There are monsters under our beds
Who are fighting battles inside their heads.
I think we should take our meds

Because we're crazy people.


-- Eleanor

He grabbed me by the hair
And beat me up.
I said, daddy stop it
Please not here.
Daddy, I don't know who you are
Daddy, you're not my daddy
Any more
Daddy, go away.

He punched me several places,
Several times
Until I bled.
Until I hated him enough
To spit on his face.
Until I loved him enough
To believe I deserved it.

He screamed I was a *****.
He screamed it so many times
It got to my head
And changed the way
I saw myself.

I said, daddy not here,
Not today.
But he beat me up
Harder.


F.Z.**N

i am sorry
i am sorry
i did you no justice
in not crying
over your dead body

Death
Is
Her
Little
Unholy
Friend.


-- Eleanor

And maybe
We are puzzle pieces,
Carrying debris from
The broken
Universal truth.


-- Eleanor

I just feel there is
Something immortal
Inside our veins,
And perhaps I am conceited
But I mean it.

You make eternity
Possible with your gentle
swords of hands,
And perhaps I am defeated
But I feel it.


-- Eleanor

There was a certain depth
To my love for you,
And an artificiality
To everything else.


F.Z.**N

Isn't it quite deranging
That every book,
Every song,
Every dream
Still speak your name.


F.Z.**N

I fell for you
Because I thought that you were different.
That's what generally happens.
But maybe I wasn't mistaken,
Maybe you were different
But our love wasn't.

Alike in loving each other
And different in everything else.


F.Z.N

You are grey and boring
And slowly fading
Like old paint,
Like a dream at dawn.
You are disappearing
Into darkness
Like a shadow on the wall.
You are vanishing
Like the sound of your voice
Saying I want you,
Like the sound of your footsteps
Moving towards the door.
There is nothing any more.


F.Z.N

It's not love that leads to disappointment
But rather attachment.


-- Eleanor

Dishonest wine
Goes straight to my brain
And tells me "I love you."
That's what you are.


-- Eleanor

You say, don't be selfish
Let me live the life
That was given to me.
You say, don't be selfish
Let me go.

But how
Am I supposed to do that
When you are my life.
And when I tell you that
You say,
Please don't do anything stupid.
And I smile,
Fine I will live a life
Of misery for you.


F.Z.N

Don't feed me any more pain,
I have enough
To get me through the year.

Take it easy on me, my dear.


F.Z.**N

You pushed me off of a boat
And watched me.
You watched me drown.


- Eleanor

People fall in love
To feel alive.

But you,
You were my early death.


-- Eleanor

I was in my early twenties
when you first kissed me.
And now I'm in my middle twenties
And no one's ever beat your kiss yet.
I doubt anyone ever will.


F.Z.**N

I have no earthly idea what love is;
It's divine.


F.Z.**N

You're sharp edges
And I am whole
No more.


--Watercolour

I wish I could smile
But somehow
Everything just takes
A little bit more
Effort...


F.Z.N

i am lying on my stomach
starring at the blue elephant prints on this duvet
i got from Sri Lanka last year. and there's
a small voice in my head
that says to me, do not fall in love again.

but i do it it anyway.


-- Eleanor

Entire universes could exist
Between two people, he truthfully said.


F.Z.**N

I remember when we knitted
Our fingers together
And our lives interwove.
They eventually became whole,

And they eventually broke.


-- Eleanor

I sit at the same table as you
and wonder.
Do you miss me
half as much as I do you.
Is there any chance
you would think of the past
and hope you had me
in your arms again.
You have seen all of me.
My best, my worst,
my regular sorry state.
I have put you everywhere.
Dreams, nightmares,
the past and the future.

I wonder if I ever meant anything to you.
But chances are, people love and they forget.
They forget the sun when the moon lays low
and when the dawn breaks it all,
they forget the night
and cherish the day.

It is okay, you owe me nothing.
It just hurts because you are everything.


-- Eleanor

'Cause if you love someone
You love everything about them.


F.Z.**N

He says I care about you,
I love you but I can't be
In love with you right now.

What kind of excuse is that?

Just break me already.


-- Eleanor

You and me and them and you
Alone
In grieving,
In dying,
In laughing, too.

Us and us and them and her,
One spirit
As old as time.
One body
The Gaia's
Green, blue and at last multicoloured.

You, and me and you and me and me and you and you and me,
With twin visions,
Extraordinary reunion
Finally, eye in eye.

You and us, you
Enemies to us
But we not to you,
We love you.


-- Eleanor

I smile at you
And you think I fake it
You smile at me
And I think you fake it
Because you think I fake it
But I don't fake it
I say, why do you fake it
You say, why do you fake it
I say, I don't fake it
You say, sorry I think you fake it.
So I smile again and fake it
And you smile back and fake it
Again
And all we ever do
Is fake smiles
And barely talk.


F.Z.N

By the by,
I am a tweak of reality,
Quite f'rtile. Touch me
And impregnate me
With w'rds.


F.Z.**N

A girl sat in class
and took notes automatically/mechanically
while her imagination travelled
to a remote chalet where a dog
lived alone.
It didn't have a name or parent
and no one judged it.
It didn't even question its freedom.

Anyway, the girl went back home
and did her homework.
She was locked inside a cage
with a lot of other people who wouldn't notice.

The girl grows older and dies.
I hope she's finally free.


-- Eleanor

how do you make fire,
she asks me.

i steal it off your eyes
every time
you think about him

and it burns.


-- Eleanor

You are flesh and bone
But your heart is stone.


F.Z.**N

Words smoothly floating
On the waters
Endlessly travelling
Looking for lovers
To cherish them in their hearts
Before giving them meaning
In sore lips
In lonely paper
They come to life
And learn to swim.


F.Z.N

Please don't say forever.
It's the Devil's punishment.


F.Z.**N

I am not for him
For he has her
And I am not for you
For you have her.

I am for loneliness
For she has me,
For I have her
And we have each other.


F.Z.**N

And maybe, just maybe
Love is not the four letters
But the spaces in between them.


-- Eleanor

My heart wavers between ancient
and fresh.
You drag me down the water
with your anchor of false hopes.
And he wide opens his arms,
the door, his heart
then looks at me
And tells me I am free.


-- Eleanor

We make up somewhere to belong
And graves to disappear in.

And right when we think we're free.
We become new born trees.


--Eleanor Rigby

At first people are strangers then they become friends.
With you and me, it's the other way around.
We were friends, now we're strangers.


F.Z.N

**** life, man.
**** it to the bone.


F.Z.**N

In an ugly world
Full of ****
You were made of ****
And beautiful.


--Eleanor

God created Adam and Eve
Not Adam and Steve.

But God also created ******,
So why should I believe?


F.Z.**N

the dreams are ghosts
white ghosts
that fade with the day


-- Watercolour

I look up to a pale blue sky
With apologetic eyes
And a heart so very filled
With dim.
Take me back
To the empty box I was
Before I began feeding myself
Gin and jokes of grim.
God, please wash me off my sin,
Or take this foolish thick layer
Of skin.


-- Eleanor

From a distance behind glass doors
There he moves elegantly
Then disappears from my sight.

Suddenly at a time and a place
Quite in synch
He smiles at me
A shy smile like never before
Behind no glass door.

Then disappears from my sight
Again.


-- Eleanor

We had just made love
When I kissed your slightly parted lips
And tasted goodbye in them.


F.Z.N

You are taller than he was
And good for a change.


F.Z.**N

Glum gobbledygook gush
Somber Sonata hush
Hurricanes in horrid heat
Deadly dot-dwelling defeat
At your ugly feet.


-- Eleanor

They say that we're all just halves
Of what we are supposed to be...
But tonight, I am whole.


-- Eleanor