i hope you remember me when you least expect it, not at 3:00 a.m. when you miss me.

remember me in the moment the green light, turns yellow, and you think you can make it, but you don’t because it’s already red and you’re not even half way there.
    after all, those were the colors i saw in your eyes after i promised to
    love you forever.
    first you were ecstatic, then frantic, and then finally paralyzed.
    did you fear you no longer would be free?
    as far as i know, i wasn’t holding a key ready to lock you up.

remember me as you sip your coffee and you burn your tongue.
    after all, that’s how you left me, burnt from your bitter soul.

remember me when you’re listening to music and you have no one to dance with.
    after all, i taught you how to have a dance party in your pajamas
    when your soul was breaking.
    when your dreams were fantasies and your nightmares were
    realities.

and you know what? if you really want to, remember me at 3:00 a.m.
    after all, you always slept while i was wide awake wondering how
    long we’d last.

no matter how hard you try to forget me, you can’t erase us.

{d.f. | 02/25/18}

Among all the beautiful stars and constellations,

I found you.

Among them you were the brightest,

The only one.

Among the whole universe,

I chose you.

(-DF-03/11/16-)

you planted a garden for me.
and i loved every single petal that bloomed.
including the thorns.
but i've noticed some flowers are
missing. taken. cut.

i guess i was just your plot of land, feeding on the lies you gave me.
by all means, go, the market awaits you.
sell them the promises you made me.

{d.f. | 03/10/18}

the loneliness doesn't bother me quite as much
as being alone w i t h you does.

i tear myself down,
day in and day out.
i am my own personal demolition team.

and i’m so tired.
i just want to stop.
so i’m going to teach myself a new art.

today i won’t break.
today i will build.

{d.f. | 03/03/18}

when i said, “leave me breathless”
i didn’t mean for you to unplug my oxygen.

I’m still here…

Standing under the stars.

Waiting for the clouds to drift away, so that

you can see me in the clearest skies you’ll

ever know.

(-DF-06/30/17-)

By the time we got back to the house we were soaked…
Drenched from head to toe and laughing as we shivered from the cold.
Our heaving breaths were a beautiful rhythm.
in and out.
      in and out.
             in and out.
Your smile matched my own.
And then you leaned in and whispered:

"I can't believe we managed to find each other in all the chaos. You and I? We're best friends till the end."

That's when I knew I would never let you go.
Because where it concerns us nothing will ever compare.
When souls like ours are connected, not even death could tear us apart.

{df - 07/25/17 -}

inexplicable sadness is addicting.
i crave to feel everything all at once,
and then nothing.

d.f.

You were
the last
person I thought
would leave...

But you've closed
the door behind
you.

And I'm left holding the key.

(-DF-07/31/16-)

the world may be your oyster,
...
but keep in mind that some of us are allergic to shellfish.

{d.f. | 12/07/17}

You made the stars shine every night.
The world revolved around you.

The birds chirped for your existence.
The flowers bloomed in your presence.

You ignited a fire with just one look.
The clocks stopped, because with you, time couldn't be measured.

Except you weren't the person I imagined.
You were just an actor performing for the crowd.

You see...

I used to think you were extraordinary,
but you're simply extra ordinary.

(-DF-04/13/16-)

These last few days
have been hard.
I've come to realize
that I'm not awake.
I'm living my life half asleep.
I just let the days pass
me by, and there's nothing I can do.

I'm just sitting here looking up at the
world through a haze.
As if everyday has a forecast of high fog.
Almost as if I'm watching myself through glass.
I'm on the other side just seeing myself drift.

Everyone's dancing and laughing, and breathing.
And I'm floating.
I'm suspended in time.
I no longer feel alive.
I'm floating and yet I touch the ground every miserable day.

(-DF-05/08/16-)

Do you want to know what hurts?
It hurts that you're doing well without me,
While I'm paralyzed by your absence.

You've always been the strong one.
The one that lifted me up when I tumbled.
You were the one that helped me...

Yet it seems I was the one that held you back.
I was the one that slowed you down.

And trust me, I'm sorry, but
I'm also forever grateful for your time and patience with me.

I never meant to let you down.
I guess it's time I became the strong one.

(-DF-08/08/16-)

i don’t think the sadness ever goes away.
at least in my case, not for long.

right before a genuine smile
my sadness reappears with a camera
that blinds me with a flash.
“say cheese” it taunts me,
“yes, just like that.”
fake. a portrait.

and just like that once more i am engulfed
in a ravaged state of despair.

when i sit with my mother to spend a moment together
inside i die knowing that i her little girl
doesn’t want to be anymore.
but i just can’t do that to her.
despite the sadness and madness i don’t ever want to imagine her hurting because of me.

so you see this sadness that never goes away... is tearing me both ways...

so tell me where do i go from here?

I’m sitting across from you and you’re looking everywhere but at me.

You’re apologizing for putting our love on pause while you loved​ someone else.

Your eyes are full of tears, and your mouth is full of lies.

You’re asking me to let it go… because you love me...

But if you loved me with a genuine heart…

How could you?

So yes, I’m letting it go, just like I’m letting you go too.

(-DF-03/13/17-)

although i sign my name
at the end, it’s really you
who should take the credit.

after all, they’re all about you.

the words with which i write with
are from the dictionary you invented.
you see, i didn’t even know i could
write until my soul met yours.
all these letters i’m using are from the
alphabet you’ve imprinted in my heart.
all these poems are from the melodies
i hear when i think of you.

this, my love, is how i write poetry.

{d.f. | 09/11/17}

to be with you
leaves me feeling so blue
who knew
you’d give me such a view
away you flew
we used to be like glue
i thought we were through
but we just needed time, and apart we grew
and as if on cue
we were once again true
and loving you
became another hue.

{d.f. | 01/21/18}

I’m a planet.

I, like them, feel surrounded.

Surrounded and Isolated.

How is that even possible?

I used to think being alone was hard.

Now I realize that I feel alone in a room full of people,

and that’s even harder.

I worry my planet is missing something.

Missing the will to keep moving.

But I know that I must, for I am a planet that will not burn out.

(-DF-03/04/16-)

I have a hard time believing in love,
yet I still choose to let the thought creep in the back of my mind.

I believe love makes people act in foolish ways,
they seem to forget that the world keeps spinning.

I don't want unconditional love.

I don't want to be loved in a way that isn't fair.
I don't deserve to get away with my ruthless flaws.

I need someone to tell me when I'm wrong.
I need someone to make me see that there's more than one way.

I don't need pity where it isn't deserved.
I don't want to hurt someone who has let me into their heart.

I need raw and honest love to keep me sane.

(-DF-05/27/16-)

don't fall in love with me.
for i have a tendency to pen metaphors
of all the ways i'll
inevitably break your h e a r t.

Why can't
I stop
loving
you
the way
you
stopped
loving me?

(-DF-07/31/16-)

i wish i could promise to love you forever,
but i can't.

i'm not the one for you.

i'm certain that one day,
you'll wake up next to the love of your life,
and you'll stop hating me.

in that moment you'll see, that I wasn't only letting you go,
i was setting you free.

free to experience love.
free from a soul that didn't deserve a love like yours.

{d.f. | 10/17/17}

you must think i'm stupid, huh?
i saw you for what you were,
yet still i went for the ****.
but the joke was on me.
you were the gasoline and i was
the match.
the flames you emitted engulfed me.
i never had the chance of coming out alive,
and you knew that.
you devoured me whole.
i ignited you, but you burnt me.
if only you hadn't smoldered me with your deadly charm.

{d.f. - 09/02/17}

i stand with arms wide open, ready to welcome you home.

and there you are
running, running, running,

to the one that has no arms for you.

you’re slipping from my grasp.
i can no longer hear the sound of your voice.
your image used to be the clearest on my mind, but now it’s fading.
my thoughts were constantly spent on you, but now they drift away.

how is it possible that i’m forgetting?
forgetting
your diamond blue eyes,
your red rose lips,
your gentle steps,
your honey dipped words,
your sculpted soul?

how can i forget the connection i felt to you?
please, i don’t want to forget the one i used to dream of.

{d.f. | 08/22/17}

I don't see you anymore,
but I feel you in all the places I go.

I don't hear you anymore,
and I'm forgetting the sound of your voice.

And I miss you, yet I wonder how that can be, because we have yet to truly meet.

(-DF-12/18/16-)

If I went back in time
and asked my younger self how I'd be in the future.
I'm sure I would have said many things,
but not in a rare state in between happiness and sadness.

How is it possible that I feel this way?
It's hard pretending like my inner world isn't dying.
The worst part is, some days when the sadness outweighs everything else,
I don't even know why.

Have I caused this on myself?
Other days I'm glad I'm like this,
How would I know happiness if I didn't know sadness?
All I know for sure is that I shouldn't give in to the desires of giving up.

So for now I'll just be in between.
(-DF-04/07/16-)

i didn't love you.
not then and not now.

i loved the idea of what we could be, together.
somehow we'd be the ones to defy the odds.

but now? what i wish the most is to free myself from the illusion that we could ever work.

this is the end of the impossibility of us that lingers.

In my dreams I see you driven by passion.
The passion I wish I could have.
You motivate me to become something more.
I'm awoken in a way I've never been before.
Everyone else is a blur, since you are my focus.
When I'm falling you catch me.

And yet, we haven't crossed paths.

(-DF-03/30/16-)

do you still believe?
that if you close your eyes
you’ll dream once more.
of a world we built
under the glow of stars.

each night as i pull the covers tight around me,
i wonder if you still dream
with me. of me. of us.

i must be insane to still stay up,
waiting for you to crawl back under,
to these once vibrant dreams now turned grey.

but you know what they say about dreams,
‘don’t give up on them.’
and that is the reason why after all this time,
still i keep sticking glow in the dark stars up on my ceiling.
may they light the way back to dreamland.

{d.f. | 04/04/18}

i'm sorry i broke your heart
before you could b r e a k mine.

In a room full of people
my eyes wander across
their faces in hopes
that I'll see you.

At night when I
crawl into bed
I'm hoping that my dreams will
lead me to you.

When I read my
favorite novels, their
lines remind me
of you.

And although I haven't
seen you in quite awhile,

And I'm sure you may not
remember me...

I still look for you.

(-DF-09/21/16-)

not one soul
can t o u c h me the way you do.
no arms, no legs, no bodies.
just your b a b y b l u e s on me,
and i drown.

why'd you go through all the trouble of stealing my heart,
if you were just going to add it to your pile of forgotten treasures?

{d.f.|04/24/18}

You've cut my wings, but they've grown back.
They're stronger and fuller than ever.

You told me I was broken, but now my features are sharper.

You told me I'd never fly, but now I'm soaring through the sky.

(-DF-03/07/17-)

i don’t care to find love.
not in this world.
not where promises are b o r n to die.

You brought me
the galaxies
in the palms of your hands.

You lit a fire in
my heart so intense
that it burned hearing
you say we were a match.

And the words
you spoke to me,
were a melody
that my soul
danced to.

You were like no other
love I've ever known.

(-DF-11/24/16-)