df 5d
why'd you go through all the trouble of stealing my heart,
if you were just going to add it to your pile of forgotten treasures?

{d.f.|04/24/18}
df 5d
i fell in love with
the way you
so passionately
rejected me.

{d.f.|05/01/18}
df Apr 11
i sit here contemplating what words to use, to say:
how much i don't think about you.
how much i don't care.
how much i don't miss you anymore.

but the fact that i sat down to write about you,
that i seem to never stop,
are words enough.

{d.f. | 04/08/18}
love always, d.f.
df Apr 5
do you still believe?
that if you close your eyes
you’ll dream once more.
of a world we built
under the glow of stars.

each night as i pull the covers tight around me,
i wonder if you still dream
with me. of me. of us.

i must be insane to still stay up,
waiting for you to crawl back under,
to these once vibrant dreams now turned grey.

but you know what they say about dreams,
‘don’t give up on them.’
and that is the reason why after all this time,
still i keep sticking glow in the dark stars up on my ceiling.
may they light the way back to dreamland.

{d.f. | 04/04/18}
this was kinda inspired by, you guessed it, the greatest showman's "a million dreams," i love that song. so. freaking. much. (so many tears.)
df Mar 14
i'm still trying to remember who i was before i
stopped smiling at myself in mirrors,
stopped making silly faces at kids when their parents weren't looking,
stopped looking up at the stars.

i'm still trying to understand what i've come to be, how i
started yelling at myself,
started isolating my mind,
started living in a world where i only stare at the ground.

everything just was, and then it wasn't.

{d.f. | 03/13/18}
not sure when my depression or anxiety started exactly. was there no warning? or was i already far too gone to see it?
df Mar 11
you planted a garden for me.
and i loved every single petal that bloomed.
including the thorns.
but i've noticed some flowers are
missing. taken. cut.

i guess i was just your plot of land, feeding on the lies you gave me.
by all means, go, the market awaits you.
sell them the promises you made me.

{d.f. | 03/10/18}
p.s. you should definitely tune in Sunday's on NBC at 10/9c and watch #SEASON2 of #TIMELESS
df Mar 7
i tear myself down,
day in and day out.
i am my own personal demolition team.

and i’m so tired.
i just want to stop.
so i’m going to teach myself a new art.

today i won’t break.
today i will build.

{d.f. | 03/03/18}
depression sucks.
df Feb 28
i hope you remember me when you least expect it, not at 3:00 a.m. when you miss me.

remember me in the moment the green light, turns yellow, and you think you can make it, but you don’t because it’s already red and you’re not even half way there.
    after all, those were the colors i saw in your eyes after i promised to
    love you forever.
    first you were ecstatic, then frantic, and then finally paralyzed.
    did you fear you no longer would be free?
    as far as i know, i wasn’t holding a key ready to lock you up.

remember me as you sip your coffee and you burn your tongue.
    after all, that’s how you left me, burnt from your bitter soul.

remember me when you’re listening to music and you have no one to dance with.
    after all, i taught you how to have a dance party in your pajamas
    when your soul was breaking.
    when your dreams were fantasies and your nightmares were
    realities.

and you know what? if you really want to, remember me at 3:00 a.m.
    after all, you always slept while i was wide awake wondering how
    long we’d last.

no matter how hard you try to forget me, you can’t erase us.

{d.f. | 02/25/18}
instagram.com/inafieldofchaos make today lovely.
df Feb 21
i’m trying to be positive,
to see the light at the end
of the tunnel.
to believe that the best is yet
to come.

except i must not be trying hard
enough, because the darkness
always creeps in.

it finds a way.

no matter how bright the sun shines
or how blue the sky is,
my word is gray.

and i know no other way.

{d.f. | 1/11/18}
instagram.com/inafieldofchaos
df Feb 23
don’t be cruel, my love.
this world is painting
you gray
where the colors once shone
the brightest.

let’s not let this wicked
system overtake your kind soul.

you painted me when i was black and white,
so take my hand
while i restore your
lilacs, blues, and reds.

my dear, let the light
shine through.

{d.f. | 09/28/17}
i hope you have the loveliest weekend. -love always, d.f. {p.s. instagram.com/inafieldofchaos}
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