.

It is a voice,
that speaks to you.
Whispers to you all day long
indicating what's good
and what's not.
It knows,
when no one else knows
what's right for you.

So learn its height,
learn its breadth,
learn its origin
learn its trail
and its ends
because it's all for you
to test.

Somedays,
I wonder how do you go back
to being strangers with someone
who has seen your soul?
How do you go back to being strangers
with someone who used to spend every moment
of everyday with?
But seeing you,
answered all my questions.

"Darling, if there’s one thing I learnt this year it is to never get attached to someone unless they feel the same towards you. Never lean on someone who wouldn’t do the same. Never care too much about someone who doesn’t care about you. Never give too much of your mind, time and heart to someone who wouldn’t give you back. Because the truth is one sided expectation can mentally and emotionally destroy you."

I love, when you unzip the layers of your personas,
letting me peek behind the mask
Revealing your raw edges
allowing me to be your haven from the world of facade.

I love, when you strip down your heart, 
unfold your thoughts, 
share your inner struggles
and pour your secrets into my ear
allowing me to be your sanctuary.

I love, when you lean your head on my shoulder
let my hands hold yours
and you let your tears flow
allowing me to be your solace.

I love, when you’re vulnerable and raw with me
making me one of the very few of those
who knows the darkest and brightest part of your mind,
and who are deeply embedded in your heart.

You labeled the poison
as love
making me believe
this is love  
I hope you cared
enough to tell me
to put on a breathing mask

Easy it is to be caressed by
the soft-wine colored petals.
Easy it is to breath in the aura
of the fragrant roses.
But are you ready to come close
hold the razor sharp thorns;
enduring the pain of the thorny stems
are you ready to accept the roots
from which she grew.

What kind of exhaustion is this?
The one that lingers under the creases of your eyes
Heavying body-cells to your bed
And yet being unable to slip into sleep.

Oh, how my heart aches when you say that. To know someone else had engraved their name when your name was all over mine. But the name feels nothing more than wounds and scars. For I am not your person or your first. I was merely a single line when you were my complete book. I was a single lyric when you were my entire song. I was a drop of water when you were my entire ocean. I was a star when you were my entire galaxy. You were the moon spilling light over my thoughts and breaking through the dark days when I was merely the darkness. You were the sun in my life, offering warmth and clearing the night sky when I was merely the blue sky. My heart aches and breaks and bleeds and I can not tell you how much it hurts. For I am speechless as the tears scrape my cheek and leave me gasping to breathe. I am grasping nothing but smoke. For the memories are rewinding and altering as my heart bleeds through the fracture that was plastered with your love. You were an ordinary mundane who revolutionalized my world, loved me into loving myself. You were the person who’s arms I found comfort in, where my skin felt comfortable in. My soul felt like it was home when I looked into your eyes. But sadly, the house in your heart was an illusion. For my love could seep not deeper into your heart but remained on the shore of your mind.

You have a voice,
that is powerful.
for it can spew hate
or spread love.
It can tell the truth to save
or lie to manipulate.
It can heal,
It can ****.
It can bring comfort,
and it can bring pain.

Your voice has potential
that can strive for something greater.
It can suppress segregation,
arise integration.

So choose wisely,
with how you tone it.
Amplify it,
express it,
for you can make a difference,
a better difference.

Her demons wiped away her fear
They made her fall in love with them
and dance with them
For they were the only comfort
when she was alone

“I wanted to hold on to someone. But even my inner circle seemed far away. Some seemed to not care about what I had to say. My life seemed unstable just like the chemicals in my brain. I just wanted someone to care, to actually truly care about me. Maybe they did, but I couldn’t see it. Maybe they were there offering their support but I was too deaf to hear it. Too blinded and deafened by my own pain and loneliness. I feel I have nothing to hold on to. Nothing. No purpose. No motive. No one. And when there is nothing, you find there no purpose to breathe.”

My soul screams to speak,
but my lips remain sealed,
as no word slips.
It is just dead silence.
My head tenses,
as I am unable to utter words.

I find my tears
weighing all the emotions
as they trickle down my cheek silently.

Exteriorly, it is silent
even though there is chaos screaming within.

When we don't receive attention
from someone,
we search for it in others.
But rarely choose to look
for it in ourselves.

To be in the eyes of others,
your name on their tongue
you can not control whether
poison or honey drips from their tongue.

Some marker your skin with their opinions,
and dissect the capillaries of your life.
Examining the intricacy,
scrutinizing and doubting
the flesh you wear,
the work you do,
the person you are.

Some compliment,
support
and believe
making you feel full;
a whole
and leave you overflowing with love.

It is ironic
how some see the same parts of you
as light
whereas others see it as dark.
The best parts of you
as the worst
and your strength
as the lack of you.

So dear one,
don't let their perceptions
poison your intention.

Like the delicate rose
She disclosed all her sins
to the ones who got close.

It doesn't matter
if other don't believe in you,
what matters is
do you believe in yourself?

These thoughts have no voice
As they rot in my mind
poisoning my body
as they flow through my veins.
But they are safer here
than in the hands of others.

Once upon a time
They used to be lost in woods
But now they are lost in their thoughts.
Once upon a time
They used to drown in oceans
But now they drown in their own thoughts.
Once upon a time
They used to be stabbed by their enemies
But now they hold the blades to their skin.
Once upon a time
They used to be bullied by the bullies
But now they are bullied by their minds.
Once upon a time
They used to pray to live
And now they pray to die.

When I write
I let myself taste the expanding darkness
deflating my cells of its vibrancy.
I let myself be touched by those crawling hands embedded in my bones.
I hear my oozing heart’s echoing angst.
And watch as my thoughts turn bitter
and my shoulder starting to weigh me down
As the memories start to climb up my spine.

Now that I’ve written
How do I close those doors once more?

Humans
of different ages
learning and experiencing
growing and evolving
through different stages

Your presence awoke the darkness.
I thought it was harmless
until it drove me into being heartless.

Now there is emptiness
and only sadness.

Your presence awoke insanity;
driving me batty
and a little scatty
leaving me ratty.

My heart was falling
But you were not there to catch.
For what I felt were
Heartaches instead of butterflies
Cries instead of a smile
All pain and suffering;
that is what unrequited love had.

Every fiber of cell yearned
Every nerve created sensation
Couldn't you feel the connection?

Blue is its tune
with no reciprocation.
A love so lonely
Everything so one sided
and oblivious to you.

I burnt the bridge to you,
I threw all what you gave me.
I deleted your number,
I cleared the messages,
but that didn't stop me from swimming
back to you again
just to drown once again.

When you say sorry;
When you start to care
Emotions are set in motion
Thoughts, pain, memories come crashing back
Seeping through the cracks
that I never knew existed.

I never knew I was broken from within,
Until I felt my emotions bleeding through the edges.
I never knew my thoughts were suppressed,
until they came crashing down upon me like turbulent waves.
I never knew I was sad,
until I tasted the pain that was rotting like venom in the corner of my brain.
I never knew darkness brewed within me,
until it diminished the light within as it stretched over the bright sky.

For a smile
is masked on her face
Concealing the grief
that is pouring out of her.