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Angel Jan 17
I feel defeated by this world I know so little about
I’m truly a speck
Nothing
Insignificant, truly
There’s peace in knowing that
There’s sorrow in knowing that
I don’t want to be dreaming anymore
Tony Tweedy Dec 2019
Every year ends in darkness and starts in darkness.
Why does that seem like a revelation?
How long was it that I hadn't noticed?
What kept that from me?
I am myself Dec 2019
For three years I have worked towards a dream
now I am defeated
when you give your all
and it it’s the good enough
how can you keep trying

i no longer believe in fairness
or that working hard will help you to
achieve your “dreams”
that is *******
that corporations feed you to keep you
Complacent

work hard! do better! be best!
no. that’s the koolaid you are drinking
the society that says you can achieve anything with hard work
It is all lies
You suddenly wake up

everything has been a lie
you have wasted all this time
your life is a lie
you have no hope
you are in a corporate nightmare
nothing you do matters
Najla Nov 2019
All my years I’ve been preparing to die,
and now they’re forcing me to stay alive
Claiming they can heal my wounded soul
by shocking my brain causing more trauma

How do you go back
from being buried?
How do you find peace
when you know what’s awaiting you?
How do you love
when your heart has stopped?
How do you remember
when you’ve lost your mind?
How do you cry
when you don’t have tears?
How do you overcome your past
if it’s still your present?
What do people do with their lives
if their whole being didn’t yearn for its doom?

How do I start?
Where do I begin?

This is the first day of my life
where I’m not suicidal, and
I don’t know what there is to do
when death was my only salvation

I don’t know this new version of me;
the one who doesn’t find it impossible
to stay for another day,
another endless night

I’m scared of shifting back
I’m scared of being buried
by my own deadly psyche
I’m scared of dying again

Things are more lighter and clearer now
The elephant in the room is no
longer perched upon my chest,
and my wrists are no longer
bleeding only the scars remains

What if I get hungry again and can’t
find anything to feed on, but my own blood?
What if I woke up in a casket again?

I can’t help but wonder
for how long is this going to last?
How long am I going to last?
I hope this lasts,
I can hope like others do!
I’m hoping again
which is a sign of life!

Am I deluding myself?
Am I better or worse?

I need someone to squeeze my hand
just so I know that this is real
It’s dangerous when you’re stuck
in a state where nothing feels real
No matter how deep
you went to draw blood,
you still don’t feel like you’re here

In my head I’ve already
killed myself, long ago,
and now my corpse is
somehow trying to breathe again?

This goes against logic
This goes against my own head
My head is going against
its own suicidal thoughts
 
Am I going to look back at this,
and not believe that one day
One day I felt alive enough to breathe,
and not wish I wasn't
A burst of emotions I felt a month ago, but I’m buried by my own deadly psyche once again. I wish those feelings lasted for longer. Perhaps I was manic during that time. I just wish I wasn’t so suicidal. I’ve completely given up.
Chelsea Rae Oct 2019
Sometimes I really worry
That the grief will eventually
Be so weighted on my chest
That I won't even be able to take
My next breath.
B D Caissie Sep 2019
I walked to the edge to evaluate my existence and in  my hubris I believed i was reaching the firmament and beyond.

Instead the sky was falling and with it the stars. Within my eyes you can follow their decent to the unknown depths of my heart.

©
Dev Nov 2018
They think I'm a *****-up
I tell myself "well that's fine"
"I'll just prove them wrong"
But with each attempt I make
It only proves them right
David J Jun 2019
I am weak
I do not have the strength to beat this cruel world
I am... utterly... and inevitably...
     ...  defeated
The world is depressed
The happy are ignorant
And sin is inevitable
I feel like i failed, but winning wasnt possible, how does one enjoy life. I faked joy and i even thought it was possible. But as soon as i let myself think again I recognize how awful this world is... please pray that Ill one day be happy. I wont give up, even if I curse life the whole way
Noah May 2019
A down trodden path.

A rainy night.

Muddy boots.

****** hands.

Marching on.

And on.

And on.

Tear stained cheeks.

Eyes filled with terror.

Hopeless,

Lonely,

Broken,

and

Defeated.
5/5/19
Tony Tweedy Apr 2019
What day is it?....
Oh... !!!
Why couldn't it be yesterday?!
I survived yesterday.
Do you ever make a bad start to the day?
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