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Still
Not
Sure
What
To
Say
Here
...
John
Mulaney
...
Is funny?
He's sticky?
He likes children?
...
That came out
Completely
Wrong

He doesn't like children...
He's just making a show
About children

And *** and stuff
Oooo
That
Doesn't sound
Good
That
Way
Either
Does
It


Ok so let's start fresh
John Mulaney
And Nick
Kroll
Are educators
On ****** education

Wait...
Wait
I said
He doesn't
like children...
Which is totally
Factually correct
In a ******
Context

But out of context
That sounds like
He doesn't like
Kids

Which I think is
Maybe accurate
Now that
I think
About it


But I don't want
To slander anyone
So strike that one

John
Ham
Wait...
Madmen
No

John
Snow
White
Wait no
Dwarves
No sleepy
Grumpy
Bashful?

¡Mulaney!
Im back
Muchachos

So Jonny plays the ham
In the new spiderman


No....

The old spiderman?
No that was the third one...

Not the
Far From Home
Jake Gyllenhaal
**** mysterious
Movie one

The black sunflower
Post Malone is OK
Now movie

That One

The Black One
Too black for Zach
Unfortunately

But back to
Zach
In a moment

Because at least we
All agree on hating Trump
So it doesn't matter

If you are
White or black
Or Black and White
Spiderman
Noir?
I guess...
Or woman webbers!
Or robots spiders!!
Or little
Kids!!!

But again
John is not
A *******

I just want to be
Kid Perfectly
Clear
Crystal
Clear
As mud I'm
A pig so porky
Thickkk
That
Spike
Lee
Gonna
Django
Chain
Wait

I think
Spiderman
Spider
Ham

Is supposed
To web
Us all
Into
One
Great big
Multiverse

Comedy
Is an
Essential

Part of
the
Spiderverse

Like...
Secretariat
No bojack that's
Will Bluth Buster
Mother
Lover

Oops
I did it again
Bananas

Split

Horror
Flipped
Comedy

There we are
John Mulaney
Brings the comedy
Toby and the young
Kid don't
Have

Even the fat Asian is
Just meh
If we are all being

Completely honest
Honestly
Billy
GOAT
EGOT
Joel
Piano man
Completely honest

Andrew
Garfield was kind of
Funny

#weexist
Arcade Fire
#Future

And Miles
Is sweet

But he
Not
Funny

Fun Fact:
I saw that
Movie in December

I had my
First Vision
I wept

Next to Zachary
Robinson my
Actuary
Brother
I worked with
Him at Sears Tower

No
The Willis
Tower

Wait
No

The Willis Towers Watson Tower

Sears
《《《Is RIP》》》
Sears

The catalogue
We Used
Before the

Sports Illustrated
Swimsuit Edition

To
Come
On
Now

I keep losing
My train
Burger
King
Queen
Dairy
Keen home
Of the train wreck

My first job
In Heber Utah
Wasatch Wave

My first time
In a newspaper
Was in there

And at Wasatch
I took 3rd place my
Sophomore year

As a
WASP
In

Original
Oratory

In State
Debate

Yes, yes I was a nerd
I know,
I know
So thanks ahead of time

In Utah
On and I
Quote

"WE SHOULD HAVE
THE RIGHT TO
DIE"

How did I not
Get sent to
Therapy?!?

It wasn't even on
Euthanasia for
The sick
And
Afflicted
#yeledersofisreal

My first example
Was a *** kid
That gets kicked

Out of his
House and becomes
Homeless

Gets addicted to
Drugs
And then
Wants an
Out

That was literally
My cousin

And me
Trans
Or
Nonbinary
Or something

I just wanted to have some
Sense of control
Over My Hell

And so I debated
And I didn't take first in state
Or second in state

But I did
Take 3rd
In Utah

On suicide

And look at me now!
I am doing amazing!!
So many friend requests!!!

I mean, I'm disabled
Lonely most of the time
And I have multiple
Personality
Disorder

Oh wait

Dissociative
Identity
Disorder

DID
Juan Bot Feb 27
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.
Life is now unlocked
Those greasers
made bad things
look cool.
Those socs
were so mean and cruel.
The rumbles, the fuzz, and the anger
teaches us
to stick together.
The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
Bryce Jun 2018
Good morning miss,
how do you do?
I have something very special today to offer you!
Oh, wouldn't you like to know what it is?
I know you're busy, ma'am-- it won't be but a bit

Thank you, ma'am.

Now, take a gander at this--
We live in a very advanced age,
With much to do that cannot be missed!
With television and telephones and magneato-static tape,
We can easily forget-- get lost-- frequently lose our place!

But with this brand new...
eh..
thingermadoo!
You'll find your worries quickly erased!

..Well yes ma'am, if you'll let me finish.

Now see, its easy!
All it takes is a tune
a look, a whistle, even a fingertap'll do
This magic machine
listens to your needs!

It's small, and light,
and shatters quite
easily.
So you'll want to have it on hand.
For safekeeping!

It listens to you,
like no man would do
And ensures you are the best you can be!
Once you pay the price,
you won't need think twice--
Yes ma'am!
all the knowledge you could want in the world, to a T!

How does it do it?
Well you really needn't ask
It works through the mutual human task!
Every man, woman, and child comes together to contribute
It does not discriminate, you do not pay tribute
No ma'am no, this machine seeks no gold
Just you, is what it wants. It simply wants you.

You'll take it? That's great! I'll get you in next shipment
they're sourced from a faraway place, but it won't take but an instant!
With boats and planes and automobiles,
We'll get it to you
We'll make sure of that, words true.

We're excited for this!
You won't believe what you've missed!
And very quickly you'll find the world just doesn't do
without constant supervision from the...
eh..
thingermadoo.

Now if you'll excuse me, miss--
you have a nice night.
JM Romig Mar 2018
If you were online, way back when
sometime around two-thousand ten
on message boards for every scene
you may recall this silly meme

I jpeg of a young white man
with spiked blond hair and a spray tan
bejeweled teeth, and a smug-*** smile
dressed like an extra cut from 8 Mile

There is disgust in the eyes
of the woman by his side
who’s shoulder
he’s got his arm draped over

“Dirtbag Dan” the internet dubbed him
with text imposed below and above him
jeers about his scummy features -
collective criticism of creepy creatures

But here’s a tale you may not believe
Dirtbag Dan’s real name was Steve
and that picture was from New Years Eve
in two thousand three

See, Steve didn’t usually dress like that
but he was trying to impress Cat -
this girl he’d crushed on since grade school
and he thought this made him look cool

Cat came with him to that party
but she left soon after,
      with this guy named Marty
and so Steve got blackout drunk, as one does
when they’ve lost the game of love

Hung over a toilet, the next day
Steve vowed to change his ways
and ten years passed in the blink of an eye
Steve was now an employed, married, stand-up guy

While killing time, at his desk at work
he stumbled on this pic of a ****
at a party, in two thousand and three
and thinks “oh ****…that’s me!”

His workmates saw the pic as well
and gave Steve a lot of hell
this snapshot he thought was in his past
had really come back to bite him

Steve tried to fight the spread
but the damage was done
       his character, shred
thus began Steve’s downward spiral
when Dirtbag Dan went viral

He won a court case for defamation
but that didn’t do much for his reputation
he started drinking, his wife left, and he lost his job
there were rumors spread about him owing
         money to the mob?

The last time Steve was spotted in the wild
was at a Con, autographing the portrait for a child
a truly cringe-worthy scene
a man whose life was ruined by a meme
part of my # series - poems about the social internet and us
Henry Koskoff Oct 2017
his eyes wide and blue
bulging expressively
his sweater soft
it’s cashmere and it caresses tender surfaces
bundles of it gather over time at scattered oases
they are now mine
they are now my bundles
they smell of old clothing and mildew but he still is dressed by them
he is living in them
pointe shoes pound the surface of the stage
but look increasingly elegant
like my mother
their costumes glistening and frosted by a powdery film
of glitter and artificial snow
now Bob Dylan’s punctual strings resonate in my memory
he’s telling me to keep my head forward like Steve used to do
if I don’t look back
i don’t have to say goodbye
The light dims.
The fire dies.
Darkness fills in the blanks.
Sweet release.
Tears against my cheek.
Now met with the dissatisfying drought.
Left alone in desolate cold.
Fear overwhelms.
Not fear of monsters or the simple unknown.
Fear that when my eyes grow heavy I will never lift them again.
I will become a stone.
Unmoved and cold.
To survive these nights alone.
Steve Page Feb 2017
"Steve" is a diamond geezer
"Stevie" can do no wrong
"Stephen" is in real trouble
But they all just want to get along

So whatever you think of him
Whenever he comes into sight
He'll give you a hug and he'll buy you a drink
And you'll be in for a heck of a night
Thank you Anton for the inspiration.
(You need to say the names in different tones when reading this:
'Steve' in a deep east end of London accent.
'Stevie' in a cutesy voice.
'Stephen' in that voice your mum used when she found you still in bed at midday.
There you go.)
Nelsya May 2016
Brooklyn
is LONGING for his warm presence
because this place is cold
without him—
the fallen SOLDIER
who was lost in a sight
of a snow angel
in a battle of FRIGHT CAR

faith
that we never loose
and a pinch
of a never ending hope
awaiting for his HOMECOMING
in a cold Brooklyn
that even with
the heat radiating from a FURNACE
the cold won't melt away

catching
a hold of the SOLDIER
in a mid-frozen way
and in count from ONE—
to NINE
he become a man of no BENIGN
tempted by control
triggered by words of fear
he comply himself as a SOLDIER
of cold blooded missions
and for that cause—
Soviet is harsh

darkness
on a DAYBREAK
was enough to fill harshness
inside parts of him
that are already RUSTED
as the result of
being more a machine
than a man himself

wishing
from the depth of his consciousness
that he could turn back time
to where he was SEVENTEEN
with a hold of a friend
and a smile that was genuine
not a killing
and a destruction machine
that he is now
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