I'm not ready for this.
My twenties came and went like a cheap hotel match.
A flash of light, a few strange smells, then nothing.
So much of it was an excuse to do something stupid.
A selfish write off.
A long string of bad decisions, childish mistakes, laughable investments.
I mean, it's not that I regret all of it, a lot of it was devilishly fun.
Sift through the bad memories and there is some epic anecdotes,
some glorious moments of danger and excitement.
Some legendary nights of crazed stupidity.
But I was too short sighted, at times almost too reckless.
I wish I wasn't turning thirty...
It's okay to be stupid in your twenties.
If anyone asks, you say "What? It's my twenties."
They're suppose to be a trial and error era.
But did I take it too far?
And what of the **** that was out of my hands?
All that wasn't my fault, all that was done to me.
My time got taxed for that too, huh?
I mean, I get my mistakes, but theirs too?
******* clock, just slow down for a second or two!
I'm not ready for this!
This isn't ******* fair.
Why am I being punished for living?
How was I to know life would fly this fast?
How is this my fault?
In thirty minutes I'll be thirty.
The thought makes me nauseous.
Where has my life gone?
I swore I'd have things figured out by now.
What did I do wrong?
Did I really **** up that bad in a past life?
Did my parents pick the wrong god for me?!
How many nights did I stay in and do nothing?
How many nights did I waste with the wrong friends?
The wrong girl?
How many nights did I waste playing video games?
Drinking by myself?
What have I done? So much wasted!!!
God help me, twenty minutes left of my sanity.
I'm clawing at the walls.
This is the worst.
I can feel my hair falling out.
My eyes are fading.
My back is giving way.
Now I'm gonna have to act like an adult.
Oh God please, not that.
I'm not ready!!
What if I stop drinking, start taking care of myself?
Can I have a few more twenties years?
I'll sell my soul for a few more twenties years...
Oh *******, now you don't answer?!
***** you, Satan
Maybe I'll just lie to everyone,
tell everyone I'm twenty nine forever?
Okay fine, bad idea.
But can I just have one more year, please?
I mean, should I really care?
My last few twenties birthdays were absolutely terrible
to say the least.
This past week was even worse.
Like an overture of everything that made my twenties ****.
I suppose that's my fault too!
So maybe its a good thing they're over!
Yeah! **** my twenties, they ****** anyways!
My thirties have to be better, right?
I don't wanna be thirty! I'm not ready!
Should I just **** myself now?
Stop clock, please.
******* Father Time, you relentless serial killer!
No, I can't even, I just can't!
I don't want another birthday ever again!
No more birthdays, please!