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Cassandra Sep 11
For five years I kept a suicide note in a glittery pink heart-shaped box in the bottom of my closet
Until one day I was strong enough to tear it up and throw it away

This summer I saved a suicide note to my desktop
And I don't know when I'll be strong enough to press delete
Who am I ?
In a world full of people
Who am I ?
I'm running round in circles
I
Don't understand
Why
I still can't stand
Up by myself
I'm trying
To find who I am
I'm crying
I don't know who I am
I won't ask for help
Because if you knew how I felt
You'd always run away
I won't ask for help
Because I don't know what I would say
But I swear I'm trying
Though every night I go to sleep crying
I feel like my heart is slowly dying
But I swear
I'm trying
I really hope one day
It will all be okay
But I'm not really sure about much
I know I've said it before
I can't do this anymore
When everything dies at my touch
And everyday I wake up
I layer on the make-up
I'll brush my hair
And say I don't care
When deep inside it's killing me
So hard when my mind is willing me
To give up and let go
You'll never go with the flow
Just give up and write that letter
You'll feel so much better
So I'm writing that letter
I still don't feel much better
I still don't know
Who am I ?
In a world full of people
Who am I ?
I'm running round in circles
My cuts are getting deeper
And I think I'm seeing flickers
I would really just like to know who I am
Who am I ? I'm not really sure what this is but here you go.
Outsider May 14
Pain used to inspire me to write.
Words would flow easily through my fingers,
substituting my tears.
I used to draw my pain. I painted my canvas with feelings,
and emotions, that words could not express.
If things started to feel hopeless, music was my saviour.
I would write lyrics, amplifying the words with sad tunes,
spilling my deepest, darkest thoughts.
But now, the pain is so strong, it is all I can think of.
My thighs are covered in scars,
from when the pain got so bad, that I needed to bleed it out.
Now, I realize, that I have drained myself.
There´s no tears, no words, no paint, no blood
left,
to spill.
I hope that whoever can relate to this, keeps on going. Don´t give up, even if it feels hopeless. There´s always a way out. Suicide does not have to be one of them.
Verse 1:

You shed a tear
for every hair
that I lost

You held my hand
through every stone
that I crossed

And now you wonder
how you'll live
when I'm gone

But when you feel under
just remember
this song

Chorus:

I'll love you
in every way that
I can

I'm just not sure
what those ways
will be

So look for me
in the kinder words
of strangers

Look for me
in the patterns
In the clouds

I'm not sure
What I'll do
But I'll find
Some ways
To love you

So look
for me

Verse 2:

And when I cross
The other side
Of this viel

I'll drop a crumb
along every step
of my trail

And when I find
the light on the
other side

I'll be right back
to comfort your
troubled mind

Chorus

Bridge:
There'll be
no rest
for me

I'll be back
haunting
your dreams

Things might not
go according
to plans

But I will do
The best that
I can

Chorus

**https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Mrp4gXErJA
This song was originally written as a suicide note in 2015. A lot has changed since then.
df Mar 11
call me selfish
i'll be too dead to care.

i burned for everyone i could,
i tried to be the
l i g h t
of their life.
eventually i started to
f l i c k e r,
my wick disintegrated
and i burnt out.

my
f a i t h
saved me time and time again.
my
g o d
is perfect and kind and loving and forgiving.
my god knows i tried, i
f o u g h t.

but somehow after everything, my brain has gone.
where did it go?
i wish i knew.
so now i must go find it.

now i must
g o.
written by d.f.
trying to beat the sadness/nothingness of my brain.
...
suicide prevention hotline:
1-800-273-8255
You don't notice the new scars on my arm... They've been there for a while now... I made some new ones today... I just feel so alone in this world... Like no one really cares... I just think my mental illness is getting the better of me... And honestly I'm not going to fight it any more... So one day you'll probably come home and see me lying on the floor, cold, lifeless... But know that I'm at peace...I'm happier now... I cant make you happy anymore... And that's totally okay. I'm content with that... But the fact that you're still staying with me... It puzzles me... Why stay with a suicidal maniac... A crazy
person... I need to be in a mental hospital... Locked away... In a straight jacket... Where I cant cause anymore harm... To you or to myself... But you don't notice the scars, you ignore the signs... I cry... A lot... You don't notice the fake smile... That I'm wearing this mask... I'm taking it off tonight... Maybe you'll realize before its too late... Then again you probably wont... Its not your fault... I'm just really good at acting... You don't realize
the pain... The constant struggle i have with myself... To be... Perfect... You don't realize the hurt.. When my tears hit the pillow and you're not there... But its okay. I forgive you... Just hope you can forgive me... One day... You don't realize the sadness... But you'll realize it... That day... That day that I'm gone...
I just want to say that I wrote this when I was going through a very dark time in my life. I'm just happy that I was able to get through and be here today!
Lost Soul Mar 5
I....I can't breathe
It all started when my feet hit the floor
I walked out of my room and heard whispers
You no longer look at me anymore
With every step I took
I wanted to cry out
My legs just shook
I went back to my room
I can't decide whats better
a coffin or this tomb

I feel nothing... absolutely nothing

I cried it all out the night before
So I sit at my computer and write a little note
This time my words won't be ignored
As I write my heart beats faster
DOES ANYONE CARE!! DOES NO ONE NOTICE?!?
Look.... I want to apologize to our pastor
You'll  stand up on stage
to say some half *** message
While my mother cries
as you read the rehearsed words on your page

How many people showed up?
Or did people stay home
because I was a **** up ?
Did he come?.. see he was my last straw
Did he look at my casket and wished he would've  texted me back
when I reached out vulnerable and raw
Did he cry?
I hope he did
cause he gave up on me
so i figured, why even try
I'm sorry to my sister
The pain got worse..I stopped talking
every word was a tongue twister
I prayed for the end...and it came
My cries echoed off the walls
To say my death was an accident
would be just to avoid the blame

Yes I believe God was with me that night
The demons left when he came down to hold me
His tears washed away the hurt
As my lungs finally gave up the good fight
He spared my soul ...well what little was left
I'm in the clouds now
Wishing my life wasn't a victim of theft
This is a poem that I wrote based on an actual suicide note I wrote on 10/25/18. Thankfully I'm in a better place now but i still felt the need to share this.
Isabel Jan 7
I want you to know that I know that you tried
and I know that you now understand.
But there is something I have always wanted
and at the time I didn’t have the eyes to see
what it was. But I know that I need this now
and I need to do this before it’s too late.

And as I write this I can tell you it's late
at night, quiet and serene, and I have tried
to eat, to breathe, to sleep but I can’t, not now.
There is so much going on and I finally understand.
I tried so hard to feel what I needed to see.
But now I see it clearly, which is all I ever wanted.

This is something that I realized I wanted
so much that I would consider showing up late
to my own funeral. Which is ironic you now see
from my cold body. This will bring me the freedom I have tried
so hard to gain through experiencing and trying to understand
life to its fullest. And it is clear the time for this is now.

And you must think I am crazy to leave now.
My life is ahead of me. There is so much I wanted
to accomplish. But now that I understand
my demons, completely I cannot be late
for this. I have done so much and tried
so hard to even go back on what I can currently see.

And I know there is still a lot to see
but that is not my path anymore. Now
It is time to show the world how hard I tried
to fit in. And to show them how much I wanted
to be normal. But it is now way past too late
and I need everyone to understand.

And I know you probably don’t understand
why I’m doing this. You don’t see
that this is what I need. You think you are too late
to save me. But you need to comprehend this now.
I am gone and I know this is not what you wanted.
But this is what I needed, and I tried to live, I tried.

I have tried to make you understand why this happened
I wanted you to see how I truly felt
But now it is way to late for me,  just please don't blame yourself.
Allison Wonder Nov 2018
I don't know why you left me
during such a hard and lonely time.
I can't understand why I won't let myself see
that you're being more than just shy.
I try to keep my head clear
and keep the thoughts of you away.
Just an empty space after "dear"
too many words are left to say.
Nights are growing darker
sleep is once again the enemy.
Your memory has become much larger
than the strength that's build inside of me.
So sing me that song just one more time
I promise I'll do my best, I won't cry.
But you've lost the words, and your sunshine
two words are all that's left to say...
Allison Wonder © 2009

Throwback form senior year of high school
My first suicide note
Tyler Atherton Sep 2018
To the teachers who never really cared and ignored my problems;

To my fellow “*****”, “misfits”, etc. Who will no doubt receive more abuse upon my passing, as my tormentors will no longer have me to push around;

To those who never cared, never spoke, probably never knew my name;

To the one true friend, whose caring was the only thing that prevented this event from happening sooner;

To the God, if he does exist, who chose to play a cruel, cruel joke on me when he placed me where he did and surrounded me with so many uncaring faces;

What about my teachers? Will they be sorry to see another student become a statistic? Certainly the administration and Principal will mourn, as my death will not reflect well on them as an institution. Well, I apologize for making the statistics for your administration worse. But I don’t expect an apology for the false sympathies of people.

As for my fellow students, those who made a more significant impact on my life, I know better than to expect my tormentors to mourn.

There’s another group I have not yet addressed: those not like me who left me alone. Or should I say ignored me. I appreciate you sparing me any further harassment, but your inaction, your withheld hellos and how are you’s  did more hurt than any name calling. Your inaction effectively excluded me from student life, from the human race. You left me isolated and alone, and no words I could say can convey to you the suffering you caused. I could name names, but in doing so, I would do more now for you than you ever did for me in life.

I do not know what awaits me when I get down off this rope. Will there be a void? Or will I come face to face with God? I just don’t care anymore. If you’re anything like your people, I wouldn’t want to know you. You preached to love one another, yet I’ve felt everything except love from Christians. Even if I knew you were different, well, I'd still reject you. You have left your “followers” to treat people like me poorly. You have allowed so many of the people you “love”, including me, to suffer. So you want me to trust you with my life? I don’t want to spend eternity with a careless deity like you, or with the company you keep.

I’m trying to watch TV but I don’t know what I’m watching. It’s so lonely here. I want to sleep but it just won’t come. I’m so tired of hurting and being alone.

I hope that with my death, there'll be a wider awareness for child abuse and the effects it could have on a person. That's the only wish I have right now. A lot of people will be hurt with my passing, disappointed even, or maybe it won't matter. But I'd like to believe, no matter how much of a ****** up person I am, I died for a cause greater and bigger than myself. That's the only consolation that I have right now.

So that’s it. That’s me. Leaving the world to be a better place.

Goodbye - T



© Copyright Tyler Atherton
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